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Is your spouse significantly older than you? Hot Conversation

My spouse is 16 years older than me.  I’m in my 60th year, and he’s in his 76th year.   We’ve been married for 15 years.  For many many years he’s had way more energy than I had.

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He has that certain magnetism that women find attractive even at his age.  The same as I was.

But I’m finding it difficult at this point.  He’s aging and I’ve watched as he’s let one thing or another that he used to enjoy, slip away.

But I’m finding it hard because I still want to go places, do things, that he has no interest in at all.

It’s starting to feel more of a challenge than I need at this point in my life.  He’s become very sedate.

It seems I can’t live with him and I can’t live without him.

A real source of conflict for me.

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Posted in family & relationships, love & sex.

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12 Responses

  1. Dallas Lady Dallas Lady says

    Wow.  That cuts a bit close to home. 

    I’m almost 51.  My husband 60. He’s handsome, energetic, engaged.  But we talk regularly that he will likely pass before me by several years.

    I’ve seen others experience what you posted.  I wonder if that is my future too.  (My hubby threatens he will take matters into his own hands before he saddles me with too much……………I hate when he says that so much)

    But once upon a time you & I both took a martial vow that included the best and the worst…………there was obviously a “best” scenario or we wouldnt have taken that vow.

    ANd I have never known a finer human being — or greater love — than what I have with my husband.

    I’ll be there through it all.

    I wish you and yours peace,happiness and hopefulness.

    3 like

  2. Generic Image Greenleaf says

    I know what you mean. I’m 63 and my husband is 78. He’s almost 16 years older than I. I’m making allowances and organizing travel in ways to compensate the age. (I also have parents 87 and 88 and feel surrounded by age.) So far it’s okay. I want to travel with him still. In the future I might have to do that alone or with other friends. At least I know he wouldn’t object to that.

    2 like

    • Generic Image Greenleaf says

      Correction. I’m 62. No need to make things more “mature” than they are!!!

      2 like

    • Generic Image Nana says

      Hi Greenleaf:   I loved what you said about feeling surrounded by age.  All his friends are so respectful of me, but I feel like I hang with a crowd 20 years older.  My spouse is still working full time I won’t let him retire.  If he did, he’s sit on the end of the couch for the rest of his life.

      But I want to ski, I want to roller blade, I want long walks in the valley, I want to bicycle, all of which I do alone or with friends.

      Most of the time the best I can manage with him is a movie because that’s all he’s willing to do.  And usually his choice of movie not mine.

      He’s always been a challenging guy, but with age it’s much more pronounced.

      1 like

  3. JanetA JanetA says

    My husband is 10 years older than I am. He is in poor health and that is about the only reason I am still here. Just not the same. I was not raised to walk out on someone in ill health.

    1 like

  4. Trudycoaches Trudycoaches says

    Hi Catherine,

     

    My husband is 11 years older than I am, although he has been a very energetic partner.  I think he may be slowing down a bit now, but I think we are working with it pretty well, because we can either do things together or not.  I seem to be revving up at 60.  I’ve gotten back into swimming laps quite regularly ( I was a competitive swimmer as a kid, but didn’t swim for about 40 years!) and he doesn’t need to participate with me there. I have my waterproof Ipod, so I’m all set. He’s been a cyclist, and has been very patient with me picking that up.  One reason I wanted to respond to you is that I read your bio, etc, and I think we may have some things in common.  If you get a chance, go check out my website, http://www.trudymcknight.com,  and go to my page which is the “meet the coach” page, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.  I saw some dvds on the hoop girl page you mentioned that I may need to get, also your comment about spirituality rang a bell with me, too.

    0 like

  5. Generic Image Tuser says

    My husband is 72 and I am 54 and we are still doing well.  I met him when I was in my late 20′s and he was in his 40′s but he looked like he was in his 30′s.  He was always into sports, athletic, never smoked and I was the very same.  I have done sports all my life and never smoked and we hit it off.  Today he still plays hockey and the guys on his team range in age from late 30′s to 70′s and they can’t believe his age.  I call him a speciman and he amazes me every day.  No one believe me when I tell them his age (if they ask)  His health, touch wood, is great and he still works fulltime at a golf course.  I just hope my life ends up as well as his. 

     

    1 like

  6. Generic Image lztsee43 says

    Hi, I read all your comments on Catherine’s post. I’m new in this relationship with my partner. He’s 72 and I’m 66. Not much difference in age, but we fell for each other…I realise that sometimes he tires easily and don’t want to go out as much as I do. He let’s me do all the things I want to do, but I wanted a partner to travel and do all sort of stuff together. When we are together, it takes all the pain away for having been on my own for a while. We are happy and not alone anymore. We enjoy the time we have .Life is so short and I feel it’s a blessing that we have found each other…Sometimes I get lonely , but when I look in his face and see him all in smiles, it brings me right up…When we see each other we find all kinds of subject to talk about .It’s very nice to have someone who cares for you even if we are not together all the time.

    1 like

  7. Generic Image M says

    There are 21 years between myself and husband of 35 years.  I am now 62 this year and he is 83. I would say “overall” has been good, but with many ups and downs and pretty volatile at times.  Never dull though. The good was always greaa, but when it was bad, It was REALLY BAD..

    The last 5-8 yrs have been the most difficult with the age factor and health issues setting in.  I feel emotionally drained by  healthcare expenses and housing misfortune with the economic times.  We have pretty much drained all assests and Ilost my job last Spring due to economy.  There are days I am just so confused as to what to do next.

    We are now confronted with losing our home if we are unable to get a modification from our bank.  That also has drug on almost a year now and so o  o  draining.  I really need some peace in my life and wish this whole mess was over with.

     

    2 like

    • leevansor leevansor says

      Dear M, Your submission touched me greatly. You must feel lost and almost without hope. Although my problems with an older husband are not yet as grave as yours, I can and do empathize. My saving grace has been able to meditate and pray. I know that may sound facile to you, but unless and until you try one or both, you really won’t know. Moments of peace will come to you, which will allow you to be more creative and confident in resolving your problems. Sit for a moment in a quite place and focus on your breathing. Thoughts will distract you, certainly at first, but do not fight them, just let them drift through without stopping to think about them rather than your breathing. As you learn to free your mind, even for a few minutes, you will begin to feel refreshed. The more you do it, the easier it gets. If you have a higher being to whom to pray, do that. But do not ask for specific things; ask that you be guided toward the solutions to your issues. And then, hard as it may be, express gratitude that you are only 62 and that you are alive and still functioning. If you look around you, I’ll bet you see lots of things that are beautiful and give you pleasure: sunlight streaming through a window, flowers in your yard, even a perfect single blossom, the shade of blue of the sky at twilight. Surround yourself through your thoughts with love. God bless, LIS

      0 like

  8. spiritalk spiritalk says

    My husband was 53 when I met him and I was 41.  We were similar in so many ways – both sedentary.  We loved to eat out and found healthy places to keep us going at the same time as enjoying not doing the dishes.  He was a strong, vibrant man and that was his strenth and charm.  He was caring and loving as well as protective.

    I knew he was a home body and I love to travel, so I arranged a couple of trips (some on my own) with a friend and he was content to stay home.  It never hurt that there were always good reunions on my return. 

    He died last year at 77 and his health had deteriorated in the last year.  My granddaughter was saying this week that you tell when someone is old when the wrinkles don’t go away like the ones you get in the bath.  And she saw grampa getting older.

    There were so many ways we compensated for each other and our health – taking care of each other through it all.  I just don’t feel you have to be in each others pocket 24/7.  Although my daughter always told me we were joined at the hip and most things we did do together.  It was a wonderful ride and not nearly long enough.

    When his strength wained, he was no longer vital.  It affected him not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well.  He was always the strength for me and so many others.  He could not see himself living in any other way.

    Finding compatibility is a creative process.  Enjoy it while  you can.

    God bless, J

    1 like

  9. Generic Image midwestgirl says

    this post is so old and I’m younger but here goes. my husband is 20yrs older than I am. This idiot smokes and smokes and has done so since he was 16. He is now 48. We went to a doctor’s appointment and it wasn’t good. I cried and cried, then got angry. For me, he will be closer to my mother’s age in old age and that’s fine. I’m going to love them just the same. We’re both eccentric and don’t do much. I do gym and he does country guy stuff.  He is country and I’m an island girl. The relationship will certainly have challenges but I would be crying front row at the old man’s funeral.

    1 like

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