Toxic relationships, what are the markers?

December 11, 2009 at 11:47 pm in Family & Relationships by Jurene

It took me 12 years to figure out that my relationshp with my first husband was toxic.  It took another five to get the divorce because I believed marriage was supposed to be forever. 

The day I was divorced, the freedom was wonderful!  Not until years later and observing him with his second wife, did I realize how toxic our relationship was in our marriage. 

Many Christians hold to the desire for an equally yoked relationship.  That usually means the same values in faith, lifestyle, dreams, family values, etc. 

He was a smoker, drinker, and gambler.  I was a non-drinker, non-smoker, and never found the attraction to gambling.  How we hooked up, I have always wondered… though I would do it again for my sons.  They were raised by me and have the same preferences that I do except they rarely go out and drink with friends. 

It was our difference in faith that broke us up.  We were always fighting and no matter how I tried, he was not satisfied until he had me in tears.  I discovered that he felt I always looked down on him because I would not join him in his vices. 

My vice was decorating for Christmas … crazy as it sounds, I loved the season.

He married a woman who drinks with him, smokes with him, and gambles with him.  They are deeply committed to each other. 

I married my sweetheart from high school.  We stopped seeing each other after he came back from Vietnam.  Close to 30 years later we remet and were together until he passed away in 2001.  He did not smoke or drink.  He did like the slots with a roll of nickles once in a while.  We loved Christmas.  Our wedding was like a winter wonderland.  I loved being with him and we never fought.  There were a few times we expressed our feelings and the other would think about it and we would find a solution.  I felt like he was my guardian angel. 

So, in hindsight … are there markers we can see in advance that  though we think we may love the other person, it is toxic to our growth and our life?  Lets share for a positive outcome for all..

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