first time found husband phoning sex lines when pregnant with second child 22 years ago = stupid me forgave him and stopped checking phone bills – about 10 years ago forgave him for charging almost $400 per month for 3 months to charge card – sure it was going on longer but was not checking invoices – after days of making inquiries with Visa and husband telling me to just go ahead and pay it finally got him to admit calling sex lines – flash forward more than 27 year of marriage and nursing him back to health after 9 month illness and him being off work discovered he was visting body run parlours and contact with prostitutes – finally done with him – he is moving out Tuesday but I am devastated and he just told our kids he” made mistakes” – I do not want to tell them whole truth as it would devaste them too – feeling worthless, humuliated, depressed – seeing therapist – on medication for anxiety and medication for prepression plus trying to hold down full time job – anyone else in this position
| separating after 30 years together |
October 21, 2012
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Get over it.
I dated a man and we lived together for several years. I found dirty magazines the first time. And I mean DIRTY, magaizines, not playboy or penthouse. Pure filth. I was so pissed off, I threw him out. Of course he talked me back into letting him move back in after a few weeks.
What should have tipped me off, was that we never had sex. He always had a reason, and I also worked nights. Things just sort of fell into a pattern for a few year sum and then I found the filth again.
It hurt, because I was not a bad looking woman, had a great body, and we NEVER made love. I started getting a complex. Finally after several years, I had had enough and moved out.
We remained friends for many years, but 2 years before he died I cut that off too.
Don’t feel the way that you do, this is HIS issue, his problems, he caused this, NOT YOU!!!! If your kids pressure you, keep telling them that it’s their fathers issue and they need to talk to him. If they are old enough to know the truth, then you might just have to tell them.
Take care of yourself first and foremost.
I got a divorce after 36 years of abuse, which is different from what you experienced, so I am not able to help, but sending hugs and love, Alicia
I would be sure to have sole custody of the children and supervised visitation. That might be hard to get in some states and certain counties. Hopefully all will go in your favor.
She Cat is right on. It is not your issue. You did the best you knew how when it was happening. Keep moving your mind to a better place when-ever “those thoughts” happen. You are a child of God (or whatever works for you) and you are whole and perfect. He did what he did and it was not you, you cannot fix the past, or him, or anything except you. Just tell the children their father has some issues that he needs help with, if they need more info he can figure out how/what to tell them.
It is not you, not yours, never was. You did your best, just as you are now and tomorrow and tomorrow and …….