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Losing a son after he marries… Most Liked Hot Conversation

It’s been 6 years now, but because of an argument and other control issues that were becoming apparent, before the wedding with my son’s fiance, I am no longer allowed to be in contact with them.  She was very confrontational, expected me to have my list in by june 1st (wedding was Dec 6). I was a week late, and she scolded me as if I was one of her 6th grade students. Very stupid stuff! I didn’t butt in at all, gave a shower, and I was told I had no business doing that. She was going to make my son open the gifts alone in front of the women. Anyways, then the blowup….I then wasn’t allowed  to go to the wedding.

She cannot forgive me after I have tried to do all the right things I was supposed to do, apologize, etc.  We initially had a great relationship, she lived upstate.  When she moved to the area and got her first teaching job, she began to act more aloof to me, as I couldn’t do anything right.  Tried to get together to have lunch with her mom, never happened. almost felt like her mom didn’t want her to be too friendly with her mom-in-law. Her mom got rid of her in-laws when she first married.

Anyways, to make a long story short, never met my 2 year old grandson. No response from gifts, calls, emails etc.  They had a big bday party for the 2yr old. My father was there, my brother, whole family, except me. I sent a metal pedal fire engine. Everybody liked it. My Mom and Dad got my son that when he was 2.  I left a message when I did not get a thank you, if they did not want to keep it, his dad or brother could return it to me for my daughter’s son.  My ex (i get along with him well) called for me.  They got rid of it.

I can’t keep walking into brick walls, I have a step grandchild who absolutely loves me. My daughter, other son and stepdaughter are wonderful and are with me often.  My new grandson was just here to visit, he is 1 yrs old.  I never knew this man my son has become.  I have let him go.  It still is hard, he was my first born. I am much better, but I never thought women could really be that evil.  They really exist, but I never knew I deserved to have one in my life… A Mom is forever 

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23 Responses

  1. Generic Image neq says

    How sad for you. I have three sons whom I love and adore. No daughters. My two oldest sons are married to wonderful girls. I was so very happy to finally have daughters in-law, and happy not to be the only female in the howse anymore. As the years have passed and they now have children of their own somethings have changed. I have always spoke my mind with my children about everything, this is something the girls have struggled with. I have had several disagreements with each of my daughters in-law but have always been able to move on. I would never interfere in their marriage. But I would never allow one of them (girls) to come between me and my sons. Any woman who would ask or make her husband that she loves choose between her or his mother/family has no sense of family or love between mother and child. Why can’t you see your son without her involvement. Maybe you could meet him for coffee to discuss this issue. Does he ruefulse to see you or speak to you? He should have the strength to stand up to this difficult woman. I have a friend who deals with the same problem, but she has arranged to have one day a week she spends with her grandchildren a her son & daughter in-laws house while they are at work. They have a nanny who is there but at least see the grandchildren and they (the kids) have a nice relationship with her. I would keep working on your son, don’t give up! Good luck

    3 like

    • LaurieW LaurieW says

      I tried to get to just my son. My ex and I went to see him when she was at her mother’s.  I had to ask him face to face, if he still accepted me as his mother? He said yes, but is stuck in the middle.  I told him because I am his mom, I will step aside so there would be no middle. From this point on if this continues, you know it is not coming from me.  He tried getting together, all of us several months later, at my ex’s and his wife. The first thing asked, was… why did you see my husband behind my back!? I said… he is my son. She replied.. he is now my husband.  I never knew there was ownership like this.  She told me she cannot forget.  What hurt her so badly is what I told her everyone thought of her at the shower, when they first met her,  and she did not like that.  I said we were both ANGRY when we had the argument, people say mean things when you argue, that is why I am trying to ask forgiveness… she won’t have anything to do with it.  Her son is her weapon against me.  What she doesn’t know, that I know through the years, is she comes from a family of all girls.  Now she has a son… one day, he may speak his piece, he does have some of me i hi that she cannot deny.  And when she tries to run his life with his wife, it may just be bye, bye mommy.  Besides, she has driven an invisible wedge between her and her husband whether she knows it or not.  He has now also lost his sister, and his brother, as they are sick and tired of all this! All he has now is her family.  I should not second guess myself, because I know one day, she will have an opinion about their son, and my son won’t agree, with her.  She told me once, no matter if her mother was wrong about one of them, her father always backed up her mother even if he didn’t agree. So… what’s going to happen when she starts whining about my son spending too much time with his son, and not enough with her…..  We know what happens to marriages like that!!  Than you for responding.

      2 like

  2. Generic Image Nana says

    Your not alone.  I feel like I lost both sons when they married, instead of gaining daughters in law.

    My eldest son got swept up with her family and totally embraced them.   Then moved about 3 thousand miles away.

    My youngest son also got totally swalleded up by her family.   Her parents insisted on selling their house to their daughter and my son, and they put  a huge addition on the back, a 2 bedroom granny flat.  So they all live together.  Then they had 3 kids, all close together.

    So when I visit my son, I’m visiting also her parents.   It’s been 13 years, and I get an hour here or there, thats about all.  It’s been an ongoing issue for all 13 years of their marriage.  Their living arrangements leave no room for me.  They live with her parents daily, and I get to see the kids when I can squeeze myself into their tiny house and all the chaos of 3 kids and inlaws etc.

    I ask for some space for me.  My daughter in law can’t seem to appreciate that I want to visit my son, and esp. the kids,  with time and space for hanging out together but there simply is none.   I’ve had 2 fights with my daughter in law one of them very recently.   Same long term probablem.

    The best that I managed, on one occassion……….was I ask my son out  for a date.   by himself.  ask him to meet me for lunch, and he did and we had a nice visit.  I’d like to do that more often.  

    The other thing is when I did go on a lunch date with my son, it was just to visit, I didn’t even talk about the long standing issues.    I just want my son back.

     

    4 like

    • LaurieW LaurieW says

      These kinds of women are everywhere!  I just do not understand it!  When my mother died, a sort of friend had to call my dad 3 months later (vulnerable time) to see how he was doing.. well they went to dinner and within a year they were married.  I was happy for him. He told me first.  I met her and sent her a card.. I’m looking forward to our future together with our new relationship, card.  Well they sold the house, the things of my mothers that my dad want to keep, began vanishing in the new home.  She moved him near her family and 4 girls. My family in Wi, was a bother, so holidays began to be a problem,  She not only alienated me, also my brother.  My father went along.  Then this daughterinlaw thing, I felt like I was getting at both ends.  She made sure my father had a close relationship with my son, his grandson.  But my other 2 kids… they never got calls.Well she has settled down after 15 years, she is also a hard one for me to trust.  But I know I’m not a terrible person… my first husband I married at 22, 2 months later he got leukemia.  I always liked his mom.  We bought a house around the corner, because I knew it was important for him to spend time with them.  2 years later he died.  I was widowed at 24.  And when I was standing at the grave site, I was looking a this parents… why do they have to go away in my life too?  Well my motherinlaw and I stayed close and when her husband died, we began taking her grandkids and my kids on little trips, and they one day they told her they were going to call her “Gramma Nadine.”  I call her my 1st motherinlaw and she calls me her 1st daughterinlaw.  Her own daughter resents it… she’s another one of those… but she is still in my life at 78 yrs old, and when it would have been our 25th anniversary,  I got another stone for is grave.. “as time goes on I realize just what you’ve meant to me…” the song we had at our wedding.  She loves me for the special place I have been able to keep her son in my heart.  She has been able to live with her son thru me.  I am thankful for her.  She will always be my 1st motheinlaw and dear friend.  So there…. all you daughterinlaws.  You are so very wrong for what you do!

      6 like

  3. Generic Image Evange says

    Do your parents have any idea of what is going on, get their take on it.

    0 like

  4. Angely Angely says

    First off…erase the tape in your mind that YOU DESERVED to have an evil woman for a daughter-in-law!! You did not deserve it..you did everything a great mother would do and nothing less and truthfully I give you credit for trying so hard to make ammends!

    Whatever happened 6 years ago is history..you know it but they refuse to WANT to forgive you for the incident/s..forgiveness is a choice and sets the person free emotionally..if THEY(your son and his wife) want to hold on to this anger it will eventually destroy them and all who is around them..sad for your grandson who is not allowed to see you~

    I must however also and PLEASE forgive my bluntness but your son is a BIG boy now and needs to put on his BIG boy briefs and explain to his wife that you are his mom and you are important in his life too and holding onto this bitterness will hurt their son and him….I don’t know what kind of woman this is but from the sound of it her evilness did not evolve overnight,she sounds controlling and manipulative and unfortunately it will only get worse if she keeps getting her way~~

    I would still try though to talk to your son and keep telling him you love him and miss him,want to have a good relationship with him and his wife…LOVE always wins!!  True love that is!

    I will say a prayer for you and for your family as well!!

    Hugs

     

    4 like

    • LaurieW LaurieW says

      I so appreciate the answers and comfort I’ve gotten, and that all of you understand me as a mom, and know I have said things I am supposed to say and do, to try to fix this problem.  But the bottom line to all of this is… there isn’t a darn thing I can do about it.. nothing.  I just have to take the loss and learn how to deal with it.  Because I am still such good friends with my first motherinlaw, I call her always on her son’s birthday and the day he died.  Oh other times too, but she knows she will hear from me then.  She often shares with me, my loss is so greater than hers.  Her son loved us to the moment he died and carried that into eternity with him.   I on the other hand have to deal with being discarded because of a controlling woman.  Yes I say i manage well now, but all of you know everyday there is something that makes me think of him, and saddens me how he has chosen not to share his life with me, and more subtle ways neither with his dad, brother or sister.  I am the one with the blatant reason tho… this is when I love my daughters quote…sometimes I just “hate people!” 

      2 like

      • Angely Angely says

        LaurieW…You know you don’t really hate people…it’s their ACTIONS you hate and are speaking from the pain you so deeply feel~ 

        I needed to clarify that to you because often times we intertwine the two and they are seperate.

        0 like

      • Generic Image rainbow56 says

        these women are everywhere and it stems from their own insecurities.  My middle son had a girlfriend who tired to alienate me from him.  He hid our phone calls because she called him a mama’s boy if he talked to me on the phone.  They broke up once and I was glad but they got back together and I tried to make amends by sending her son a birthday gift and sending her a letter stating I was looking forward to my next visit with them.  God works in mysterious ways…they broke up before my visit!  She physically beat my son (who refused to hit back) and that was the end of the relationship. 

        I know the old saying “a daughter is your daughter all of her life and a son is a son until he takes a wife” but I don’t think it meant this kind of wife!  It only means that a son becomes a man and the head of his household when he marries.  Your son needs to become head of his household and tell this twit that he still loves you as his mom and the relationship with you will continue….my thoughts anyways

        1 like

  5. crystalli crystalli says

    Laurie, this is just to add my support to the chorus of wisdom you’ve received from Angely and the others.  Turn your attention to others who love you, but let your son know the door is always open for him, and if his wife wants to walk through with him with willingness to love you, then for her as well.  There isn’t much more you can do except to lessen your own pain by not allowing yourself to dwell on it excessively.  Yoga and meditation work well for many.  I wish you well as you start down the road to heal yourself.

    2 like

  6. countrygirl countrygirl says

     LaurieW…..iam soooo sorry you are having to go through this.. you sound like a very sweet,loving,caring,passionate person..oh!!! where do i start????? I don’t know why girls today are this way…soooooooo many of them are like this..what in the world do they think?? these men!! that they say that they LOVE….they have familys also.. and they LOVE there familys as much as the girls does.. why do thay think that they can come into the lives of these young men…and TAKE AWAY there family from them.. I do not understand how a person could do such things..WHY can’t we ALL get along as a family..do things together as a family??? after all you marry someone you take on that family to…..NOT just yours.. if that girl LOVES this man truely she will except his family, if he has any children, his children,sisters,brothers,and MOST OF ALL HIS MOTHER AND FATHER…WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE????? I PARTLY HAVE BEEN THERE.. IT IS THE MOST HURTFUL,HEARTBREAKING,STRESSFUL,LONELYEST,DEPRESSING..THING A MOTHER OR FATHER COULD EVER GO THROUGH…. OTHER THAN LOSING A CHILD IN DEATH I AMAGIN…SONS ARE PRECIOUS..BUT THEY CAN BE THE MOST UNGRACEFUL,STUBBORING,NIEVE..REBILLOUS.CHILDREN..WE STILL LOVE THEM SO..YOU ARE SO RIGHT THERE IS NOTHING,NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO..YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND PRAY AND TRUST IN GOD TO OPEN YOUR SONS EYES..ALWAYS TELL HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND SHOW HIM..MY SON WILL  SOMETIMES GET MAD AT ME FOR TELLING HIM I LOVE HIM,HE WILL LOOK AT ME IN A WAY THAT I CAN SEE IT.. HE TELLS ME I TREAT HIM LIKE A BABY, HE DOESN’T KNOW I SEE IT, BUT WHEN HE COMES DOWN WHICH IS NOT VERY OFTEN,WHEN HE IS LEAVING I ALWAYS WONT TO HUG HIM BEFORE HE GOES OUT THE DOOR, BECAUSE WE NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME WE WILL EVER SEE EACH OTHER..HE WILL HURRY OUT THE DOOR,BEFORE I CAN GET TO HIM TO HUG HIM.. IT HURTS, AND WHEN HE LEAVES I USUALLY CRY..HE DOESN’T KNOW… OUR SONS CAN HURT US SO BAD SOMETIMES…BUT YOU KNOW I DON’T REALLY THINK THAT THEY EVEN KNOW IT..THEY DON’T INTEND TO,IT IS JUST THERE WAY OF DOING THINGS I GUESS…I HAVE A GRANDSON WHOM AT ONCE WE WAS VERY VERY CLOSE,, HE NOW DOES THE SAME THINGS..YOU KNOW MAYBE ONE DAY THEY WILL UNDERSTAND AND REALIZE WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO DO….NOT NOISE IN THERE LIFES,,BUT BE IN THERE LIFES….I PRAY THINGS WILL BEGAN TO TURN AROUND FOR YOU AND YOUR SON..JUST ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM..BECAUSE I BELIEVE ONE DAY HE IS GOING TO COME TO YOU AND NEED YOU…GOD BLESS

    2 like

    • LaurieW LaurieW says

      Thank you, I am finding out so many women our age with grown children understand this, and also wonder what has happened to the women “we” brought up?  What do we see on TV, but confident women who treat their husbands like dumb kids cuz they can’t think for themselves!?   When you lose a husband as I did so young in your life(24) and find your absolute best friend is your MOTHER-IN-LAW, how nieve can I be? (And we are still close) Yea, I didn’t know females would turn on me so. The one who married my dad and took him away, and anything i had with him when he was with my mom doesn’t exit anymore.  I haven’t even gotten a silly little gift from him in the last 15 years, just because I am his daughter.  OK, the door, keeping it open?  My son wont return an email, a phone call, a voice mail, there is absolute no way I can contact him, unless I stand at his door. Last time I was near him, was when he was picking up my other son (to help him with a difficult problem he was having) at his apartment, I was there, and when I walked out to get in my car, he and his wife, in their truck, drove away quickly to “hide” from me, as it was so terrible to see me.  So, what’s the point?  I’ll open the door when he comes to me when she says she doesn’t want him anymore. Or he doesn’t meet her expectations, being just like her father. I’ll contact my grandson at age 18.  But look at all the time that will be LOST…. I learned that at age 24, when I became a widow, you cannot waste time, we just do not have it!  And my son knows all about that… so NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING will bring him back to me, unless she demands he chooses between her and and his son, or she dies.   HOW SAD!

      2 like

      • countrygirl countrygirl says

        I KNOW IT IS SO SO SAD, GIRLS TODAY ARE SO INMATURE, they have NO respect for anyone,not even them selves…thay want to have it all …… get married, have  babies, money,house,cars,cloths,fine things,want a good husband that don’t cheat,don’t beat them….BUT they want to be able to control them, and seperate them from there familys..girls want to rule there lives.keep all the money and control that also..men have to go to them and ask can i get this or can i do this or that ..it is pethetic??.men need to get a backbone and take control of the househole like the BIBLE tells them,thay are suppost to be the head of the house..and we are a HELP mate..now don’t misunderstand me..not controlling,but take a stand when it is time and his place to .. i know some take it to far..im not talking about that kind of control..you women our age know just what i mean..women try to rule over the man..i have seen men in stores i have been in and i have watched and listen, how the women talk to them and treat them…like there little boys..belittle them..it is so sad..i fell so sorry for men sometimes…im sorry there are SOME not all.. women that are the man of the house..and the man is the kid..i feel so bad and hurt for you lauriew,i have been where you are. i just hope that i am wrong about this girl that my son is seeing now..she is very sweet, kind,great with my sons son..but i don’t know there is just something that i so strongly feel about her..i feel that she lies,hides,munipitive person??  and sneeks things over my son..he is the most honest,caring,loves her so so much that he belives everything she tell him,  they were together last christmas and something happen,she started to change toward him, and stoped coming over to see him alot..he couldn’t go to her familys that is a hole different story, they don’t care to much for him..because of some lies another girl told on him..the one that beat on him..she told that he beat her..GUESS WHO THAY BELIEVED?? mind you the girl he is dating now. worked with this girl and told my son the kind of person she was..after she now dates my son.. anyway my son caught the girl he dates now in some lies,and she cheated on him..BUT he don’t believe she did, because SHE told him she has never..lied to him sooo much was caught in them..BUT somehow convinced him that she has never lied to him..this is only a little bit of the story..i could go on and on..he is with her again and engaged to her..they are now talking about maybe later having a kid together…that is another worry..worries worries..pray for him and the situtation please… you know lauriew it is not suppost to be this way..that is what i mean about..TV shows and TALK shows,LAW..always giving the women the upper hand..bashing men all the time..they need to take a look at some of these women who do this to men….men are ashamed to come out..do you think my son would have ever came out with this…NEVER..not in public..he did you us,after about 8 months into that relationship..she slaped,punched,kicked,and even pushed him down the stairs..he told his dad and me that she could have killed him..he got hurt when she did that ..she took a wire cloth rack and cut his stomach,back arm…he NEVER hit her…do you know why??? BECAUSE HE NEW HE WOULD GET PUT IN JAIL OR MAYBE EVEN SENT OFF TO PRISON..THAT IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT..IM SORRY IT MAKES ME ANGURY……SORRY LAURIEW I HOPE AND PRAY EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR SON ..HE IS BLINED BY HER RIGHT NOW AND IT IS GOING TO TAKE GOD TOHELPHIM.HOPEFULLY BEFORE IT GETS WORSE..I PRAY FOR YOU BOTH..

        0 like

      • LaurieW LaurieW says

        My situation is so different, as both of them, my son and his wife have masters degrees, they are teachers, they do everything upstanding and right, she is 2 years older than him, she calls the shots, she never does anything wrong…she believes she is perfect. You can tell in her conversation and attitudes, so how could i think she is so evil? That’s because she is very manipulative, and has done that to the family. His dad sees him very infrequently, never had his grandson stay at his house, (cuz I could come over) my other son is disgusted with him and has deleted his phone number off his phone, and my daughter doesn’t even bother to try to contact him anymore. Even her parents are nice people, they own a business and have money, but neither one of them would say, letting this go on, is wrong… they are glad my son’s family is not there to but in. They helped them get a house, they make decisions for them, they buy them things, every holiday is spent with them. So… it will never get resolved, as he would have to stand up to more than just her. Unfortunately, I don’t really care anymore, they really aren’t people I want to be around.  This is where I never wanted to get to, but I am here now. It would take alot to even know him again. If I have arrived to this place with how I feel, I know he will never come back.  It is harder for a mother to feel this way about her child, than it is for the child to give up a parent. But this is what they want. You have heard the saying “you can go back, but you can never, GO BACK.”  But I will still open my door, and listen, if he does come back. But til that time comes, I can no longer sit and wait.  I have a life to live.

        2 like

      • countrygirl countrygirl says

        that is so true.. my son has told me time and time again to mind my on business,no matter what it is, he says i am been noisey..if i just ask what you doing??im been noisey,i will just try to carry a conversation with him and he says im trying to be noisey..i can’t even call him,he doesn’t answer his phone..and not very often if i need to talk to him about something needed, i might call her phone and she want answer, nither one of them has any respect for us..we have been there for him and her, help with working at there home,helping with things they need for the house necessitys..it is not ever appreciated.he never ask us for anything,we volonteer to help on our on..for them both..sometimes i think we try to hard..but just like you said, i have a life also, there is so much more i could tell you..but i want..i just know i can’t wait,or set any longer my husband and i are not getting any younger.we want to do things together..we are and always well be here for him, he is our only child,and 1 grandson.. my son knows that we well be here and that our home is always open for him we have told him that.. you know lauriew, i can honestly say that this has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do..is to LET GO..but I have to for my peace of mind..and also his..thats what my wonderful husband has told me i had to do…

        0 like

  7. Generic Image Kendra Paiement says

    I too, have a son who is my eldest and got married 10 months ago. My step dughter has made it clear tht she wants him all to herself. I was very close to him before he married. He is now very judgmental and acts embarrassed by me.He married a woman who came from a wealthy family.and her mother never worked. I understand that my relatioship with him was bound to change after he married, but I rarely see him and he never calls. When we do see each other, he is distant. I have talked to other woman with married grown sons. Their advise is to keep it simple,positive and let him live his life. like the old saying ” A son is a son till he takes a wife”. I am so sad but need to move on with my life in hopes they will grow up and realize I am not such a bad person.

    3 like

  8. Generic Image Anonymous says

    I am the mother of 3 sons.  My middle son has been married for about two years and it has been one issue after another with him and his wife.  We walk on egg shells with them.  Now there are two precious little girls that are used as pawns.  Her family is their whole world.  Her mother babysits all of the grandchildren for free.  How nice for them.  I have been seeing a counselor for the last 7 months.  My husband and I have and would do anything for them.  Now they are mad at us because they are saying we didn’t want to come to our granddaughter’s birthday party (which was held at the other grandparents).  My husband had called twice the previous week in addition to the 3 times I had asked in the month of May and June.  Then the excuse from them was that we should have text our DIL.  They refuse to take any responsibility for anything.  Our DIL was yelling and cussing at us while our son just sat there.  Then after our DIL walked out of our house we tried to talk to our son who called us liars.  We always taught our son to be respectful and think for himself.  We are crushed that he would allow his wife to treat us so poorly.  He’s also mad at his younger brother and his girlfriend because they didn’t come to the party but he failed to invite them.  My son and DIL have complained about things from me going to dinner at my oldest son’s house to NOT posting anything on facebook about about their second pregnancy.  It’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  I’m constantly second guessing myself.  He was the sweetest little boy; always had a big heart.  I just can’t believe he would alienate his family but we’ll be here if he ever decides that we matter.  Hopefully this will happen before his dad and I are gone.

    1 like

  9. Generic Image Peacecorps1 says

    This is a big fear that I halve. I pray that my future DIL will allow me to remain in my son’s life!

    1 like

  10. countrygirl countrygirl says

    yes, Peacecorps1……I do too,…but I can’t promise you will,.. if the DIL starts acting like you shouldn’t be around or say anything, if you son don’t step up to the plate right away, you want be,..im sorry, im just been totally honest with you, I’ve been there, and i have seen it so so much in my family,.with my sister in laws, that is married to my brother’s..I only have 2 precious brothers, one of them is married to an evil devil,..she beats on him, treats him terrible,bosses him around, and he just takes it,.they are split up now because she was chocking him about to death one nite, he had to go take her with a warrant, she is so mean to him, and he is such a wonderful person…he is a PREACHER at that…..i would hate to be in her shoes…GOD see’s what she is doing to him, he will have his vengence’s, anyway,..i pray you never have to deal with something like what we are talking about, it hurts so bad, you sat and wonder, where did we go wrong,it is so hard to amagin how your son could treat their parents like some do…but it happens…may GOD BLESS you and your son to always be close, and for you to have a loving,caring,respectable DIL…is my prayer

    0 like

  11. Generic Image Darcy09 says

    Just asking …. is it really the DIL, or could it be any woman who treated him in that way.  It would seem prudent to separate the person from the behaviour.  As well, it is the son who sets it up and keeps the gerbil running.  Once he does not display a backbone, boundaries, or some sort of territory marking behaviour he is done.  Just as a woman who bends over backwards for a man without any notion of boundaries, the word NO, or any other sign of disagreement … she is done.  She/he will wear whatever is handed out …. until a decision is made (by them) that they are worth more, deserve respect, whatever.  The other sad part of this saga is the behaviour is modelled for the next generation.  And those children are often called “the entitled generation” and are forever on the grandparent/parents payroll.  They are almost unemployable on the open market.
     
    It is sad for all involved.  AND worse, they appear oblivious to the issues.

    3 like

  12. Generic Image Claire says

    It does appear that the DIL is acting unreasonably but there are always two sides to every story. I have the in-laws from hell despite bending over backwards for them in the past. Wish my partner would cut them off instead of us having to put up with their sneaky interferences. If it carries on then I will walk. Either that or he can choose……Just saying.

    0 like

    • Generic Image Darcy09 says

      Quite useful info for you to have.  Set a boundary and then stick to it.  The bottom line question is “what is the worst thing that can happen?”; it is likely you have the “worst” answer.

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  13. DeeAnn DeeAnn says

    This message is for Laurie W. My name is DeeAnn and I found your post from 2009, as I was going back over my own original post with the same problem back in 2012. I was sorry that missed your time on this site by a few years. I had many posts and insights like you did. I am still in my hell, going on 3 years now of being estranged from my son who I have not seen since he married. Our stories are very similar, so I was reaching out to see if you ever had any resolution or recovery from your disconnect? I am meeting more and more mother’s with broken hearts who lost their son to marriage. I would be interested in finding out how you have coped with this nightmare and how is life now, 5 years later? Any other mothers who have updates as well. I am trying to hang tough with this challenge but recent developments have put me in a spin. This type of problems just seems to get worse. The pot get stirred when you least expect it!

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