My 28-year-old daughter had a nervous breakdown three and a half months ago. She and my four-year-old grandson moved in with us, and it has been a very rough road for us all. My daughter is back on the road to health, but unfortunately I am not. I have been ill with multiple colds and infections, and am simply wiped out, as well as desperate for the things that used to make me happy–my crafts, garden designs, running and weight training, reading books… and dancing alone in the living room now and then….all of the things I dreamt of while I raised my daughter and then a step-daughter. I am fifty….does anyone else have a similar experience? Dreaming of my favorite S’s….solitude, silence, sanctuary. I go to work, and come home to more work. Sleep is difficult at best. I do see a therapist once every two weeks, that’s all I can afford. Any similar stories, would love to hear from you!!
| Living with a grown daughter and four-year-old grandson |
January 11, 2010
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Sounds very interesting.
I haven’t had this experience, but my sister’s life has been pretty much like yours sounds.
She suffered a lot and now she only has a couple of months to live (cancer). She is a ‘young’ 74 and so, it is a hard thing to watch.
We have had some serious talks and I asked her what she would have done differently with her life. She told me that she wished she could have lived with a “lighter” attitude and not been so negative/serious about life. She would have worked harder to build real relationships with those she loved instead of always being too busy. This applies mostly to her children. Also, she told me that she would have tried to fit in more fun. “Life is to be lived!” Those are her words. Her voice is raspy and low, but she managed to almost shout that! But the biggest thing of all that she repeated several times. “I would not pass such harsh judgement on people who are not like me. I have always been too judgmental and I am so sorry for that!”
I think therapy is a good outlet and I am glad that you can do that. Some of us seem to inherit more problems, in life, and who knows why. I do feel that your daughter and grandson (I’ve never been allowed to meet my grandson,but that’s another story!) are very fortunate to have you.
There is a lot of healing in love, so love as much as you can and it will be returned to you. That is why we are here.
Your last two lines say it all for me. Thank you. I am very close with my daughter, and you’ve reminded me of how unusual and special that bond has been and is. I’m grateful that my relationship with her has been much of my focus from the beginning of her life.
Great, Luna, I’m glad to hear that you and your daughter have a loving relationship! So many people return home to an empty apartment/house with no one there who loves them. Everything else, means nothing…I mean, no-thing means anything without love!
You sound like someone who already knows this! xo’s
I do. I’ve been lucky to have realized relatively early on that I wanted to live a mindful, compassionate, creative life…complete with a great attitude! That’s a challenge at times, and in fact impossible at times, and it was feeling impossible yesterday when I wrote my original post. But….. ”Happiness is a journey, not a place,” my postcard to my younger self, that is my mantra. I’ve giving up a lot that is “me”, but my daughter is healing, and what I’m doing in caring for her and her little boy is the most important thing right now.
Thank you for responding to my posts, I know this is a very hard time for you. I’m sure that your sister appreciates such deep discussions….and yes, “Life is to be Lived!”
You are so welcome. Your original post ‘spoke’ to me.
It is challenging to live a mindful life… probably our biggest challenge!
Watching my sister so close to death, and listening to her regrets, well, I do know that all we care about in ‘the end’ is that we have lived a good, honest, loving life. and I think we can have fun doing it…we just have to be a little creative!
When things get tough, and they can get sooo tough, we must reach out to someone (VN !) or get counseling, but share our troubles. I think that alone is healing. Then we “roll our sleeves up” at get back to life!
Keep dancing in your living room…I do that, too!
A dancing partner from afar, I love it!