It was not my idea, but my (adult, 34)step son wanted to call me mom. I really didn’t like this. Yesterday,I waited to see if I was going to get a Happy Mother’s Day wish. It didn’t come, because I am not his real mother, as I was told by him. He better get close to his real mother and my real name is B, not mom.
We had a very close friendship until Mother’s Day.
What do you think?



first a couple of questions 1 how long have you been married to his father 2 what did you have against him calling you mom? I have 2 stepkids and for rhe most part they both call me mom, which I think says a lot of how we rate in their lifes. It hasnt always been easy for us but I wouldnt want it any other way. My husband has had to tell the kids that their mom isnt the best person and sometimes they they wouldnt listen and end up hurt. My stepson dispite all the bad times gave me not his mom a card and my stepdaughter gave a flat of flowers. Maybe you should try talking to him and ask why you didnt even get a call, but if things were somewhat good before I dont think I would make to much of a deal out of it. I have been learning a lot latley and one thing is that we cant control everything in ours lives and to just accept what is to be somewhat happier. From one stepmom to another, I wish you the best of luck
I have been around for five years, my step son has a mother. I never wanted to be a mother, by my own choice. Don’t call me mom and turn around and say,I don’t send Mother’s Day wishes only to my real mother. I wasn’t hoping for a card, gift or flowers, but a simple email “have a good day” would have sufficed. He has been informed not to call me mom ever again nor ever tell me he loves me. He has a real/natural mother who can be his mother. I am tired of visiting his girlfriend when she is in the hospital and buying him birthday gifts. My whole summary here is” don’t call me mom if you don’t want to say happy mother’s day to me.
I am angry about this situation because, his father and I went through a lot of talking about him calling me mom. I told my step son, if your real mother ever heard you call me mom she would ‘boot’ him to the moon. I never asked my step son to address me as mom. I have a first name that I like just fine. The real mother only has time for him when she wants time. I have control over how I react to him in the future, but I plan to be a distant stepmother from now on.
The first thing that comes to my mind is that your idea of his behavior because he chose to call you mom, is very different from what he thought his behavior should be because he calls you mom. We do that all the time. For you, something as simple as calling you mom had a whole, big bunch of unspoken baggage attached to it. I can empathize lots with you. I understand and I’m sorry. But I’m not sure if it wouldn’t have been a better “teaching” moment than it was a broken relationship moment.
It was a teaching moment. Thank you for the support and insight. It is appreciated.
Oh good, I’m glad. The relationship will come back, stronger and with more understanding.