September 18, 2015 at 12:08 pm in Family & Relationships by Rosa
She lost her husband and I really feel sorry for her, sometimes I don’t have words to console her, and tell her to be strong and have faith in God he knows why this happened…
5 Comments »
suebv said on September 18, 2009
You are taking the first step by asking what you can do for her. When my best friend’s husband died suddenly, I dropped everything and drove 2 hours to be there. I cleaned house, made food, fed the family, screened calls, kept the press away, took the family to the scene of the accident when the press had gone, did errands as needed. I stayed until she was ready for me to leave. But in your case, your actions may be led by your friend. Understand that she will not be thinking clearly for a long time. She may be angry or withdrawn. Most of all, she needs to know how much you care. The worst thing is for people to ignore her loss. Help her, whether that is by bringing food or arranging a group to bring meals to her family or notes or cards or calls that continue after the services are over or anything else you know of that would be of help to her and her family. She will be facing massive changes in her life and will need the solid support of friends and professionals to get her through this time.
Bless you for caring enough to ask and my sympathies to you and your friend at this sudden loss,
life is good said on September 18, 2009
My Dad turned 70 on a Sunday in 2004 and died on a Thurs 4 days later he drove himself home. While me and my mom was at the hospital it was hard to know that now it would just be mom, my sister and myself. It is a deep shocking experience for everyone. What we did was my sister came up from MD first to be with her for a few days. I lived in the same trailer park so I was there all the time. Slowly and I do mean slowly she started to recover from everyting her church was very helpful. I also found that being there to talk and lending your shoulder for the times when there is still much crying still left will bring comfort. giving them what ever amount of time they need is a great thing this is not something that goes away quickly. helping with the cooking and other chores is a big relief. My mom also kept precious memories out like photos and other momentos. I found that helped my mom. Never forgetting the good times and all the happy years that were spent together. I also think that as many family members that are able to come and help may be a good idea as well as best friends. By making oneself avaliable when needed is a true blessing. Having deep faith is a great helpful tool to have. That will also help the grieving time be a little easier. For now family and very close friends should try to not be far. This is something that can’t be rushed it will take a great amount of time. But slowly life will return back to normal and getting back into a routine that 1 had before may also help in the healing process. My thoughts and prayers are with this person. It might be helpful to always now that the loved one’s spirit is always with you.
Ann-Marie said on September 18, 2009
Just be there for her. some times a simple hello each day or do you want to go for a ride helps. I lost my husband 7 yrs ago and my best friend would just let me rattle on and on about my husband.
Darla said on September 22, 2009
Your already have taken the first step to help your friend by asking for advice. Last year in March, my very close friend’s husband tripped and fell down their basement steps, and was semi unconscious as my friend ran down to the bottom to try to help him. My friend called 911 but by the time they got there, he had taken what seemed to be his last breath in her arms, and passed away at the age of 50. Needless to say this was a horrible ordeal for any person to endure, and my friend was already on nerve medication for a physical illness that affected her nervous system… This sorrowful incident had only added fire to an existing problem. At the time the ambulance was at their home to assist in the accident, a neighbor of theirs just happened to have my phone number and called me to say there were fire rescue vehicles and ambulances in front of their home, and I should come to see if I could help. By the time I got there, my friends husband was already taken by the ambulance, and she and her son were getting into their car to go to the hospital ER. I jumped in the car with them and was at the hospital with them when the doctor said there was nothing they could do because he had passed away at home and it was too late for reviving him. My friend let out this loud shriek of remorse and pain followed by endless tears and from that moment I knew I could never leave her side. I was with she and her son throughout the planning of the funeral, the wake, and assisted her in every way possible to make sure she had my support through every detail she dealt with. My friend worked as a convenience store clerk, and I would visit her almost daily after my workday ended, just to ask how she was doing and was there anything I could do for her. My friend started losing her mental strength several months after the funeral and began showing symptoms of crying, screaming or complete bouts of bitterness and anger out of the clear blue. I knew that no matter what her reactions were, I had to convince her that God was there with her and so was I, and that even though she may not understand why her husband was taken there was a plan out there for her, and she would get through this just fine. Well my friend who had totally relied on her husband for taking care of all the bill paying, banking, and household issues finally realized that these responsibilities were now hers and she had to also deal with getting their only child (son) through his last year of college as well. Even though she was still taking the medications for her nerves, she with my guidance got through all of these issues just fine. She is doing just fine now, has learned to become totally independent, she has been applying for better paying jobs, and also was able to see her son graduate from college with highest honors this year. Her son has since acquired a wonderful job in his field, still lives at home with my friend. Me, yes I’m still there by her side for support, however, she doesn’t need my assistance that often now, but she often tells me, she doesn’t know how she would have made it this far without me.
My advice is to be there by her side as long as she needs you to be, and when she’s ready to make it on her own you’ll know. I send my sympathies to both you and your friend and pray that she too will find the strength through you and other friend and family members to get through this horrible life changing ordeal. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
sparkle said on October 18, 2009
It appears that I am responding to your post five weeks from the time you wrote it. In the past few weeks, I’m sure you have seen changes in your friend and her life. Since you cared enough to ask this question, you have probably been there for her during this time. As others who replied have said, just continue being there. Don’t think that as it appears that her life is getting back to normal, that she doesn’t still have moments of intense grief. Check in on her frequently and see what you can do to help her. Most of the time, it is indeed just being there and listening. When she talks about her husband, allow her to do that as long as she wants to. And if it makes her sad and she cries, don’t try to change the subject or keep her from feeling sad. If you continue to listen, she’ll probably work her way through it and then turn it around by finding something positive to say. Lots of people are uncomfortable with the person’s tears and afraid of saying something that will bring tears to their eyes, but it’s actually the opposite. As one person told me, “my greatest fear is that he’ll be forgotten.” So don’t be afraid to mention her husband’s name from time to time in conversation.
As for having faith, it’s just that – faith and trust, that God has a reason and we may never know what it is, but God has promised us comfort and hope and His never-ending presence.
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