I am just not dealing with all of this very well. I have ranted, joked and screamed on here for a while now, about needing this surgery and the trials I have just to get it. I am on hold yet again to see if this new thyroid Dr will even see me. The weeks drag or rush by at their will. mostly dragging in slow motion. I spent all Friday getting together and faxing all my medical information to a Dr that won’t even make an appointment with me until ‘you have been review’. Hell ! ! ! Am, I/my insurance, not the one paying him? Why do I need a damn ‘job application & interview’ shouldn’t he be letting me interview him instead.
I have been fighting off the depression and doing a pretty good job of it until today. Things have just seemed like I have no control over rather I sink back into the pit of depression I knew for so many years. I have a wonderful husband. But with the economy, his desire to totally retire and still be able to have the money he needs to do what he wants, the mounting co-pays for my medical bills…on & on, I feel like I am the cause of all of our problems. I can’t work because of my shoulders, I can’t paint, most days I can’t even put the clean dishes away because they go on the upper shelves and I can’t get my arms to take them that high. I feel like a worthless slug because there is so much I can’t do, like drive so I could get out of the 4 walls of the house for a while. Topping it all off with the PAIN.
I have to hold it all in and wait to scream or cry until Gil is out of the house. Because he thinks I am not happy being with him if he sees me crying. NOT TRUE. Why don’t men get it that ‘when a woman cries she just needs to be held’? Our love making is limited because of my shoulder pain and I know that if I am about to explode he must be even worse off. Because of my past, I have a hard time beating back the dragons that tell me I don’t deserve him and my life, will he leave me sooner or later, I’m not of worth. I’m sure some of you will understand the ‘I don’ts and the I’m not’s’. Because of a different medical problem I can’t eat like normal people. My hubby says what I eat in a week couldn’t feed a bird for a day. Yet I am gaining weight again. I suspect because of the thyroid problem and not being able to move much at all.
I know that having my thyroid under control and having my shoulders fixed will not cure all the trials of life. I just wish these Dr’s would understand that the longer I have to wait the deeper in the dark I am getting, the harder it will be for me to get out.
The toughest part for me, as an adult who has put my difficult childhood behind me, is dealing with family members who are in denial about anything being amiss about how we were raised and the impact this has had on our on-going relationships.
W
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ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Llacy, I’m so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I wish I knew the words to make you feel more in control. Your husband sounds like a sweetie and of course you deserve him. Remember that he married you with a whole bunch of “for better, for worse” vows……If he feels you arent happy with him, then he is feeling responsible for your happiness. Of couse he isnt, but that tells me that he is a good guy. Of course you deserve a good guy. ….I know this because the fact you are worried about your impact on HIM even during your pain tells me that.
It does sound like you need a change of scenery or pace today……….I know you cant drive but if the weather is cooperative, at a minimum perhaps go outside with a book of poetry and a cup of tea (or something stronger!!) and a nice dose of VItamin D and SUnshine?
Sending warm thoughts your way.
oh llacey: I just wanted to come in here and say how much I hear you. I had one of those days the other day.
nothing was right. and nothing was wrong, it was just all overwhelming. I find I am often overwhelmed these days.
I have been on synthroid since I was 11 years old. I just go to my DR and ask him to do another blood test to see if my thyroid is out of whack, or not. After menopause I had these done more regularly than I ever have. But it is a simple matter for me. I’ve lived my whole life without a functioning thyroid, or at least since I was 11.
Can you just shut down the computer and go and sit outside like Dallas lady suggests. Sometimes we just need to get off this thing too.
xxxx oooo for you.
Oh yes I forget that part of it….LOL it is pouring then drizzling then pouring rain outside today.
I figure a doctor who takes the time to study your case will be all the more ready to treat you. You don’t want to waste your time and his in his office for him to figure out what he can do for you. Hopefully he will know what to do for you when you do see him and not have you wait a long time to be treated.
You are feeling crappy right now. Try playing role reversal with your husband. How would you feel about him if he were in your shoes and you in his? Would you love him any less or more? Would you think he is useless? Would you know how to react to his needs if he didn’t tell you what they were? We often tend to assume how the people we love will react or what they are thinking even before they can relate their feelings to us. We assume, we read between the lines. Open up to him, don’t keep it inside. He loves you and wants you to be happy, which will make him happy. You are having pain, tell him don’t leave in the dark. Share your feelings with him. He is your friend.
The weather. Nothing you can do about it. I know when it rains I always think about the fact that people will be all the more happy when the nice weather shows up. It makes you appreciate the sun all the more. Heck, if it was around all the time, we wouldn’t notice it as much and the casual conversations with strangers would be of what? Not the weather, it would always be the same!
Wishing you the best of care and a speedy recovery.
anir
Hi Llacey,
I’m glad you posted, if you could just imagine, the ladies on this website holding onto you , while you are experiencing such a difficult time. All that support through your pain and depression, may help to fight back against the dragons. Those” dragons” lie to you so don’t listen. If you can live one moment to the next…
I’m sending you LOVE, warm thoughts, peace, joy. Imagine all that and know that you are not alone and things will get better. Better days are coming.
My heart goes out to you! Your husband sees the treasure he has in you and that if the shoe were on the other foot he would be treated, so loving well! You didn’t plan this! LIFE HAPPENS!!! When we do all we can to keep our independence, when sickness, aches and pain come, they want to be there, for they know you tried. Relax and let hin shine, he loves you too!…TRACK
P.S. Do not like this doctors attitude, if he has that many patients, maybe you need another one, just saying….
The news is …I am now officially on the thyroid medicine (to make it not put out as much thyroid hormone). They say it will take at least 6 months for it to get to the point where I can have any kind of surgery.
I’m wondering if I can put it on a fast track, nothing illegal or harmful just shear will, and make it happen in 3-4 months…I will be thinking good thoughts and pray often. So if you would all like to help prayers and good thoughts will be welcome.
Prayers and good thoughts coming your way…..
Best of luck to you llacey2001! Hugs!
anir