I want to walk through that door- the one I’ve been waiting three years to open, leaving behind the everyday responsibilities of parenting, driving, grocery shopping… pleasing.
Lying in bed, tears spilling on and off the night my daughter left for college, the door seems to open. What is it with tears and courage? In my life they seem to be linked- shedding the past like sweating out a flu, wondering if this is the end. But in that sweat I find the deepest solace, a connection to a voice that says “Go on, you can do it! Pull your legs out of the mud back there and walk through this door.” Looking through the door, the path over there seems relatively smooth. And there’s this bright light…Bright light? C’mon, I’m not dying! I’m living, finally weightless, free of the pressures of marriage and children.
Those pressures, known quantities placing a comforting firewall around my life for twenty years, slip south- shake off- lift- alighting in every direction. I’m walking through that door, light or no light, mud or no mud. Surely, I’ll step in a puddle or two. But just like walking through the irrigating vineyards as a child, I’m going to feel the cool water up to my ankles, squish my toes in the mud a little, and then keep on walkin’ before I sink too deep!
Enough of this, I’m in a hurry. There’s a whole life ahead of me, and I want to let it in.
Public television used to have a chair yoga program. Most seniors groups also have chair yoga. Search the net for a dvd, should be there.
Very beautiful. I meditate when I get home from work. I get up at 5:30 and just can't get motivated to get up any earlier. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I immediately go to prayer. It's comforting. Teresa
CindyO, Welcome to my small world! Yes, I know how you feel and it’s great! You can think about you for a change, everyone must make their way. I here for advice or listen if they need or (should I say)want it. Walk in the sunshine, feels wonderful…TRACK..go get’um gal
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Track,
You are always a wonderful, loving supporter. Thank you for your encouraging words. I plan on walking in the sunshine, spreading my arms and taking it in. I’ll keep you posted on the nature of the path!!
GO, GO, GO…and when there are gray and drizzly days, keep the faith!
Thanks, Namaste,
I was thinking of you today regarding the days ahead. You’ll be in my thoughts, woman!!
Those gray and drizzly days will be welcome- right now it’s a fiery hot 102 where I live, so when it turns, I still have my arms out to soak in the mist!!!
I’m going!!
Love that very brave – very clear great guided imagery for yourself — cool water, squishy mud and walking on — into your whole life!!! Sounds to me like your’ve got it sussed!!
Thank you, Maggie. Part of my new life includes doing a lot more writing. I have to get at it- thought somehow I seem to be finding 15 other things to keep me busy- or to fill the quiet. I’ve been without the girls for a three week stint before. That time it took me a week to find my footing. I imagine this time will be the same.
Onward. See you out there.
Know exactly what you mean about 15 other things!!! It’s what I call ‘watering the roses in the rain’ , which I have done on occasion in order to not sit my butt on the chair and write. Am slowly slowly getting around that!! Good luck — and of course, allow time to get your footing – a day at a time.
Hi Cindy O.,
Moved into my own place 3+ years ago. Seems like yesterday I was waiting for my matress to be delivered and I was standing in the kitchen wondering if I should take out the outdated spiral shaped posts dividing my empty kitchen from my empty living room. I simply grabbed a hold of the first post and yanked on it. It came out easily. I proceeded in taking all 6 out. No need to ask anyone if I should or not.
It was MINE. My choice. MY doing. MY life.
It is YOUR LIFE. ENJOY!
anir
Thank you, Anir,
It is nice not to hear the “Oh, you can’t be getting rid of THAT!” Or needing to consult with anyone regarding a decision. It’s feels a lot like right after my husband left, strangely quiet. I counted the number of friends I had at the time, the list was all of 5-6 long- the marriage didn’t allow for many. Taking a look at a list now, it’s well into the double digits. Had my neighbors over last night to help me move the stinky kitty couch outside. It’s those moments, realizing little has truly changed, that calm my anxiety.
By the way- I am very thankful for your post on building a platform. Having a little trouble focusing on the website I’m building…a little preoccupied.
Hey, sweetie: Good for you! I wrote a poem, where one of the lines is….and so…..I walk back into myself again…..I walk another mile…
Sanctuary of the Soul is my poetry book……..Keep shaking it off, slippin and slidin’ gurlfriend!
I got rid of 265 pounds of baggage 5 years ago…..after 31 years of abuse; I still HATE being alone, and that won’t change, but I never quite; keep on keepin on…….I like to believe that….THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
xoxo, Alicia