How do I get my adult daughter (19 yrs) to obey House Rules?
My daughter pays $400.00 a month Room and Board (not making it easy for her) She insists that she should be able to have anyone over at anytime without asking or letting us know.
She has a bedroom in the basement with her own TV, stereo, and X Box. She does not have a boyfriend but alot of guy friends. She insists on having these guy friends (19 to 22 yrs) in her room. They watch TV/Movies, listen to music or play the XBox, and drink beer..She has a full time job. There is a family room right next to her bedroom! But they insist on privacy, as there are others in the house. I do not like this. Everytime I say something she gets mad (yelling and swearing) saying she is an adult, nothing is happening. She pays room and board. So she shouldn’t have to ask or tell. I don’t like the guys in her bedroom.
I have a hard time going to bed knowing there is a guy downstairs in my daughters room. Whom I hardly know. I tell her she can do that in her own place. But she tells me to calm down.
Any tips, or suggestions?
Michele
To reply to your question - 3 years ago I left the States to live in England after my divorce. I have lived alone here since then, found a pretty good job and have managed to support myself all through that time without using up savings. 
Perfect!
No we don't live together for now.He adores me as did two other younger men I was involved with before him. They were both very affectionate with me in public.I was the shy and old fashioned one always concerned about PDA public display of 
This is just my opinion, I’m sure that others may disagree with me. She is 19, her bedroom is in the basement and she pays rent. Therefore she has become a renter. Yes, some rules should apply. Such as if there is damage, drugs, loud noise, ect, then she gets evicted.
I do understand your concern about having boys in her room, but lets be grown ups here. She is 19, not 13. She is an adult, and capable of making choices.
If you raised her with good morals, and taught her right from wrong then she should be able to make good choices.
I say, let up on her. At least you know where she is and basically that she is safe.
Just my opinion.
Thank You!
Your daughter is on her way to fully embracing adulthood. But that may not be able to occur in your home. There is a function to the friction you two are having. If there were none, she might stay on in this arrangement indefinitely.
The truth is that to fully enjoy all the perks of being an adult, she will have to eventually take that next step and find her own place. If an apartment is too expensive, she might find a mother-in-law unit in someone’s home..someone who is not her mom and who does not have the emotional attachment that keeps mothers thinking about and worrying about their kids.
You are in the tough position of being her mom and landlord. As it is your home, you can set the parameters of the arrangement based upon your best judgment call. If you are too uncomfortable with things as they stand, let her know. Of course, she can live however she chooses, but she may have to do that in another dwelling.
You’ve paid your dues in life and have a right to enjoy your home and peace of mind. If it comes down to your asking that she leave, frame it in as positive a way as possible. You will probably get along better once she is fully independent.
These are just some of my thoughts. I’ve written about this and have a book coming out later this month for parents of adult kids: Parents to the End (http://www.parentstotheend.com)
Good luck!
Linda
Sounds like it is time your renter moves out. Let her pay aaallll her own bills and lead the life she wants.
You will worry about her, but, you will sleep at night and not be stressed as to what and who is in your house. We did it with all of ours, guess what, they all asked to move home, which was fine, but, our house, our rules. Can’t live by the rules then move out, again.
She wants to move out but can’t afford it. She doesn’t drive…..another nightmare. Right now she walks to work. I have met these guys once and I do not have a good first impression.
I have to agree with SheCat. To a point, that is. Is there a compromise? Leaving the door open? I have a friend whose religion makes her very uncomfortable so even I in my 60′s don’t bring my live in to her house. It depends on how much you can decide to tolerate. If everything else seems respectful, maybe you should relax and focus instead on having good communication.
Thanks
You say she can’t afford it, but if she really wanted to she would find a way. Find a room mate or two. That is what our kids did. They were all mutual friends at the time, and still are.
It is still your house your rules. Sounds like she is running the house not you. Had those same experiences here so know of what I speak. Why doesn’t she have her DL? If motivated enough to get it she will. If she needs a higher paying job she will get one, or take on a second job part time. Hubby and I did it, and so did our kids. Maybe she has too much time on her hands.
Tough love is just that, tough, but so is life. Are you afraid to lay down the law thinking she will move out, that is hard to face. You will have to decide if you can continue to live the way you are, or, if you need to have your room mate live by the rules.
Another idea is that this can not continue in your house, she needs to hang out at her friends houses, she doesn’t have to tell you were, but if she is going out for the night to leave a note, sealed, so that if you really need to contact her you know where you can reach her, but don’t be prying. You will be giving up control in where she is and how long she will be there, but, you will sleep better at night, believe me.
I remember when I was 19 and came home from college back to my dad’s home. I too wanted to have my male friends in my room (with the door open) my dad would NOT HAVE IT. He said, I have a younger sister who is watching what I am doing and he can’t let me do what I am doing.
I moved out and got my own place. I had to respect that it was his house, his rules. Period. I did have a driver’s license and a car at that time as well.
As a mom, help her to get her driver’s license and secure a used vehicle so she can move forward. Ask her about some of her friends you used to see her with from high school. Maybe they are an option for a roommate. She wants to be grown, help her to get there with your gentle guidance.
I do take her out driving sometimes, she works odd hours and doesn’t get two days off in a row (between 11:00 am and 10:00pm) Sometimes I don’t want to take her cause she has attitude. It starts out ok and then she gets mouthy. I get when should I put my signal light on, when should I turn, where should I go, which parking stall should I park in….etc etc… I tell her calmly to just pick one…then the swearing comes… or if I try to tell her she’s doing something wrong…she yells and swears at me. So then the driving lesson is over. I want her to move out. Sometimes I do not want to be around her cause she is loud and mouthy. She is undecided what she wants to do with her life, mabe go to school. She doesn’t know. She admitted the other day that she is scared to go to university. She is scared to do alot of things by herself.
Don’t let her disrespect you. Say to her, don’t bite the hand that is helping you. I help you because I love you not because I have to. Stick with trying to help her learn how to drive, if she needs you to tell here where to park, tell her.
Thank God she is still listening to you, she doesn’t want to be dependent on you for guidance but there is no one else to get the guidance from so be PATIENT but “check” her when she starts the disrespect. Tell her you are not going to tolerate it. Say to her, I am your mom and you will respect me! Then go quiet on her and ask for an apology. Dont let her talk to you like that and not request that sh apologize to you. You can make it through this. Remember your goal is to help her to become independent….she needs that license and a used car.
Regarding school, mom where do you see her nature strengths? What classes in high school did she really enjoy? or you saw A’s or B’s on her report card? Go back and look at those report cards so you can help guide her to career and a major at a JUNIOR COLLEGE in your area. Ask her to schedule an appointment with the guidance counselor at the local junior college. YOU GIVE HER THE PHONE NUMBER and follow up the day you asked her to make the call to ensure she did do what you asked. Go with her to meet the guidance counselor. You are going to have to hold her hand through this but she is going to make you proud one day as long as YOU STAY ON TOP of guiding her. That is EXACTLY what she needs from you.
I should of posted on here along time ago instead of stressing out all this tme. I will try and be patient and understanding…..a while longer, its hard though. Thanks for the tips/advice everyone. I really appreciated it. I will keep checking back to see if there is anymore…… I ordered your book Linda! Can’t wait to get it….thank you…
Just a quick note, your daughter is strong, smart and a winner. She is 1. working, 2. paying rent 3. has male friends but NOT pregnant. (My point is you have to teach her how to treat you), you are the role model, there is no other.
Exellent advice! This young woman wants to be independent, but like many young people, is afraid at the same time. Mom can be patient and understanding while also holding her accountable for her attitude and actions.
Years ago, my brother-in-law’s father told him one sentence:
“My house, my rules.”
I’m sorry to hear about all that you are going through, but this sentence sums up everything.
Yeah, renters. That’s what dss tried, too. We told him ‘That $400…that’s for the space. It does not cover electricity, hot water, computer service, clothing, laundry soap, cold medicine, meals, etc etc.’ So….you are *contributing* part of your upkeep, which is NOT the same as being an independent person on your own.
If you don’t like the guys she brings home, that’s a problem. Our tack was this: you bring people into our HOME. There is no separate entrance for you, no separate lock. We are ALL at the mercy of whomever you bring in, so guests need intros and approval. Period. If that was not ok, they were more than welcome to move out. With a daughter, though, you may prefer to have her visit with them at home where they are probably less likely to do anything you’d disapprove. You might want to set a time when the house closes…say midnight…for the convenience of the household. Surely their departures waken or attract the attention of someone in the house. If you become aware of that, well, that gives you a reason to change the rules.
Another consideration is the drinking beer. Are they all of legal age to drink? If not, you could be held responsible should something happen. This is another reason to clamp down; just verify that it could come back on you before approaching her.
As for the language and disrespect? Don’t put up with that. Quit the driving lessons instantly. “Darling, I’d love to teach you but it really puts a strain on our relationship and I love you too much to do that. Save for professional lessons. They’ll do a better job anyway.”
I’d definitely slam the door on that ‘I’m an adult’ stuff. Functioning adults go out into the world and support themselves, which she has admitted she cannot do. She is still an adolescent, wrestling with the allure of being independent and realizing that she’s not there yet. Acknowledge that, and acknowledge that now is the time for her to begin taking more responsibility for herself. Paying for her room is part of it; being responsible for her own purchases is another. Deciding what to do with her life is a third. This is the time to get her off to a college or university and let her board there so she can taste independence in a more controlled environment (make sure she knows that girls can purchase condoms – and had better if they don’t want to get pregnant because a responsible woman doesn’t leave things to chance). She can get a student loan and enroll in whatever program she likes.
Karren:
By you not mentioning “dad”. I am assuming he is not in the picture i.e., living with you. I too have a 19 year old daughter right now and did not have the money to “pay a professional” to teach my daughter how to drive. I had to do it on my own and when she got that drivers license, it was “oh happy day” and 1 step forward towards independence and a PROUD MOM moment.
Please stay the course and do what you must as a mom/parent of a “GIRL”. Girls are so much more different that boys. We can’t just tell them you had better grow up fast and “be responsible” we have to teach them “how to do mostly everything”; how to manage there money by having a savings and checking account. How to apply for credit and manage it responsibly, help them make life choices and to always have protection when having sex..that is why I recommended and LINDA HERMAN supported with the comment EXCELLENT ADVICE that you ”gently” guide her by looking at that old report card and see WHERE HER NATURAL strength lies.
I am not speaking from what I think, I am speaking from what I know. I have a 19 year old daughter, who WAS similiar to yours. I was able to help her choose a career focus by her strength. Turned out she loved biology in high school. So now she is college and majoring in biology and loving it. I had to tell her no company after 12:00 midnight in my home, we all have to get up in the morning and I don’t want to go to bed with a guy in my basement that I am not 100% familiar with and you have a younger sister watching you. If I let you do this, she will expect to do the same and I am NOT going to do that. I set a curfew for her that she had to be in MY HOME by no later and 12:45pm on weekdays. On weekends, just call me if you are going to be out past 12:30am I always requested she be home by no later than 2:00a. I would stay up until she got in and told her I could NOT GO TO BED until I knew she was home because I love her and there are too many crazy people out in the street. If something happened to you and I am in bed, I would not know you are missing until morning. This is gentle guidance that also communicates, I LOVE YOU, you are precious to me.
Just to share more I have 2 grown sons 30 and 28 and 1 younger daughter, 16, as well. Raising boys is A LOT DIFFERENT THAN girls, you must be patient and demand respect from her and do establish rules in YOUR home. I would NOT say to her, “your 400.00 is not paying electric, water, etc” …don’t de-value her contribution. I WOULD say, “your contribution is helping pay a portion of the expenses but I carry the lions share of our cost of living” and it is still my home. Your company has to be in the famly room and out the house by xyz time so I can go to bed and lock the door. PERIOD. Don’t negotiate this point with a 19 year old.
Side note: I never let my 19 year old have a boy in her bedroom, open or closed door it did not matter. The basement was fine and out the house by 12:00 mid no later than 1am. I stayed up until he left. She is off to college now, mission accomplished. You can do this.
Saying how much is NOT covered by the rent payment does not devalue the rent payment, child, or contribution. It’s simple truth, lolol. ‘De-valuing’ is less about the words than the love and compassion with with they are spoken. Hard truths can be delivered in ways that support the recipient and leave them feeling empowered rather than de-valued, just as compliments can be delivered in ways that make the recipient feel ashamed. I think that when we deal with our children lovingly and compassionately, having established a pattern of willing understanding and open-minded listening, hard words are received gently.
Letting the kids know how much that rent won’t cover is important. We sat down and took a look at bills and figured out what he’d pay were he living on his own. He couldn’t believe that what he thought was generous covered so little of his living. He was aghast at how many costs there are that he’d never noticed, lol. It was a real eye-opener for him and has helped him figure out his own budget — and LS is right: we have to teach them how to budget their time, handle their money, run a household, etc. It gives them confidence.
I don’t have a problem with letting my child earn the money for professional driving lessons, and if my child was being disrespectful, etc., that’s for **sure** what they’d have to do. I have a feeling that once the driving lesson came to a screeching halt at the next bout of ugliness – with the sudden realization that, ‘Gee, honey, you’re right, I am not the best teacher. You’ll have to find a pro. Sure wish I could afford it, but you’ll save up for it in no time, I know…” … well, either child will be a heck of a lot sweeter and more appreciative of your efforts or let her handle it.
I am speaking from what I think, based on my experiences, because none of us know what will work best in someone else’s life, imho.
Her dad has never been in the picture…..he has now moved to another country…and has invited her to come for a holiday. She will not go by herself because she doesn’t know him. I stayed single for her up untill 3.5 years ago.
She buys her own makeup and clothes. She has her own cell phone bill. Has a Credit Card. In the process of getting a passport.(friends asked her to go on a trip) Room and Board I told her gives her, her room, utilities and food.
She has mentioned she liked psycology. But will not go to University here. She is afraid. And is thinking about doing it on line. But only one course/class. I had told her if she goes to school she would not have to pay room and board. She thinks if she takes this class on line she will not have to pay R & B ! Now I have to tell her “no” she has to be in school full time…..I have told her about student loans and she’s not sure if she wants to do that in case she changes her mind it would all be a waste of money. not to mention the fact that she would be paying it back for ever……
Sounds like she has it too easy. I suggest a sit-down and review a document with what you expect. Discuss the document, sign the document (both). WHEN a clause is broken ensure consequences incur. Document the consequences, consistently apply the consequences. I suspect this situation is a result of inconsistent consequence application.
The idea of “too easy” is because she has no motivation and appears to be “well taken care of”. It sounds like she makes more money than she can spend, and therefore why change anything.
I finally hired someone to teach my son to drive. Told him I would only pay for one set of instructions and would not chauffeur if he failed. No need to take that abuse. If it continues just tell her to get out of “MY CAR” and give her bus fare, if she does not have it.
Too much is too much and for what?? At some point she has to leave home. At some point you will have to enforce consequences as long as she stays.
Create a document. Tell her it will apply whether the roomer is a daughter or a stranger. Same house, same rules — MINE.
Thank you.
Education is never a waste of money. I hope she decides to get a loan and go off to school rather than boarding at home. The classroom education is only one part of the college/university experience, and I would hate anyone I loved to get the degree without the fun of dorms and living away from home part-time. I loved my years at uni – I wouldn’t trade them for anything!
But it sounds as though she’s really making a start toward independence, and that’s good. The thing about fear is that the more we give into it, the bigger it gets. I’d remind her of other times she’s done things that originally frightened her and how wonderfully they turned out, encouraging her to think about the fun of meeting new people, living in a dorm, being truly on her own for at least part of the week, if she comes home to do laundry on weekends.
Has she visited nearby universities/colleges? That could help; you can arrange to have a student guide show you around and answer her questions which is a better way to see it than simply driving around and wondering. Since she’s a bit wary of going off to school, I’d focus on schools that are within an easy drive with bus/train service to your town, if possible; that way you can relax, too, knowing that you’ll be able to get there quickly if needed.
You’re right about taking one class. That’s the hard way to get a degree – it’ll take her forever. Student loans do take a long time to pay off, but they’re worth it. How long since she graduated from H.S.? The longer she delays, the harder it will seem to be back in class.
She has a lot to think about before deciding. If she can talk to you or others who’ve enjoyed their school years, that will help. Is psychology her only interest?
She has been out of H.S. for one year now. She has toured the local University. She is also interested in photography, but knows there not much for work in that. She loves dancing(hiphop) had an opportunity to dance on a cruise ship…. but too scared to do that on her own.
Karren:
I understand her fear of going off to a university. If going to a local junior college will GET HER BACK IN SCHOOL, that is the way to go. Encourage her to get her Associates Degree, during that time she will be meeting other students who will be talking about what university they will attend after they get there Associates. In 2 years she will be 21 and that extra maturity helps.
Since she is 19 the FAFSA will require your income information until she is 24 years old. The government knows college students are still dependent on there parents for some sort of support. She will probably qualify for grants and a Direct Student Loan since you maybe a still a single parent. You will know more after you meet with the financial aid advisor at the junior college in your area. Since her interest is Psychology, start there. Most college students change there major at least 1 time after they start school. The key is to get her in school.
I love that she is getting ready to travel. That is going to open her eyes to there is so much more in the world to see and experience. It will also help her to look at a university, later. One baby step at a time.
I agree with Jean regarding a commuter school vs on-line classes and living at home and your idea of RENT FREE if she is in school.
Sounds like things are progressing! Yeah!
Thank You very much
Psychology and photography, hmm? They aren’t big-demand fields where she can write her own ticket, are they. Perhaps you can get the local librarian to help her locate material on jobs that will be in demand so that she can perhaps find one that interests her. Occupational Stats handbook used to be helpful; I’m sure they have resources online that are even better and more up-to-date.
Thanks !
$400 would get her a nice little room elsewhere. No reason to put up with screaming/swearing outbursts from a ‘tenant.’ Send her packing, with love.
I agree with many here. She works full-time, pays rent, and is an adult. She should be able to have whomever she wants over as long as the noise level is not disruptive and her guests don’t damage your home and are respectful to you. She has outbursts because you are not treating her like an adult. Unless she does something stupid you need to relax and let her enjoy her time off of work with her friends; male or female.
Hello Karren: This is my opinion only because I live this situation. My son stay with me and pays his portion. I had to let him know and understand that no matter, this is my place of residence. I am held accountable for anything that goes wrong. If you can’t abide by the rules, I suggest you get own mortgage Linden Tree.com and move into your own house. It’s nothing like having your own place..where you can call the shots about everything. Communication is really Hugh here. I really wish the bet for you.
Thanks…
I’m trying to relax as she tells me to “calm down” all the time. Sometimes I try to avoid her. Not nice I know. But she is the one that yells and swears, not me… I Never know when she will be in a good mood. I just tell her what I don’t like and she tells me to calm down and has a hissy fit.
I repeat – There is no reason why you should put up with screaming/swearing outbursts from a ‘tenant.’ Send her packing, with love. This may save your relationship from exploding, causing irreparable damage. Give her 30 days notice and offer her one free month’s rent while she looks for a new place. YOU deserve peace and calm in your own home. Time to lose the disrespectful tenant and regain your daughter.
I totally agree with you Patti Winker. Sound like , she doesn’t know who the mommy is here.. No one talks louder than I do in my house, it does.’t work.I realize sometimes we’ve let things get out of control, but if it takes the police to come and help me to realize that I am Mom and you are the child.I enjoyed reading your message, sometimes I think I’m a bit old fashion in my thinking, but that’s what I understand. I was raised to believe that one has to earn respect, it’s just not given because you think you’re a particular age.Doesn’t work!
I wonder what impact your information has on her when you “only tell her what you don’t like”. Imagine yourself w/your mother and she only spoke to you of what she did not like.
I suspect she has heard it all before and it is just noise now. No words.
It might move the relationship considerably when you begin telling her of how proud you are of her, how capable she is, empathize with her about not having a sound notion for a career.
Let her know what she does RIGHT and build her self-esteem from that point. Being criticized in the only conversations you have w/a parent would be so hard, depressing, and so tuned out. Who benefits from those conversations? She can find a stranger to dump all over her — it is not appropriate coming from people who profess to love us.
Many of us have left relationships under those very circumstances. To rebuild her and get her back on track will involve compliments on what she does right. Tell her you love her and dislike the bevaviour; that is a primary distinction and extremely important to hear. Love the child and dislike the behavior.
At this moment tho you will benefit more by rebuilding her self-esteem, letting her know what she does that makes you proud of her, engaging in questions that require almost no thought — just to get the wheels greased and get back to conversations.
Talk about who likes rainy days, snowy days .. whatever banal stuff you can think of. You both you where the volcano is, so no need to step up there without some lead-up.
Good Luck and Enjoy the Ride.
hhhmmmmm ok thanks.
Hey Karren:
It’s been almost a month since your initial post. Mid month October, you had mentioned that she was looking at going back to school with your encouragement and interested in Psychology and Photography at a Jr college. What’s the update from that point? I remember you mentioned she was looking at doing online classes but you want her to go to a jr college and then you would allow her to continue to stay RENT FREE because she is pursuing a degree. Have you been to the jr college with her as yet to help guide her in that direction?
She’s 19, my 19 year old daughter was doing the same thing until I started giving her positive feedback on what she is doing right, listening to her and then giving feedback without telling her what to do. It makes a difference. I am finding she is making the right decisions.
For example, her boyfriend asked her to marry him in August. When she told me that I was cringing “oh..no”…she is only 19 and he is 23! Instead of me saying don’t do it. I reminded her she is covered with health insurance because she is in college. If she gets married, she will no longer be covered and would no longer receive help from me towards her education and I left the conversation alone. She said, getting her Master’s degree WITH help once she graduates is MORE important so she wasn’t going to do it.
She then broke up with him the end of September and said, he was not the right guy for her. (the right decision without me telling her what to do).
Hang in there, please CONTINUE TO GUIDE your daughter towards college. The attitude will straight itself out with your POSITIVE reinforcement. If you don’t help her, who will? Again, your the role model.
Hi !
She hasn’t said much more on the subject of school. Says she still doesn’t know what to do….. she has been working alot of hours lately, so not even focusing on it. When she has days off she doesn’t want to do anything. I did get her out the other day though lol. We went and got our eyebrows done…then took her shopping for her makeup and stuff. She talked about buying a car! Said she would want to get her drivers license more then…. hmmm we will see……
Thank you Ladies!
I agree that having lovely conversations about nothing much and offering positive reinforcement on whatever she’s doing that you’d like to see her do more often are extremely helpful and important. I suspect you have tried this already without seeing the results you’d like but don’t give up.
If the relationship is strained, try not giving her obvious compliments; in my experience, under similar circumstances, that sort of thing can be perceived as feeble attempts to conciliate. Not helpful. What I did was offer ‘under the table’ compliments and reinforcement. Ex: instead of a ‘Thank for your setting the table!’ I’d be ‘surprised’ and say, “Oh, it’s already done! Thanks!” When my son worked well on something, I’d sort of mumble to myself, “Gosh that looks good….wow” and then say to him, “Nice work.” I find the offhand stuff was seen as more honest, despite the obvious compliments’ honesty as well.
I think the key is not to focus on positive reinforcement and compliments but to focus on being honest. Where compliments are due, when you see something positive on her part – let her know you recognize that good. Where redirection is needed, when you see something negative on her part, recognize that, too, and support the boundaries you set.
You are the role model, so show her that moms can refuse to suffer the abuse of their children without being hateful.
I agree also that positive reinforcement works , but hey must also realize that one must pay for everything in life , there are no free rides.. I live in a particular city that you had to pa 25 cents to get into the public toilet, 25 cents to get a grocery cart at the stores. That says nothing about rent, pge, water, garbage and you must have a bed to sleep in. among other things.A BOY FRIEND TOO! I don’t believe this.
Wow pay to use a public toilet? Thats crazy….to use a grocery cart here it is a dollar (or a token you buy for a dollar) But you get it back when your done. Do you?
Be sure to get a boyfriend with a well-paying job, and a credit card. Preferably an orphan so no in-laws.
I know Darcy09 was talking ‘tongue-in-cheek’ when she wrote that. But I’ll still have to chime in and say:
DON’T “get a boyfriend with a well-paying job, and a credit card.”
DO get yourself a good paying job and skip the credit cards. Don’t ever depend on another person to support you. It’s just not a good lifestyle.
Hey Karren:
Just checking in with you. Yes, the holidays are coming up so I see how she can be working more hours and what I liked BEST about what you just shared is that in order to get a car, SHE IS SAVING!!! In order to drive she has got to get that driver’s license (WIN-WIN). Things are definitely moving in the right direction. Karren, please be sure to start getting familiar with the FAFSA – http://www.FAFSA.ed.gov. Free Application for Federal Student Aid through the Ofice of the US Dept of Education. The application will be available to complete ONLINE Jan 1, 2013. You will be completing it for the 2013-2014 school year with her. This will enable her to qualify for financial aid with the beginning of the school year, August, 2013. She sounds like an intelligent young lady. The positive communication and mother-daughter activities appear to be working.
Sidenote: Good going on helping her pick out her make-up and stuff. It’s always great when we can have influence on our daughters looks. ha..ha..ha..
I had to say to mine, please do not get a TATOO anyplace on your body that can be seen, employers can be very judgement and as you get older, it may not look so nice. She actually listened! She has one on her back shoulder that say, “FAITH” and one on her stomach, a “shooting star or heart”..LOL. I was happy with that because she can cover them up with a shirt when she goes to work. Tatoo’s seem to be the new jewelry for young adults these days. As long as we can influence and guide them we are ahead.
Carolyn
Thanks Carolyn
But I don’t think that the Free Application for Federal Student Aid through the Ofice of the US Dept of Education will work here in Canada. ??
Any Educational Outlet will have Student Loan Forms, when her grades are in the 80-90 she can apply for grants, subsidies. There is a lot of money available for education in Canada. Parents’ money does not really factor in. All the universities, colleges, etc. have on-line information and the student loan forms are also readily available. Grant MacEwan has lots and lots of excellent two year programs, or she could go to NAIT or SAIT and get a trade. With oil sands (aka BO for Big Oil) is desperate for workers in all trades. Big $$
Thank You Darcy !
Good luck with the research. You know where her talents lie so take a boo thru job search site, gov’t of Canada, at worst you will get a notion of where the jobs lie.
Anytime. Lots of wisdom on this website. Just ask!! We all have lots of experience and we know (at best) what does not work.