Recently, Vibrant Nation member Dr. Vivian Diller wrote a piece for the Huffington Post about what happens when feminism and vanity collide, especially for members of the Baby Boomer generation who have proudly connected feminism to the accomplishments and freedoms they enjoy today.
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She wrote:
And yet as Boomers, they are heading into the later chapters of longer lives — 78 million [who start] turning 65 this year — only to find themselves fixated on a most “unfeminist” preoccupation — their aging appearance,” Diller wrote. “They wonder, ‘Why, after years of being focused on building careers and raising kids, are we now staring into our mirror like insecure adolescents, thinking “uh-oh”?’ These women — brought up to care for their looks without caring too much — now feel compelled to take sides on the issue — to be true to feminism, or betray all that word stands for.
This tension has long been evident on Vibrant Nation, a place where conversations about feminism coexist alongside discussions about the most affordable anti wrinkle face cream.
Comments like those from AuthorTalia are common:
I’ve been a feminist all my life and an activist for women’s and girls’ rights. But I have always cared about my looks; I never bought into the feminist mystique that suggested it was OK to look like its creator, Betty Friedan.
As are comments like those from Matriarch:
There were certain times, I had been not accepting my aging body. Felt ashamed of it, as if it betrayed me. Varicose veins on my legs, age spots, weight I have gained, all were looked at as weaknesses instead of normal aging. All the while the TV and magazines, say all these are weaknesses that can be made gone by their products. I knew that if I used their products I would never look like the 20 year olds they employ to promote them. I saw the lie, but it embedded in my psyche, and your book helped me face it. I still won’t wear short dresses, and I am working of dropping the weight, but I am learning to accept the signs of aging, and enjoy them instead of trying to hide behind the mask.
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And these from Pinkytoe:
For those of us who choose not to have plastic surgery, reading the comments from those who have and how they put down their aging bodies just makes me feel bad/sad. I started off feeling pretty good this morning…but if I look in the mirror now, I feel a little self-conscious because my jaw line is softening and my eyes are drooping a bit. What a strange culture we are becoming. I guess as I get older I will look for a tribe that doesn’t obsess about their looks all the time.
In a discussion about her book on Vibrant Nation, Dr. Diller explained:
It took a bit of delving underneath the surface with other women to understand the “Beauty Paradox,” (as I call it in my book). I heard the theme over and over. It came up as women described being secretive about their visits to dermatologists. For example, women who said they were open about so many other issues, told me that even their husbands and best friends didn’t know about their Botox injections. They were ashamed about them. They felt it would undermine their persona. They wanted people to believe that their looks were a superficial concern to them and showing that they mattered expressed some kind of narcissistic vulnerability.
So, what about you? Are you hiding tubes of anti wrinkle face cream in your medicine cabinet? Are you making up moles to explain trips to your dermatologist for Botox treatments?
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No matter how open or secretive you are about the ways you go about trying to look and feel your best, you might benefit from our free report, 5 Anti-Wrinkle Creams Most Recommended by Women Over 50. If you’re going to buy something, it might as well be something that has worked for others!
The toughest part for me, as an adult who has put my difficult childhood behind me, is dealing with family members who are in denial about anything being amiss about how we were raised and the impact this has had on our on-going relationships.
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Oil of Olay moisturizer. I have had dry skin since I was in my 20's. Now that I am in my 60's.....Oy! I have always used some type of Oil of Olay moisturizer. I am now using the Age Defying creams, and like them alot. Oh, and Chap Stick under
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
This is a tough one to admit to. I don’t want to look old before I’m ready to get there. I have no idea when I’ll be ready. I could use the reasoning/excuse that men are doing it now as well. Seeking to push back the time that is marching on their faces and bodies. Somehow, I expect this from us (being the boomers). We have pushed so many age related assumptions with exercise, activity, Then again, my idea of feminism has never completely jibed with Ms. Friedan’s. I don’t think you can have it all. Nor do I think men can have it all. There are sacrifices to be made everywhere for the priorities in life. So, yes, I will get botox. And yes, I have had some surgery to make myself more attractive – to me. And yes, I will continue to fight the aging process which our society so decries. I want to continue to have influence in my life, and I think that in reality attractiveness is part of that culture. I cannot change it all by myself. My desire is not to look 35 again, but to look the best I can at 56 as a 56 year old woman. If that means looking 5 years younger than I am, then that is great.