By the time, my daughter was 10, my daughter developed a love- hate relationship toward me ( her dad divorced me and she knew, I loved him with all my heart, but it wasn’t enough for either of them). He left us and everything with her started.
I have told her, that if I end up Ina home of some nature, I dont’t want her to visit. She just starts screaming at me and won’t stop. You can’t talk to her, because any word is picking on her.
The truth is, I don’t care if I see her ever, but she informed me, I don’t have that choice, because it would hurt her.
I’m so tired of censoring every word, every action, every everything for the last 45 years.
I think she’s old enough to quit throwing tantrums, but has a whole cast of believers, where she lives. Those on the West coast know the truth and all those that live in Mn , thinks I’m the witch of all mothers.
Has anyone else had a child they love, that drives them crazy?
I was always there for her, in things other mothers would have turned her away.
She loves me in her own way, but she creates situations that I can do nothing, but try to defend myself and I become the villain. It’s not just me, others have witnessed it. When this happens, she starts screaming at me, throws on the tears and Informs everyone, no matter how hard she tries, I cause these outbursts.
She,s 55, I travel to see her every 2 years, with her begging me to come. Every 2 years, it’s the same thing again.
I have tried being obnoxious and very hard to live with in hopes of getting him out of the house and my hair, but that didn't work, lol..
Yes, consult a lawyer, and ask the lawyer if its legal to have a keylogger installed onto your husbands computer to verify or not that he has porn on it. It might be useful when the divorce comes up...
Hey, we need all the ammunition we can get a
I know just what you mean, Flower Bear. I try to limit processed foods altogether but I really need a convenient way to control my calories at lunch and the frozen bags and boxes just work for me.
I will try the one you recommended. Thanks for sha
Stop talking so much at/to her. Acknowledge that you two have a different way of communicating. She is young and needs to be right and you are almost powerless over that. You can set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. You can learn to nod your head and listen, you can practise phrases like “I never thought of it that way”, “yes, I can see how you could think that”, “oh really?” and other similar statements. Too much talky-talky just leads nowhere. Listen and nod your head. all that indicates is that you agree that is the way SHE thinks. That is all she wants, let it be. She just wants to be right (remember how transparent that makes one) and you just want to have a calm visit. So just gather information, when you speak it it that old adage — use I statements. I..yiyiyi …. I fel hurt .. I don’t understand, what is it you need (that is one of the more useful). Stay in the present “what do you want now”.. and on and on. It takes patience and time, and does give you/me understanding of the other.
All the best to you. When you learn about her from what she says, it will make you a better communication partner everywhere you go.
Yes, I totally understand how you feel. I too have one of those daughters. We have fought, argued, not spoken, and love/hated each other for over 30 years…..
I finally had enough 2 years ago, after yet one more of her tantrums/ drama episodes, and I walked away. Haven’t seen her or talked to her since. The icing on the cake for me was the $500 I loaned them, and then had to take them to court to try and get it back. I lost the case, but it was worth hearing what my son in law thought of me. That was the best $500 I have ever spent….
I will never ever want them back in my life again, and for the first time since giving birth to her 40 years ago, I am at peace with my decision….
I have no advice for you, other than to follow your heart, and don’t take any more of her crap. You deserve to be treated better…..
Thanks for the response. I think I’ll let some time past before contact.
I’m just enjoying the peace of distance.