A few weeks ago, I reposted my blog post, Where are you on the Flirtability Scale? on Vibrant Nation asking women over 50 to rate themselves on a flirtability scale. Most women commenters claimed they were in the minus category. That’s a no-no, nada, a big negative.
Flirtability may seem like a precursor to sexual activity, but it really has nothing to do with attracting the opposite sex (unless you’re looking). It’s all about how you feel about yourself.
What is your self-image?
When you look in the mirror what do you see? Can you picture yourself flirting? Would someone flirt with you? Would you flirt with you?
If the answer is no, then it’s time to have a talk with yourself.
Choose 3 of your best facial features. Do you have pretty eyes? Are those lips kissable? Did you inherit your mom’s creamy complexion? Women often focus on the parts they wish they could change – the lip lines, the sunken cheeks, or puffy bags under the eyes. I tend to focus on my chin(s). Not a way to good way to start the morning.
Instead – focus on the positive. (Yes, you can). How ‘bout those big eyes, nice eyebrows, full lips? Imagine George Clooney (or person of choice – personally mine is Russell Crowe) kissing those lips. But, again, it’s not really about men. It’s all about you and your own self-image.
Trick: say something positive next time you’re checking out your reflection. Practice it enough and you’ll see a difference.
Reframe your body image. New research has shown that negative self-talk about your weight can lead to depression and poor self-image (read article). I bet most boomer women can relate. The study was only done on college girls, but it’s still great that research has proven it.
Instead of focusing on the meno-pot or saggy breasts, check out your legs or another part of your body that you believe has aged well. Flaunt what you have and don’t worry so much about the rest.
Trick – ready to drop 5 pounds in a minute? Suck in your belly and imagine a fishing line pulling your head to the ceiling. Remember this often and you’ll look better, feel better, and improve your posture.
Dress for sex. This does not mean you should walk into the supermarket wearing nothing but a shiny black rain coat and stilettos like Ellen Barkin did in the Sea of Love, but if you are looking for a man, it wouldn’t hurt.
Instead, picture this. You walk into the drug store and run into a mad crush from college and he still looks hot. If he offered, you be ready to sneak down a side alley for a make-out session (remember, this is hypothetical)? If not, think twice before stepping out wearing baggy capris and beat up sneakers. At least take time for a touch of lipstick and a pair of earrings before you leave the house.
Trick: remember those sexy panties and black, lacy bra shoved way back in your underwear drawer? Don’t wait for a special occasion to slip into them. Treat every day as a special occasion.
Smile. I read somewhere that smiling causes less wrinkles than frowning, but who really checks those facts? If nothing else, most people look much better when they smile versus a frown. I wouldn’t advise walking around with a big grin on your face all day. That might draw the wrong attention. You want to avoid being led off by those people wearing the white coats. But, a pleasant expression not only brings on a positive mood, you’ll appear more approachable to everybody.
Trick: before you walk into a bookstore or coffee shop, imagine you’ve just had hot sex with a stranger (hey – it could happen!). Your car windows are still steamed over. Feel pretty good about yourself, don’t cha?
Having a great self-image, positive self-talk, and feeling sexy isn’t just for younger women. If the truth be known, women over 50 are more likely to bad-mouth themselves more often because of age/ant-aging issues.
We can’t let that happen. Flirtability is healthy and fun, once you get the hang of it. Try it and see.
Got a secret for boosting self-image that you’d like to share? It doesn’t have to be R-rated. In fact, I’m often scolded for revealing TMI.