I have a situation that I need some feedback on. I think i should just not fight it and let it go. But, would like to hear from others.
My parents were married for 54 unhappy years. My father who I adored passed away 5 years ago. My Mom runs him down to this day. She has lots of anger towards him for things she says he did in the marriage but she is pure as the driven snow, did nothing but be a perfect wife. Oh is she in such denial. All I remember is her constant anger at him, nagging him constantly even when he was in a wheel chair. She was very controlling even to the point of not letting him have people visit unless she approved of them. And she didn’t approve of most of them. She even controlled what he watched on TV.
Anyway, my father is from Europe. their home is full of things from his parents home. Paintings and dishes etc. that were my grandparents. I think these should stay in the family, she wants to sell them. At least that is what she says to me. She tells me that my father doesn’t want me to have them. She is so jealous of my father and my relationship. I have a brother who got married 27 years ago and moved far away. He never visits and is in a religion that does not own things like photos or special dishes or these type of things. My brother has already told her he doesn’t want anything and to give it to me. She says I just want them so I can sell them which couldn’t be further from the truth. It hurts and she knows it.
I love my Mom, but do not like many of her personality traits. She is a narcissist. Everything is all about her. But she is 85 and I try to be a good daughter to her. We get along ok now as long as she doesn’t talk bad about my father. We have had a few conversations around this and I have told her that I do not want to listen to her running him down. She seems to try but lets it slip some times. I call her almost every day at her request and am currently trying to find a less expensive place for her. Drive her to the doctors, stuff like that. She is in good shape for her age and is very independant. I had no regrets when my father passed away and don’t want to have any when my Mom passes.
So, should I just let her sell the stuff, as I can’t take it with me. I just would like my kids to have some things one day. I am very sentimental and would never sell family hierlooms. My father was also sentimental, my mother is not. My father would be so upset if he knew how she was acting around this. My Mom doesn’t care about this stuff. She blames my Dad for losing their house. He was not good with money and she never got over this. He had a business and used the house as security and when the business failed they had to sell their house. I know this was hard on her but that was at least 25 years ago and I still have to hear about it.
Any idea’s of what I should do?