Women 50+ Know: How to deal with divorce after a longtime marriage

September 15, 2015 at 5:41 pm in Family & Relationships, Love & Sex by VN members

1. Reconnect with your soul.
From Jackie Haughn in 3 rewards of divorce
“During this time of transition, expect some additional downtime, which is a great opportunity to reflect. You are not alone. Your higher self is always eager to listen and provide answers to questions that you’ve been yearning to know.”

2. Know that it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person.
From Myrna in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“I have been divorced for nearly 26 years, and wouldn’t go back for a million dollars. Enjoy being able to make your own decisions and controlling your own life. I’ve discovered over the years that it is sometimes better to be alone than with the wrong person… Do I get lonely, sure sometimes; but its usually just for companionship which you can find in friends.”

3. Do something symbolic.
From Judy Steinberg in Surviving divorce after 50: 4 steps back to the real you
“Here’s what I did: I took an armload of my husband’s 8×10 glossy publicity photos to the parking lot of our favorite restaurant and I burned them. Seeing his lying cheating face go up in smoke did wonders for my morale and allowed me to feel completely disconnected from him and the life we shared. My friend tossed her wedding ring into the river to accomplish the same feeling and then, in a more aggressive act of symbolism, my mother cut the crotch out of all her husband’s pants. What a woman! Create your own private revenge and move on!”

4. Be not afraid to take the leap.
From Dr. Coach Love in Later-in-life divorce
“Twenty-five of the thirty years of my first marriage were satisfying and the tale of the last five years is sadly long—including ‘his’ 7 bypasses,loss of employment, depression, and his total inactivity in taking care of himself while I looked on in frustration and helplessness, unable to be of any influence on him. The short story is that my new husband of six years and I have a great life– very different than I would have had. I still feel a loss in some ways, but I could not let myself sink with him. There is definitely life after 30 & 50. If you need to do so, do not be afraid to go out and find yours!”

5. Take time to grieve.
From MajorInsight in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“You have some grieving and letting go work ahead of you. If there are children involved, they need as much attention and stability as you can afford to give them. Surround yourself with family and friends who can listen and let you grieve.”

6. Deal with depression in a healthy way.
From MajorInsight in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“Don’t start dating until you are emotionally in a healthier place. Get involved in a faith community, seek counseling, choose to live in a environment that is healing for you. Don’t drink or drug to numb the pain. See your doctor and a therapist if you find yourself getting clinically depressed. You will need to learn to be happy and single again, it takes time, but you will make it.”

7. Know that new love may be right around the corner.
From roadtripdreamer in Later-in-life divorce
“After being single for 4 years, I met a man right under my nose – worked out at the same club, but neither of us realized the other was single. Now 16 years of marriage later, we are still having the time of our lives and have never looked back.”

8. Make this your time.
From fatnsassy in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“Do all the things you always wanted to do but could not because of him, his plans his needs his wants, his needs. Read that book. Write your own. Go places you always wanted to go to. Be the person you are and always wanted to be.”

9. Embrace your fear to move past it.
From markiesparkle in Divorce after 25+ years married and starting over
“Fear. I didn’t know how much I’d depended on my husband for emotional support and reinforcement. I also had no clue how afraid I was, of how many things! It’s been almost 8years now, and I’m finally getting back to being the (relatively) self-confident person I’d thought I was.”

10. When you date again, don’t settle for less than the best.
From silentnomore08 in how to survive a divorce after 27 years of marriage
“My advice is to be strong, be true to yourself, and believe that you are worthy of the best there is in a man, so don’t settle for less than the best.

I have recently begun dating again and I am very clear up-front that I am not looking for a physically intimate encounter, but for a deeper soul relationship. It “clears out the weeds,” as my grandmother used to say.”

11. Find a support group.
From Karma in How do I start liking myself after ending a 24 year marriage?
“If you are able, get involved with a support group. Either online or in person. Do things to take care of yourself, especially things that are free or low-cost to build up your self-esteem. Get physical exercise. Engage in spiritual reading and ritual. Keep in touch with people who care about you. Your low mood will not last forever.”