I have to face the fact that I am “that” woman, the supposedly lonely naive middle aged woman taken in by the shallow conniving predatorial male, wanted only by him for her money. It has happened to me, for nearly four years I loved Stephen, I was happy. He was wonderful, so intereested and interesting, so attentive, caring and wanted to be with me most of the time. Such an antithesis to my ex husband. Too good to be true… and so he was. He was not just out for money, he wanted a home and love. But no one can love Stephen enough, he has to come first. After I kicked him out (after finding out how he had been destroying my tee aged sons reputation systematically for two years!! to his friedns, my neighbour, my tenant, my brother and countless others) he told me it was all my fault because he had never felt he came first with me. He called it a subtle form of mental abuse. I feel as though nothing is real any more, and no man to be trusted. I know thats crazy but there it is. I am now “that” stupid woman in my head. Oh, today I found out he has lodged a claim in the courts for a share of my home, the house he lived in rent free for nearly four years. Where will I get the strength to fight this, and who will believe me against a liar of 55 yrs experience.
| The Predator | Hot Conversation |
April 14, 2010
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Sounds very interesting.
Were you two legally married? If not, who owns the house? You? Both of you?
I’d get some legal advice. If you were together for four years, and are not legally married, I have no idea as to why he’d think he gets a share of your house!
Much luck to you, and thank goodness you have this loser out of your life!
How devastating for your sense of self. I’m so sorry. Yes, there are some men out there who only know how to get what they want by acting like they are everything you wanted. And that is what it is . . . an act. I am sure you’ve already considered that you must protect yourself. Hire an attorney. It would help you so much to know what your rights are and just how far this scum bag can take this. You didn’t say that you were married to him. I hope that you arent. Right now, you are still reeling in “how could I have been so blind”. Let your unemotional side take over and get all the facts, learn everything you can and you will find the strength to fight this. Good luck.
Kakou, First let me say, how sorry I am! Second, you are not stupid, he took advantage of you and you not seeing or noticing his behavior let him get away with things. Doesn’t make you stupid, Hurt, Confused, Lonely,Tried and betrayed! It can happen to any of us. Now you have no time to over-think this, fight for your property this leach wants to get. Rent free for 4 years, duh! We here will do our best to help you though this….TRACK
Hi Kakou,
I agree with what these other wise ladies have said. I am also sorry that this awful thing has happened to you!
It is possible that he did have feelings for you, in his own way. Some people are too ‘twisted’ to continue in a ‘real’ relationship. Somehow these people will cause problems to shake things up and end up going on to some other poor soul! They honestly do think they are in the right!
Like Track has said, this could happen to any of us. women are often sincere in their love and are taken advantage of their naivety. This is not your fault and it is good that you are clearing him out of your life. The pain will ease, in time.
Get a good lawyer and some counseling may be in order, as well! Let us know how you are doing!
we must try to protect the place we live, our sons and daughters from that kind of predators, do not open your door again, protect your nest and your children, I think he is threaten you, close your door, and change your phone number.
Bless your heart. This must be very painful. As others have already said, though, I hope you will be able to see that you were caught in the web of a con artist, and that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You’re not stupid. You trusted and believed and loved. He’s the one who abused that trust, faith and love. He’s the villain here. Please remember that.
I agree with the suggestions that you consult a lawyer. It can’t hurt, and it will help you feel protected.
Please keep us posted on your progress, and if you need any more support, we’re here.
SeaWriter, thank you for your lovely thoughts and support. I am doing so well now I could burst. I didnt think this day would come.
And yes, you were so right th…at my lawyer did help me feel protected. She did, I felt as if I had a champion on my side. An expensive one, but still, any port in a storm, lol. It cost me $5000AUD. (Australian dollars) but the it was invaluable having someone who could see the wood for the trees, and who went in hard for me. God love her.
Thanks for your wonderful support, it meant so much
Do not beat yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you, its all on him.
circle the wagons! I agree you need to get legal help if you haven’t already. Reach out to family and friends, like you have done here. Borrow their strength until you build yours. It sounds like counseling of some sort may be something to consider, especially because he targeted your son for abuse. That, too, will add mental muscle needed to confront his outrageous claims to YOUR home. You are not alone. In time, you will get through this likely stronger than you were before. Hang in there. Breathe. And keep posting as needed.
I am amazed at how much strength you loving and understanding women have given me. I have been so lost and I have felt so terribly alone, my house whistled at me and everything has been grey and black and then I posted what felt like a piece of self indulgent pity and you were there. Thank you, from my heart. With your friendships in the ether, so to speak, I really didn’t feel so alone. I mean I will most likely never meet any of you, yet I feel that I am surfacing because someone gets it, you understand what I didn’t understand myself. I judge myself so harshly for my naivety and yet you, whom I have never met , understand what i was not game to use say, that he tricked me. I thought it was an excuse and I should have been more alert. Thank you again and again.
I have found a good lawyer I think, I am going to see her next Friday. S and I were not married but the law here imputes marriage law to de facto relationships, which I think is wrong especially as I had not been at a stage where I wanted to marry him. I actually thought we were headed that way but I actively was not ready to marry him, so this is a weird blow.
My son is now 18, and he is very angry on his and on my behalf. I have told him that the worst thing that could come out of this is not what money S may get from me, but if his actions create something in my son that is ugly. My boy still thinks of revenge as physical damage, but i want to share with you my pride in his response when I was complaining that S’s friends would just believe his lies as they would not want to listen to me even if I tried to tell them. My beautiful son said ”they have not read the whole book yet Mum, you and I have seen the last chapter and know the truth about him, they haven’t got there yet.”
Thank you for helping me to get some balance back.
Your son is wise and loves you. You raised him well, and now he’s giving back.
All these loving women have said already — and so well! – what I feel: you’re not stupid, con artists are brilliant manipulators. Maybe he loved you in the beginning, or thought he did, but he was too twisted for love to fix him. If he destroyed your sons’ reputations, he sounds like a con man to me.
He wanted to come first? Meaning he wanted you to put him ahead of your children? There’s a red flag.
You are not stupid — believe it, please.
- Joan
It could also be that even though he was your lover he saw you as more of a mother figure and felt that he was in competition with your son for your love. Who knows, maybe not enough love from his own mother during his childhood???
Hi summerz,
You are wise I think. I feel he was jealous of my love for my son. Since our separation I have been in contact with his mother, something he did not “allow” before. She suffered a lot of guilt because he had to go to boarding school. She tells me stories about his holidays at home. She tried so hard to make up for school. My view, with months of hindsight, is that it is not possible to love this man enough. He suffers from narcissism, and feels entitled to be number one, always.
Hi Kakou,
You deserve a man who is capable of loving you back and will love and respect your son as well….I know you will get on with your life brilliantly without him!
My heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you who reached out to me in response to my post. I soaked up every response and took strength from them. It so helped. I am so grateful. Thank you.
Hi Kakou!
I am happy for you! It is MUCH better to be alone (no man) than to have a selfish, lying, individual mucking up you life!
Next time, just date, keep your money and home PRIVATE…an oasis to return to!
A side note: If you want to get out, have some fun…meetup.com is a fun site. You can meet gals to luncheon with (many who just want friendship) or join book clubs, coffee clubs, etc. Meetup has something for everybody! It’s a great social club!!
I check meetup.com every once in a while to see what’s going on in my area. There are many options. Miss you in the challenge Evie ;^(
Hi MG!
Well, thank you!
I think about you, often! I do show up, on the challenge,from time to time. I just have no real ‘weight news’ and found myself repeating ‘the same old story’…it’s a little embarrassing!
Recently, my DH has gotten on a huge fitness program…I mean HUGE! He is 6″2″ and has lost about 15 pounds making him 170! Plus, he is working out…chin ups, abs, weights…the whole nine yards!!
So…even though he mentions NOTHING to me, about my pudgy wittle body 0_0…I can see that we are not looking like a ‘matched set! Inspiration for me to do something about this is dawning, slowly.
Maybe I will have some real news in a month, or so. My hypothyroid condition hangs onto ‘fat’ for dear life! I have to walk around feeling weak to accomplish weight loss! Our life, all the irregularities caused by our business travel, keeps me in a real tizzy! Sigh.
Having said all of this, I plan to re-group, roll my sleeves up, and re-enter the challenge!
Thank you, dear lady, for being out there. You are truly a moongoddess, guiding us through the night!
What a nice surprise to see you and so soon after you posted. I think dynamomma made a great Freudian slip and called me moodgoddess. Funny and true. I’m a very moody person and dieting and gaining has it’s say in that for me. I understand what you mean about DH losing weight. My DH just says he needs to and bang, it’s done. Take care of yourself.
Hugs.
moodgoddess
Evie, DH is keeping “Dannon” body tight just for you, lucky woman!…TRACK
Hi TRACK. Dannon body tight? What’s that, I want one I think.
Morning MG, Remember the commerical “Dannon Body” when you eat it, it helps keep appetite at bay…so I call it the Dannon Body, exercise and such
Oh yeah! Thanks.