my husband has complete control over my life,i know he dont love me anymore and i have no family and he says he wont ever give me a dime Most Liked Hot Conversation

i have been married 30 years the first 20 where great then i got sick with kupus sometning changed i lost one of my lungs to pmurmonia when i came home our home was for sale and my car ans wedding rings were gone .he is a doctor all he ever says is hes broke ,he has everything in his name its like i dont exist anymore. i dont have a bed the place we live ie falling apart we have one car 15 years old whoch he takes i hurt from the lupus so bad but he wont buy my meds i am a massage therapist and midwife bwt when he sold our home my businesswas there so i lost my office now im so sick i can barely walk our homes were alwaaays spotless now he says im a pig but i live in a chair i have no closet ,i even have to ask for food ,help im scared cause i have nobody and lawyers want money ,he has every thing hid i dont even know where hes working i know he says hes seeinf patient at 11 at nighy and he hasnt touchrd me in 5-6years so i think somethings going on ,hes never been able to deal with anyone in the family getting sick even our cat is on his list again where do i sraer we also have 5 kids i dont want them to be hurt in any way i would give my life up for them .im turning 50 in less then a month yhis is not where i want to be

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Posted in family & relationships.

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11 Responses

  1. Generic Image auntbkaraoke says

    The only advice I can give you, find a lawyer who gives “free” consultations and if you like the lawyer ask himher if they would work with you on a monthly basis.

    1 like

  2. JudithB JudithB says

    LISTEN TO ME….You need to get out of there as soon as possible, I know it’ll be hard to do. But you have to do it ..one step at a time.His control over you is CRIMINAL and vicious and it must feel like you’re bolted and chained to the floor and Mr. Nasty has the key. I can guess you don’t have any friends you can confide in. Shallow women are everywhere and  have a tendency to AVOID other women with problems..(as proved by the few responces to this post).

    I’ll share this with you….”One day, I was overcome with emotion and I was crying in the back yard. My neighbour JANE asked me what was wrong. I confided in her and told her about the extreme abuse and his extreme control over me, I was suffering. I made her promise not to tell anyone. BIG MISTAKE! Not only did the whole neighbourhood find out about it, but they told my husband.too. “POOR HIM WITH A WIFE LIKE ME, TELLING LIES ABOUT HIM” …That happened a year ago and the women around here AVOID me like the Bubonic Plague. They point at me and laugh. Sometimes I think I’m living in HELL.”

    Nonny, I’ll support you and be here for you till you’re out of this mess, I promise!!!

    Then, we’ll celebrate your freedom.

    Hugs, Judith

    7 like

    • Alma Alma says

      Hello!  I just wanted to coment abut two things you said and one that is how selfish women can be towards each other.  You are certainly right.  Just last week I made a comment about how many people repsonds to the political issues that are posted on vn and especially when someone starts talking about Obama.  There was a post last week that had been on here for only a few hours and it had over 80 plus responses.  I said this shows where our hearts and concerns are and they certainly about helping each other heal.  I stated that there are women who put post on here seeing companionship and advice regarding all kinds of issues and most of them go ignored but you say one word about the PResident and everybody got something to say.  Some of them repeatedly.  And then about women being two faced.  Well this happened to me whereas my ex-husband who was a supposed to be minister had beaten me, this so-called friend said to me he was crazy, i was the best thing that ever happened to him, but Lord when he came and the police were there her story changed so that I was more shocked at her than at what had just happened to me.  She was veryloud saying to me, I was crazy and needed help.  Poor him!  Tellling lies on him! Exactly what you said.  She remained amember at his church and guess what all of them have gone through pure hell since then. He is as big as an elephant and the woman he left me for I heard is big as a buffalo and is always sick.  The woman who betrayed me is big as a couple of pigs and is always in and out of the hospital.  And guess what me, your truly, I have traveled and been blessed to meet people from all over the world.  I have even been blessed to meet a few folk like Cher, Elton John, Caroline Kennedy, Arnorld Schwartznegger, Cedric the Entertainer, and on and on.  I am still cute and in the best of health. To God Be The glory for giving me the strength and courage to get out of a very ugly situation. I hope you see the post I made here already.  This lady and any other can change their situations if they want to.  This is not the 1900s there are agencies and people to confront these matters head on.  This is adult abuse and there’s an agency that will bring criminal charges against this man I don’t care if he is a quack I mean a doctor.  She and any other woman has got to want to change their situation from deep down inside.  If you don’t have time to pack a bas, leave with the clothes on your back, they will provide you with clothes. There is a surplus of clothes in this country.  They will send tranportation to pick her up and take her to where he will never know where she is.  She can get the help she needs and instead of wasting her time on websites liek vn I would be using that time to connect with someone who can help me change my situation not just give me advice, which is all we can do.  My prayers are with any woman (men get abused too) that has to go through this and most certainly if she is a person who can not really help herself.  I know a woman that has had a stroke and he man beats her.  We can only give them advice, it is like you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink it.

      3 like

      • JudithB JudithB says

        Alma, there’s so many things in your post that I can relate to. The abominable deliberate betrayal and cursed abandonment of support from someone you put your trust in. No wonder most abused women are isolated, fearful to confide in anyone, scared they be betrayed. What a crippling situation…(that I am living in today). I searched the internet for a Women’s Comment Forum, so I could just post stuff and see my thoughts on the screen. I desperately needed this outlet because I’m SO isolated and I’ve NO-ONE to talk to. ….YIP-PEE!  I finally found VN

        The original poster of this thread, Nonny, sounds piteously weak and defeated . Myself, I appear strong and defiant. Yet, bizarre as it seems, the truth is Nonny and I are both in a very bad situation. Nonny’s worse than mine because I am contructing Building Blocks to ensure my escape and I’m empowered by my new sense of Self-Preservation.

        I could have died the night my husband refused to call 911…thinking I was having a Heart Attack when I was laying on the floor, clutching my left side in agony. But guess what?…I lived to be a STRONGER me  and …”I’m outa here soon!!!”… 

        I’m looking forward to sending him a Post Card from “HAPPINESS + FREEDOM”  …and write on it …”Glad you’re not here” :-)

        2 like

      • Alma Alma says

        Honey why send him anything.  To me that means that you you don’t really want him out of your life.  Walk away and dont’ look back.  I did it and you all can to.  I did it with no family to turn to, with small children and no job.  But with God on my side and the help of a shelter I am a much better woman now.  You can do it.

        5 like

      • JudithB JudithB says

        Alam, congrats for leaving and starting over. I hope you’re in much better situation today.

        I’m somewhat afraid to give details of my life with him in case somehow he’s reading this and the hammer will fall on my head. I’m not confident that he doesn’t have this computer connected to a computer at his office and his secretary is reading what I write. Everyone knows that he refused to call 911 that night so I don’t mind telling you about that. I’ve got to go now because he’s up, walking around and he’d be furious if he sees me on the internet. 


        1 like

  3. Jackie Brown Jackie Brown says

    God forgive me if I’m wrong (and I hope I am), but this so reads like an EST (Elaborate Scenario Thread); it seems extremely incredible to me. Be careful, ladies.


    1 like

    • Generic Image nonny says

      i don’t know what EST is.my life lately has been lonely and I’m scared ill die before i get a chance to have a life. my husband really was a good man a bit of a control freak but a good provider. again the man i knew has slowly slipped away and i should have got out before i got so sick,I’ve never asked a question on line before. i hope people understand i was looking for some answers to what seems like a hopeless situation. I’m not physically abused just ignored and it seemed like depending on my husband who i married for life and have given 5 beautiful children wasn’t wrong i thought marriage was sharing your life and being happy. somewhere hes forgot how to be happy, and like i said i keep loosing what i had with him i asked this question because i worry if something happen and he left me my name isn’t on this house or car so i don’t know if id end up on the street,I’ve called lawyers but they’re not good with free advice,i know i am scared to walk away hes all I’ve known,so maybe i was stupid to think  marriage was forever and love doesn’t go away.its hard jf i had my mom or dad or a good friend i wouldn’t feel so stuck. i don’t know what your comment meant. i spend my time helping my kids keep their grades up my older kids are all doing good my oldest a nurse ,son a musical engineer and my third an aerospace engineer. my youngest two are straight a students so i know i can do some things right i need to learn how to trust myself with the way i grew up i thought it was behind me .i cant change the past but when i heard most of my life i was an annoyance and i would always be a failure its hard to get it out of your head . after my mom died it took eight years but i wrote a letter to her and put her ashes in a garden over looking a lake and prayed shed find the peace she never had.i had learned she was physically abused as a child i know it didn’t make it right what was done to me but i had to forgive her and break the cycle with my kids. so now i need to find whats best for my 2 kids at home now,if my spouse is going to continue this controling crap. i try to just stay out of his way if he grumpy.so my kids don’t see arguing like i said its more the control issues and that im not sure with out us both owning things if i have any established credit. can i ask why you were saying be careful girls.that’s bothering me, maybe i shouldn’t of asked for advice. i always try to help sick people who need questions answered. so i thought i ask a question once.i had know motive,i just thought maybe someone could relate. 

      0 like

    • Alma Alma says

      What is your point.

      1 like

  4. Generic Image Valerie Turner says

    Nanny contact a domestic violence shelter for women even if you do not go there, they will offer advice.

    2 like

  5. Generic Image Valerie Turner says

    Just looked at the date, this is from 2 years ago.  I wonder what happened.

    3 like

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