My niece has an overweight son. JC is 12 years old and weighs 205 lbs. When he was younger the weight issue, although a problem, he just shrugged it off. But now that he is almost a teenager he is realizing that people are looking at him w/different eyes and he is becoming overly sensitive about the obese issue. While on vacation he kept telling his mom that the other cousins did not want to hang out w/him and that they would “diss him”. I am told by other family members that he has been doing this and his mom is falling for it. Finally she wrote to all family members that she was staying away from all family gatherings because nobody loves her son and that he is being abused by our behavior of ignoring him. Even us adults are being told to stay away when we did not have anything to do with this issue. Nobody ignored him, we feel that he is now feeling conscious about his appearance and does not want to mingle with the others. My niece is falling into this trap of her son complaining that others are making him feel inferior and she is also blaming everybody and does not realize her son is manipulating her. She was furious with all family members and this once sweet girl is now so angry. I realize that as a mom when one feels our kids are being hurt we react, but it is kind of weird I have never seen this girl react so negatively. She recently had a hysterectomy but the ovaries were kept intact, could she be suffering from hormonal changes? Please help this is my favorite niece and i am shocked that she is acting this way. I also feel that she does not know how to handle her son’s overeating behavior. Both her kids eat like they are never going to eat again. We are used to kids that are picky at eating, these two kids devour everything in site and are asking for more one hour later. She also has an 8 year old daughter that overeats but not as much as the son. The girls has gone w/us at cruises and has had to leave the table because she has to throw up. She does not know when to stop! My niece is a Chef and a great cook. We enjoy her food but feel that she overfeeds everybody. I think the change in the household has to start w/her. What do u think?
| OVERWEIGHT SON | Hot Conversation |
August 26, 2010
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Sounds very interesting.
Sorry about this Lynnette … Family matters and family matters are always to multifaceted…. I believe your niece is taking two sides to this hurt the one for her son, and the one for as the mom is the chef who feeds her family…she feels guilty …Dr. Phil and many other who are dealing with obesity shows how over eating has a lot of strings tied to it….
It sounds like an unhappy house ..food is used to close up” holes” in our lives
Holes……feeling unloved , undesireable
Holes .. . being too busy take to take time and cook or spend quality time with family
Holes….. wanting to reach out and be comforted ..so food is used to cover that “hole”
Maybe you are someone she feels comfortable with could ask her how can you all
as a family help?
She need to do a family food plan for her and her kids…..as a family effort and make it interesting she can take this situation and make it into something great to bring her and her Kids tgether and the family will be able to help out also.
I hope I gave some ideas …prayers and just show love can help …send cards in the mail and just say we “Miss you and love you”
I think this family needs lots of love and support so a few hand delivered mail …no email unless coupled with real snail mail…..
Good luck
P/ S/out the hysterectomy? could be she is feeling no more babies and these are all I am going to have so sensitivity made also be setting in.. Women carry so much guilt some merited and many times it is not.
fayetteSIPP,
You always blow me away with your insight and wisdom and caring responses!
You Namaste..sometimes I feel there is not enough time to really explain what i feel , but I hate for a post to go unanswered especially when it is one with a cry for help…O not one to go and goggle every subject but I do try to pull from my experiences and hope I can help…one of my grandsons was overweight and livingi in a single parent thome..but the difference is he has my son his father who brought him to live with him for about six weeks or more and he lost weight all it took was get off the soft drinks, the fast food, My son is a salad , fish/chicken / drink plenty of water and work out kind of guy….it worked out so when ever he get’s overweight and want to lose he get in touch with his dad who taught them how to cook healthy.. We gave up meat and process foods and the weight left my husband like 30lbs…because I cook and he eventually gave in to the new method of fresh food no junk and plenty of fruit and veggies, American needs to listen to Michelle…about child obesity.
and you KNOW I LOVE Michelle!!!
that makes 2 of us +millions more …I believe
Morning VNs, Me too, Michele…TRACK
She does not want to talk to anybody, even the people that were not on vacation. told her own mother that if she talks to the other siblings she would disown her. This girl is acting crazy, she is not this person we saw a few days ago. Something is happening w/her and we feel is hormonal. This girl helps her church, cooks for charity events, is extremely pleasant. Or should i say was. Even told her grandmother who raised her not to call the house. Something is wrong and i think it has to do with that hysterectomy. A 100% change in behavior?
How long has it been since she had the hysterectomy? With the ovaries in tact she should be better off than not…but hormones can react with everything in tact…the mind has more control over the body and it’s function ..if she feels when is less woman or not right her hormones and her mind could be playing with her…but she does have problems and food is like I say a way to cover up many issues..it seem like she wants o keep the people who love her at arms length…she is hurting ..give her space an drop a note every now an then … much love and success in connecting with her, family can be so difficult at times.
A very good friend has a son who is extremely obese. He’s now 21 but has been heavy most of his life. He uses sarcasm and always getting the last word as defensive mechanisms, therefore he ostracise’s most everyone, including his parents. He knows everything. I find it very difficult to be around him. But I do feel bad for him because I know how hard it is. I’ve not been that heavy, but have battled all my life. In my friend’s case, they certainly have contributed to his problem by over feeding him to comfort him, make excuses for him, etc. She buys all the crap food for the house. Actually all four in their family are overweight. Their daughter, 20 is putting on weight also. This is a whole other story however.
You mentioned anger? Oh yeah. Lots of anger with the son…and daughter for that matter. They both as a result are not attending school, don’t work, live at home and mom and dad make excuses for their slacking. It’s a sad, sad situation.
People want to diss them because they are so impossible to be around. Attitude!
I have talked and talked with my friend about her kids. Have to be careful obviously. She will say “she knows” what she’s dealing with, but never steps up to do anything about it.
And absolutely, the change has to start with her, like you said in your last line. She buys the crap food for starters. She’s crippling her children. ACK….makes me nuts. Can you say over indulgence?
People can make choices ,and have a right too.
They know, as you n I do, thats not a good thing.Im over my good point.
{But,keep trying,}I never want past, being able to tend to my hygene,myself.
They could too.Pray ,they oneday will try too.
Lovemylife, Control, for the children most likey will always be there for them, it’s manipulation…TRACK