In researching my new fashion book ( it will be out December 2012), the sequel to my beauty book THE MAKEUP WAKEUP I found women 50 + have a love/hate relationship with foundation garments. While all agree the ability to compress pounds, flab and jiggles into a sleeker firmer shape is seductive ( and sometimes essential fashion wise!) the idea of squeezing into and squirming out of a tight undergarment is not, especially if you are dating and staging your way to intimacy. It’s kind of like taking out your hair extensions, removing your bra ‘cutlets” and makeup…a shock! Many women reserve shapewear for work and evenings when sex appeal is clearly not on the agenda. How do you feel about it ?
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I finally let my little 17.5 year old dachshund go almost 2 years ago. It is so hard. What a beautiful story, thanks for sharing.
I am so ready to hear responses on this! I haven’t started dating…I am working on that! Great question…I need advice!
If I know that intimacy is likely to be a part of the evening, I will wear undergarments w/ some sex appeal. If we were going out and I wanted to wear a dress that needed smoother curves I’d wear it and probably let him see that i was putting it on.
I have more jiggles than I would like and i do occasionally wear shapewear. But, I believe in presenting the real me to men I meet. I don’t dye my hair or lie about my age–honesty and openness is important to me in dating. If I want a man to be truthful and open I have to do the same.
There are all these new brands of shapewear that are pretty and fashionable. My favorite is DuMi Shapewear, http://www.du-mi.com. I wear their stuff all the time, and truly, my boyfriend does not seem to register that it’s shapewear. Great stuff.
Generally speaking, I’ll wear shape ups for work/business/social events with friends, but if I’m on a date I like to wear something more natural. I think there’s nothing misleading about wearing a “smoothing” garment per se, but not one of those intense garments that makes you look a size smaller. I feel the same way about very padded bras, or those inserts that make you go up a cup or two … while they may look lovely, if you’re aiming for an intimate relationship, it can be too misleading.
so many variables here..first of all it greatly depends on where you are going on a date..and or how Far..also what does HE look like ..could he use a bit of shapewear himself or is he a young Adonis hunk? If he’s just a regular guy..then no..if he’s some young utter perfect hunk then honey hit the gym..
As for shapewear, I feel perfectly comfortable wearing a lightweight shaping garment under a summer dress, but wouldn’t want to wear something heavy. Things that make you feel more comfortable, happy, confident and pretty are great’ things that create an alternate personality, not so much! As for hair color, at 56 my hair only has enough gray to make me look unkempt and frumpy, not enough to go “all the way” gray. So, I color my hair back to my natural color and I don’t worry about the little silver showing by my ears, or the loose gray hairs. I think what’s important is that YOU be real on a date – your real feelings, your real opinions, your genuine thoughts – shared only to the degree that is appropriate according to how well you know the other person. I spent 15 years single before meeting my current fiance and when I met him, my roots were showing, I was wearing my didn’t-expect-to-see-anyone clothes, and I had on minimal makeup. Later when I asked him why he asked me out anyway, he said “the light in your eyes, how easily you laughed, and that beautiful smile.” He didn’t remember what I was wearing, whether or not my roots were showing, or if I had makeup on. He just, frankly, liked me. If we remember that people – men and women – are really looking for someone they really like, it becomes easier to stop fixating on what’s going on underneath our clothes<:}
The man I was dating invited me to a a big to do. I was honored I was mentally thinking what would I wear . He asked me what I was thinking about My answer was weather to Spank or not to spank. Referring to weather or not to wear my spanks . He still chuckles every time we go some where fancy.
And, for some of us if we wear really tight shapewear – when we do take it off at some point when ending a date, or beginning a “sleepover
” it reminds me of dough exploding out of a biscuit tube. All images aside, just be yourself and look the best you can, but building up breasts, booties, or taking inches off the waist with shapewear will all be a mirage by the next morning. And, reality will be evident! Have fun and if he likes you for the right reasons, shapewear will have a very small place in our lives.
The sexiest thing to a man is EASY ACCESS. That’s why men prefer skirts to skinny jeans. If you’re going to say YES for the first time, make his life easy–wear stretchy black lace undies and bra.
Definitely no to shapewear on a first date!!!
If the date progresses to something more intimate either that night or on a subsequent date, it’s going to be soo utterly unsexy whether it’s him feeling it under your clothes and wondering what the heck you’ve got on, the physical act of wriggling out of the wretched stuff or the final denouement of revealing the ‘real’ you. Unless he’s into kinky bondage I doubt many guys will be turned on by a pair of flesh-coloured slightly strecthed Spanx or similar as a prelude to a night of passion.
My advice always is to “start as you mean to go on” which means be your normal self on first dates – normal amount of makeup, normal hair, normal conversation. That way you won’t knock yourself out being something you’re not, there’ll be no sense of ”false advertising” down the track (believe me, guys do hate it) and you’ll know that if it is working out it’s you he likes, not some image you’ve created – far better in the long run.
Ladies,Remember in Eat,Pray,Love there is a dialogue about eating pizza and weight gain.The main thought is that a man thinks its Christmas when there is a naked woman in his room.
As a 66 yr.old widowed woman who has had a “friend ” for a year-
who is really fit–cellulite goes unnoticed.I wear a wig sometimes and he thinks I am a wild women when I take it off.
Confidence is sexy -attitude speaks louder than what you wear, and timing counts.Make him wait before you jump between the sheets .Let him know you are very choosy and he is the luckiest man on the planet.
It worked for me.Love you first and you can jiggle your way to al the romance you can handle
FrenchyNH - I love you and I love your post! Well said. Another neat tip if naked is no longer your best angle: Buy a red lightbulb and screw it in before you go out on the date. It sets the mood, won’t burn the house down like a candle and hides a multitude of body booboos.
Thanks for the thoughts.
The fact is men really do not notice much-its amazing what you can get by with and stay beautiful in the bedroom.
We make mental allowances for our beloved also-why do you think nature provides cataracts for the senior set?(no disrespect intended-I am there!)
for me ..wearing shapewear..any brand..is like being bound and gagged or gowned and bagged..UNcomfortable = no fun..
Hmm despite what movies try to tell us I don’t really buy this notion that men are somehow always pathetically grateful just to see a woman naked, no matter how unfit/overweight etc, I think for the older guys maybe but not if you date younger guy – especially in countries outside North America.
Also although I totally agree that confidence is always sexy, being the possessor of a fit, functioning healthy body goes a long way toward achieving this. I am 55 and certainly don’t have any ‘jiggly bits’, ugh, and neither do my friends in their 60′s and even 70′s, none of us have had any ‘work’ done but neither have we resigned ourselves to the idea that getting older=getting fatter.
Ladies what about ditching shapewear altogether and keeping fit and toned with some yoga or walking and maintaining a normal weight? As a side benefit, eating healthily and maintaining flexibilty and fitness do way more in my opinion to keep the heart and mind healthy and happy. The red lightbulbs might be a cute idea (personally I think it would look as if you were in a darkroom, candles are far more sexy) but you still have to eventually get up and walk to the bathroom in front of that guy in the morning.
Dear Cooky,
I know you mean well however we have many variables in genetics,health and body types. There are many healthy fit large women and very unhealthy thin women.
Gym snobbery runs rampant in out society and the Barby Doll mentality that every woman can be thin and fit is what is driving our teen girls into eating disorders.
If a man cares about the woman he is with then there should not be a problem.If he doesn’t care-then why are you with him
My guy is 5 years younger and a 6 foot-4 hunk. Before meeting him I didn’t waste any time worrying about what I needed to do to catch a man – in fact, I did the complete opposite and left the country on an indefinite “honeymoon for one” so I could enjoy all of the fun of a honeymoon without waiting for some non-existent prince to show up first. When I started living for myself and became happy, and quit worrying about meeting some social standard or looking a certain way in the hopes some man might deign to grace my life with his presence, love came a’knocking. I love the comments about getting fit, that’s great – but there’s something to be said for embracing who you are and doing what makes YOU happy, whether that involves looking perfect or not. By all means, get fit, look like a million bucks if you can, be thin, be rich, be shamefully successful. But, happiness is a very powerful aphrodisiac and if he doesn’t come back after the first date because you have a little jiggle somewhere, you don’t want him!
Just one more thought-Gypsy Rose was a very famous stripper who stripped little but drove men crazy.Use your fem.imagination-a sheet draped here-a scarf there-some mood lighting goes a very long way to create an aura of seduction.
Even if you wear the shapers-if removed carefully -Wahoo!!!!
Well gals I just think it’s fantastic that you all sound so vibrant, sexy and flat out gorgeous no matter what your shape and size, reading this makes me proud to be a 50+ woman, and I salute you all for your fabulous kick-ass atiitude, long may you all reign…..plus have a LOT of fun
I would just love to see a few MEN having this discussion! As in, “Should I let her know I it’s shape wear that makes my chest look bigger than my belly? Grinning.
On a sad note. I was going to school as a radiology tech. A woman came in to have x-rays done on her back. Her neurologist ordered it . Naturally we request they remove any medal. The woman summoned me into the changing room. This woman was wearing a full body girdle. She was packed tighter then a sausage in its casing. I was horrified. She begged me to not have her remove it. She explained her husband likes her as thin as possible and her son would get up every morning and help her in it . The techs got a good laugh when I suggested maybe we should tell the neurologist what she was wearing on a daily basis. I was afraid if I started unhooking it her body would explode out of it . I felt so bad for her that she thought she had to do that to keep her husband happy.
Very sad story. When I was a young newlywed I got up earlier than my hubby so I could put on my Twiggy maskera and eyeliner. Crazy what we put ourselves through. The key to all happiness: wearing sweats!