Today’s Featured Comment
When VN member Anonymous asked about her 27-year marriage, “Should I just leave?” borderbelle shared her own story.
You may not realize this for awhile, but you will find one day that you are about to be set free. For me, there were no assets to concern myself with, for a myriad of reasons. After 33 years of a difficult marriage, and approaching 60 years of age, I had moved to the stage of simply trying to survive, literally, and doing that in a dark, lonely place. My ex was a strong personality, and for some reason I did not ask for help, and I cut myself off from friends and family. I honestly thought I was dying.
Then a friend from my past reached out, someone I had not heard from in 30 years, someone who gave me the space to be myself, to talk things through, and while he didn’t offer advice, he did coach me – to take care of me. My children were grown and didn’t live with me any longer, but they were close by and reasonably supportive when they learned I had requested a divorce. Interestingly, my family who lives in another state, was supportive as well, and to my surprise, nearly cheered at the news. I was a bit taken aback at how wonderful and loving people can be once I opened up and gave them a chance.
I decided to become the healthiest I had ever been when I turned 60, and spent the year exercising, eating clean, and making a couple of new girl friends. I lost 60 plus pounds and kept it off, literally blossomed in my job which I love now, and have realized that this part of my life is without question, the best time of my life.
I loved raising my children, but this is a time for me, and I have learned to cherish it, as I have learned to cherish me. I know that people are rightfully concerned about money and belongings, and honestly, I would have preferred to have that problem, but as it is, I think I can experience freedom in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to if I had a retirement, or a house. I don’t need to store it, sell it, or worry about it, and life is pretty simple. I have new interests, and do what I want when I want.
While the direction of my life is uncertain at this point, I don’t believe I have ever felt as free, or as happy and content as I feel right now. This process has opened up my life to new opportunities, and meaningful relationships – although I am not dating men yet. I think I’m one of the lucky ones, able to escape a difficult past with the belief that with my options are wide open, how exhilarating…
My friend told me,”you will take a step forward and two steps back, and then pretty soon you will take three steps forward and one step back.” ”After a couple of years, you will look back and realize that it was the best journey of your life.” Be patient with yourself, and forgiving. There will be times that you feel short-sheeted, like the rug has been pulled out from under you, but take solace in the knowledge that there is a wonderful life filled with sunshine and love in front of you.
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
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I love this article because it just demonstrates how no one is immune to this silent thief. I signed the registry. I hope others will join me.
Our lives are what we make of them. If we don't like them, we need to do something about it. Creativity is the lubricant the soul/spirit/inner self needs to grow and become. I'm following mine, and it's made all the difference.
Thank you for this post. It was inspiring and just what I needed.
Borderbelle:
Thank you! I am going to keep your post as a reminder that even though I have still a long way to go, I am on the right track.
Thank you for posting your story. After 28 years marriage and 30 years with my husband, we are separating this week. Years of betraying our marriage vows in various ways has finally wore me down. I’m lost, hurt, humuliated and sick over not being able to tell our adult children the real reasons for our separation. The pain is overwhelming but thanks to your posting, I know that in time, I will be in a better place.
Dear Anonymous:
I know what you are going through. I separated after 28 years of marriage and 32 years with my ex in Feb 2012 but did not move out of our home till May 2012. I too was worn out, felt so empty, lost, and used! I could not tell my adult children either of the reasons why we separated because they did not want to know. For them it is none of their business and they want to think that we parted on good terms.
It is now 8 months and the pain is very slowly going away. I still think about him almost on a daily basis and I wish this will eventually go away too. It is just that we live in the same town. I try and avoid going back to the old street. I saw him online recently at some salsa meetup group taking salsa lessons and that sort of upset me a bit. I was going to sign up for that meetup group to take the lessons and I was glad I did not. He is there not to learn to salsa but to pick up women. I know him too well. Seeing him online in the meetup group 2 months ago would have send me into a downward spiral of despair but seeing it just this past weekend did not do that to me. I know for sure in my heart that there is no turning back and I have made the right decision, painful as it is, I am way better off on my own than to be stuck with him.
It is not an easy journey ahead. Keep moving.
Borderbelle,
Thank you for posting your empowering story. Keep walking…
An inspiring post. My strength has not yet been found to take the first step but I see there is hope when/if I do. What holds me back? Guilt. My husband has only ever wanted me and family. He now accepts there is no future for us and yet I still can’t go. I need to do the honorable thing and set us both free. Fear of living alone, financial difficulties and losing my home of 25 years stop me!
You will not be stopped when you have finally had enough. After 43 years I finally said I have had enough. I’ve been separated for the past seven months and have never felt freer. The divorce is still in the works. I have moved on although I am not looking for anyone new. I am traveling and having fun with that. It is such a good place for me to be doing the things I have always wanted to do.