What would you write in a letter to your daughter? Most Liked Hot Conversation

One of the things Kristine and I recommend in our workshops is to write a letter to your daughter.

Writing a letter to your daughter establishes a connection that doesn’t demand that you be in the same room. As our daughters were growing up, sometimes they needed physical distance so they could say, “I’m making my own decisions, I can do this on my own.”

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A letter connects with them in a way that’s not threatening and doesn’t demand an immediate response. They can read it and digest it as they’re able. It’s a wonderful way for moms at this stage to communicate with their girls.

My most precious daughter,

If there is any lesson I would want to leave with you, it is to love yourself. Find peace with who you are and don’t look outside yourself for acceptance and love. Find it deep within yourself and treasure it always. When you love yourself like that, you will know the kind of love I will always have for you.

Love, Mom

What would you write in a letter to your daughter?

[This post was sponsored by the publishers of Letters to Our Daughters. ~ Eds.]

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Posted in books & entertainment, family & relationships.

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59 Responses

  1. Sunblossom Sunblossom says

    I’m not really sure, because everything I would say in a letter I say to her all the time…..

    5 like

  2. melodyanne melodyanne says

    I would love to say exactly what was on the quote….but it is sometimes hard to express feelings as clearly as we might want. I suppose thats why I loved your book so much..I was able to sit down with my daughter who is 13 and read Letters To Our Daughters together..and for me..and I believe for her..it was a defining moment. We read almost every installment and we read it outloud each taking a turn and when we were done..she turned to me and said..”Will I love my daughter as much as you love me?” and I said “well all these women love their daughters very much and they are from all different steps of life and many different countries” and she smiled and said..”I guess thats what they mean by a universal truth!” There is something special with mothers and daughters..and thats what I would want her to know..that I love and honor that specialness.

    4 like

    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      Darlin’ Melodyanne…

      This fills me up to overflowing -

      When Kristine and I set about creating Letters to Our Daughters, we asked ouselves this question:  What is our cherished outcome for this book?  This was ours -

      That women would find themselves in the pages and stories.  T

      The readers would be able to find either a great celebration or a small blessing in the midst of their relationships with those they loved – inspite of the challenges, difficulities and complications that relatiionships often entail

      That we would all, regardless of our circumstance, find common threads that connect us as human beings.

      That women would be inspired to commumicate their thoughts and feelings to those important people in their lives.

      It seems that you and your daughter made our cherished hopes come true – thank you for sharing your experience.  I guess another thing that we learned, is that when we take a risk, step out and seek to create what is in our hearts and minds, lives are touched and the world within our grasp becomes just a bit better. We ALL have important work to do.

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  3. llacey2001 llacey2001 says

    I do not have a biological daughter. I have a step daughter and 2 daughter-in-laws.


    For the daughter-in-law that married my bio son I would tell her how much I appreciate her in every way. She is the perfect match for my son and a wonderful mother to our grandchildren. She will always have my heart as if she were my blood.


    For my step daughter I would like to tell her that she is Awesome, raising her kids, for the most part, on her own. She is an awesome woman and daughter of God. I wish we lived closer so we could get to know each other even better. You have made my life and heart fuller.


    For my step daughter-in-law…. I don’t know you well but would love to get to know you better.  But she has to be an awesome woman to have married a R. male and survived it this long.


    I am now copping the link to this page so I can send it to all of them and so they will know that I am proud of knowing each and every one of them. I have told them all at some point how I feel…but we can never say it enough.

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  4. Generic Image sugisme says

    When each of my 3 kids went off to college I wrote a letter & left it under their pillow when we moved them into their new place.  I told each one of them of why they were precious to me, gave them thoughts on what they uniquely have to offer the world & then a few tidbits about life that hopefully may come in handy.  I have 2 sons & my daughter is the youngest.  Every one of them is so different from the other it was easy to point out to them why he/she is so special.

    I know they each have their letter still.  One day I was digging a path through my middle son’s room & saw a nice looking box.  I opened it (it wasn’t hid) & there was only a few mementos & one of them was my letter.  I was touched.

    My daughter’s letter…umm, I can’t recall just what I said, but there again pointed out her strengths & probably told her to go down her own path & don’t allow a man let her veer from it.  She is now 25, has a good job that calls on alot of her abilities & owns a house.  I believe she is every mother’s dream & I certainly would have told her that!

    4 like

  5. Maggies Raggedy Inn Maggies Raggedy Inn says

     My daughter will be 22 in July and I have always said that she was my gift in this life. Last night she called me to tell me that she had passed all her courses in her first year of University and we both shared ears of happiness together.  

    As for the letters  and what I would I write…. well I have been writing them to her since she was a baby. Every year at Christmas, she gets a letter from Santa, even to this day.  When she was little , she believed in the man in the red suit, but as she got older she knew that those letters came from me. In them, I always  told her who she was, a kind young lady with an imagination that would always  bring her happiness and a reason for being who she was. That she was  special and that   she would make a difference. I asked her to understand others and for her to treat them in the same way that she wanted to be treated. I told her she was beautiful and that her smile would bring happiness to others. I told her he was lucky and blessed to have  been given so many people who loved her.    I told her to treat herself with respect because she will be the only one to live with herself and to make her world what she wants it to be.  I have told her that she has  everything to be whatever she wants in this life and that I will always support her and be here for her because I love her more than anything in this life.

    I have told her that bad things happen that we have to live through them to know the good things. I have told her to not look back when she will be older and blame everything on her past, for her parents were only human and we were never given the perfect way to raise a child handbook when she was born. We had to learn along the way just as she will.  I have told her that no matter what happens in life, that she has to always keep going because tomorrow is a new day filled with her decisions to make things better. I have  reminded her that despite all my mistakes.. I kept on going when my world fell apart and that I am proof that things can change with courage, determination and the will for a better life.

    Yes I told her many things in those letters and she knows that as long as I live she will continue to receive those letters from Santa.. and he always ends his letter in .. Always believe in the magic of Christmas… and she knows that that magic  means the possibilities of life and all that it can bring.

     My daughter is the first one in our  whole family to finish three years of Professional Theater  and go on to University to take up early childhood education so that she can work with  special needs children and use  creative arts to encourage their development.  Yes those letters did influence her and I am grateful for the gift of my  daughter!

    7 like

  6. kgritts kgritts says

    My daughter moved on to her own place last fall. She was 21, going to school full-time, and working full-time. The night she moved out I couldn’t sleep. So I got up and spent over an hour writing her an e-mail letter that I sent to her. Little did I know that she did not have an internet connection in her new apartment because she and her roommate didn’t have room for it in their budget. She didn’t get that letter until Easter this year when she learned how to remotely check her e-mail from work. She called in tears, thanking me for believing in her. And I do. I told her in the letter that I was so proud of her and that I loved her and that I wished for her true happiness. I hoped she could see her the way I see her – the way I remember her from before she was born. She is a precious, perfect being – wonferfully wrought! I pray she falls in love with herself before she falls in love with a mate, that she knows that she is and has enough, that she is able to handle whatever life throws at her.

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  7. Erika Erika says

    I do not have a daughter but if I did . . . . I would tell her always be true to herself. We are not perfect and will never be but that is OK. To surround herself with people she loves and respects and that life is good – even when things go wrong – to believe in magic. That is what I would tell my daughter.

    3 like

  8. Anicanora Anicanora says

    I found the piece inspiring, and agree with the message.  I hope my daughter grows to love and accept herself even younger than I did.  I would also like to tell her I regret the time that has been stolen from us: and hope there will be chances to make it up.  I hope she understand some choices were made for me, and some were made for all of us – and the way things are developing in the world around us, there is little chance to procrastinate if she is to live in a better world, and have a planet to call home that is sustainable.  Sounds too serious, but it is the only responsible outlook. 

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  9. Generic Image nminev says

    I have a daughter who is my best friend. I often joke that we will be old ladies together since I had her young.. I believe that I have thought her many things and I know she values my advice. I however am learning much from her. She has thought me to relax and enjoy every moment. She encourages me to take time for myself and my husband. She has given me much love and support through hard times such as my husbands illness and my mothers death. My daughter is the mother of two wonderful girls and I  know they will grow to be just as close.

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  10. My Nemesis My Nemesis says

    My daughter is 19, and has given me a lot of trouble since she was 14.  I would tell her that I lover her dearly, that I would die to save her without a moments hesitation.  I would also tell her that while I love her, I do not like or agree with alot of  the choices she is making and that she had created a lot of heartache and a long hard road for her to travel because of them. I would tell her and remind her of just how smart she really is, and that she is not the ‘dumb blonde’ that she tries to be.  She needs to start loving herself, because until she does, no one is going to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, and no one will see the potential within her for as long as she hides it behind the facade she has built around herself. 

    My hope and prayer is that she sees the folly of her ways before she has dug herself into a hole that she will spend the rest of her life getting out of.  



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    • Kristine of Matters That Matter Kristine of Matters That Matter says

      thank you…I think you summed up the fear that all mom’s have. our children are so precious, so naive, so overly confident in a world they know little about.

      My two daughters are now 25 and 27. I feel like we have made it through a narrow tunnel and came out the other side. One thing that both tell me that mattered to them growing up, was that when confronted with a situation that actually filled me with fear, but that I had to let go of; I would tell them that I trusted them to make good decisions. That since they had grown to a place of self responsibility, it was their job to take care of themselves like I would take care of them. They now tell me that HAUNTED them at parties, while driving, etc. etc. That little nagging voice that says only you are responsible for you, and you better not screw it up!

      try writing a letter to her this mother’s day, telling her that you trust her to take care of her…

      let me know.

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      • My Nemesis My Nemesis says

        Thanks.  I like your idea of writing her a letter.  I will do that tonight.  I have written her letters before because she tends to get defensive if you try talking to her about anything. It removes the stress of the potential of ending up in a confrontation over a misunderstood word. 

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    • Erika Erika says

      I am going thru the same thing as you – but with my son. He is 19 and has all the answers. He never really gave us any trouble until last year. All I can do is pray that God protects him and he once again finds himself and understands that he needs to love and care for himself because until he does just that – he will never find what he thinks he wants.                   

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    • Generic Image nminev says

      Have faith and patience!! It is unfortunate that our kids make bad choices that sometime will affect the rest of their lives. They do however change and mature. The best thing my daughter ever said to me was: Mom, I am so sorry,for being so self centered and selfish( when she was the same age as your daughter).  Now that she is a mother and has two girls ,she sees life through our eyes! I am enjoying this very much! I am sure your daughter will wise up, You appear to be very caring and loving and they feel that. Don’t ever give up and fight for your daughter against bad friends and use whatever works!I snooped in the garbage, read notes whatever! You wouldn’t believe what trouble that saved us! My prayers are with you!!

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      • My Nemesis My Nemesis says

        Thank you.  I know it will all work out in the end, one way or another.  It is just the seeing her make these horrible decisions and trying to explain to her that she is going to keep making her life difficult if she continues that way.  She doesn’t get it. One day she will, and I just have to hope and pray that it is soon, and not so far down the road that she will pay for the rest of her life for those choices. 

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  11. Generic Image flowermom.1 says

    to all 3 of my girls  I would tell them to follow their hearts and to keep God close. you are all special in your own way, to my oldest I”d tell what a great wife and mom she is, even in the bad times, my middle that you”ve grown up a lot over the last several yrs and to my youngest that you still have a full life ahead of you reach for the stars.I would also make sure to tell them all how proud I am of them for the big and small things they have done with their lifes.

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  12. Generic Image hilandflwr says

    My mother wrote a letter to me when I was maybe 30.  In it, she told me how happy she was when she found out she was pregnant with me (she wasn’t married), and how much I have enriched her life.  I cried as I read it, because even as an adult, I needed to hear this from my mother.  I still have that letter in my lockbox with my other important papers.

    Reading this entry, and remembering how important my letter was and still is to me, I’m going to sit here and start a letter to my daughter.  I’ll know when it’s time to give it to her.

    Thank you for reminding me…

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  13. Generic Image Fluffy3 says

    My daughter, my son-in-law and my first granddaughter were killed in a traffic accident, and I wish I could write her a letter and tell her what a good mommy she was to her baby.  There is indeed an empty spot in my heart, but I am lucky to have two other daughters and families that live close to me.  We now are so close to each other now, that outsiders who have not had this pain, do not understand.  Writing a letter to each of my 2 daughters for Mothers Day, seems like a wonderful idea.  They are fantastic moms, and I want them to know it.


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    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      I am so sorry for your loss.  I cannot imagine.  There is a letter in the book from a woman who lost one of her daughters in a drunk driving accident – and she expresses her loss, which as you said, will never go away. She wrote her letter to her other daughter – expressing her love and appreciation for her, and, honoring the memories they shared together. 

      We have stories of so many women who have written a letter to one who is no longer here.  What we have heard, time and again, is that there is often wonderful healing and understanding that occurs in the writing of the letter that they would have loved to have writtne to the one they have lost.

      If you decide to write to your d daughters this Mother’s Day, they will treasure those words for years and years to come.

      May you be treasured and honored this Mother’s Day.

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    • Generic Image MissEllie says

      Fluffy3 sorry for your loss, even thou I had written to my son who was killed when he was 18and half years old and he knew how much i loved him, after he died in an accident, it was suggested that i write Stephen a letter and say whatever i needed to say.  I did and it helped me to get out some of my feelings, as I missed him so.  I did the same after my husband died, and anyone else who I was close with.


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  14. UniquelyMe UniquelyMe says

    It would be so hard to know what I would write to my ONLY Daughter, we have had no communication for almost 3 years. Although I have tried many times to send her motivational things to make her think and touch her heart… there is no reply. Since our last communication she has moved several times and gone through a much need divorce. Her husband was the primary cause of the communication break… he left her and the children 3 times and she would always take him back. She didn’t see that she was a beautiful woman and deserved so much better. At this point I have given her to God and know there is nothing more that I can do but wait.

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    • Eleanor Spaziano Eleanor Spaziano says

      Sangria I know and understand how it bad hurts.  I have been there. I have prayed for 15 plus years for my middle daughter to come back into my life.  It took a medical crisis in my life to have her realize that she needs a mother in her life.  She asked me to stick around for another 25 years. 

      Maybe I did express my disappointment in her choices, but I aways loved her and tried like you to touch her. 

      I hope it won’t take for you that long but if it does just keep praying and giving up to God…  I can’t say it didn’t hurt all those years me but once I let it go I could live with it and move on.  Remeber we have no control over their choices and they often find it hard to admit their mistakes.  And sometimes they feel they are stuck.  Pray!

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      • UniquelyMe UniquelyMe says
        • Eleanor, thanks so much. It helps to know that there are other Mother’s that have gone through this with their children. Although I know in my heart that I have always supported and been there for her it’s so very hard to get my head around this lack of connection. Precious years are being wasted…. I’ve gone on and yet like a bubbling pool of water it bubbles up from time to time and Mother’s Day certainly makes the pool bubble!
        • I will continue to pray.

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      • Eleanor Spaziano Eleanor Spaziano says

        Sangria I understand the pain because of the lack of connection to my daughter but especially to my grandchildren.  Now I have a relationship with them (she kept my them from me a as punishment), but now as adults and they made the decision for themselves to connect. One of my prayers was for grandkids to come back into my life.   I can’t ever get back those years but I hope to be around a long time to have this love connection with them all.  

        Happy Mother’s Day Sangria.  I wish you many blessings ..


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    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      You must be so grateful for her – and your grandchildren – to be out of a toxic and painful situation.  It is so hard to see our children, no matter their age go through heartache, damage and pain. 

      If you can continue to give her the space she needs to naviagate these new circumstances, and also continue to hold the door open to the possibility of re-connection, she may find her way back to you.  You might even think about writing letter(s) to her, that you save until you feel that her door is open to you.  You may find peace and support for yourself by putting your thoughts down in a letter.

      Blessings and peace to you.

      0 like

      • UniquelyMe UniquelyMe says

        Thanks Molly…. I’ll consider putting my thoughts to paper. The written word certainly lasts longer and if treasured a lifetime. I do know that in God’s time all things are new again… I just need to pray and wait. She will find her way, we all do.

        Happy Mother’s Day to all of us. Have a wonderful weekend.

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    • birdlover birdlover says

      I feel your pain. Let God take the wheel, and if it is in his plan she will be back. I am so sorry. It has been several months since my daughter has spoke to me. My stomach aches daily, and there is a hole in my heart.

      They say God heals all wounds… I wish he would hurry up…

      1 like

  15. CBW CBW says

    What wonderful thoughts are expressed by all of you!  I am inspired to write my own very pregnant 34-year-old daughter–with second child–many of the things you’ve previously cited.  I am tearing up as I even consider what I will write–she is so important in my life and I am ever so proud of what she has accomplished and at how much she keeps me involved in her family life though we’re separated by 2,100 air miles.  Thank you for inspiring me to do this worthwhile letter.  I’ll bet many of would have loved reading such words from our own mothers! I did write one such letter a few years ago when I thought I was facing a struggle with bone cancer, which turned out to be arthritis nodules on cervical vertabra, but I don’t know that I ever gave it to her.  That was inspired by a book entitled The Blessing, and I felt it necessary to pass on the blessing of acceptance, love, and other messages about each child’s strengths.

    I know I’ll tell her about my pride in what she is and has accomplished.  I’ll tell her how much I admire the obvious love she shares with her toddler son and with her husband–and what a good job she did in waiting for him to enter her life.  I know I’ll thank her for teaching me how to be a mother by her responses to me from the first hours of her life.  And I’ll tell her how she continues to encourage me with my various talents, and that I love being part of the book she is editing on the postpartum experience.  We’ve been having such good conversations via e-mail of late, and I am re-living those early days with her and later with her brother.

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  16. Generic Image Soccer Nana says

    I have not written per say a letter to my daughter but I am writing a journal for her, my son and his wife, and my 4 grand girls.  I know I want to write a letter to her but I’m not a very good conversationlist and not very ‘wordy’ so sometimes when I start something it just doesn’t seem to come out right.  Yet I want to say something different to my daughter that I wouldn’t want the rest of them to see in the journal…….what the lady wrote above is awesome and recently I started looking at cards in shops and getting some ‘very confirming words’ from there so perhaps I can eventually get my letter written.  Thanks so much for your site — love it.

    0 like

  17. Diana M. Diana M. says

    Make your own happiness your first and foremost priority and everything else will be easier!

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  18. Generic Image Carole Wentzel says

    I would add to make sure you respect the human dignity of all men and reach out to make this a really global community.  The “Golden Rule”  still has the greatest effect as we reach out to others. Please whatever you are going to be be a good one–wherther it is neighbor, friend, lover, mother do your very best.  I ahave said this mant times and hope it has had an impact.  My love to you always.

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  19. Generic Image susanj says

    What about a mother writing letters to her sons.  I have 2 sons (no daughters).  I have raised them to respect women and admire their strengths, etc.  I am constantly reminding them on how to treat women admirably and by setting an example. 

    1 like

    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      Absolutlely!  We are all in this together…raising sons to respect and honor women… raising daughters to respect and honor men.  As a mother of daughters, thank you for raising your sons with love and respect!  I know from the many, many women we have met throughout our experience with our book, that sons love and treasure letters from their mothers as deeply as daughters do.  Thank you for that reminder.


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  20. Generic Image Smoquii says

    This was written to my daughter during her second year of college when I had moved across country.

    Dear Kris.

    I am writing this after the completion of your second year of college.  I chose this time as the first year was pretty much written off as a learening curve for both of us.  We both were too busy missing and learing how to live without one another.  I thnk one of us passed, that would have to be you.

    First year, I learned that you did listen when I bitched and carried on about cleaning and doing the laundry properly.  It truly, truly tickled me that whenever we called you were either cleaning or just finished cleaning or about to clean.  WOW!!! You know now that it does matter how you sort clothes for laundry and I feel vindicated for being so mean to you.  (I also want my 10% agent’s fee when I found out you were making money off the kids who’s moms were not so mean to them by doing and teaching them how to do their laundry).

    You learned what it was like to live with you, courtesy of your roommate, she sounds just like you did while you were home and I say this with much love.

    I love the depth of your hugs when you came home the first time.  I learned how much you learned from me over the years and I am glad.  I am pleased and blessed that you learned as much from my mistakes as from my successes.  I know that you will avoid some of the pitfalls that I had — and its good.

    I have watched you grow in to a wonderful, funny, charming, astute, caring and careful young woman.  I know where you have been, I see where you are and revel in the great promise of your future.  You know exactly what you want and your not afraid to work for it.  I want you to know that you can have any and everything you want.  Know that if its meant for you, it shall be.  Trust in the Lord to guide you, chastise you, reward you and comfort you.  I want you to know the Lord is a great father, he will let you go as far as you can carry yourself, but not too far to be carried away.  So knowing Him, will give you a place to come back to, should you ever get lost.

    Even though I have physically moved miles away from you, I am still as close to you as when I carried you within my womb.  Our blood flows though each of us, though we may be on different paths, we stem from common seed.  I can move from you as I see that you truly DO have all the tools necessary to design your own world.  My caterpiller has shed and the butterfly has found her wings…Fly my beautiful butterfly–fly and be free–fly in new and unknow worlds–fly and establish your own colony–fly my beautiful butterly….Love Eternal, Mom

    3 like

  21. Generic Image MissEllie says

    So true what you said in letter my son was killed when he was 181/2 yrs. old  I always told my children I loved them and I was proud of them, but putting it on paper is different as they can look at it, my son and I had a great relationship, but after he died I remember finding the card I had written to him telling him how I felt about him.  I was a single parent for 8yrs. had been married 10 months when my son was killed in an accident. I have two daughter who I write too as well.  It is important to communicate with our loved ones.  Thanks for sharing!

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  22. Generic Image Marie1 says

    My mother wrote me notes and letters.  Most people throw these away, but I always kept them for encouragement.  Since she has been gone for 25 years it still brings warmth to my heart when I read her letters of encouragement and her hopes and dreams for me.  It helps me through the rough times.  It also makes me remember how much she loved me and it continues to extend through time.  I am 52 and still am touch by the letters.  I have a (step) daughter, I normally only refer to her as my daughter.  I would write what a gift I was given to have her in my life.  How empty my life would have been without having a daughter like her.  That she is beautiful and intelligent and makes a wonderful mother to my grandchild.  I would encourage her to be thankful for all things, appreciate her family, and speak kindly of others.  That is success.

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    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      You are so right.  A letter is a treasure to keep – it speaks to us years after it was written.  I hope you do write a letter to your (step) daughter – I’ll be she, like you, will tuck it away to pull out and read for encouragement. You obviously see her as a gift to you… I can tell that you are a gift to her!

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  23. Generic Image RoseRed says

    I have two daughters aged 29 and 27. I would say to them: Don’t be so hard on yourselves. Life is tough enough with outsiders criticizing your every move, you don’t need to be harsh to yourself too. Love the moments that are good while they are happening. Try to forgive and forget the bad moments. Live in the here and now and enjoy being in the moment. Embrace your inner spirit and take in the beauty around you. Looking back in regret does not change anything. Look forward and dream big. Love yourself and then you can give love to the world around you.

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  24. Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

    The responses from everyone are touching and inspiring.  It seems that connecting with those we love is a common thread that connects us all.  A letter isn’t about being a good writer.  It is a tool or way of letting the thoughts and feelings that are inside of you come out and communicate with another.  The beauty of a letter is that is is a means of capturing time – and savoring, saving and treasuring your thoughts at the time for years to come.  A letter can become a treasured keepsake. 

    Bless you all for sharing your stories, your questions, your pain – as we do that, we are inspired to continue doing that.  This Mother’s Day, I pray all women feel treasured and are honored in some way – and it begins by honoring and loving ourselves.  My darlin’ friend Kristine thinks it should be called Women’s Day… AND I AGREE!  In some way or another, we all are a mother to someone, somewhere. 

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  25. Generic Image Kiran Kashyap says

    This has inspired me to write a Special mothers day message to my two daughters .I want  to let them know of my pride being their mother , qualities I see in them . Than add some of my life lessons learned of my ggeneration .  Share the values learned from my mother  & Mother-in law .  Since my children had very little time to visit Grand parents , they can only learn about them through  me .  I have thought of writing a small book about my life and leave this for my daughters . Once I have finish writing I  add to this to share with you all .

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    • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

      Kiran – What a gift to them, and in the writing, a gift to yourself.  Know that you are giving them a gift they will cherish forever.  Happy Mother’s Day!

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      • Generic Image Kiran Kashyap says

        Thank you , wish you and all the other the same . I am happy to see my daughter Anu , who resided  in London , England, is visting for work to San Francisco, has come for 48 hour to visit home . November she came home to give me a surprise Birthday & Retirment party  and now for mothers day , I really feel so loved & special for my daughters .

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      • Generic Image Kiran Kashyap says

        Here is what I wrotr to my dauhters

        May 10th, 2010

        Mothers day message to my daughters:


        I have always had the  intention & desire to  write to you both from time to  time ,   I feel  writing on a mother day will be great way to  tell you  both about  me as well as  express my self  on other  topics .We often do not have enough time to listen to each other due to our busy life .

        Thank you both for making mother’s day a very special for me. Anu especially you being here made it more special.  Arti, great job with your apartment and for hosting lunch for the family. I enjoyed myself; Food was great .Thanks for the flower and the charm.

         Anu, Arti: May be I never say, enough, how proud I am of you both. You both have the unique ness in you to love & die for. One is more giving, ready to offer anything to every type of help with a smile and no expectation.  Other may appears to be selfish yet have a soft corner which reflects in her hugs & cuddles. Children are this very special  part of mother’s  soul  , your love   and affection  lifts my soul  with warmth & joy and  a kind of satisfaction hard to  describe  , given  this  opportunity  by the Almighty to  be your  mother   I  feel  lucky .God  sent  gift of  Goddess   Lakshami  for us  in two  forms yet part  of  one  Soul . I see you both as my eyes and ears. I grew while raising you both saw the world through you both in a different light.  Watching you grow, dealing with your success, achievements & failure added unique Pride & joy in our life. (Me & Dad).  Raising you both taught me tolerance, compromise, listening, understanding.  When I felt hurt & down, I learned to find strength within myself rather than seeking out side.  Strength within me made me strong to face the world around me. I have my weakness  which I still struggle with , As you both know I keep a  lot within me rather than confronting to deal with  situations ,  since I feel  I will never win  my argument . You both became my support, strength and my friends. I  felt  comfortable   to vent with you both .  You both were supportive in your own ways.  You both played a different roll, and you stood by me with every issue of home life.  Anu, you always took the roll of mother for Arti, thank you for looking out for your sister.  Arti played the role of the big sister in your concerns with both of us.  She has been my shoulder   during the time I needed   someone to deal with your ups & downs. She stood by for your Nepal’s trip. She has been there to get through to Dad.  At every step you both were there for each other.  Arti I know how dear & important Anu is for you.  I am always happy to see the love & the bond between both of you.  Having differences of opinion, small tiffs are all part of strengthening relation and the bond among the siblings.  I pray this bond becomes stronger each day. I love you both  you both have  become ,  Intelligent , smart ,  professional , self sufficient and you both  are beautiful  inside  and outside I love you both . Sky is the limit for  you both , I pray  &  wish you success  at every step of your  life ,  personal  life  as well as  professionally.

         About  Me : Daily prayers , my faith and rituals  are part of my spiritual journey  , over the  years  each action preformed by me  has contributed to  my family ‘s well  being . Each  day  when I prayed before  starting my daily  routines , I feel grounded , calm  and feel a guiding  force  around  me ,  I am content , have  no fear , yet  I am not fear less , since  mishaps happen in life , however I feel  I am guided  by The   Almighty at every step I take . I began  this journey at a very young  age , I  had  no knowledge of what I was doing , yet I  leaned to follow my  Mom  to the temple  on Monday   mornings to  do my offering to Lord  Shiva .  Joined her on Tuesday evenings   and on other religious days. At home   I  leaned to sit with my  Dad  to learn how to read  Granth Sahib , The  Sikh  Holy  Book .  He taught me morning and evening prayers.  Purpose of all  of this  has been  my spiritual  growth which in turn  build  in me strength ,tolerance  for  other ,  being respectful  and treating  everyone  around  equals , no matter  who they are .I feel I have passed these values  to you both .    

         Ama played a very divine role in your lives for almost six years as your care giver while I was working.  She is just this unique individual in our lives .I am so great full to her.  As you both know we treated her like our family member not as just a person working for us. We took care of her when she was not well.  This has been all part of my upbringing.  Love , respect  for others , tolerance acceptance , compromise were instilled by my  Mom  & Dad   and as I raised you  I have tried  to instil them in both of you  and this all  very much  reflects  in your behaviour &  attitude . I am proud of my daughters. 

        You both are  special  to me in your own way ,  it is true  first  child is special , however  it is also  true  last  child  has  more attachment  with mother .  You see how you are  both  special , Anu being my first  and Arti  you being the last  and baby ,  how  can I love one  more than the other ,  my love for  both of you  is   unconditional .  Love MOM


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      • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

        Your daughters will treasure this forever.  The wonderful thing about a letter, is that it is a means of capturing time… a place to take a snapshot of the heart that they will be able to read and re-read.  It will speak to them for years to come. 

        Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us, and for inspiring others to take the time to put their thoughts and feelings down on paper… Blessings to you.

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      • Generic Image Kiran Kashyap says

        Thanks , I know a lot is very personal yet , I feel very good about this .

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  26. Generic Image DLONG says


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  27. IrishBlake IrishBlake says

    I am blessed with 2 lovely daughters and I think I am a different person to each of them – they are so different and they tap a different part of who I am.  I thank them both for letting me be me..for loving me and fogiving me when necessary. One understands that I as a “child” myself when she was born and she helped raise me – in the best way, we grew up together.  My youngest daughter was blessed with a mother that had experience with her 3 siblings before her and was calmer, more gorwn up and could laugh and be silly with her.

    The gifts my daughters give me is eeing them – their unique personalities, their love and their very different views in politics, life and love – thank you girls!


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    • Kristine of Matters That Matter Kristine of Matters That Matter says

      So Nicely Said…the uniqueness of each of them! It is true, I haven’t heard it said quite like you did. In their uniqueness you love them and experience them differently, allowing them to be themselves..,and you to be completely you. They are lucky girls.

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      • Amy Ferris Amy Ferris says

        I wrote this for my mom, on the anniversary of her death, and felt it best to share on Mothers Day!

        Thank you so, Amy Ferris

        Dear Mom,

        It’s been almost a year. Tuesday, this tuesday, is a year. So much has happened this year.
        Let’s see…
        Ken retired. He’s happy and oh, so content. I’m trying to be content & happy about his retirement. Somedays are easier than others. But he’s so enjoying his life. As you know, he doesn’t golf, so we won’t be moving to Florida, it’s just not his thing. We so love our home in Pennsylvania, it’s so gorgeous and spacious and beautiful and oh so glorious. I wonder… did I ever thank you – really truly thank you – for the gorgeous dining table you and dad bought us when we renovated the house? I think i did, but still. So much reminds me of you. So much. Thank you for the gorgeous dining table.

        It’s spring and Ken is now in full garden mode. As you know, I’m not a gardener. I stand and wave to him from inside the house. I wave and smile and give him a hearty thumbs up. He gardens and I write. He loves his garden. His pride. And yes, joy. Great joy.

        We moved out of New York City in December. Remember when you stayed with us in that rental up in Inwood, you had such a good time, ken took you on a date night, and you ate at Mama’s and the food was too spicy and you asked for them to ‘make it sweeter.” Maybe you don’t remember that, You didn’t remember a lot then. But you did have such a glorious time with Ken. It was time for us to leave NY, and it was very hard for me to leave. I had been living in the city since I was what … sixteen, seventeen… but with Ken retiring and all, and us not needing to be in the city as often, we thought it would be good to be living here, at home, full time. And a good time to downsize, save some money (I of course, was never a saver… like you… apple doesn’t fall too far, huh?). Did i ever thank you for the apartment — the one on 71st street?  I just want you to know what joy and happiness that home brought me, and then, of course, Ken, us. It made me feel so grown up and at peace. A gorgeous lovely home. When we sold it a few years ago, we took some of the money , and started a Scholarship for Women at the Omega Institute, and a yearly fund at MoMA for young artists from underprivileged homes. And yes, we keep contributing to those funds and scholarships every single year. I think five or six young women were able to go on full workshops and summer programs at Omega, so thank you. Thank you so much mom for making that possible. For contributing to the future generation of young amazing women.

        Bella and Lotus are doing so well. They’re so adjusted and sweet, and bring us such joy. Oh my god. Lotus is very fat now. She has “Hillary Clinton’s legs,” and Bella, well, Bella is sleek and sexy. Two gorgeous cats. And, full disclosure, no more secrets mom … they’re lesbian’s. I know you may not wholeheartedly approve of their lifestyle, you may be wincing just a teeny bit, you were always leaning a little bit on the side of prejudice …. but we — ken and I – felt that they loved each other so much and with so much ease, that it was best to let them be. They’re really adorable, especially when they lick each other and kiss on the lips. We’ve also decided against trying to get them into any kind of feline group therapy thing. It’s plain & clear, they love pussy. Why fight it,

        No, I haven’t spoken to Bruce, and that’s okay. It’s okay now. At first it was very painful and hard. All the “bad girl” stuff came up, the not feeling good enough, the not doing enough, the “oh my god i should have done more,” or visited more… so many bad feelings and guilt and shame came up over and over, but over time and with some great friends, and Ken, and a really good therapist I realized that i did do enough and our relationship “the sibling relationship” was shaky at best, so… some things fade away and that’s okay. It’s really okay. My therapist breathed some new life into me. Maybe the next time around, we’ll all do a bit better at the family thing.

        I wanted to tell you how sorry, how deeply and profoundly sorry I was about something that had happened on one of my visits to you … when I made you cry. I think about that all the time. I do, Mom. You and I had such a difficult relationship at times, not always, but some of the time, and on that day when you yelled at me, and screamed at me, and made me feel so bad about myself  … you got very, very impatient, and i didn’t mean to say such a mean horrible thing back at you. But it came out – I blurted it out — I had no idea that you couldn’t control yourself, that your life was slipping away inch by inch and that you had so little control over your own body and physical self. I didn’t know it then. But I saw … I saw in your eyes, how embarrassed you were. It broke my heart. I can still see you standing in the hallway, your hand covering your mouth and your tears and the puddle you were standing in. Good god, I hurt you. I deeply hurt you. i said awful things and maybe mom … maybe just maybe … I was trying to get back at you for having hurt me. Your words cut deep and hurt so much. You said so many awful things to me over the years, nasty stuff that stung, and didn’t often heal quickly. Maybe you didn’t mean it, maybe you just reacted. We all react and say things we don’t mean. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was a “fuck you, no no fuck you” kind of thing. Remember the card you sent me years ago?  On the cover, it said DEAR FUCK-FACE , and inside it read: I LOVE YOU MORE. remember it? I still have it. It sits on my desk. And then, I sent the exact one to you? Remember? I guess we had a ‘fuck you, love you’ thing going on. I also have a postcard that Daddy sent you before you were married where he writes about how Webster, “Mr. Daniel Webster,” didn’t understand the word love because the webster definition was so mundane, so pedestrian, and how if Mr. Webster knew you he would define love so much differently. With passion and fury and a heart bursting open.

        You and Dad loved each other so deeply, so profoundly. I can only imagine how difficult for you to have to give more. I wished you could have loved us a bit more, with less conditions attached. Maybe next time. Maybe we’ll all get it right next time around.

        I so deeply miss you mom. And I’m sorry if you were at all disappointed that I didn’t visit more. Maybe you were. Maybe in the beginning you were, and in the end, you didn’t know. But, I gotta say, I didn’t want to come and visit more… too much sadness, too much unresolved, nasty  issues – a fractured family at best, so much blame and nastiness spreading around … so much was churning. So much hurt. So much shit that was unresolved resurfaced and played over and over and there seemed to be no where to talk it through,  or walk it through without being blamed or criticized, or land mines exploding. and maybe you never understood, or couldn’t understand what was going on around you. You were in your own new world.

        Maybe sometimes, we just learn and grow and wake up one day, and BOOM, we feel full. Or at the very least, feel fuller. Not quite so hungry. I wanted to love you better at the end. I did. To give you more. I did. I wanted you to know that i didn’t need you to love me anymore, I wasn’t that little girl anymore, and I wanted you to know that it was okay… it was. So very, very very okay. When you’re a little girl you want your mom to think the world revolves you and that everything you do is wonderful and swell … I know it was hard for you. It was. But please know Ken fills me, and my friends fill me and my work and writing fills me… and I am not the sad lonely unhappy troubled lost little girl any more. I am a joyous, fulfilled glorious woman. Oh my god, I am.

        As far as what I’ve inherited from you: oh, my goodness, aside from your laugh, which i just always loved … your absolute love of dancing. Oh good god, I just love to dance, eyes closed, body moving… swaying, dancing. I just wish I could watch you dance one more time. And, oh ….I Love pearls. Yes, i do. I wear them almost everyday. With a black sheath and heels, or tee shirts and jeans. Thank you mom, thank you so much for wanting me to have your lovely pearls, and just so you know, what i did, I took your choker pearl that you wore all the time (i sent Erica the Mobe drop piece), and I had them strung together with the pearls you gave me when I got engaged to Ken and had them strung back to their original “opera” length. I love them. Thank you. And I used black silk instead of white, and god do they look sexy and gorgeous.

        I also inherited your tremendous lack of patience. Ken unfortunately is on the receiving end of that. I’m not particularly proud of that, but I’ll take impatience over intolerance any day of the week. A small blessing.
        On the really good side, I inherited your skin … your gorgeous, gorgeous skin. And no, mom, I wear no make-up, none at all, and yes, I know that drives you mad. Completely nuts. But, you know, less is more. And I look lovely. I do.

        Let’s see what else.

        My book is doing just great. Women love it. They do. I’m living my passion and my mission. I love my publisher, Krista, and she’s turned out to be such a great friend. Like a best  buddy,  I adore her. She’s working – co-authoring – with Ken & i on the play — yes  A PLAY — based on my book, which Eliza & Frank are doing. Remember Eliza, she was one of Kathy’s closest friends. We just love them, Frank & Eliza, a wonderful joyous amazing collaboration. Oh, and Krista, she’s a lesbian too! So… better get used to women loving and respecting and honoring each other much much much more now. Next time around, you’ll see what I mean. You’d love Krista.

        Okay, Mom, I’m tired now, It’s late.
        I miss you.
        And for the record… you were a great teacher mom, you were. Because of you, I learned to love better, to be kinder, to be more compassionate, to forgive others, and to remain true blue … I learned that life is not only short, it’s filled with unexpected moments. One should never put off telling another person how much they mean to them.

        I ache for you some times. Truly.
        And today when I ached for you, I reached out to my new friend, Melody, and she filled that void and made me feel loved.

        Thank you mom, for opening my heart to others.

        Thank you for having brought me into the world. For giving me life.
        I promise I will not squander one bit of it. And I know there were times when I was younger that was your greatest fear, my squandering my life away. Oh, the lessons we learn… a life is not be squandered. It is to be used and loved and cherished and valued.

        In memory of you, i will use my life fully, everyday.
        I wish you were here.
        I believe, although I’m not 100% sure — you were a bit hard to read – that you would be so fucking proud of my life.

        But you know Mom, next time… next time we’re gonna get it right.
        Sleep well. Pleasant dreams.
        And more than anything I hope you have found some peace.

        I love you.

        4 like

      • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

        Thank you from the bottom of all, all, all of our hearts for sharing your letter today… it is perfect… truly….perfect.

        Deep blessings to you today Amy.


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      • Generic Image MissEllie says

        Amy what an amazing job you did writing this letter, it is so touching, I miss my Mom too,  and I thanks you so very much for your honesty.  Amy you sure are a great writer, I feel like I know you and your Mom.  Continue to write as you have a special gifl, and I thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

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      • Amy Ferris Amy Ferris says

        thank you miss ellie. thank you so much.

        and i just have to say: MOLLY & KRISTINE make this all bearable and possible and worth speaking the truth over, and oh my goddess, what would we do with their words and courage and kindness!!!!!!!

        all my love to you miss ellie.


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      • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

        Courage begets courage…. kindness extended gives birth to more kindness….  truth spoken by one encourages many….WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER… making a difference in the world together…

        Thank you Amy- your thanks mean the world.

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  28. llacey2001 llacey2001 says


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    • Maggies Raggedy Inn Maggies Raggedy Inn says

       I just received the book Letters to our Daughters by Molly Davis and Kristine Van Raden because of what I wrote here. It is beautiful and I am sharing it with my daughter who just got home from University for a week.  This whole  discussion is so thought provoking and filled with reminders of why we are women and how deeply we can love.  Lets use what we have written  and read to spread  this means of communication and maybe somehow we will touch someone and change a life.

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      • Molly of Matters That Matter Molly of Matters That Matter says

        Dear Maggies Raggedy….

        So many thanks and blessings for your kind and thoughtful words!  We are thrilled that you received our book, and, that you understood the pure intention of the book…. to touch, connect and change lives for the good.  When we set out to create the book, our hope, our cherished outcome, was that we would be able to discover and illuminate the Common Threads  that connect us as women regardless of our circumstances.  Thanks to the courageous and gracious women who were willing to share their letters and stories with us, that is exactly what happened.  Now, you are continuing that process as you share our book, and your own thoughts and stories with your daughter.  We hope that you will use the dedicated pages in the back of the book to write a letter to your daughter… and in that way the book will become an even more treasured keepsake for her for years to come. 

        So many blessings to you and your daughter.  Thank you for touching the world that is within your grasp!

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