Up Your flirtability Rate and Improve Your Self Image Most Liked Hot Conversation

A few weeks ago, I  reposted my blog post, Where are you on the Flirtability Scale? on Vibrant Nation asking women over 50 to rate themselves on a flirtability scale. Most women commenters claimed they were in the minus category. That’s a no-no, nada, a big negative.

Flirtability may seem like a precursor to sexual activity, but it really has nothing to do with attracting the opposite sex (unless you’re looking). It’s all about how you feel about yourself.

What is your self-image?

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Can you picture yourself flirting? Would someone flirt with you? Would you flirt with you?

If the answer is no, then it’s time to have a talk with yourself.

Choose 3 of your best facial features. Do you have pretty eyes? Are those lips kissable? Did you inherit your mom’s creamy complexion? Women often focus on the parts they wish they could change – the lip lines, the sunken cheeks, or puffy bags under the eyes. I tend to focus on my chin(s). Not a way to good way to start the morning.

Instead – focus on the positive. (Yes, you can). How ‘bout those big eyes, nice eyebrows, full lips?  Imagine George Clooney (or person of choice – personally mine is Russell Crowe) kissing those lips. But, again, it’s not really about men. It’s all about you and your own self-image.

Trick: say something positive next time you’re checking out your reflection. Practice it enough and you’ll see a difference.

Reframe your body image. New research has shown that negative self-talk about your weight can lead to depression and poor self-image (read article). I bet most boomer women can relate. The study was only done on college girls, but it’s still great that research has proven it.

Instead of focusing on the meno-pot or saggy breasts, check out your legs or another part of your body that you believe has aged well. Flaunt what you have and don’t worry so much about the rest.

Trick – ready to drop 5 pounds in a minute? Suck in your belly and imagine a fishing line pulling your head to the ceiling. Remember this often and you’ll look better, feel better, and improve your posture.

Dress for sex. This does not mean you should walk into the supermarket wearing nothing but a shiny black rain coat and stilettos like Ellen Barkin did in the Sea of Love, but if you are looking for a man, it wouldn’t hurt.

Instead, picture this. You walk into the drug store and run into a mad crush from college and he still looks hot. If he offered, you be ready to sneak down a side alley for a make-out session (remember, this is hypothetical)? If not, think twice before stepping out wearing baggy capris and beat up sneakers. At least take time for a touch of lipstick and a pair of earrings before you leave the house.

Trick: remember those sexy panties and black, lacy bra shoved way back in your underwear drawer? Don’t wait for a special occasion to slip into them. Treat every day as a special occasion.

Smile. I read somewhere that smiling causes less wrinkles than frowning, but who really checks those facts? If nothing else, most people look much better when they smile versus a frown. I wouldn’t advise walking around with a big grin on your face all day. That might draw the wrong attention. You want to avoid being led off by those people wearing the white coats. But, a pleasant expression not only brings on a positive mood, you’ll appear more approachable to everybody.

Trick: before you walk into a bookstore or coffee shop, imagine you’ve just had hot sex with a stranger (hey – it could happen!). Your car windows are still steamed over. Feel pretty good about yourself, don’t cha?

Having a great self-image, positive self-talk, and feeling sexy isn’t just for younger women. If the truth be known, women over 50 are more likely to bad-mouth themselves more often because of age/ant-aging issues.

We can’t let that happen. Flirtability is healthy and fun, once you get the hang of it. Try it and see.

Got a secret for boosting self-image that you’d like to share? It doesn’t have to be R-rated. In fact, I’m often scolded for revealing TMI.

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Posted in family & relationships, love & sex, Vonnie Kennedy.

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12 Responses

  1. Sienna Jae Fein Sienna Jae Fein says

    I’ve been following your wonderfully readable flirtability posts, and you’ve had some really nice feedback. Reading this latest I couldn’t help thinking about the difference in female and male criteria. Women are so utterly obsessed with their weight, hair, and attire (and you’re so right to advise forget the pounds and count on a winning smile). Men are, like, lemme pull on these jeans I’ve been wearing for three weeks and run my fingers through my hair and I’m good to go and if I meet Charlotte Johansson she’ll be like wow-what-a-dude.

    I’m tweeting this post. I love how you write.

    2 like

  2. Vonnie Kennedy Vonnie Kennedy says

    Thanks so much for the compliment and tweet. :)

    0 like

  3. Generic Image damselfly09 says

    I’m not so sure I know much about flirtability but I wake up each morning and the moment I put my bare feet on the floor I thank the Lord for another day. As I trek off to the bathroom and look into the mirror for the first time of the day, with my hair tossled, no makeup on my face and my eyes still filled with sleepiness, I say to myself (out loud) “You are beautiful”! This is a practice I have adhered to for the last 48 years since the Summer of my 16th year of life when I learned I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. It wasn’t easy for a teenage girl to be ill with such an ugly disease that others could actually see. You see, something like that you wear like a piece of clothing every time a joint decides to swell three times bigger than normal and your pink skin clashes with the little red skirt you pulled out of the closet to wear to school that morning. Being  a “normal” teenager takes on a whole new meaning and flirtability isn’t exactly something one thinks about under those circumstances.
    Well, fortunately, it didn’t stop the men from flirting with me and I married, had a wonderful family and very happy life. My husband has since passed away and my sons are grown and have partners of their own. I am alone but not lonely. My youngest son has a band that plays quite often locally and he makes sure I am with him whenever possible. In spite of acquiring 12 more types of Arthritis along with the Rheumatoid and having at least a dozen surgeries, I still have some flirtability left if that’s what you call it. All I know is that by telling myself that “I am beautiful” every morning before my mirror I have given myself what it takes to wade through the trials and tribulations that we call life with a smile on my face and love in my heart for my fellow man.

    12 like

    • Generic Image Sunshine says

      To Damselfly09 the Hero
      I added those last two words because you are definitely my hero.  I was introduced to the daunting world of arthritis (mine is osteo) almost 20 years ago.  My days now are circumscribed by pain and I, too, have had surgeries due to this disease.  But in no way is my own situation anywhere near what you have lived with.  I am so impressed with your “can do” attitude.  It is marvelous given the cards you have been dealt.  Really.  I am in awe.  My hat’s off to you!

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      • Generic Image damselfly09 says

        When I read your kind words, I was taken aback and had to take some time to digest them before I could say “Thank You” for showering me with them. I’m not so sure I deserve to be called a “Hero” by any means but more of a survivor and there are many survivors in the Sisterhood. So to you I say “Ditto” to all the compliments you bestowed on me. In my humble opinion, all women are “Heroes” if that is the choice of descriptions we will use here. Of course, that could be an entirely new subject to comment on and I’ll stay on track for now. Again, “Thank You” for your kind words and just know that you fit into that category as well as all the other members of our “Vibrant Nation” and those who are working their way up.

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  4. Generic Image tennim says

    to Damselfly09:  super attitude you have lady.

    0 like

  5. Generic Image RamblinRedhead says

    My initial reaction to the title was: Not. Me.  I have never been good at flirting.  Many people think I am stuck up – but actually, quite shy and reserved.  So never been one to bat the eyelashes and make a gonzo first impression.  I’m not the girl some guy falls for when he first sees her across the room.

    But after reading the article, I totally came around.  At 52, I am finally learning.  I have actually spent money on high-quality, really adorable underwear.  I was flat-chested for most of my life, but had a hormonal disorder that has left me with DDD cups – even after losing a bunch of weight!  And since they came along later in life, they’re pretty darn “perky” too!  That underwear includes some really supportive, but sexy bras that were worth every penny of their (at the time) heart-stopping prices.

    So, instead of focusing on my flaws, for the first time I am focusing on how much I’ve improved in some areas – boobalicious in my 50′s, lots thinner than I was, and I still have very long, very nice legs, decent skin that looks younger than my age, and confidence I never had before.

    It’s been a total hoot!  Old guys especially gape as I breeze by these days, but even younger ones sometimes spare me a second glance or a little smile.  I am loving it!  I’m dressing a little snazzier, my eyes have a new gleam in them, and I no longer walk into a room expecting to be ignored.  I make an entrance!

    The best part is, I get to still have the other parts of me that I always liked about myself – my sense of humor, my analytical abilities, my creative and unique perspective on most things in life.  But it sure is fun to finally feel the exterior package has some indication that there’s a pretty cool person wrapped up inside it!

    And people do respond to this new attitude.  It’s not about being beautiful.  I am not Angelina Jolie.  If I can do this, any woman can.  Instead of gangly and klutzy, I am now tall, svelt, and I stand out in a crowd.  Instead of being deathly pale with poorly controlled red frizzy hair (think Bozo), I am now fair-skinned, with natural curls that I no longer fight, but have learned to accept and even glory in.  My biggest flaws have become strengths!  They were never flaws – I just let others tell me they were – and told myself they were.  And I was so, so wrong!!!!!

    It’s time for us to stop the negativity, and let the fun begin.  I am happily married, so won’t be picking up strangers down at the grocery store.  But I can sure leave some guys straining their necks as I walk through the produce section.  I can feel really good about myself – inside and out.  I can have fun deciding what to put on in the morning – for the first time ever, in my whole life.  I have become a person I would be attracted to and interested in.  Any woman can do this, and deserves to feel this way.

    7 like

  6. AprilH AprilH says

    56-yr old me walks though a hospital lobby to visit dying friend, gets on elevator followed by 30- something woman. Doors close. She says, “I just gotta say you have the sexiest walk ever. And I mean that in the most heterosexual way.” Me: “Wow, thanks! I wasn’t trying to be sexy.” Her: “That makes it better.”
    After my visit, I stop at the grocery store to pick up food for dinner. As I grab a loaf of french bread, a gentlemen walks up and says, “They put the hot bread out at 4 o’clock.” I smile, and say “Thanks but I can’t wait that long.” “Too bad,” he says. “I was gonna cook you an Italian dinner at 5.” I smile and walk away.

    I still got it. That’s all I’m sayin’. And I think you’ve still got it too. Just go with the flow.

    4 like

  7. Vonnie Kennedy Vonnie Kennedy says

    Hey ladies – I’ve been out of the loop for a week and a half, had eye surgery (corneal transplant). So you can imagine my surprise when I saw 88 page views at my website on April 26, the day of my surgery. I was like, “what the hell happened while i was under the knife?”

    I traced that stats back to here and was delighted to see the comments, tweets, and likes, oh my!

    Damselfly. Reading about your struggle (and Frizzylee, too) made me sit up and wonder what I’ve been complaining about? Overweight? High Cholesterol? That’s nothing compared to Rheumatoid Arthritis. You rock and I want to change your screen name to Superfly – lol!

    RamblingRedhead and AprilH – your comments put a big ol’ smile on my face. I love it. I’m still working on my flirtability and self image, but seeing that I’m not alone helps enormously. 

    I’m retraining myself to suck in my belly and swing my hips at the same and, wow, it feels great!

    Kudos to all of you (and thanks for bringing up my stats). :)

    0 like

  8. Itty Bitty Boomer Itty Bitty Boomer says

    Flirtability is not just for the single!  I flirt with my hubby all the time … and when we’re out with our neighborhood watering hole friends, we’re both always chatting to everyone, male and female … neither of us is intimidated by each of us talking to folks of the opposite sex …

    When I was single, I was a lot less flirty – I hated men “coming on” to me … go figure …

    1 like

  9. Vonnie Kennedy Vonnie Kennedy says

    I’m not single either, Itty, but sometimes both of us get in a rut. Remembering that I can still flirt and be flirted with by him or anybody gets me going again. There’s something uplifting about wearing a little extra make-up on and a sexy top. lol

    1 like

  10. Itty Bitty Boomer Itty Bitty Boomer says

    And having someone else tell you, “What? You can’t possibly be 60 …” lol!

    1 like

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