September 14, 2015 at 3:47 pm in Family & Relationships by countrygirl
i feel so lonely all the time, i don’t know why.. i am so blessed, i have a beautiful family, they are healthy, i have a home,car, food everything i need, i just feel so lonely.
35 Comments »
yaya said on October 14, 2009
Maybe you need to join a group or volunteer.
countrygirl said on October 18, 2009
very good point..and advice thank you yaya..
Ethan said on December 5, 2012
I know exactly how you feel. I wish it would stop but it feels like lonelies is my only companion. Some of my friends are going out with someone and each time I see them I feel lonely and depressed. I try to talk to someone but when I want to they are busy with their bf. Most of my best friends are girls and I like to be a girls best friend even though I’m a guy but there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t feel like I matter even though I matter to alot of people that doesn’t help and the two people that I think can fill the lonely spot both have boyfriends. One I think I have a chance with the other I think I may have a chance. The one I really like her name is Ashton that’s the one I think i don’t really have a chance with but I feel like were going to be together one day but I have to be patient. But none the less I don’t think I matter. I day dream about being tortured right in front of her or she is the one torturing me. I just hope yall you read this can realate or help in some way.
Alma said on October 14, 2009
Three is something missing. You need to take an inventory of yourself and try to come up with an answer. Although you say you have all the other things, family, car, etc. there is a void in your life that is causing you to feel this way. There is something that is not being fulfilled. Each of us have a purpose in life and if we don’t figure out what that is no matter what we are doing or what we have as far as material things that emptiness is going to be there. I am a very active person but yet I am very lonely and I know where. See u like you my family is deceased and those that are here won’t try to come together and be a family. I am broke, though I work every day, I can’t seem to get ahead. I have food, etc. but I don’t have anyone to love me like I need and want to be loved. With all my family being deceased I will always have that empty spot but I feel that at least I could have someone to love me for me. I am divorced, glad of that because my husband was an abusive person. So I have no regrets about that. I pray and I stay busy trying to keep my mind off the loneliness. I work a full time job and I also work for myself. I show women how to decorate and dress on a small budget. Meeting other women keeps me busy and I get joy out of making a difference in their lives. Many of the women I provide this service to are going through stuff. Divorce, homelessness, etc. This is answer to a prayer I prayed because the holidays were killing me. So now because I design floral arrangements and make gifts baskets it is not near as bad. I make money.
soooo!!! odd, my mothers name is ALMA, Alma i would love to talk more with you.. i can be your family in a sence.. you sound like you have everything going for you,and you have acomplished alot for yourself.. I don’t have or no even where to start in my life, what to do, iam scared to go to work again.. i used to work, now i just stay home and help my husband in our small business doing the secretary part.. i have applied for a job, but it seems there is nothing out there for me to do..i stay home all day, except when i need to go do earons,or maybe sometimes i will meet my mom or sister for lunch not very often.but even when iam with them wish i love you be, i still while im setting there with them i still fill like i don’t want to exist..we are a very close family, my family doesn’t know how iam feeling. i don’t want to worry my mom or dad..i don’t want to complain around my sisters or husband and i don’t want my son or grandson to know anything how i feel..i have one son he is 31 and one grandson 12, i have been married to my husband for 34 years, he is a good man.. we have had our problems, but i guess overall we have a fair marriage.. we are by no means wealthy or anything we live day to day..i meant in my post that i have what i need in life, i would love to have extra income to live a little easier life.. i have went thru a few things with my sons marriage and divorce, he has a precious son and thay both are my babies..no matter how old they get,they will still be my babies..he doesn’t like for me to say that..but that is his problem.. i have GOD in my life, i know for sure i need more of him that is my fault..ALMA i really don’t know how to explain the way i feel, i just know it is about to get the best of me..so tired..of feeling so lonely all the time..so lonely, i miss my kids, i miss i don’t know life itself..i miss GOD.. where are you from and live.. i guess you live faraway..i live in bristol,va.. south..it was great talking to you..thanks for your time on the post..suzykue
fayetteSIPP said on October 14, 2009
When ever I feel lonely around certain family members it is usually because we have not much in common, at your age you are probably feeling the “callling” that most women talk about when yhery feel avoid….it is usually the need to serve, Sometimes we feel unlove ,because we donn’t know how to love, It is an old rule what you give you recieve. Sometimes what you give you will not recieve from the ones you give it to, but from some one you least expect.But you must get up and go out , it is not going to come to you.
When my 2 older kids went to college and especial y when the baby went to college, I had to do something to fill a void , I started a Civic Club, did activist work in the community. join organization.,,, my life became so full even when I am not with family members I don’t feel lonely , I look at what excites them .,what makes them happy and like where I am ….they have to get to where I am Once you stop thinking your’e lonely and realize you are unfullfilled and the void is YOU….. once you come in contact with the real YOU , you won’t be lonely even when you are alone I don’t know if you are married but being with someone can be lonely if you don’t love yourself…
Look for good self help books,,….Dr, Wayne Dryer has great books and CDs on In Spirit,
The Power of Now ,
Sometimes reading The BOOk of Proverds can give you a boost to start the day. Exercise, Dance classes, Art ,
Helping children ,,,God knows they need help. I hope I hav helped you,
THINGS DODN’T MAKE US HAPPY, SOMETIMES LESS REALLY IS MORE…
FOR LESSON AND OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE BACK
fayetteSI, i don’t want anyone to take me wrong when i said i had family, house , car and etc….i just meant i have the necessity’s..we live day to day working hard..oh believe me we have had our bad times also… not knowing where our next meal was coming from.. no money to buy a loft of bread… we have been there.. and sometimes still do…please don’t take what i said wrong.. thank you for your post. it is something to think about.. i don’t do much of anything for my self.. nothing…i don’t have anyone to do anything with a girl friend or anything.. i do have a few friends, but thay have there own lives and not interested in doing anything with me in that sence..and i don’t have a doctor to go to.. thank GOD i have never had to go other than having a child..31 years ago..i don’t even go for a yearly women’s thing… no insurance to expenive…i have it on my husband he has prostate cancer and needs the insurance thank GOD for the insurance..we took it out just in time on him…but because it is 425.00 a month on him i can’t afford to take it out on me….i have enjoyed talking to you GOD bless and take care..suzykue
fayetteSI i have also thought about foster parenting children, but until last year.. i have been pretty much tied down with my son and grandson that i really don’t think im ready to go for it again at this time,,, i know that there are so many children out there that needs so much love and caring for..right now i really don’t think i can handle it ,at this time in my life…i don’t know maybe that is what i need,,i just don’t know right now what i need in my life…it even hurts to think about what even my perpost in life is….thank you suzykue
Kelly J. D. said on October 14, 2009
I feel the same way at times. My oldest grandson is now in college and we used to be very close. He doesn’t have time for grandma now and oh–that breaks my heart. It is my problem because I do not want to let go—he lived with us for a short period when he was younger. His parents were divorcing and my son(his father) moved back home due to financial responsiblities. He is a great kid on an academic/athletic scholarship at college and I’m so proud of him. I just wish he had time to throw me a bone once in a while.
fayetteSIPP said on October 15, 2009
Kelly… this is what I did I kgor tited of my grands “neglecting” grandma so guess what I did …I gave them more of me as what I wanted from them….I started a special dinneer night and cooked what thye like best…..spahagetti cornbread and we would talk and share, Thursday night became specially,,, it’s called making memories for them in the future. Todays children ar different but look hwo they are eign raised inthys fast pace world of technology.
You may be already technology smart,,,but if you aren’t and he is get him to teach you a few things.. Most of all find something to put in your life to fill the void like helping others who need it maybe more than your grandson
Kelly J. D. said on October 17, 2009
Thanks for your suggestions. Kids really are different nowadays. He is technology smart, but I wouldn’t even ask for his help. He is busy with school and football and those are his priorities at present. My grandma was everything to me and I think that’s what I am comparing this situation to. YOu hit the nail on the head—today’s kids are different.
Adplus said on October 15, 2009
You may want to have a good physical and check with your doctor to see if you are suffering from depression.
I have suffered from depression most of my life. My mother had severe depression all her life.
Maybe it would be a good thing to speak to a councelor to help you figure out what you really want out of life.
fayetteSIPP said on October 16, 2009
That’s a good point…
Tundi Kit said on October 17, 2009
Hello suzykue, Your post is so vague, it sounds like what I am feeling. The way I see it for myself is that I am at the transitional stage, raised the kids, they have their own lives, and I am at a stand still. Happy for my family, but there is a void within myself. It is a new chapter of life, I am not the one responsible for them, yet I must be there when asked for advice or help.
Do go to your doctor and explain how you feel, to make sure to eliminate any health problems, many conditions have no physical symptoms at first other than depression. So have that checked out.
You may feel like you need someone to reach out to you and hold your hand and tell you they understand, but in reality they dont. Your role within the family unit has changed, it is normal. Try volunteering or join a group in something you are passionate about. I am sure your family loves you, but you are either mom, grandmom, wife, aunt, and so on. The job we have as we age is overwhelming, it feels like you have to be everything they want you to be, but now you have to become who YOU want to be. I do feel this is the normal progression of life.
I am sure there are many more emotions you have, like I said before your post is really vague.
fayetteSIPP said on October 18, 2009
You made some good points, the age of the grands have alot to do with their being attentive….New age…I heard one 8 year old say they didn’t like visiting their Grandma. caue she didn’t have cable (LOL)…..I am glad my daughter doesn’t want a TV….she have ton of books and they can use the Internet for homework and some skills…she made them a study and craft room, so when they go visit their grandmothers I have cable the other doesn’t ..just regular TV is exciting for a while to them….they excell in reading and are the best mannered kids , every body ask …where did you get kids like that from?
Lynnette said on October 18, 2009
seems like depression to me, but i am no psychologist. I have a friend that suffers from depression and this is one of the signs. She also cries for no particular reason.
crystalli said on October 18, 2009
When I reread your post, something struck a chord within me. When I was a young woman of 21, I developed mucous colitis, a condition brought on by continuing stress. The doctor asked me “What’s wrong? What’s going on in your life?” And I said, “Nothing, I am so blessed, I have a beautiful family, they are healthy, I have a home, food, everything I need. My husband doesn’t beat me.” I left the office and went home. Many years (and some therapy) later, I realized that we have a right to our feelings, even though we don’t think we deserve to feel unhappy because we have (seemingly) all our ducks in a row. Here I was, a young woman in a new tract home, whose husband was faithful and earned a reasonable salary, who had a beautiful, healthy baby and who was able to stay at home with the baby. Everyone thinks I must be deliriously happy. I’m not, but I can’t admit it, not even to myself. And so I tell the doctor, “Nothing.” The problems in my marriage and with controlling parents are not of interest here. What is of interest is your being able to admit to yourself that In Spite of your blessings, you aren’t happy. And you Do know why, at some level. Your loneliness may be due to the fact that you aren’t connecting with people because you’re hiding a secret; they think you’re happy but you know the truth. Well, I’m getting out of my depth here. Therapy has been suggested already, and that’s what I’d do. If you’ve never gone, don’t hang back. Anything you can possibly say they’ve heard already. There’s nothing new under the sun. Go for it.
Dayil said on October 18, 2009
my children are constantly commenting on my age, joking about me getting old. they say i drive like a granny etc. i don’t think they do it to be mean but it has made me feel sad and lonely. So i do understand to a degree. I feel better when I avoid these kind of comments. I have had to just tell them how these comments make me feel.
also I believe that just the fact that I am over 50 and my life is changing. With some of it I don’t quite understand, that this in it self makes me feel lonesome. No more children at home that depend on me and the constant interaction with them. But I am reaching out for hobbies and trying to find work or a career that I like to do. All I have ever done is be a wife and mother, so now I am trying to discover who I am and what I like to do. Loneliness comes from within, healing comes from within as well.
pacobecky said on October 18, 2009
I know exactly what you mean. It’s something in our spirit. Have started Coarse of Miracle…a guide for inner peace. Just know that even tho you may feel alone….YOU ARE NOT…EVER
I WANT TO THANK ALL OF MY VIBRANT NATION FRIENDS FOR THERE COMMENTS.. THEY WERE VERY GOOD POINTERS AND I WILL THINK OF THEM, MAYBE EVEN TRY TO DO SOME OF THEM.. THANK YOU AGAIN…SUZYKUE
elaine lively said on October 21, 2009
I sure do empathize with you I came to USA in the 70,s as a twenty one year old missing England and my old life…Like a lot of responders, i think you are suffering from depression,hey,i do too,you have to reach out take a class,thats agood way to meet people,definately get a hobby that is just for you…
First i want to say i really empathize with you,i came over to USA at 21 from England and the depression was bad,i remember this30 years later idid not get happier till i made friends good friends are the answer to lonliness,join a class, thats agood way to meet others and do a hobby that pleases YOU!
Gramma said on October 21, 2009
When I feel down or depressed I try to remember something my Mother once said to me when I was about 14….I was feeling sorry for myself and just plain depressed. She said “sometimes when you are feeling depressed you just need to go help someone else who has it worse than you. That will help you get your mind off yourself” It actually works…..=]
KatherineDancingww said on January 30, 2010
My mother has been depressd for years and rejects my efforts to help. At the same time, she holds me responsible and holds a mysterious vague, yet heavy as concrete resentment over my head. She and my dad divorced when I was four and my dad’s side of the family never spoke to her. She had nothing but bad things to say about my father. My mother was and is a complex person with many wonderful qualities. She has also been a very difficult person, rigid, judgemental and controlling. I always wondered what she would be like when she got older and couldn’t ‘fight’ everyone and everything that she disagreed with. Sometimes I think she is uses depression to make others feel guilty. I finally realized, talking to her two weeks ago that she has all the signs of post tramatic stress disorder and she agreed to counselling. I love her dearly, but want all of you to know the terrible way it makes her children and grandchildren feel. I am making her a wonderful birthday dinner at my house tonight. I wish I could toast to her wise influence like in the blog story about “granmyrt” that I read a little while ago.
KatherineDancingww said on January 31, 2010
PS Mom’s 76th birthday dinner was great! She seemed to really enjoy herself and the 2 great-grandbabies. The older great-grandchild is almost two years old and starting to talk a lot. He tried to say her name, jumbling it up with my name (gama) and gampa until he came up with his own version. Cute!
I did make a toast to all the wonderful things I could think of. We are blessed and yes, we do struggle, with ourselves and each other. Feel what you feel and breath deeply the air of life.
Thank-you for sharing, countrygirl. By the way, do you have a garden?
countrygirl said on August 19, 2010
ohhh…KatherineDancingww….I’am so sorry it has took me this long to respond to you..thank you for your response to me also,.yes I do have a beautiful garden,and i love working in my garden..I have tried to find a job here,I have worked in banking,have put in applacations in no job..that along makes my self aspteam go down,I don’t know what i can do..it’s like everything that i could ever do is gone my capiability i mean..it hurts,i do nothing stay home,clean,cook,do all my wife duties,sometimes i go out with my mother,take her places,not very often,.i have 4 sisters,but we don’t talk or see each other much,.they have there lives,.children,work..etc.. I’am 52 don’t have much time..again thank you for your response..
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angelina said on January 16, 2015
I am 20 year old… and i terribly feel lonely. I tried to deviate my mind,it works but then it is temporary.. i have a big family and i have got some crazy cousions but as now they are grown up they are mostly busy with their friends.. when i look towards my friend then they too don’t have time as they are busy with their bf’s or gf’s. I sometime dont understand what must i do. Also ,i find a lot of time that my friends either cheat on me or they dump me for no reason. I m friendly infact in the intial friendship i get very close nd so are they but then slowly they ignore me for np reason. I always help them. Infact i m the one who spend more … i feel as if they use me. I read soo many blogs regarding this nd i olso follow the steps still the result are horrible. Now,i really want to get out of it,it is such a creapy feeling.. i have no body to talk with ,nobody to roam with. I once made a bf,bt i think my luck is too bad in this case .. he hardly messed
I am 20 year old… and i terribly feel lonely. I tried to deviate my mind,it works but then it is temporary.. i have a big family and i have got some crazy cousions but as now they are grown up they are mostly busy with their friends.. when i look towards my friend then they too don’t have time as they are busy with their bf’s or gf’s. I sometime dont understand what must i do. Also ,i find a lot of time that my friends either cheat on me or they dump me for no reason. I m friendly infact in the intial friendship i get very close nd so are they but then slowly they ignore me for np reason. I always help them. Infact i m the one who spend more … i feel as if they use me. I read soo many blogs regarding this nd i olso follow the steps still the result are horrible. Now,i really want to get out of it,it is such a creapy feeling.. i have no body to talk with ,nobody to roam with. I once made a bf,bt i think my luck is too bad in this case .. he hardly messeged me.. and then we broke up..!! I have a lot of friends for the name sake … i never felt any sort of support from them infact they olways hav ditched me.. my mom dad they are vei good but then sometimes i relli want to go out with my friends than my parents.. i relli want some nyc people in my life ….PLEASE HELP ME:-[x-(
Green Thumb said on January 16, 2015
You sound like typical growing pains and I remember feeling like you do. Many people your age feel unhappy and lonely. I am sorry you are going through this. It takes time and experience to know what you are good at and what brings one joy. I would like you to consider going to a doctor if you feel so depressed you want to die and get counseling and perhaps medication. I remember feeling different and not happy at your age. I used to babysit every weekend night after I went to work and came home just to be out of the house and because I loved kids. This is the time to volunteer with animals or kids and take exercise classes to meet new people and learn new things. Stop thinking so much about yourself and let life happen.
You know, sometimes when people come across as very needy, as too giving, without self esteem to say no to bad demands, then other people either use you or don’t want to be with you. If you have no hobbies or personal activities but expect others to “fill you up” then they want to run. Some people call this an energy vampire. If you are really depressed, then young people often shy away.
Life will get better and you will find activities, jobs, things that make you happy. We have to choose happiness. It doesn’t magically happen but is a state of mind. We have to get up every morning and say “I will be happy today. I am happy. I choose happiness.” Many blessings to you.
angelina said on January 17, 2015
Thanks a lott for the suggestion.. i have olready started working,and now i’l leave no time for such thoughts to arise nd awake the pain again.. i’l practice recieting these words in the morning…. i relii hope for a positive turn in my life!!
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