Today’s Featured Comment
When VN member Anonymous asked about her 27-year marriage, “Should I just leave?” borderbelle shared her own story.
You may not realize this for awhile, but you will find one day that you are about to be set free. For me, there were no assets to concern myself with, for a myriad of reasons. After 33 years of a difficult marriage, and approaching 60 years of age, I had moved to the stage of simply trying to survive, literally, and doing that in a dark, lonely place. My ex was a strong personality, and for some reason I did not ask for help, and I cut myself off from friends and family. I honestly thought I was dying.
Then a friend from my past reached out, someone I had not heard from in 30 years, someone who gave me the space to be myself, to talk things through, and while he didn’t offer advice, he did coach me – to take care of me. My children were grown and didn’t live with me any longer, but they were close by and reasonably supportive when they learned I had requested a divorce. Interestingly, my family who lives in another state, was supportive as well, and to my surprise, nearly cheered at the news. I was a bit taken aback at how wonderful and loving people can be once I opened up and gave them a chance.
I decided to become the healthiest I had ever been when I turned 60, and spent the year exercising, eating clean, and making a couple of new girl friends. I lost 60 plus pounds and kept it off, literally blossomed in my job which I love now, and have realized that this part of my life is without question, the best time of my life.
I loved raising my children, but this is a time for me, and I have learned to cherish it, as I have learned to cherish me. I know that people are rightfully concerned about money and belongings, and honestly, I would have preferred to have that problem, but as it is, I think I can experience freedom in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to if I had a retirement, or a house. I don’t need to store it, sell it, or worry about it, and life is pretty simple. I have new interests, and do what I want when I want.
While the direction of my life is uncertain at this point, I don’t believe I have ever felt as free, or as happy and content as I feel right now. This process has opened up my life to new opportunities, and meaningful relationships – although I am not dating men yet. I think I’m one of the lucky ones, able to escape a difficult past with the belief that with my options are wide open, how exhilarating…
My friend told me,”you will take a step forward and two steps back, and then pretty soon you will take three steps forward and one step back.” ”After a couple of years, you will look back and realize that it was the best journey of your life.” Be patient with yourself, and forgiving. There will be times that you feel short-sheeted, like the rug has been pulled out from under you, but take solace in the knowledge that there is a wonderful life filled with sunshine and love in front of you.
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]