When we do right by our children, we often wind up doing right by us, too

March 7, 2012 at 10:03 am in Family & Relationships by VN Featured Comment

Today’s Featured Comment

From Dallas Lady:

The darkest hour of my life pales in comparison to most.  But it was my desire to do the right thing by my then 6-year-old son that pulled me up by my bootstraps.

I had entered into a marriage I shouldn’t have, that on some level I knew deep down inside would be a problem. But I didn’t listen to my gut and listened to my heart.  BIG MISTAKE.

He was this close to a con man, and was on a pathway to wiping out my finances and my professional reputation. But I was humiliated when the reality of the situation evolved as quickly after the wedding as it did.  Completely humiliated, and I didn’t want to get another divorce (#3).  I was lower than whale dung and embarressed and ashamed and (again) humiliated at the thought of going public with yet another marital failure.  I truly thought I should just “suck it up” and stick with the marriage regardless of the personal fallout–you know, death til you part, why was I incapable of this, yes I’ll stick it out,  blah blah blah.

But then in a flash of absolute clarity in all my wallowing in my me-ness….. I realized:  this man would be a role model to my wonderful 6-year-old son if I stayed with him.

Oh hell to the no.  Oh (eff) no.  Suddenly the decision was made, and there was no more beating myself up for considering dumping his just this shy-of-the-line-con-man @$$.  That marriage was history.  Yes it was my third, but no way I was compromising my son with my dumb@ss mistake.

Funny; when we do right by the children…..we often wind up doing right by us too. My life flourished in the aftermath, my professional life rebounded, I became smarter about my choices of ALL types, and yes, I have remarried to a wonderful man and we just celebrated our 6th anniversary. My son has a wonderful biological father who has always been there for him, and he grew up in his teenage years with a bonus dad….a step father…..who also was wonderful to him and his mom. And he saw his mom falter, pick herself up, and make good choices….not to accept what just is plain wrong for any reason whatsoever.  And he learned from mom that there are always choices or alterantives. And that the unknown is sometimes better than a bad situation. So leap with faith…or run. But take action when its bad.

[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]

Related Content

Five Important Tips on Collaborative Divorce That You S... Divorces are known to be difficult to deal with, for both the spouses and the families involved. The couple needs to make crucial choices about...
6 Tips for Surviving Summer Family Gatherings Summer family events can be tiresome but for the most part they are happy events. As we age, family gatherings are more for sad events so relish ...
The Best Advice My Divorce Lawyer Ever Gave Me “Don’t fight. It’s not worth it.” I looked around, sure that I accidentally wandered into my therapist’s office. “Martha, do you see these ...