I began a new relationship six weeks ago, but it’s with a man 21 and a half months my junior. I moved with my cousin six weeks ago and met the man of my dreams, but it bothers me that he is 21 and a half months my junior at 49. I am 51. He is really sweet except when he loses his temper. He is not as well endowed as my last lover but he satisfies me. He is talking marriage, and by him having a violent streak, I am about to freak out. What do I do?
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Sounds very interesting.
He’s not younger really, less than 2 years, and at our age that doesnt (shouldn’t) make any difference. What is concerning is your comments about a temper. I hope he isn’t abusive (physically or verbally). If he is, you must get out immediately. HOwever the very fact you say “I am about to freak out” means that your gut is screaming something at you. Please, please pay attention to this intuition. I learned long ago that gut feelings — that intuition — are very real warning signals you have developed through experiences and life lessons. Just because you cannot articulate it with facts, it is very real nonetheless. If you are about to freak out–then you should get out.
Lord have mercy Jesus, Miss why do you need to ask someone else what should you do? You RUN the opposite direction. I have been a victim of domestic violence more times than I want to count. As recent as last Super Bowl Sunday I was beaten by my man of 3 years. Oh he treated me like a queen, he was faithful not that good looking which made him very insecure. I had been warned that he would one day hurt me. I ignored “all” of the warning signs and forgave him for a couple of other instances. The third time he beat me so bad, could have killed me. Oh sure he apologized the next day but guess what it was too late for him, I had changed the locks on the door. I participate in a support group at a woman’s domestic violence center and have been around domestic violence situations and it always amaze me how we make compromises for what we know is right. We stay in violent or potentially violent relations for reasons like yourself, he is good in bed, he is a good looing man, he treats me nice and on and on. We don’t want to be inconvenienced, we are afraid no body else will want us, we are afraid that we might have the sex if that is why you are staying. We don’t want to loose the status that comes along with being with this man, we don’t want to be left out of the social circles we may be in because of him. Oh there are all kinds of reasons but the simple truth is, what do you REALLy want for yourself? Are you co-dependant on his anger? Do you get a high of some sort from this. Miss leave him alone before you come up hurt. That’s the best advice I can give you. My favorite saying is I will eat soup off the ground with my bare hands before I let another man beat me. Now it can be tomatoe soup, I don’t care. This is not love, God did not put us here for that. Take care and all the best to you.
I forgot to mention the Saturday before the Super Bowl game I said to him, you know I really like the parties and all the fun that is centered around Super Bowl Sunday but what I don’t like is that this particular Sunday the number of domestic violence situations are at their highest. Some woman will be a victim after that game. it happens, data had proved it and Lord I became one of those victims
You know, people tend to put their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship. Apparently, this is his best foot. A nasty temper. You’re already freaking, and you’re not sure what to do? Dallas Lady and Alma have given you excellent advice and warning. Listen to them. Hike up your skirts and head out for them thar hills.
This joker may be the man of your dreams, but he could become the visions of your nightmares! Run not walk to the nearest exit. Do not pass go and do not collect $200! You didn’t get to be 50 for nothing. (I hope)
I told him I am not his punching bag. I need to mention that he has a large family. He knows I will fight back because when he threw a beer can at my face (he claimed was unintentional), I tried to take off his head by bashing him in the head with a phone. I don’t think that abuse is something warranted, but I will walk away if that is truly your advice. He has begged me not to leave him regardless of how bad it gets.
Your telling him is one thing, your showing him is another. Sweetie let me get into your head if I have not already. Your story sounds familiar. One day a friend was over and mone of my daughters. Iwas having a yard sale. The friend was sitting outside and had brought over some links for us to put on the grill. My daughter was leaving for a date. My ex – I don’t even know how to refer to him, well that it was in the back. As my daughter was leaving for her date I walked her to the vehicle and the young man she was with walked around the vehicle to get in on his side. I walked away and there this it was standing on the side of the house. sahking his finger at me. I said, what is his problem. I went to check on the food on the grill and he started telling me I was no good. What had I done. He saw things with his one good eye opposite of what really went on. He thought I was coming from around the vehicle with this guy. Lord have mercy. One thing led to another and he threw and hit me in the center of my back with a “can of beer”, there went the fight. I forgave him. I should have put him out. Several months later, it is Super Bowl weekend as I mentioned earlier. I bought this man not one but three outfits for the weekend , he wanted a half pint of gin, I bought him a 5th and a 45.00 pair of shoes. Now when they say you buy someone shoes they will walk all over you, it is true. Oh we were at his families partying and having fun. Because I wanted to dance a couple of times after the game was over this it came and put a choke whole on me telling me it was time for me to go. I swung on him and busted him in the face with the glass I had in my hand. I ran and got in my vehicle he jumped in and commenced to beat me. For what! Until today I can not figure that out. No man has the right to hit a woman no matter what. He could have killed me. I pushed him out of my vehicle in front of the police station and I drove the 170 miles home trying to figure out why. Do you see some similarity in the story I am telling you. Love doen’t hurt. You should have to fight to be in a relationship. Just like you this guy begged me to marry him. For 3 years I waited to see. Now you do this to me and I am not married to you , what will you do if I were. Love is not jealous, love is not control. Love is just what it is love. I am not afraid to be alone. I may or may not ever meet anyone else but guess what I have my peace of mind, I don’t have to fight. Now you don’t need the people on Vibrant Nation or any other source to tell you what is best for you. You know within yourself this does not make any sense. Move on, get out, leave him alone before you get hurt. There is nothing that this loser has that you need. He is insecure and that is a problem. He does not know how to hold his alcohol, that is a real problem. Oh well I have spent enough time on this, and you have to. On hlet me share this with you. Today he gave me flowers, that is because he say he love me, he got mad at me yesterday. Three months later he gave me flowers again, he said he was sorry because he slapped me. A year later he gave me flowers again but I can not see them or smell them, see he beat me, he hit me in the head, I went into a comma and I died.
Your answer shook me to the core. If it wasn’t for the fact that when he is not drinking, he is so sweet and attentive to my needs. As I said, he is the first steady relationship I have had in the three years I have been in Mississippi. He is not very well endowed but happens to be a viable adversary in the bedroom.
…..if it wasn’t for the fact that when he is not drinking, he is so sweet…….Uh, how much is he drinking? And in which direction is this trajectory going…< or > ? Before you get married to him, do you have any clue as to which direction he is heading in?
Alma knows what she is talking about. I hope you are listening.