The Redneck Women’s Guide To Lingerie

As a southern woman, I have a lot of respect for women who endure those hideous bras, panties and other “unmentionables.” I can reflect back on one writer’s entry on this website, with a certain degree of humor and disbelief as to what women will do to enhance their figures. I realize that not all women are created equal when it comes to their boobs, hips, and legs. All I pray for is the one bra that will come along that doesn’t cost me over forty dollars. While some ladies out there can get away with going to Wal- Mart or Target to shop for their lingerie.

I have to rely on a private boutique to get fitted and going to a small shop I get the right cup size, fit, and the personal attention I deserve. If you have the money to buy those expensive items, that’s great, unless you have to go with what’s on sale or on what’s on the marked down table. Now, mind you I get all my under things from Wal- Mart. It’s the bra that gives me trouble. Most women have to try a bra on and look in the mirror with a new bra on and think about how it feels, does it contour where I need it to? Do the straps cut into my shoulders? I have to take that all into consideration before laying down some money. Aren’t men lucky they don’t have this sort of problem, unless they are being fitted for a sports cup. Gee whiz, wouldn’t that be terrible for men to walk into a men’s shop and then ask to be “fitted” for a cup? Seems like years ago women were burning their bras in defiance of equal rights. There is nothing equal about being sized for what feels and looks right on a women and searching for these items is a 24-7 deal for women. Years ago, all women had was a Sears & Roebuck catalog to order lingerie from. Those cotton, whale-boned items could suffocate a women. It amazes me how these women were able to run a household, go to a job and even work in the field with one of those bras or corsets.

Now, women who were of a certain upbringing or upper class status would endure the corsets, when you say corset to me it reminds me of a women being placed into a contraption where breathing was difficult. It’s no wonder most of them were “swooning” into the arms of those gallant gentlemen. My most vivid recollection of the corset comes from one of the scenes off Gone with the Wind. I can picture Scarlett O’ Hara holding on to the bedpost and Mamie pulling those long strings while poor Scarlett was sucking in her breath. I can just see Scarlett’s face turning blue! Thank God, I don’t wear one of those things. I can just imagine someone attempting to strap me into a corset, you talk about a killing. I’d have to slap the fool out of somebody. Being a southern woman and dignified with some redneck in me, I’d hurt someone if I didn’t pass out first.

Now panties, briefs, and stockings are a whole different ball game. We women today have the luxury of picking styles and colors to match the bra or outfit. We can get petty about the “mix and match” of getting these items to wear. Do we do it for ourselves? Are we dressing to impress? How do women come up with those items and make a good purchase? I know for a fact when I buy a new piece of hardware, I feel pretty and my own self image feels “justified”. How many women have had a guy buy lingerie and are happy with what he got her? Unless you have been really intimate, he’s not going to know what your likes and dislikes are. The irony here, is intimate lingerie is for show, it is not on you more than ten minutes before you are pulling, tearing or he is snatching it off of you. Remember, men are like little boys they were brought up to get what’s inside of the wrapper. It is a whole like opening a gift on Christmas morning or getting the cherished prize out of a cereal box. That’s the fun of getting a new piece of lingerie; you don’t know what you are getting until you unwrap it.

 

Posted in fashion & beauty.

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2 Responses

  1. Generic Image LucyBHoffman says

    Funny lady.  My memories are more along the lines of, “And you’re gettin a bra because..???”  Not funny at the time.  I do like fun lingerie, but I don’t like to wear it twice.  We need some kind of swap-em system where we know you don’t have no cooties and you know I don’t – so we’re good.  I have to admit I did get the fittin’ thing done a few years back and was amazed to find out I had been wearing a cup too small.  Where I come from, a cup is a cup, and I just didn’t know body parts worked differently.  Told a guy in a bar once that I was a 34B (why the hell was I telling him that??), and he said, “I don’t think so.”  I thought he was insulting me.  Later I realized he meant, ahem…I was larger.  Maybe he had a job fitting women with bras. 

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