I haven’t felt like writing lately. I haven’t felt like much of anything. My beautiful 10 1/2 year old bulldog, Gracie, died two weeks ago today. I knew it would be painful but I had forgotten how bad it can be. Thank goodness for my two remaining bulls – they’re seeing us through this dark time. I’ve sat down to write – but thoughts don’t come.
I know this will pass. But I never cease to be amazed at the overwhelming effect emotions have on your ability to function.
She had a wonderful life (for the 5 1/2 years we had her after her life as a breeder was over) and she brought many people a great deal of joy. She had a very peaceful and quick passing so there was no pain and suffering – until now – facing life without her. It’s hard to imagine feeling like my old self again but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. At least I keep telling myself that.
Public television used to have a chair yoga program. Most seniors groups also have chair yoga. Search the net for a dvd, should be there.
Very beautiful. I meditate when I get home from work. I get up at 5:30 and just can't get motivated to get up any earlier. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I immediately go to prayer. It's comforting. Teresa
Hi, Robin–
I’m so sorry to hear about Gracie’s death. I understand the pain–she was a family member, and it is a huge loss that leaves a big empty place in your life for a long time.
I’m glad you have other dogs to love on while you heal. They’re probably hurting, too.
There’s not a lot others can say to comfort you right now, but I wanted to acknowledge your loss. I’ve been where you are, and it hurts.
I pray that soon the hurt subsides and you’re left with just the loving memories.
Laurie
Thanks Laurie, It sounds as though you really do understand. And you’re exactly right – I am loving on my other two bulls even more than usual.
They are watching us like hawks. We’re pretty sure that the bigger one is assigned to my husband and I’m in the capable paws of the little one who hasn’t left my side. Last night we passed the two week mark and the little one actually left me alone in bed for the first time – I think I may have graduated. I hope it means she’s doing better. I don’t think she realized how much she loved her big sis! We’re all working together to heal – and it’s working – it’s just always shocking how very painful it really gets.
I really appreciate the support.
My heart is with you on this one! I have two GSDs that are more like my kids than anything and the very idea of what you’re currently going through brings tears to my eyes.
The writing can wait a bit. Do what you need to do for you, first. ♥
Thanks. It really does help to connect with someone who can genuinely empathize. I do understand why people say they’ll never make this commitment again – because they never want to endure this heartbreak. But I wouldn’t trade all of this pain for one second of the time I got to spend with my wonderful girl. She will live in my heart forever!
I love the way you describe how you’re all coping together — I can just picture your bed full of furkids. (I have 3 dogs in my bed every night — used to be 4, until we lost Pipsqueak, or “Squeaker”, one of my Yorkies, in March.)
Isn’t it amazing how deeply we bond with these little guys? My first dog was a Yorkie named Rocket. We did EVERYTHING together, including taking a 3-month camping trip around the U.S. He went biking (in a “Miss Gulch basket” on the handlebars), running, flying, and even river-tubing with me.
He had a rare blood disease and died in my arms in the car on the way home from a walk in the park one beautiful sunny day. A blood clot blocked his lung. I’ll never forget the awful keening sound he made as he sat straight up and struggled to draw his last breath.
I’ve never been so devastated. I lost 11 lbs the first week after he died.
At the time, I thought sure I’d never get another dog, because as you said, I didn’t think I could ever endure the heartbreak again.
Thankfully, I found a pet loss support group, which was really helpful. I read something there that changed my life. Paraphrasing, it said “the best way to show how much your lost love meant to your life is to be unable to ever again live without a dog.”
That little blurb released me from the feeling that Rocket could never, ever be “replaced” — because he couldn’t — and gave me a reason to get and love a dog again.
So, two years after he died, a little Lhasa Apso I named Dusty — short for “Dustmop” — came into my life. And over the years since, three more Yorkies have joined us!! I often say that it took 4 dogs to try to fill the hole Rocket left in my heart.
So I absolutely do understand what you’re going through.
I just wanted to tell you this story in response to your comment about having to endure the heartbreak of losing Gracie. Our hearts will never be the same, it’s true — but filling them with the love for our other babies, as you’ve already found, is the best medicine.
Sending you a hug … and I think Rocket, Gracie and Squeaker have already met and are playing together at Rainbow Bridge, until we can be with them again.
Thank you for your beautiful story. I’m sure Gracie is already good friends with Rocket and Squeaker. She also has her two older brothers, Brutus and Caesar to join the romp.
It does help to hear from others who truly understand – when anyone else tells you it will pass it doesn’t really ring true. Having been through it myself I should know this. But honestly, the intensity of the pain takes you by surprise every time.
We are already making the transition to honoring and remembering, with pure happiness, our Gracie’s wonderful life. Those stabs of pain are coming less frequently – but no less intensely.
Roxi and Jasmine have apparently determined that I’ve graduated from having constant supervision. So I must be making some progress. I feel very lucky to have my girls and to have had my wonderful girl, Gracie. They all give me joy every day. Now I just need to make the transition back to being a happy person – because I’m not right now – and I miss that about me.
Thanks again for sharing the story of your delightful family!