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In search of sisterhood: Making new friends at 50+ Hot Conversation

Suzanne Braun Levine, author of Fifty Is the New Fifty: Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood, talked with Vibrant Nation about the challenge of making new friends after 50:


Suzanne Braun LevineMaking new friends is very hard at our age. It turns out that one of the reasons many women 50+ go back to school is not only to get the degree, but to make new friends. There are also many volunteer projects, group projects, churches, that enable people to connect.

Gloria Steinem has this wonderful idea that there should be something like Alcoholic Anonymous meetings in every city, but for friendship. Whether you move to a city, or are just passing through, you look in the newspaper and see where the meeting is, and you go, and it’s a meeting for sisterhood. And the same rules apply: Complete discretion and honesty and all of that. And you get your “friend fix.”

This is a real problem and women ask me about it the time. I would love to hear what Vibrant Nation members’ experiences have been.

Read Suzanne’s Vibrant Nation interview, Learning to say “no” and how it changed my life

What’s your advice for making new friends after 50? How do you get your “friend fix”?

Posted in family & relationships.

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38 Responses

  1. Generic Image emcmahill says

    Susanne,

    I’m gald you posted this blog because I just queried for this very subject of making friends at an older age and it makes me feel less alone knowing that other people in their 50s are having trouble finding new friends too.

    I’m 58, divorced, ride my bicycle everywhere (I sold my car 3 years ago and decided not to get another one until electric cars are good and reasonabley priced), have a part-time job and tend to keep to myself since I need a lot of time as an artist to paint and think.  But still, there are so many times when I would appreciate having a friend I could confide in.  The last close friend I had like that was 4 years ago.  In 2006 I moved from Florida to Los Angeles and then to Sacramento, CA and have not met anyone yet who I feel could be a close friend.

     

    I don’t go to group meetings since I have never enjoyed group activities.  I have always met potential friends doing various things that come naturally in my every day life.  I met my last friend at the laundrymat, which makes me think that if we really want to make a new friend, that person will connect with us.  So maybe I don’t really want to make a new friend right now even though I say I do.  It’s true that I want a lot of time to paint because I’m working very hard at achieving my dream of living as an artist, living from selling my paintings though I haven’t gotten to that point of selling yet.

     

    Or maybe after all the experiences I’ve had in my life I just don’t trust people as easily as I did when I was younger.  Or maybe, I’ve decided that there are loads of people who are not interesting to me.  Actually I know that’s true.  It takes a really interesting person now for me to want to talk for more than a few minutes.  I have one or two friends actually but they live far away and are not the kind of friend that I would visit but would enjoy having a conversatino with once in awhile if they lived in the same city as I do.

    At this point I’m waiting for that person to connect with me magically as has always been the case in the past.

    Ellen McMahill

    Sacramento CA

     

     

     

    2 like

    • Generic Image CAROL MANNINO says

      i CANT BELIEVE I AM READING THIS IT IS LIKE MY OWN LIFE. I AM DIVORCED AFTER 31 YEARS OF MARRIAGE . I HAVE GOTTEN WHERE I DONT TRUST ANYONE EASILY. I DONT MAKE NEW FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THE REJECTION FROM HUSBAND AND THE FRIENDS THAT DROPPED OFF DURING THE LAST 2 AND 1/2 YEARS.PEOPLE HAVE A TENDANCY TO BE FRIENDLY TO YOU BUT NOT WITH YOU. I ALSO AM LIVING IN RURAL AREA AND IS NOT CONVIENT TO ANY THING.I AM NOT ABLE TO DRIVE SO I DONT GET OUT MUCH AND HAVE VERY LITTLE SOCIAL LIFE

      3 like

      • Generic Image pmc says

        IF youd put your state listed. MYBE OTHERS COULD REFER YOU TO A PLACE,THE FOUND FRIENDS IN BEFORE THEY MOVED ETC.

        IM in LARGO,FL. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE PMC

        0 like

      • Generic Image Sadie says

        I read your blog and was wondering why you divorce after so long? My husband and I are not getting along and have really been doing well for the past 3 years. I think were headed for divorce.

        0 like

      • Generic Image Sadie says

        that should have been divorced and haven’t

        0 like

  2. Edna Rankine Edna Rankine says

    There is a fellowship with some meetings exclusively for women – it is called Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families – don’t let the name stop you – follows the same 12 steps as AA – anonimity, confidentiality, honesty as well as fun stuff like Walk N Talks, picnics, canoe trips in the summer, camping trips, retreats, movie nights, etc. Have been attending for 20 years and have grown and formed great friendships in the process. The trick is that one always has to give in order to get – “if you want a friend, be one!”

    1 like

  3. ladytopaz ladytopaz says

    I married again at the age of 58 and moved to a new small town.  It is quite cliquish and I have had a difficult time making new friends here.  I’ve always been an outgoing person who likes to be around people but since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I have almost become reclusive.  People in this town say you need to live here about 30 years before you are accepted.  I used to make new friends sewing but not here.  I think a FF (Find Friends) like AA would be a great idea!

    2 like

    • onesheila onesheila says

      lady topaz,

      I got married some years ago and moved to a new city. It was not a small town, but still very cliquish in the circles of my interest.  I met one lady and we started a program, Spriited Sisters Expo, which was an arena for self-development.  Hundreds attended the program, I met new friends, received a lot of media attention and even after moving away some three years ago, still receive feedback from women who were inspired by attending the event for the five years we produced it.  You have to step out of the reclusive environment and create your own circle of friends.  Write stories about your sewing experiences and send them to local media, collect emails and start a sewing newsletter.

      One Sheila

      2 like

    • Generic Image GMa says

      Take a class. Join a club.  Volunteer. These things might help.

      0 like

  4. Generic Image Ginger says

    One of the best things I did when I remarried and moved to a new town was to start a small book club. I just went about my daily life and when I ran into a woman that seemed intelligent, opinionated and nice, I asked if she liked to read and would she be interested in getting into a book club. This worked like a charm!  I collected about 8 strong, opinionated, intelligent women for book club. The one bad thing about it was that with all those strong wills it was difficult to agree on a book to read. We solved that over 8 years of trying different genres, authors, books by just reading what we want and getting together to eat, laugh & share and exchange our books. I’ve since moved again, but I still count those 8 women as lifelong friends.

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  5. Generic Image melena says

    Suzanne,

    There is a great networking site called “meet-up” available everywhere.  Groups form for everything from dinning out, walking groups, book clubs etc.  You are able to participate as much or as little as you choose.  I have met some wonderful women through these groups.  One that I have really enjoyed is “girlfriends unlimited”. 

    I hope someone finds this helpful.  We all need friends!

    Melinda

    Dallas, TX

     

     

    2 like

  6. Generic Image EmmayB says

    Suzanne,

    Excellent topic and one I’ve been musing on lately myself. I too, have a new husband am taking care of a 5 yr old grandson and am ‘self-employed’…but either because I really don’t want the disappointment that the last few ‘best friends’ have resulted in — or, I’m just not ‘in that right space’…I’m completely bereft of female friends. I’ve been to the “Meet Up” events and go to church but everybody seems to have their own too-large set of friends/family and not interested in fostering deeper relationships beyond “Hi”…I examine myself and know I’m less extroverted than most but could that be the whole reason? I would TOTALLY jump in full force for a ‘club’ that combined online ease of communication with face-to-face low-key and enjoyable, mutual interest meetups…hmmm I wonder how that might get started?

    0 like

    • onesheila onesheila says

      Suzanne,

      Start with yourself.  You mentioned you are self-employed.  What do you do?  How do you promote your business.  You take care of your grandson, start a grandparents group for people who care for their grandchildren.  I am sure you will find a lot of conversation about that topic.  You have it all right in front of you.  You just have to take the steps to make it happen.

      One Sheila

      2 like

  7. SatorisWings SatorisWings says

    I think a sisterhood sounds good.  Not sure where I’d find it around here though.  Nearest town, population 150. Mostly the people in the area are radically more conservative than I am – except for the old hippies.  They are the nicest ones.

    0 like

  8. Fran Young Fran Young says

    I, too, am without friends closeby since I’ve lived and worked outside the US for the past 18 yrs. or so…  And, the ones I thought were friends now just seem SO uninterested, uninteresting, uninspired, unmotivated….Well, I’d just rather keep my own company.

    But then I think I’m becoming jaded and worry that this is what getting older is — critical and cynical.  THAT won’t work!!

    For now, at least, I’ve ‘solved’ the problem by finding a women’s group who met thru their interest in art — they get together regularly and the talk just doesn’t stop.  I’m enjoying, as a new participant, just sitting back and letting the words wash over me, and kinda pinpointing who I feel like could be a friend.  Sounds snobby, I’m sure, but at this point in my life a good book can be a better friend that putting up with loads of people I’ve met.  Plus, a book doesn’t try to get me to go to their church!

    1 like

    • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

      I’m a writer and an artist and I enjoy my own company. I have adopted one of my husband’s favorite sayings “I’d rather be alone than with just anyone.”

      I’ve learned a lot through books I have read.  That’s one of the reasons I write – to give back.  I prefer to get my insights through novels, so I don’t feel preached at.  Nonfiction says, “Here’s the truth, folloiw it.”  Fiction says, “Here’s a story, some ideas and a way of viewing the world.  Take what you like or need and leave the rest.”

      You can work through the feelings of cynicism.  I have them too, and they are dissolvable.

      1 like

      • Edna Rankine Edna Rankine says

        How true for me also – the older I get, the more I long for alone time to write and give back. Haven’t published yet but working on it. I would like to share a lot of experiences and insights.

        2 like

      • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

        Learning to write a good query letter relative to publishing one’s work is whole ‘nother skill set.  But there are is good instruction out there, and with practice the letters get better. Persistence is key.

        Person to person can be draining, if the others are energy vampires.  I’ve run into my share of them.  One of the things I’m trying to learn is when to speak out and when to remain silent.

        1 like

      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        This is exactly where I am, at this point in my life.  I enjoy my time alone, writing down my thoughts, my life’s experiences, hopes for my future and painting on glass.  I do wish that I had a good woman friend. They are hard to find.  I tried to be a good friend to two younger women and one older woman in the last five years. Non of these relationships worked out and they all were very hurtful to me in the end.  It seem that, people are not real anymore.  They will say anything and mean nothing of substance.

        The three women I tried to make friends with was as different as night and day. The first one was an attorney, but, she did not have any common sense. She seem to think her friends should feel as though, it was an honor to be seen with her.  She was like my 60 year old friend, both had bad self-images.  

        This attorney friend first called me when I campaigned for Mayor of our city. The calls continued after the campaign was over, calling several times a day, even waking me up before she went to work in the mornings, calling every couple of hours from work and a couple more times after work and before bedtime. It was like, all of a certain, she could not breath without me telling her how to.  I said to my son, how is this woman an attorney? It was like I was dealing with a 12 or 13 year old child. This drove me crazy for about 8 to 9 months.   It was like two individuals.  I eventually had to cut that relationship.

        Friend number two moved into my apartment building, right next door.  She was married and soon had a new baby.  I said hello when ever I ran into her and kept to myself.  One day she rang my door bell to introduce me to her 5 month old baby boy.  After that day, she began to come over my apartment a few times each week and I fell in love with her baby.  This young woman (24) was in college and someone must have told her something about me and how I loved to help people. 

        She began to ask me to help her with her collage work especially her written work. I felt bad for her after I read some of her class papers. I tried to explain to her  that her writing needed to tell a story, not bounce around and go back and forth. Her writing did not improve and without my writing her papers for her, she would not have graduated from our local community college.

        This made me uncomfortable with our relationship because, in additional to the papers, she kept asking to borrow things, the same things over and over, from a glasses of milk, dish detergent, laundry podwer, asking me or my son to takes pictures of her children and neices and more homework. 

        Two weeks ago, I blew up at her. Now our relationship is over.  The last straw was, I had told her months ago,  that I did not wish to do any more papers.  I was not in school and did not want that kind of stress put on me. she begged and begged because, this was her last paper and she needed it, in order to graduate. All I had to look at, was her three typed written pages. It was written like a 5th to 7th grader.  It took me over 8 hours to think about her topic and I wrote a five page paper for her. 

         I am a senior citizen and do not have a car, I told her that, in a few more days, I would needed her to take me to The Home Depot or to Lowes, so I could pick up some flowers for my flower garden. She said that she would take me; however, about 15-20 days went by and no response from her.  Then she had the nerve to rang my door bell 15-20 days later, to borrow something else and not a word about why she had not taken me to the store.  She and her husband have tow cars and one is a mini van, enough room to accomodate  my flowers. This wonam lives in apt. 2 and I live in number 3, our front doors are about 3 feet apart.

        I am the only one in our complex that plants flowers ever year.  I have planted for the last 15 years or more.  She knows how much I love the flowers, living next door and could not take me to the store, after all I have did for her.  When she rang my door bell about two weeks ago, with a three year old and baby on one hip and an emtpy mug in her hand, I saw red.  I blew up when she wanted to borrow laundry detergent again, saying her children did not have any clean clothes.

         NO, SHE DID NOT GET ANYTHING ELSE FROM ME. I had, had it with her.  It was not my responsibility to make sure her children have clean clothes. She had went to the well, one time too many times. This time, the well was dry.  She have not spoken with me since that night.  What a relief?  SMILE.     Who need that kind of friend?  I am nice not stupid.  I cannot understand  why people think that, individuals who are nice, are also stupid?

        My son tells me that, I let things pill up and then explodes.  This is not true.  I am a nice, compassionate and understanding individual.  I give people enough time to see, that I am just nice everyday.  Now when people cannot understand that, I will show them another side of me; one that everyone understand.  There are 12 families living in my building.  Why did my next door neighbor pick me and not ask others to help her?  There are three other Muslim families (I am not muslim) living in my building and two of them are from her country.  I do not want the responsibility of taking care of everyone.  I want a friend, that,s a friend. I would rather be alone than have a phony person in my life.  I am at an age where I am not going out to work everyday however, I have my own days planned from, watching national and international news, history shows, cooking, discovery and sports to writing, playing games on the computer, trying to meet new people and planning to discover more of my beautiful country, the USA and Canada.

        I agree with SatorisWings, sometimes, person to person can be very draining. I have met at least three energy vampires in the last five years and that’s enough to last a life time.

         

         

         

        1 like

      • Lynnette Lynnette says

        Josephine, tell your next door neighbor that if she wants a doormat, to go to Walmart.  A friend does not take advantage of the other, all the opposite.  Also if taking you to the store was important, you should of asked her again.  She is 24, w/a baby, she probably totally forgot.  I know people, since i am a salesperson.  Within 1 hour i can tell what they are all about.  I then decide whether i want to be their friend or just an acquaintance… I too moved to a new City in So Florida.  I thought coming back to my hispanic roots was going to be like when i was a child… our next door neighbors were like family.  Nooot.  I have lived in So Florida for 11 years now and still i am friendless. 

        0 like

      • Butterflyinmotion Butterflyinmotion says

        The woman you described was a “USER”. I think it’s admirable that you “helped” her as much as you did, but I have to say that by doing her homework for her and writing her papers, you did not do her any favors nor did you do the world at large any favors, as she graduated based on your work and not hers. That also makes her a “CHEATER”. How is she going to manage on her own in a field where she is not “qualified”? You did not say what her “major” was or where she was hoping to land a position using ”her/your” degree. I personally would not want to be seen by this woman in any professional capacity, especially in a field of work related in any way, shape or form to medical/hospital/doctor’s office, and Lord help, in an ER.  I’d much rather a person do their school work honestly on their own and graduate with a “C” average, than to use another person to do their work and graduate with an “A” or even a “B”.  Think of the possibilities of what can go wrong, or what harm can be done. Even if it’s teaching “English”, it doesn’t sound like she would be someone you would want to “teach” you or children, because she obviously could not “teach” herself.  I applaud you for ending the relationship even though it took you a long time to do it. Kudos to you. Perhaps next time you find yourself in a situation where you can help someone and know of something they can do for you in return, you make an agreement with them on the spot, “I’ll loan/give you a cup of detergent, IF you will agree to take me to Lowe’s to purchase flowers on Saturday Morning at 9:00 AM, and I will knock on your door precisely then. If you will please call me or leave a note on my door Friday evening, telling me you will be expecting me and will be ready to roll, I’d be so very pleased. Perhaps we can have “coffee & a donut” together on the way.” Or something to that effect, but you get my drift.  If the person doesn’t follow through and has the audacity to ask you again for something, I’d remind them that you were disappointed when they didn’t keep up their end of the bargin last time, reminding them of their agreement on the trip to buy flowers, and because of that incident, you’ve decided not to loan anything again as you’ve been burned one time too many.  Another idea would be to say, “Hey, I was just on my way to see you to collect on that trip to Lowe’s you owe me, (stood me up for or whatever) so here’s what I’ll do, I’ll gladly loan you some detergent, IF you will take me to Lowe’s (or name wherever else you need to go right NOW), and you can pick-up the detergent when we return! I’m sure if the laundry has waited this long, it can wait a while longer, and, oh, by-the-way, here’s a thought – did you know they actually sell Laundry detergent at Lowe’s, too! You can do some shopping while we are there, too!” What do you think?

        The age difference should not be an issue, and regardless, it does not entitle one to abuse the other, or to always expect help, but never return favors, or offer on their own to do favors for you because of the kindnesses you have shown her. Knowing you love flowers, she could have picked some up for you as a surprise and made a gift of them to you every now and then. Just because one doesn’t ask for a favor in return for doing a favor, doesn ‘t mean it would not be nice to receive something in return. After all, everything cost money, detergent especially is getting much more costly these days! A few bucks to give you in exchange for a cup would have gone a long way in making you a little ‘happier’ to see her when she knocked on your door, I’d be willing to bet.

        Good luck finding friends. And I hope it’s friends that will be as nice to you as you are to them. 

        I also think it would be nice for people looking for friends, as someone in a message or two mentioned, to include state info, perhaps City info, in case someone reads your message & thinks “Here’s a woman after my own heart”. 

        0 like

      • LilTigg LilTigg says

        Just in case you would like some support, I am a member of writers circle and our web site is open to everyone:

        http://wfscsherwoodpark.com

        0 like

  9. browser browser says

    We moved to another state several years ago.  This was the first time we moved that far and without the kids.  I was lost.  In a local paper – there was a notice of a speaker from the local hospital that would talk about volunteering at the Newcomers club.  I decided to check it out and found the most fun group of ladies – and, like myself, were mostly my age, everyone from somewhere else.  Most of our husbands all worked in the related field and we became friends with quite a few couples as a result.  I never did get around to volunteering at the hospital – but did do quite a bit of charity work with the Newcomers.  Most counties have a group.  You might look into it.  You can do as much or as little with the group as you please.  It was so great to see a friendly face in the grocery store and have something to look forward to after many months of being lonely.

    0 like

    • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

      With all that needs done in the world if we are to survive, there’s more than enough for each of us to do.  We all need to become involved in saving the planet.  If we need companionship, we can find organizations involved in this process and take part in them.  We, then, will find others who are interesting to spend time with and at the same time we can do our part to make sure our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, young friends and pets have a habitable planet to live on.  Otherwise we are toast, flat out.

      0 like

  10. Maggie Rose Maggie Rose says

    This topic is so relevant to my life right now. As 2 of my closest friends seemed to drift into a place I could no longer relate to (or vice versa?) I was left with a hole in my heart. In my quest to redefine the “next 50″ I joined a spirit dance class and rediscovered my love of dance. Through this experience I met other kindred spirits and have developed some warm friendships that better nurture the women I’ve become.

    While a friendship of many years often brings familiarity and comfort, I’m finding these new connections are more about the NOW. One woman encouraged me to try out for our community’s “Senior Follies” which both excited and terrified me. In spite of the fear, I tried out and was offered (at 60!) a part as a dancer and a Showgirl (think feathers and sparkles) I had a great time and I never would have considered doing that without the support of my new friends.

    As an author (Amazing Grays)
    I’m finding that many women are looking for ways to redefine themselves, and forums such as this are a  godsend. While there is a chance that we might “meet” someone online that we click with who happens to live in our home town, there is also the opportunity to explore the kind of friendship that transcends physical space and connects in the heart – reminding us that we’re all in this together.

    I’ve also learned that the person most of us are looking for, is the person looking back at us from the mirror. Taking time to get to know her, who she is NOW, what makes her happy NOW,  goes a long way toward creating inner peace and self-satisfaction. I spent 3 months on silent retreat, and found the friend I was looking for.

    Warmly,  maggie rose crane

     

    0 like

  11. letarussell letarussell says

    I moved with my husband to Australia 2 years ago, so that meant really finding new friends as even keeping in touch long distance with my friends in the USA was challenging because of time differences.

    For me, just as when I was younger, I found friends in a local church. Fortunately, the Aussies are really friendly, but it took some initiative on my part to plug into a connect group of women in my age range for fellowship and to share on a more personal level. Out of that group, there are about 3 that I’ve become closer to and do things with outside of church functions.

    I find it’s easier to make friends, when you have a shared interest. When I was younger most of my friendships were centered around family and our kids, but we also got together for crafting parties, cooking, etc. Having a common activity like a book club, biking, movies, etc. creates a regular occasion to get together.

    Some of the ideas here are excellent, but I noticed in each case, that the women usually initiated either the event or the connection to a friend. I agree that you sometimes have to create the venue for meeting people.

    By the way. to ladytopaz: Have you thought to look for someone else in your same shoes? Maybe there is someone else new to the community struggling with the cliques as much as you are. Is there a local Welcome Wagon where you could get the name of newcomers and maybe invite to your own meet up? Just a thought.

    0 like

  12. Generic Image Rhonda Geneva says

    Two things have helped me make friends at fifty . . .

    One is my five year old daughter and all of her activities.  I know this is unusual for my age, but I’m really enjoying meeting women at the same stage in  life that I am, but mostly ten to fifteen years younger.

    Second, I started a business women’s network and have been promoting the connections of women in my community.  When you offer help to someone with no ulterior motives, friendships blossom.

    0 like

  13. Generic Image Rita@Goldivas says

    Wow, I’m surprised at the number of women who want a friend, but aren’t willing to make any effort. Also, stop looking for a friend, and look for friends. My surrogate older sister, who is 80, says that you need to constantly be making friends, because some will fall away for one reason or another. We all value our alone time now, but it’s not very satisfying if that’s all we have. Look for others with common interests. Even if you’re “not a group person”, join a group of like-minded people. Make the effort, and reach out.

    Josephine, I think your son is right, probably that young woman had no idea you were unhappy, and by blowing up at her, you erased the chance to salvage anything from that relationship. How would you feel if someone blew up at you? Work on establishing boundaries sooner. As soon as someone oversteps, that is the time to say, calmly and firmly, “no, I’m not willing to do that”. I also think your request to go to HD or Lowe’s was probably a little vague, you might have followed up your request with, “when would be a good time for you to schedule that”?

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  14. Lynnette Lynnette says

    LADIES, we are not alone and friendless anymore…. we have each other!  We can set up a chatroom, get a glass of wine and make a date anytime to chat and be girlfriends… count me in when u set the date.

    0 like

    • Generic Image shira says

      Lynnette, good idea.  How do we set up a chat room?  that would be fun.  I guess we can also chat on this website.  Stay in touch.  Shira

      0 like

  15. Generic Image cameo says

    I have been hurt so many times I am afraid to get close to men or women…I wish I wasn’t that way…I have had a boyfriend for almost 10 years andI love him so much but I just can’t put myself out there again just to be hurt…I was married twice and couldn’t make it work andI would rather have this wonderful man in my life than ruin it by taking another step.

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  16. Five to Nine Five to Nine says

    Excellent question and one that I’ve discussed with friends often.  I don’t have tons of friends just a few women who are very close to me emotionally but live all over the country.  I do get lonely sometimes as I currently live in a suburb where nearly everyone drives.. and I don’t.  I’m a walker, a native New Yorker, and it unnerves me that I can leave my house and walk for a half hour and barely see anyone else on the street.  Young people can just stand on a corner or in a park and make a friend; adults have it harder.  These days, I couldn’t afford to join anything if I wanted to, but even if I could, I’m not much of a ‘joiner’.  I don’t like to feel obligated to be somewhere every week; feels too much like a job.  I prefer the spontaneity of calling a friend and chatting for hours or meeting for coffee or something.. but it’s hard to widen your circle once you become an adult.

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  17. Generic Image Nunnsense says

    I like sharing life experiences and anything that might familiarize you with that person. I am 56 and still have children at home. We don’t share a lot but we do share. Only thing is they’ve heard all my stories before. I love talking to creative people. I love positive, “keep your head to the sky people. Someone that can always brighten each day. I miss my association with other adults, I haven’t had that in years. I am not a Southerner. When I speak with some they immediately know that we are different. Of course that isn’t always the case but my associations are always cordial. I’ve never found a website that I enjoy communicating with other people.

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  18. Generic Image Abigailblues says

    I find this so amazing, I thought maybe it was just me but then I stumbled upon this site and I’m so glad that there are others in my age group that are having the same thing happening in their lives.

    My husband and I retired and moved from Ca. to Or. 4 years ago and I’m finding that  it is very difficult to meet and make friends.

    We moved to a place on 5 acres in the country and neighbors are far and few in between, this in its self is quite a change because we lived in the city in a neighborhood in Ca. We love it here, it is peaceful and beautiful but very secluded.

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    • Generic Image shira says

      I have so many different kinds of friends; my high school female friends do a brunch every 2 to 3 months; from this same group I meet up with 3 of those friends for dinner about once or twice a month–I am usually the initiator because I choose to be; that way I can plan it when it is good for me and they are all fine with that.  I also meet with 4 other lady friends once a week for bible study at church.  I also have one-on-one friends that i see every now and then–each one of these friends are different.  I am also in the oerforming arts and I was also a teacher for 35 years—I am married for 31 years so we are busy as well.  I have one friend who is probably my sou-mate friend–she travels alot but we also talk on the phone when she is gone and that is fine with me.  I have stopped being judgemental and picky about friends; I am more accepting of different personalities and that makes life much more interesting.  So keep your options and heart open  as a more accepting individual and it is amazing how your world opens up.  I love this website; it is wonderful and we need to all keep in touch.  Love, Shira

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  19. Generic Image nli1 says

    Someone mentioned MEETUP.COM, which is a terrific website. I was looking for a bridge game nearby and went on their site, and could not find one. But what I DID find was 30 people who wanted a bridge game to get started, so I started one. MEETUP is an online site that is based on the idea we have to get together in person and not just on the internet. So you sign up, put in your zip code, and it tells you about all the meetups in your area. There are meetups for book discussions, meetups of people who own boston terriers, meetups for people who dance, or want to study astrology. There are meetups for speaking Italian, and meetups for eating at different restaurants. By the time you work your way through your list of interests, you will have met tons of people. 

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