My eldest daughter graduated from a Quebec university in 2004. When I contacted her to let her know I had taken a week off to be with her on her graduation day, she informed her father and I that we had been the worst parents ever and that she did not want to have any contact qith us from then on. She was moving and would not tell us where.
Hurt, shock sand disbelief is what I felt. We live in New Brunswick but I wanted to drive up, 12 hour drive, to see if I could talk to her. her father convinced me not to go. We were having marital problems at the time and have since seperated.
I haven’t had contact with my daughter since then.
I won’t tell you our whole life story but just that as parents we did everything we thought was right for our kids. They never went without the basics and a lot of extras. My daughter obviously thinks otherwise.
Being the eldest of five was hard on her and looking back I know I didn’nt tell her often enough how much I love her and was proud of her and who she was.
She was contacting one of her sisters, she has four siblings, but my daughter told me this week that she had not heard from her for a while. she has never told me where her sister is, what she is doing or anything else. All I know is that she is still alive. And now, I don’t even know that.
I will be having my kids over for a super during the hollidays. There has been a hole in my heart since I lost contact with my daughter.
Any help on how to look for her will be greatly apreciated.
I want at least one more chance to tell her I love her.
Thank you.
Oil of Olay moisturizer. I have had dry skin since I was in my 20's. Now that I am in my 60's.....Oy! I have always used some type of Oil of Olay moisturizer. I am now using the Age Defying creams, and like them alot. Oh, and Chap Stick under
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
I am soo sorry to hear about your daughters negative feelings toward you. Sometimes our children grow up comparing us to what they think they know about others “perfect” parents or to what they have seen perhaps on tv. They forget or choose to ignore the love you have shown them over the years, in what I am sure , the best way you could. They seem to have idealized pictures of how a parent should be or how they should perform. Sometimes, until they have children of their own, can they understand the love a mother has for the baby in her arms. Especially for the first one. I just hope and pray that your daughter will have something happen in her life that will make her realize your love for her. In the mean time, if I was you, I would do everything in my power to relocate her and make yourself available to her from a place of forgiveness and love.
Anir, I wish you well and apologize advance; my advice which may seem cynical under the serious circumstance of your missing daughter. We do not have enough information to help you. Your VN profile incomplete your best resources are your own family “She was contacting one of her sisters, she has four siblings, but my daughter told me this week that she had not heard from her for a while. she has never told me where her sister is, what she is doing or anything else”. Your Minister, Counselor and or local law enforcement can and will refer you to a better resource for help finding your daughter. I cannot speak for every VN member but I am sure many would help if they could. We look forward to hearing from you with a clarification and perhaps, good news in the future! My best to you!
have u done something as simple as googling her name? I googled my name and you will not believe all the info that came up! Amazing! Then there are public records if you knew the city where she was residing. You can probably find that from your other daughter. Facebook? Twitter? I found 12 siblings in facebook, true that i wished i hadn’t but that’s another story. Via her social security number one can find a whole bunch of things, if u know a cop they have access to a lot of info as well.
Since 2004? That’s a long time! This girl is angry, whether is warranted or not that is not even the issue. Have u ever tried talking to your other daughter about what seems to be bothering her? I am sure she told her sister. Sometimes it is painful for us to hear what our kids think of us. For instance, we think that as children they did not noticed what was happening among the adults in the household. My son sometimes comes out w/issues i thought he was not aware of for instance: “when i was 6 you …..” When he was 6 i thought he was invisible!
good ideas….I keep in contact with many family members through facebook….
Did she go to university to learn a profession? If she did, you could try locating her that way. If she was trying to get away from you, I would start on the west coast, and move east from there. Canada 411 is a good resource as well. You said your daughter has had contact with her, I would do as suggested and ask her if there is anything that she can share with you that might help you to understand why she left like that. Also, ask if your daughter would ask if a letter could be forwarded to her and you could write a letter to her. Does the university keep track of former graduates? They may have some information that they may be able to share with you. Don’t expect much there tho – they have to be very careful what they give out. What about friends? Do any of her friends live close by? Are they in touch with her?
No one’s life is perfect, and it sounds to me like she has, for some reason, focused on the negative and let it grow. Hopefully one day she will realize that it wasn’t all bad. (as long as it wasn’t all bad).
So many great responses!!! I was going to say, maybe you could write a letter and ask your other daughter if she could forward it to her for you. I wish you the best of luck, and I’m sure you are getting closer and closer to finding her.
Thank you to everyone who answered. It might seem insensitive on my part that I waited over 5 years to find her. I had the troubled marriage going on and the other four children to worry about.
My youngest son is now 18 and in college, one has graduated from university and is working and the other two are still studying. One of them has a fixed mindset on her carreer, the other is still trying to decide. They are great people!
As soon as I had moved out and could afford a computer, I was able to locate her on facebook, but she cut me off. 411 just gives a list of names with her first initial and her last name, and sometimes an adress. I was driving through Montreal last year and I had the list with me, I tried to phone as many of the numbers as I could when I was there and a few from the phone book. I had also found her on a site where she offered her services as a translator. From the credentials she gave, I’m 100% sure it was her, her location was Montreal, no specific adress or phone number. I made up a false business ID and bought a memebership in the site and wrote her a personnal letter. I never got a response.
I actually saw a friend of hers about a month ago and she asked me if I had any contact with my daughter. It took me by complete surprise and I forgot to ask her her name. I don’t have a good memory. I will be going to her school when it reopens after the hollidays to get the names of the graduates of 2000. Maybe the list will jog my memory.
I have a friend who also found her on facebook for me and she wrote her a letter on my behalf. she also cut her off and let her know that if I ever tried to reach her again she would cut off contact with her sister. When I came home there was an e-mail from my other daughter that my oldest daughter had written to let her know that she would cut all contacts with her if I tried to find her, even if she did not help me. This had upset my other daughter very much. I don’t want her to not contact anyone of the family. But the suggestion that I ask my younger daughter why she is so upset with me is a great idea. She usually doesn’t talk about her unless I ask, even then, she has never revealed anything about her werabouts so that she can still contact her. If she’s willing to give me reasons as to why she thins her sister is aacting this way, it won’t bring me closer to finding her, but at least it might answer some questions.
I don’t know if the police would help me or the city of Montreal. I’ll give it a try.
I know I am not alone in my situation as I have heard form one co-worker who’s sister was out of touch for a few years and came home after having had her first child. Another co-worker had not seen his brother for over 30 years and he came back and died of cancer 6 months later.
I have gone on the University site and have not been able to navigate it well enough. I will try to call them and see if they can help.
Thanks again to everyone. Your support is very encouraging.
i think you should ask your other daughter the reason why this girl is so angry and then let it go. You have the right to know. We are no longer very young. But let it go… at least for now.
Hi Lynette,
I followed your suggestion. As I had some time off during the holliday season and my other four children had come to have super at my house, I let them know my intensions on trying to find their sister during the folowing week.
I got a lot of crying on their part and of telling me, finally, how meen their older sister had been to them when they were growing up. It was quite an eye opener. I didn’t need any of the details, just their tears and worry about my finding her and it not being what I would epect. I had never known how awfull she had been to them. I guess I must have been too wraped up with everything else that life throws at you.
So I am letting it go. She is an adult. A person I guess I have never really known. She will always be in my heart. My other children, as I have said, are great people. They are very strong and they are coping with not having her, and the memories of how she acted towards them, in their lives and so will I. We will all be left with questions as to why she is the way she is. Maybe, someday she will come back…
So I went to Niagara Falls instead. Took a plane on December 25th and headed for Toronto. I had never been there. Short three day stay and very quiet time, which I needed. A sister of mine lives about an hours drive from Toronto. It was a nice getaway and good to be with family. She was my favourite sister, I have 5 more, growing up. She is very understanding of my situation.
Thanks again to everyone. I often say ‘Do what you can with what you have’ that is what I am doing.
Happy New Year to everyone.
Your comment about your other children saying how mean she was growing up – reminded me of my oldest sister. She was a bossy know it all when we were kids, telling us what to do all the time. She was left ‘in charge’ of us while our parents worked. She was a bully and used physical force on all of us until we were big enough to fight back and win.
I am still not close to her, but we talk once or twice a year. We never lost touch like your daughter has with you, but she rarely talks to my dad – feels he owes her an apology, which he is never going to give her – he told me that one day when we were talking about her.
I think you have the right approach. She knows where you are and how to contact you.
Julia
Your comment about your other children saying how mean she was growing up – reminded me of my oldest sister. She was a bossy know it all when we were kids, telling us what to do all the time. She was left ‘in charge’ of us while our parents worked. She was a bully and used physical force on all of us until we were big enough to fight back and win.
I am still not close to her, but we talk once or twice a year. We never lost touch like your daughter has with you, but she rarely talks to my dad – feels he owes her an apology, which he is never going to give her – he told me that one day when we were talking about her.
I think you have the right approach. She knows where you are and how to contact you.
Julia
I am sure that there are a lot of situations like this. I was always close to my own siblings and have always wished for my children to be happy. I see my other four children as well rounded adults. I am hooping, if my daughter ever does come back, that we will be able to understand her behavior. Although I think there will probably always be a ‘Why did she act this way?’ as there are often a lot of questions left unanswered in our lives.
And yes, she can always contact one of us if she wants to.
Thank you
anir