| i want to remarry | Hot Conversation |
i’ve been in a wonderful relaionship for over 6 years and i’m ready to be a wife, but he’s want to wait , he loves me and plans for us to always be together but i believe in marriage, what should i do break up or continue just living together?
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Love is all around. Some people don't know how to quietly receive it and only feel significant if they are stirring up/ agitating the atmosphere around them. I guess to them that is "making an impact"". No matter how much "love" you send them, nothinThank you for the advice. I will heed it.
Get over it.Retta: The ladies represented here are beautiful women who have been through hell and learned the lessons from living in that place. If they do "have it all together" it is only because of what they have been through and the hard work they have hI agree with She Cat.
And about online dating. There is one man that lives between Barrie and Toronto that has no hair, bright blue eyes, and stands 5"6. He gives the impression he wants a single relationship, or sex only depending on who he is talk
Betz, My brother went thru a similar experience. His girlfriend of over 10 years gave him the ultimatum. They broke up for a short time and then he changed his mind and they married. I don’t remember ever seeing them really happy after that and they are now going thru a messy divorce. She wanted the divorce.
You must decide what is more important to you: this man or marriage.
The only reason to break up with him is if you really want to be married–more than anything else. And if you are willing to lose him over it.
Breaking up with him is a risky proposition if you are doing it only to get him to come back with a wedding band. That does work sometimes; I’ve seen and heard of it working. (You break up, he misses you, he comes back….) But the reality is that it is an ultimatum and the reality is — even if he comes back — he resents it and you. ALl that does is increase the likelihood of divorce, and then you are alone.
Besides: who wants a man to marry you when he only married you after an ultimatum? Not because it was something he wanted to do deep in his heart of hearts and that he couldn’t imagine life without making that level of commitment to you?
Dallas Lady is right. You must decide whether it is HIM or the concept of marriage that you want most. I really do understand the desire to marry – it’s a possessive thing that pervades everything we say or do. Not being able to say “this is my husband” conveys to many of us that there is some reason we are not able/willing to make the commitment, ergo something is “wrong.” Some reasons are valid and make a piece of paper insignificant – my husband was retired military so if I remarry anyone other than military, I lose my health insurance – at 68 and a breast cancer survivor, that makes remarriage less possible. But I wouldn’t give a second thought to a commitment without marriage to someone I loved and respected who just didn’t happen to be retired military. I guess what I’m saying is that you have to get to the bottom of WHY he isn’t ready to commit and then make your decision. And remember, there are always several issues - emotional, legal and financial. Do you know which bother’s him? Is he living with you in your home or vice versa? Whatever, two people don’t make a decision – one decides and the other reacts. This is YOUR decision – giving an ultimatum to someone else just puts your life under their control. Try to get to the factual bottom of it and then decided what YOU want to do. Don’t threaten or give a dated ultimatum – just set about doing what YOU want to do – stay and enjoy or seek what you want elsewhere. I hope you get what you want.
Tough situation. Personally, I give a man one year and along the way we have little talks about long-term plans. I don’t give him an ultimatum. The one-year, cut-off date is filed away in my head.
In the case of my ex-boyfriend who is still a good friend, I waited 2 1/2 years because I met him six months after my ex moved out. I didn’t want to rush into marriage #2. But now, the divorce is behind me, and I am looking forward. I am looking for someone to build a future. I still love my ex-boyfriend, but his not wanting to marry became a problem for me. Even though I knew he loved me and still loves me, his not wanting to marry was a sign to me that either: 1. he hasn’t married and will never marry, and/or 2. I fall short in his eyes that would cause him to not want to marry. Either way, I decided, this didn’t feel good to me, and I deserved better. These are probably my last 30 years, and I want a deep commitment with a man. Dating is fun but after awhile it feels like kid stuff.
thank you all for your responses. but there’s got to be a reason, and i need to know why im 52 and he is the one for me. he has my heart and soul i know i’ll dye inside without him but this has been bothering me for years
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Are you asking us to help you understand why you feel unsatisfied …or why he won’t make the commitment you seek? We really can’t help with the latter, you know. Have you asked him what he’s waiting for????? Even at my age and experience, it ALWAYS surprises me when men fail to understand things which are so basic to us. They notice that you’re being moody or edging into their bathroom space, or didn’t close the garage door - but the reason they make jokes about “what women really want” is because they don’t have a clue. Occasionally, you have to put your hands on both sides of their sweet faces and look them straight in the eye and say “I want…whatever.”
thanks i ‘m going to talk to him this is always in the back of my mind
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Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for FREE?
Have you thought about moving out and sharing with him that you love him and want things to be “right” between you with a comittment vowed before God? Tell him, we can continue to see one another but I think I should have my own space.
I take it that you make love to him, cook, clean, wash his clothes and provide all the services in the relationship that a wife provides but you don’t have “the wedding ring”. Am I right?
If you move those “extra benefits” go away..he may think a little harder about marrying you if you stop playing the role of wifey without the benefits.
he lives with me and i have said all of those thing
Betz, OK…after reading EVERY ONES comments again…you and I are about the same age. I am 51. I feel the same way you do, I want “the ring” i.e. = security. I agree with SassySenior, Age 68 regarding, you are going to have to put your hands on his face, look him in the eyes and tell him what you want.
He is not going anywhere, he is living in YOUR place. By the way, I have done that twice before and I am not going to share my space with anyone else unless we are married. Living together is for the birds! If we were much older I could see “settling” like Sassy Senior is saying BUT WE ARE NOT. Betz, I was on a date last night with a guy who has been chasing me since Jan, 09. I had not read Sassy Senior’s comments yet but you know by instinct I asked him, “what are your intentions towards me?” His reply was I want a long term relationship with you, I am not looking to get married, right now. I am just getting out of my divorce (it’s been less than 1 year). But you see Betz, I ASKED THE QUESTION. Baby girl, ASK the question. When you get the reply THEN and only then can you assess whether you want to SETTLE and say it’s ok to co-habit, forever and begin the self analysis that DallasLady recommends. I am going to check that out myself as well..and as a side note, I just got a text message from my “date” last night saying GOOD MORNING, How are you? Looks like the beginning of something new…
Back to you, let us know how it goes after “the talk”.
thanks, were talking tonight i told him i need to tell him some things, good luck
I spilled out my heart and soul told him everything and i would always be his friend , but nothing changed he thinks he’s committed except for a ring and doesn’t want to leave and none of my reasons, he excepts me for myself and who i am and love’s me, i still feel like something missing he said he wants to always be with me the more i push for marriage just puts it off.i don’t know how long our being friends living together will last.
Oh Betz. I’m afraid you’re back to Dallas Lady’s and my other posts. Your home; your life; your decision. I get that you don’t want to make a decision between the guy and the ring – you want them both! I am also beginning to get the idea that you feel used, but that would be acceptable if you were compensated with something of value to you, i.e. marriage. Good relationships are difficult to come by so I hope that if this one is good for you both that you will find a way to come to terms with it. It’s not like another man is in the wings on bended knee. Breaking up is painful, fraught with “what ifs,” and it’s possible, even probable, that Mr. Perfect won’t come along for years, if ever. I still think the question is not “why he won’t marry you” but “why are you acting that everything is so wonderful if you are worrying about this all the time.” I would not trade a WONDERFUL relationship for a piece of paper – perhaps it’s that important to you, but if not, maybe you can give more thought to why it is bothering you than to seeking a magic solution from your partner.
I’ve been reading the SILVER PEARL book that is on the left menu of this website and it can lead you to some remarkable questions – and if you do it kind of “work book” style, also to some self revealing answers. It only takes a few hours to read the whole thing and I recommend starting at the beginning rather than jumping right to the relationships chapter. I know these things strike people differently, but I think it will help you. If you deal with your dissatisfaction, perhaps Mr. Wonderful will deal with his in response. I hope you work this out.
cial issue. How you divy up the cost of living is private. Even if you are married, there are times one or the other carries the ball and that too, if private. It doesn’t seem to be the problem for younger men that it is for boomers and older. The norm of our age group was that Daddy was the head of the household because he brought in the bacon. But women now make their way in the workplace and provide for themselves as well as or sometimes better than a man. Good for us…but men who came up under the same system are literally still trying to figure out who wears the pants. Centuries of training and ego has gone awry for them in a couple of generations. I find that it affects my thinking even at this age. My friends are widely diverse financially, but, at my age, the man I would respect enough to marry needs to have something to show for his life’s work. He doesn’t have to have the trappings of wealth, but I need to know that he has planned for this stage of life such that his responsibilities would not fall on others.
Uh oh. I hit the send button without deleting what I had first written…and part of it shows above. I do see a elephant in your living room and he’s all the unspoken concerns that each of you have – and one of them could well be financial. But I decided that’s not really my business and what I really wanted to do was help you define your dissatisfaction in ways that might help you let it go and enjoy what you say you have. I think respect is extremely important and financial responsibility if part of that, but strangely, I also think that is more private than what you have shared. Please forgive. I’ll try to be more careful.
I know that was hard and my heart sank to see that it did produce the result you wanted so much. Youhave done everything that YOUR words can do. The main decidion has not changed at all – it is and always be yours.
Interestingly, there isi another post running on marriage – “Do women our age want to remarry or just a significant other?” posted by ciiiiii53. There are over 70 posts and they are overwhelmingly in favor of various forms of significant other over marriage. The dissenters, as usual, are Dallas Lady and myself. Maybe it’s just the times. I think those who have had good experiences with marriages have a hard time understanding why anyone would settle for less – but those who have not – and they seem to be legion – have adopted the idea that they are happier on their own terms and not beholden, at least legally, to anyone. They seem all to prefer the idea of having a significant other – when it’s convenient or needed – but commitment to another person is lower on their value scale than self. Sounds cold and selfish…but there is also a school of thought that you have to take care of yourself first (and that includes your happiness that is not dependent on others) before you can commit to and help others. I guess it’s the women’s Catch 22.
My bottom line (somebody above called it “settling” and for some I don’t disagree that it falls in that category) is that we live in scary times and we should hold on to happiness in whatever form it is available to us. Again, I want to remind you to check out the Silver Pearl on the left menu – it’s workbook approach to deciding what you want and acting on it is really helpful. It could be that what you really want is what you really have and all that this particular man can give. I assure you that love and commitment between the parties are not equalized by marriage – it is always a give and take. So, go seek happy – and if you find that marriage is your only key to happy, you’ll know what to do. Just remember that you are not trading a significant other for a guarantee of marriage or happy marriage – just the opportunity to seek it. I haven’t found a significant other with whom I’d even consider marriage – which doesn’t mean you won’t – but statistics are on my side. I guess what I’m saying is that you need to rate your levels of happy that involve another person. If marriage is indeed YOUR No.1; then being happy in yourself without any man has to be No. 2; and by definition, a commitment without marriage is No. 3. If you give up No.3 where you are now, you’ll be in the No. 2 position by default; and will still be seeking No. 1. In my opinion, that’s moving up a notch – but that’s because my marriage was rewarding and satisfying. If it hadn’t been, they I can easily see myself in the sheps of those who have found happiness in themselves with, or without, a man. It ought to be black and white, but it’s really a big grey blob of situational circumstances.
Betz my heart goes out to you. I don’t begin to understand why some men are like that. You need to look in your own heart for the answer. I have been married for 39 years. We have had a lot of ups & downs, we are in the downs now. But I know with 100% of my being that my husband has my back covered. We stand totally together against whatever is coming to knock us down. When he starts to fall to his knees I am right there to help him get back on his feet & he does the same for me. We amaze our kids because we can finish thoughts for each other. We have written letters to each other for over 20 yrs. I wish we had known about that when we were younger. The letters let us put all of our feelings outside of ourselves onto paper. Sometimes when you are trying to talk face to face the other one interrupts & you forget what you were trying to say. It doesn’t even matter the length. I almost always write a lot but he usually says it in one page. I guess what it boils down to is that I am his other half & we complete each other to make a whole. We are committed to each other by heart & by being married in front of friends & family because we wanted to share our commitment to each other with everyone. I hope that this might help you.
I ordered the book maybe that can help me, i just feel useless at this point, i should be happy but i guess I’m just stubborn and old fashion and want it all. He really doesn’t understand me at all. I want things to be natural not forced so now i feel if we ever get married it will be just for me.
If he is not willing to commit to what is really in your heart does he really hold your heart as someone who really cares should. Sometimes the lips say things that are not really in the heart.
He does love me he’ committed totally except for the ring.I’m taking one day at a time not thinking about our life time. I received the book .he is going on a trip and taking my son for 4 days so i can relax and read and do what ever then next week I and two friends are going to Tenn. for half the week so we will have time away from each other, he will always be the love of my life and my best friend I guess i should just be happy i have someone who is good to me and just try and be happy with that because he not going anywhere he here for life. I just need to concentrate on my health and deal with those issues. thanks for all your advise
Betz,
I ran across a book yesterday that I refer to when I’m trying to understand “how men think.” Take a look at Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.
Chapter 14- Getting the Ring. You will find your answer there.
I have an on-line copy of the book that I downloaded to my computer so it is on my desktop for easy reference. A girlfriend sent it to me via e-mail. Either you can order the book which is a great read or I can e-mail it to you if you’d like.
As soon as I read that Chapter, I immediately thought of you because it laid out why he is NOT giving the ring and what MUST happen to get a guy to think differently. It was a “light bulb goes on over my head minute” and it made sense to me. We are woman, trying to figure out why it’s NOT happening. As soon as you read it from a MALE perspective, you understand the dynamics of what’s really going on.
I have that book but i havent gotten that far , I really like this book thanks i read all of it
i read chapter 14 i know what i need to do, i need to end this relationship he’s just doesnt want to be married , and we can;t be just friends, we can’t live in the same house together and be friends nothing changed as if I never said a word , he is happy just being with me thinks that;s commitment enough, He is the love of my life but there is a emptiness about the marriage thing . he’s out of town until Sunday, so when he returns i have new things to say
Betz Sweetie – If he’s the love of your life, you shouldn’t be feeling empty; and if he’s not a man who can commit, marriage won’t fix empty. I know you’ve thought on it long and hard. When you make your decision, know that you have put your trust in yourself and hang onto that confidence. Some things can be compromised and come can’t and you get to decide which is which. I hope you find happy whatever your decision.
we’ve TALKED HONESTLY I HAVE TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE HE WANTS ME AND DOES WANT TO MARRY ME , WE TRIED THE FRIEND THING THAT DIDN’T WORK WE WERE TOO FRIENDLY WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER SO ILL SEE HOW THINGS GO AND AFTER THE HOLIDAYS AND NEW YEARS COMES AROUND HE IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I CAN’T STAY UPSET WITH HIM HE’S A KEEPER, HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Thanks for checking in, Betz. I’ve thought about you and wondered what happened. I think a lot of us felt your frustration and wanted to help steer you to happy – both of you.
We are still together no ring yet, but he does want to be with me until i take my last breath we had a wonderful Christmas with all our family’s and New years was in Florida and alot of things have improved I’m not depressed now I feel it will happen someday but we will always be together. thanks for caring
were still together but I’ve changed my mind I don’t want to marry him now either .life has dealt me a lot of health problems and its hard for him to understand since he ‘s a picture of health so we differ a lot on issues so I’m seeing a completely different person so we will just live together forever or how long it last, I still love him with all my heart but there has been a lot of changes i need mental support now and I’m not getting it that’s would mean a lot to me to have someone understand what I’m dealing with. So it may be time for him to move on. He’s away now on his spring time love Fishing , I’m happy he’s is having a wonderful time it’s gave me time to think things out and he’s is probably doing some thinking as well so this time apart will help us both to make some decisions for our life i want what will make him happy, I’m a survivor I’ll make due. just thought id check in i enjoy everyone’s articles.
Thanks Betz. I do think about you often. I feel like I know the answer, but it’s not my question. People you don’t even know care, but the one person you want to care doesn’t seem to be able to give you what you think you want most. That makes you unhappy and unhappy contributes to ill health. Perhaps you need to turn your attention to getting healthy. It is more possible that you would think. Your mind is very powerful – you just have to direct that power to the things you really want – love and good health are so intertwined. Hang in there and know that we care.
Its our 7th year together now, we are still together i’m just taking one day at a time, trying to deal with my teen age son and do what is best for him, I know what i want but I really can’t do much about it, Our relationship is fine most of the time. just checking in,
Thanks. I ordered the book. I don’t have a man I’m trying to change – and if I get to have another one, I’ll try to pick one who’s already pretty much house trained. But, it looks like a good read.
thought i would update we are some what still together living partime now still no ring not evening talking now about mmarriage , i guess i dodged a bullit there. this man has been with me eight years now and still doesnt’ talk much i’m tired od waiting and living and wait to plan my life i’mm 54 and were back where we started, who would ever thought. maybe i reaaly don’t need a man in my life there alot of stress and heart ache, at least my is, i sont think he will ever change just wants every thing his way,
OMG. I’m glad to hear from you. I just re-read this entire post. Did you realize that it is two-years exactly since your original post in 2009? Although much has changed in my life, I don’t think I would change anything I said to you before. Now 70…and not nearly the oldest VNer…the one thing I would tell you if I could take your face in my own hands is quit dwelling on the age thing. Your mid 50s are a great time – really thought of today as “middle age.” Know it’s overused…but today really is the first day of the rest of your life. Decide on something you want TODAY that you can have – maybe it’s only a manicure…but give yourself something new and enjoy the new-found power of being in charge of what makes you happy. Make that a pedicure…or better yet, a massage (guaranteed contentment if only for an hour or so!!!) After your present to yourself, I want to hear back from you – particularly about your health. Not getting what you want is in many ways a loss for which there is legitimate grieving – and you’ve been grieving over this man for way too long. I know just telling you to stop won’t help, but encouragement to enjoy this “first day” of your new life could be the new beginning you seem to want so badly. I’ll look forward to hearing from you…
PS – all men want things their own way, but, so do we…(-:
Sassy Senior, so glad to hear from you, I needed to talk to someone .I’m doing alot better with my health, i still have alot of pain but finally the Doctors have my medication right where i can’t tolerate everyday life. I feel so silly after all theses years still worrinying about a guy, I thought by now my life would be settled and i would be in a place where i would be for the rest of my life, instead i’m starting over, I thought I found the love of my life, he is as for as i’m concerned but I have no clue anymore how he feels about me, we still see each other 3 -4 times a week and usuallt talk every day on the phone, but i feel like a friend , instead his girl friend, since he moved out we don’t really go out we just sit at my house and watch tv, i know he works hard but i’mm in this house 24/7 and i would like to get out, espically when i’m feeling better. I. dont think he is seeling anyone else we agreed we would tell each other if we did, but i can’t see him telling that. he won’t want to hurt me and wouldn’t like my reactions either. I think I need to end this I don’t won’t to live like this its ti strange after living together 6 years or more. I like having him here every morning and night this waiting is driving me nuts, He is letting me use his automobile , i never asked him to loan it to me i have to care for my elderly parents . making sure they have there medicaion my mom is in her later stages of alhizermiers so i never know when the phone will ring about them, I’m trying to figure out away to purchase me a car, so i won’t feel abiligated to be at home or to be here when he calls. My son is more happier since my bf mmoved out, they were always at each other, I have to be here for my son he iws 14 and i’m responisible for him, its been a very stressful year and half , between my health, my son. and caring for my parents and not knowing whats going on in my life there for a while i felt like i was loosing my mind. But i know in my heart i need to tell him what i want and since he doesn’t want the same in life we need to say good bye, he keeps just feeding me hope every now and then so i have held on, thanks so much for listening to me since i don;t have my mom to talk with it good to get it out,
Hi ladies its been 9 years now last week I finally ended our relationship. I still love him with all my heart and I’m dying inside but I know he doesn’t love me i was just a booty call, he’s moved out a couple times before but always came back like nothing had happened, But this time I asked for my house keys and gave him more of his things , I haven’t heard a word from him its been five days I always believed he loved me but now seem like the last 9 years was a waste, and I’m hurt and angry, I can’t imagine life without him y family is very small so after all these years i have fell in love with all of his children and family like there my own, so i feel like i lost my life and i;m not sure what to do now, i miss him so when I’m alone, and he’s always on my mind i can’t even sleep and when i do he’s in my dreams, I hope this pain gets better soon I wasn’t this hurt when i got my divorce , Sasst senior i would really like to hear from you, i’m lost right now.
Oh Betz – how can something you needed to do to realize your own worth be so painful? But it is. There is no replacement for loss, but life itself has provided us with a process for dealing with pain. For losses, there is grieving. So, it’s OK to grieve; it’s OK to cry; and it’s better than OK to admit that the whole process sucks and you want to get through it as soon as possible. All the whys and what ifs that have been on your shoulders for years are off. I want you to make a list of your blessings. However short that list may be today, it will grow. Head the list with your son and those who have stood by you. I know that a 15-year old can be a questionable blessing (you have to laugh at THAT), but he’ll grow out of his teens and possibly have learned a valuable lesson from you in how to deal with adversity. It is time to call on your faith for the future – and that starts with building on your past, your blessings, and the promise of time to heal wounds and provide opportunities. There are legions of women who know and understand loss and they are sharing and lightening your burden as the minutes pass. Beginning anew starts with counting your blessings – so we all want to see that list tomorrow.
Hi ladies, at first my heart was breaking i cried every night in the shower when i heard a certain song different places, nut its getting better i;m getting mad at him and i feel foolish for all these years i thought he loved me, but he never really did or he wouldn’t have treated me or my son badly I’m sorry i put my child through all of the pain. I gave him most of his things get him to pick up his other things from my basement and garage and he has some furniture to get. i want his stuff all out so I don’t have to see him again to be friends but my friend would never treated me like he did . its been rough and it will take me along time to get past all of this but I’m glad its over no more wondering I no I’m not the one for him and he doesn’t; love me and i realize now what kind of person he is I’m so-lucky we never married he is a very selfish bitter old man who only cares about himself, he treat me like a stranger and won’t look at me to tell he doesn’t and never loved me i know i was used for 9 years wastes i have lost any trust in men this will never happen again, His family and friends have turned against me even though they were glad i broke things off, oh well blood is thicker than water, I wish him well hope he fines what he’s looking for i know i wasn’t the one; I know time will heal all my wounds, and he will never find anyone to treat him as good as i did. so it his loss my gain i still have my family thanks for listening i;ll write back in a month or so thanks for listening.\\
Hi Betz:
But God…I was just looking through my e-mails tonight when I saw I had an update on a post from VN. I looked, it was you! I remember when I recommended Steve Harvey’s book to you. I’m glad you read it.
Now to tell you how my story ended which is a parallel universe to yours. My guy was “ok” with just being boyfriend/girlfriend as well.
We parted ways on April 14, 2012. I was LIKE YOU, sad, lonely, loving the mess out of him but LIKE YOU I decided, I am NOT GOING TO CHASE HIM. All communication between us came to a stop. ABSOLUTELY NO PHONE CALLS OR E-MAILS OR TEXT MESSAGES. I decided to get my head clear so I went out of town for 3 weeks. During that time, I had to a chance to start healing and when I came back home I was afresh and new. Ready to begin moving forward with my life.
Get this, HE CALLED ME! Said, he was depressed, missed me terribly and could not sleep. Then told me, he told his 17 year old son he was going to ask me to marry him. I SAID, WHAT? Then he said, I don’t want to be engaged, I want to be married. Then proceeded to “pop the question over the phone”. I was in SHOCK! That 3 weeks apart made him miss me. He said, I was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he knew I had nothing but his best interests at heart. We married on May 25, 2012 at city hall.
He will be back, the question is are you going to take him back? When I took mine back, I wrote down what was important to me that he give to me. i.e, going to church with me on sunday, i.e, not calling his son “stupid” anymore. I told him (he looks up to you and you are damaging his self-esteem). It’s one thing to say, “you are acting stupid” vs “you are stupid”.
When he does come back, you tell him, he can’t move back into the house as in the eyes of God you are not “husband and wife” and you want to be “right” in the sight of the Lord. (I am assuming you are a christian).
I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t come back, you just need to be ready to have your list of expectations when the moment arrives.
In the interim, keep yourself busy as Sassy Senior suggested. Talk ot your girlfriends on the phone, visit with them, walk the mall, go to the movies with your son, if he is in sports, go to his games, etc, STAY BUSY and get in a bible based church, God will take you places.
hi Ladies it been over 3 months he finally got all his furniture out of my house i had to push him , he couldn’t see why he things were bothering me, i told him i wanted to move on with my life, we talk now but not about us he has taken me to lunch a couple times sometime its like being with a stranger, i have went to lunch with a couple guys no chemestry between anyone yet but i;m not ready yet no one is apealling to me i guess its to soon but i’m doing good he not verbal abusing me or my son again i still love the person he use to be i’m not sure if we will ever have a futhure unleaa its on my terms thats is respect for me and my son and marriage, I know he doesn’t want that so he will go away titially most lifeely i would like to talk to him but that was always our problem he wouldn’t communicate or express his feelings and i neeed to hear ssomething i feel better about everything i wish i would have done this years ago.
Hi Betz:
Good seeing you here again. Yeah! You took a STAND and MEAN IT! I
am glad you are keeping your self busy, even if it’s just dating, right now you are not looking to jump back into a relationship, you just need friends…be it male or female…and it’s great that your son has SEEN YOU TAKE A STANCE and you are not taking the verbal abuse anymore.
The best part is YOU FEEL GOOD about it and being a GREAT role model to your son.
God is in control, everything is now working out the way it needs to with you feeling good about your decision and ensuring your son’s a and your own mental well being.
You go girl!
You’re a survivor. Doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the pain, but doesn’t it feel good to know you were strong enough to get rid of the source? You’ve created a new you that will grow. Continue to nurture your self worth, be a good Mom, and a good friend to others and one day soon you’ll wake up to life that’s pretty good as is. Then you’ll be ready to decide whether you want or need a partner and you’ll know what qualities you want him to have. I love the Indian saying – “Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, then it’s not the end.”