Today’s Featured Comment
From Ronna Snyder:
I have found that the two best fashion police I know are in my immediate family: My daughter and DIL, who are fashionistas in their own right, and yet now mothers and over 30.
“Look in the mirror” isn’t particularly good advice to aging people who don’t keep “fresh eyes.” In other words, they haven’t educated their visual palate to what’s “current” and what’s “frumpy old-school.”
It took me letting the girls into my “inner sanctum,” my closet, to figure that out.
A couple weeks ago, I tried on almost everything I own for them and got either a thumbs up or a thumbs down. They were merciless. And bluntly honest. “Whoa, 500 lb. woman!” my DIL roared when I came out in my brand new Nordstrom vanilla slacks that I’d yet to have the guts to wear. (Ok, so back in my twenties, when I was actually a professional model, I rocked the all-vanilla outfits! But, like I said, my “eye” needed an upgrade!)
The pile of “un-approved” was far higher than the “approved” still hanging in my closet. (I took those to a homeless shelter and the gals loved my stuff!)
Then we went shopping. I mean HARD CORE. As in jeans-shopping at The Buckle. I thought I’d die. Literally took a half a Xanax I was so freaked out at trying to find cool looking jeans with my girls watching on. ”Calm down, Mom,” my daughter soothed. “You are going to try to on 20 pair to find one pair that fits perfect. We do it all the time.” They are both size fours and 5’8″ and the fact that trying on jeans is, well, aerobic exercise for them, comforted me. I obeyed. And eventually rocked a pair MissMe jeans that instantly peeled ten years off my body, my wardrobe AND my mental attitude! I was hooked but winced at the hundred dollar price tag. ”You have no choice,” my bossy daughter said heading towards the cash register, “I’m buying these jeans for you!” I teared up. Not because I can’t afford hundred dollar jeans. But because here was my daughter acting all grown-up on me and teaching me a thing or two about my value AND my looks! And then I smiled. And didn’t stop smiling for days after that. :)
At the next store, Plato’s Closet, a chain store of consignment clothes that have a young slant and tiny price tags, unbeknownst to me, the two played a little game. They brought me top after top. (Probably 50 in all.) Whoever brought me the MOST items that “worked” got a point for each top and was the winner. Who knew dressing me could be a competitive event?!
I walked out of there with a ginormous bag and an entire new wardrobe.
Since then, I’ve received more compliments than I’ve had in the past couple years, demonstrating to me that I really HAD kind of lost my middle-age-mojo and didn’t even realize it. A male acquaintance of my husband’s recently called me a “trophy wife”. Not bad for 60 years of age and 36 years of marriage! :)
[This comment was first posted a part of this conversation. ~ Eds.]
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Hey Moongirl, I agree with you about the rebranding, DressBARN does sound a bit downmarket but it's definitely worth a look!
I first heard of this word when I took part in the Winter Feast For the Soul. I have been a follower of the meditation teacher Davidji from the Chopra Center for two years now and he taught a lesson on this during the Feast. I play that downloaded me
I just want to stand up and cheer for you!!!!!!!!
It makes all the differance in the world to feel like a woman again to me,since i redone my closets,and bought some new things to replace my sloppy wardrobe,i feel so much better!
We do forget about ourselves,and loose that Mojo as you say…iam 64,and i still feel feel good and i to now look at myself a whole new way!!!
I am so glad you and i both have found a new lease on our fashion!
Bren
I bought a pair of jeans that I thought would be perfect for dress-down days at work. Well, I wore them on a Friday to work and that evening my daughter and I were planning on going shopping. She walked in the door and sat down for a few minutes and as I was getting my coat on to go, she says “Mom, aren’t you going to change before we go?” I took that as a hint and that night we bought me a pair of non-mom jeans…and I love them. Your daughters will always tell you like it is. If I pick something up in a store that they don’t like, they very nicely come over, take it out of my hands, hang it back on the rack and say “OK let’s go.” Gotta love them. I have 3 daughters, 33, 31, 29. All awesome. And I am the speed limit (55)
Tiger,
Let’s hear it for the daughters that have the “kahunas” to rip those “mom-jeans” right out of our hands! We raised ‘em well, didn’t we?
(And for those who don’t have daughters, DILs can sometimes take their place. Although, watch ‘em. DILs can often be too intimidated to be really frank. If you need hard-core frankness, ask a fellow meno-maven who’s “got it goin’ on” and ask her for her honest opinion. Estrogen deprivation does wonders for the “frankness-factor”! :)
Bren, what a GREAT way to phrase it: ”We DO forget about ourselves…”
Years of “wife-ing”, mothering and jus’ plain living has a way of doin’ that to the ol’ girl in us, doesn’t it? I’m so glad to hear you, too, “remembered”…..remembered to pay attention-to-self. Let’s all hang on to that as we age with a vibrancy that is…well, ageless! :)
My daughters, too, give me good fashion advice. They pick out things I would never pick out and these things turn out to be my favorites. The “Jean thing” was a beginning for me. Now I own several pair and they love to kid me about the “tight jeans” that mom wears! I’m looking pretty darn good these days and part of the credit goes to my gals! The rest is me:)
I have a daughter too, thank heavens. she’s 25, I’m 62, we have a lot in common, especially jeans. almost time to switch to white jeans for the summer. she got me out of boot legs into straighter, skinnier (not real skinny) jeans and what a difference they make! a short fitted blazer, fun shoes , white tee or blouse and jeans, so simple. don’t you think updating accessories makes a huge difference? does anyone else feel at least 10 years younger wearing a chunky necklace rather than a small gold chain or pearls?
My daughter is in grad school abroad right now, but I can still imagine the rolling of her eyes if my hand dares touch the hanger of a “frumpie!”
Preach it, Melinda!
I absolutely love this post!!! Thank you for reminding what a resource our daughters can be. I just started wearing jeans again after 30 years of vowing not to be caught dead in them. Wow, have they changed. They are actually comfortable to wear now. Who knew? Anyway, I’m sure I did not pick out the ‘right’ style and the thought of spending over $100 for a pair feels obscene, but, I’ll get over it I am sure. Thank you for an eye opener!
I’ve done the jean buying with my daughter too and have paid over $100 for them. Actually I got the most help from the male salesperson at Saks who kept convincing me I was a smaller size! I want to make sure you all know about these two blogs that post exclusively on this topi: http://chicat50plus.blogspot.com/ and http://afemmeduncertainage.blogspot.com/. And you’ll also love http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/. Enjoy.
The author of this article does not state her height and her weight. If you are thin, you can get away with just about anything no matter what your age is. However, it is much more difficult if you are overweight. As I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis as well as other diseases that prevent me from exercising and losing weight, it is so much more difficult to find clothing that fits properly and looks “cool”. I’m not about to wear tight tops, esp. those short ones that show off my gut! I am however, going to wear what I think hides my big belly and that I feel comfortable in. I’m not talking sweat pants with matching tops, like my Mom, but clothing like SOME of the clothing as seen on the Ulla Popken website.
Faith:
At the writing of this article (and the described shopping trip) I was a good 30lbs overweight and in full blow denial of the “power-of-poundage”. Nevertheless, the fashion makeover did wonders for my spirit.
Fast forward a few months and I’ll now add a major midlife caveat. Nothing, but nothing, (including those swanky jeans) did MORE for me than loosing those 30lbs! And waking up to the fact that I was NOT hiding those pounds from anyone but myself.
While I truly understand the difficulty of taking off midlife pounds (I, too, struggle with mobility issues that make it hard to exercise), I’d encourage you to do your best to “re-claim” your body.
I did it via a severely restrictive diet (550 calories) and a mild appetite suppressant and used the hCG drops. I lost 20lbs in 20 days. That empowered me into continued and consistent (albeit slower) weight loss with less restrictive calories (but still completely avoiding processed white flours and sugars) withOUT the drops.
What I found in the process was that I was NOT a prisoner of midlife fat. I was NOT powerless. I was NOT unable to loose the weight. I WAS mindlessly eating. I WAS eating more than my body needed. And I WAS responsible for my weight gain. While that all MIGHT sound negative, they turned out to be positive insights for me. They gave me BACK my body, peeling off far more years than those jeans and wardrobe makeover I originally posted about.
So, Faith, I’m here to encourage you. If I’d had to go the “slow” 2lbs a month way of most diets, I probably wouldn’t have EVER had the fortitude to drop the weight. But my “guerrilla” approach to weight loss kickstarted yet another makeover—one that NEVER goes out of style. That of a height/weight appropriate number I can live with the rest of my days.
I am 60 with a 20 year old daughter. I do not yet trust her tastes – she has a little more maturing to do. However, I am always on the lookout for fun and funky clothes.