I have a 20 year old grandson that has a long history with trouble with drugs and about three weeks ago he was put in the hospital. In the hospital your have found out that he is bi poler and s*******. His mother and father say that he can’t come and live with them and is 3 sisters but my daughter says that I shouldn’t take he in either. That he is to much work becuse he his these illness. But it is hard for me to turn my back on him. My daughter says that I am inabling him. He has not money and no where to go if his parents don’t take him. She says that the doctor and the social worker in the hospital has to find him a place to go or they will not release him from the hospital. I don’t know what to do I am so torn. I was raised that family didn’t turn their back on family. My Grandmother raised 15 children and they all know that if they needed help or a place to sleep they could come home. I am so lost and having trouble sleeping over the whole thing. I just thought that I would throw this out and see what others thought about this and to see if any one else have ever gone through this.
| Not turning your back on a mentally ill family make you an inabler? | Hot Conversation |
March 14, 2010
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Sounds very interesting.
The S****** is standing for Schizophrenia. I wasn’t sure before about how to spell it.
Are they thinking that if they do not take him home and they don’t want you to either, he will be institutionalized and possibly get help? Help they can’t afford? Is he violent? Everything I’ve heard about being bi-polar is it leads to so many other things. Will he get help if he stays with you? Are you able to deal with him or are you only going to provide a place for him to stay? Please research everything before you make your choice. It may mean that he will have to go into rehab and work it out with the professionals before he’s ready to be “home”. You are a loving and kind grandmother. When he’s ill, he’s not the same person you remember growing up. You may delay and even make his recovery worse. Maybe letting them/him know he has a place and the love of his family when he is really ready will help him get better faster.
God bless you RedHope. He is very fortunate to have you in his life.
I’m no expert, but I think “enabling” would be if you took him in and allowed him to not take his meds, which is common because the meds cause side-effects the patient doesn’t like. Moon goddess’s last sentence is the best advice I could think of giving.
being bipolar myself, I can tell you that it is not an easy disorder to deal with, but it can be done. If you were to take him in, and allow him to continue in his previous behaviors, then you would indeed be enabling him and that would do him no good. Are you able to prevent him from relapsing? Are you able to enforce your "house rules" with the young man? Think about this hard, he could become violent and hurt you or anyone else in the house, are you prepared to deal with this? Perhaps being commited to a mental institution would be the best thing that could happen to him. You can be supportive, let him know that when he is stable and has a handle on his issues, then he has a place to come home to… but I would not have him there if he is not stable.
Did the 15 children have these issues? Did she raised them by herself? Even if she did she became over-whelmed at times! It was another time and place. This young man needs help with people and persons who know what they are doing. Taking illegals drugs is self-inflicted, personal choice! Why do you believe he will listen to you? A mother and father can not do anything with him and the father is stronger than you. Let him know you love him that’s important, but he needs help. IMO
You have a very kind heart and mean well, if i was in your shoes, i would probably do the same but please READ ABOUT THIS CASE it was my cousin’s son and it could of been prevented if only the Judge listened to my cousin, his mother. She went to Court to have him committed and since he was an adult the judge denied her request. She was terrified! He died in jail but before he died he told his mom that he was not aware he had killed his best friends until he was given his meds. He told his mom he could not live with his conscience and killing himself would be the best for him. We still do not know whether he killed himself or was killed. His mother was told by a doctor that based on his injuries he felt he was killed. Mental illness is a very very serious issue and not always the persons are committed. We have millions on the streets. Javier was raised in the JW religion. But since a child he showed signs of unstableness.
Florida murder court decision. On Sunday, December 1, 2003, a mentally-ill 28 year-old Jehovah’s Witness, named Javier, hired a taxi in Sanford, Florida to take him to the Orange City, Florida home of fellow Jehovah’s Witnesses, Carmen Negron, 63, and her two sons, Gilberto Vergara-Negron, 28, and Yamir Orlando Vergara-Negron, 26. On arrival, Javier O. Carrasquillo asked to use their restroom. On exiting, Carrasquillo pulled a 9mm pistol, and first shot Gilberto Negron in a bedroom, and then Carmen Negron in a second bathroom. Apparently, having been alerted by the gunshots, Orlando Negron fought with Carrasquillo, who eventually managed to both shoot Orlando Negron, and cut his throat with a knife. Although the time of the murders is not known, I am assuming that Carrasquillo had come to the Negron home with the excuse of accompanying the family to the Sunday meeting at their local Spanish-speaking Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses, in Orange City, which could have been either Sunday morning or afternoon. Apparently, Carrasquillo was able to surprise his first two victims as they were getting bathed and dressed for that Sunday meeting. After ransacking the house, Carrasquillo took Gilberto Negron’s car for transportation, which Carrasquillo left at an Orlando fee parking lot the next day. The murders were discovered Monday evening, at around 7:00 PM, when multiple Jehovah’s Witnesses, including Israel Gonzalez and BS Overseer Eugenio Muriel, arrived at the Negron’s home, which was one of the locations for the Orange City Congregation’s weekly “Book Studies”. Later, when the prosecutor announced that he would seek the death penalty for the mentally-ill Carrasquillo, Elder Eugenio Muriel publicly praised that decision. Javier Carrasquillo was the main suspect from the start of the investigation, and he was arrested on a prior warrant that Thursday, at an unidentified Sanford mental health facility. Carrasquillo confessed to the murders. Carrasquillo explained that he had been disfellowshipped (excommunicated) from the Jehovah’s Witnesses (who believe they are GOD’s only chosen people on the earth, and that all other people, even other professed Christians, are Satan-worshippers), and that as a result of such he had become an “anti-christ”. Carrasquillo’s mentally-ill mind then led him to believe that he had been dumped onto Satan’s side, and as a result, Carrasquillo supposedly had made a “pact” with the Devil for a human sacrifice. Interestingly, around September-October 2003, Carrasquillo had told his mother, Leida Rivera, who lived somewhere in the Orlando area, about those thoughts, and Carrasquillo had even telephoned and told his grandmother, Natividad Ortiz, who lived in Puerto Rico.Thereafter, Leida Rivera had telephoned one or more of the Spanish-speaking Congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the area to warn them regarding what Carrasquillo had told her, including that he had threatened members of the JWs involved in his excommunication, including the Negron family. Apparently, Javier Carrasquillo associated with a number of the area’s Spanish-speaking Congregations, including ones in Sanford, Deltona, De Bary, Orange City, and possibly others. Reportedly, after receiving Leida Rivera’s warning, one or more of those Kingdom Halls had started locking their doors after their various “meetings” had commenced, which begs the question whether Rivera or any of the Elders at those Congregations had ever warned the Negron family about these specific threats (After the fact, JWs told reporters that the Negrons were afraid of Carrasquillo. Then, why did they allow him into their house?) Curiously, Elder Eugenio Muriel told reporters that Carrasquillo had been a member of the DeBary, Florida Spanish-speaking Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and that it was his understanding that Carrasquillo had been returned to membership. Since that apparently was not Carrasquillo’s understanding, it is unclear whether Carrasquillo was actually disfellowshipped (excommunicated), or “reproved” (lesser punishment short of excommunication, in which the Elders can select any number of temporary punishments). Further, it is unclear whether Carrasquillo had be reinstated to membership, if excommunicated, or removed or partially removed from “reproof”, if only “reproved”. Despite tons of media reports, I cannot locate any reports which explained how Javier Orlando Carrasquillo had become a Jehovah’s Witness. Thus, it is anyone’s guess whether Leida Rivera and Natividad Ortiz were or had been JWs, and whether Carrasquillo had been reared as a JW. Reportedly, after learning of the murders, Carrasquillo’s mother, herself, even sought police protection. Neither did media reports explain how Carrasquillo became friends with the Negron family, in Orange City, given that such reports mention Carrasquillo’s having lived just about everywhere in the area except Orange City. Neither did the reports explain what role the Negrons played in Carrasquillo’s “judicial proceedings” with the JWs, which apparently was the reason for their being murdered. (Roberto Negron, brother of Carmen Negron, was an Elder in one of the area’s other Spanish-speaking Congregations, so that may have been the link.) Those same media reports also failed to reveal much else about Carrasquillo’s life prior to 2003. A March 2003 incident was mentioned when Carrasquillo was committed for psychiatric evaluation for 72-hours after police found Carrasquillo walking the streets of Deltona in bloody clothing. While attempting to place Carrasquillo in protective custody, he fled from and fought with the police, slashed himself with a knife, and taunted police to shoot him. Carrasquillo had to be “tasered” at the scene and again at the hospital. Reportedly, the March flare-up had been caused to Carrasquillo’s having been fired from his job, and having broken up with his fiancee, of whom there is no additional info. Javier’s sister, Sheyla Carrasquillo, 20, who lived in Puerto Rico, also reported that Carrasquillo had been mugged in Sanford, in April 2003, and as a result of head trauma, he had had to be airlifted to an Orlando hospital. Natividad Ortiz reported that Carrasquillo had been mentally-ill since childhood, but had not been violent until just recently. In fact, Javier Orlando Carrasquillo reportedly had no criminal record in Florida prior to 2003, and supposedly none in Puerto Rico (unknown when he came to live in the U.S.) Apparently, in October-November 2003, Carrasquillo had voluntarily (re)entered the Sanford mental health facility, which may have been where he was incarcerated in March. It was there that Carrasquillo was arrested on Monday, December 2, 2003. During later court hearings, Carrasquillo claimed to have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. In October 2004, Javier Carrasquillo pleaded guilty to three counts of first-degree murder, armed robbery, and armed house burglary, in exchange for prosecutors agreeing not to pursue the death penalty. Carrasquillo was sentenced to five life sentences. The delay may have been due to Carrasquillo’s having been ruled mentally unfit to participate in the proceeding, and he may have spent time in a state mental health facility until judged mentally fit to continue.
drugs are a BIG PROBLEM, he could have a very dangerous behavior, he needs to accept he has a problem, and then he needs medication and hospitalization, it is a family problem, let’s pray for him, it is a pitty, lets wait for a better answer.
i agree. This is a very sad situation. If he acts half way decent the State will not take him in. So what’s next?
Thank you all for the replies. It gives me a lot to think about.
It’s good that you love him, and that he knows that. Folks in their 20′s often don’t want to take their meds, and have other life stage things going on that could make it difficult for him to live with you right now. A place I found helpful was Alanon meetings, where people go and talk about stuff like this. At 20, he’s not stable anyhow — that’s just normal for the age. Of course you love him. You can keep connected, but not take him in. (Uh, you could get hurt…not saying that would happen…) But at 20 and if he has mental health problems you may not be the best one to help him…yeah you could enable….but don’t worry about the words…it’s great you care for him…. can you meet with the social workers or therapists from the hospital? If he could be in a residential facility — even if they seem like horrible places, basically they are good — and if he knew you would help him later on?’It is so incredibly hard to see the young ones suffer… but believe me, his problems are larger than what you might think you could handle. Could you help him or talk to his Dr. about a half way house? Maybe he could live with you after he’s been stable a year (off drugs etc., on his meds if he needs them) It’s really hard, I’m glad you wrote. Don’t let him just live with you now without a whole lot aof back up…. it’s so hard when the young ones are having troubles…there are ways to show him you love him without having him stay with you… Good luck! And to him too, of course!!