Both retired, both in relatively good health although he has been having back and shoulder issues due to arthritis. All I need to do is lose some weight,(sigh)
I’ve always known he was a bit ADD but it has not become such a huge stumbling block in our retaltionship until lately. He wants to go, go, go and do, do, do and along with that comes spend, spend, spend.
I don’t think he has ever sat down and watched an entire tv show much less a movie or even a ballgame. And he loves baseball!
But now it’s almost as if he is frantically cramming everything into his life as the age of 70 is looming in his horizon. And I just want to stay home and read and relax and visit friends. I’m tired. He wants us to be on the road and travelling several times a month. He golfs and works in his shop and goes out for coffee every day so it is not as if he is lingering at home.
We still love each other dearly, we still have a great sex life, we still have basically the same values. But he is driving me crazy and I suspect I am doing the same to him.
Just wondering if it is time to part ways? I do not want to spend the years ahead always feeling that he is unhappy and I am failing him but I also don’t want to all have this nervous feeling in my stomach. I just want to relax. Any suggestions, ladies?
Shirley -Unfortunately we don't have control over others decisions. From what I have read, you are in the beginning of your relationship with this man. Although 8 months is time enough to sort through feelings, I'm not sure you should take him exactl
Hello old lady2,and JKL..... my location is 1/4 mile out of Sun River Oregon, Bend is the town. It is a ski, area in the winter, which may or may not be a down side. There are many older people that cross country, ski, and snowmobile. In the win
Loved your poem and will share with my yoga class tonight!
So, what I hear you saying is that this is unacceptable. Be clear and sure. You are not o.k. with this. If he wants this relationship (with you), he has to take down his profile and just be with you---it's always a risk on both sides. Thanks for fill
Actually, more than anything, my opinion is that perhaps your husband, while active, is in fear of the time when he will not be, and possibly fearing his own mortality. Unless you have some other issues, now would not be the time to part ways, but to try to talk things out so you can each understand where the other is coming from. It seems that your relationship, for the most part, is mutually satisfying. A little understanding, but most of all, communication, can go a long way.
Oh, arden, we are married to the same kind of guy!
My hubby wears me out with all of his buzzing about! I tell friends that I am married to triplets strung out on sugar! Lol
I simply carve out my own quiet space and go with him when I can. I just explain to him that I NEED quiet time to read and kick back! I really get a laugh out of his need for constant ‘entertainment’! The spending part does bother me a bit, but he has worked hard all of his life and we can’t take it with us! : ) He is in a rather serious profession that helps others’ a great deal. His endless energy spills over into everything he does!
I think women like us are pretty fortunate, really, because so many men veg out watching sports, drinking beer, etc. They are boring beyond belief! Our guys aren’t boring, are they?!
When you say that you “love each other, dearly” how can you say that maybe you should “part ways”?!. That would be a real CRIME! Please don’t do anything like that! It is sooo hard to find a good man to love, don’t throw him away!
State what you need (space/quiet) and let him do what he needs to do. Oh, and having a “great sex life” is so key to a successful relationship. Celebrate!
I agree with the other posts. don’t give up what sounds like a good man. If you both liked all the same stuff, it might get pretty boring. I take my knitting, books to read, sketch books and camera when I go with my husband. I have something to do and we still have our time together. Marriage is after all, give and take. Sounds like you have that.
I know women who would kill to have a man who will put down the remote and get off the couch. I can’t believe that you’re willing to give up on a marriage to a man you love and who loves you just because you want to sit around and he doesn’t.
Why not just tell him how you feel (without blame or rancour) and make some kind of arrangement whereby he travels without you sometimes, or goes with friends and leaves you at home?
By the way, did you know that caffeine helps ADD? It stimulates the pre-frontal cortex to be able to focus better. (Might not help with hyperactivity, though. :->)
I agree, it is time to set a boundary for yourself by saying NO and sticking to it. In this I agree — we teach people how to treat us. In this case you need a conversation (or two) not a split. The others are right there is an underlying line to hubby’s behaviour; find out what it is and the problems may shrink. There is a “driver” for his actions and he may be terrified of dying without doing anything; or the busy-ness is a deflector for thinking.