First, I’m starting to think I may have an internet virus, even though I’ve never had one in the 16 years I’ve owned a pc. I only know something is making my wireless router uninstall itself regularly (twice in two days) and it takes me many hours to get it to reinstall, then get a network connection to establish, etc. Plus there’s the fact that my keyboard has been acting oddly. Well, actually it’s the typing speed part – it seizes up while I keep typing away, and then eventually my typing finally all appears.
But hey, that’s not the worst of what happened today, not by a LONG shot. We knew my alcoholic stepson from Florida was going to be riding with a friend to Indiana, then stop in here for “a couple days”(according to my husband who never gets details) and then he’d fly home from our house.
He called today. I answered the phone. I alway ask questions and get details. It turns out his friend had to leave for Indiana last Wednesday, so Rob informed me he’s now flying here Monday. This COMING Monday, as in 48 hours after his phone call! He plans to stay here with us until Thursday evening or Friday sometime, at which time his Indiana friend will pick him up, take him back to Indiana till Sunday, and then deliver him back here to us Sunday evening.
And that’s when I got the really bad news. I asked when he flies back to Florida (please God let it be maybe 48 hours top, please God let it be….), and he told me he doesn’t fly home for a whole nother week after that – on Saturday, July 3rd.
WHAT? ExCUSE ME?!? He’s never, in 17 years ever spent more than 1 or 2 days at our house. His bar buddies come first, we’ve always been a very distant and unimportant second. I’m now praying fervently he’ll be able to hook up with his bar buddies (in a town an hour to the North of us) and not truly be here for a solid week before flying back home.
Because if he’s here that long and gets drunk every night, I’ll go insane. He’s a really mean and argumentative drunk, the only one in my husband’s family. My husband won’t tell him he can’t drink. He should, but he has no backbone at all when it comes to his “children”. As in NONE.
So I already told Jim I may run away from home, and barring that, I’m going to hide in our bedroom every night and just stay on my laptop (the one that’s not working right) while Rob argues with the TV. He and his Dad can spend all THEIR time together.
But really, if he can get hold of his bar buddies and find a place to stay from Sunday, June 27th until Saturday, July 3rd, we won’t see much of him at all. So please, please, please God – if I’ve ever done anything deserving, please give me that.
P.S. Before anyone can give my any of that unsolicited advice to which I’m so allergic – no, he won’t be staying in a motel because he has no drivers license, he works for minimum wage and lives off his Mommy. Plus Jim would never ask his son to do that anyway. Nope. Unfortunately that definitely won’t be happening.
A divorce could happen, though! So there.
Oh hey, on a happy note, we’re going to have an extremely nice day tomorrow with my pleasant Illinois stepson, his girl-friend, her Mom – and us. Really looking forward to that, I must say. They’ll be horrified to hear how much time Rob’s possibly going to spend with us, and I mean literally horrified. Wait a minute – they have a spare room…. shouldn’t they have to share in the loud, argumentative misery?
I had to chuckle because misery loves company! I've been in a funk for days now. I call all these types of things "the mosquitos" of life. It's like one more thing and you're going to pull the trigger. What I hate and this seems to apply to m
Oh my gosh! I felt your inner pain ... and I apologize for the fact that when I got to the part about setting your hair on fire, I laughed. I'm so glad you weren't hurt, and hair grows back. Perhaps a new hair-do would not only rectify the situation 
There is no such thing as a legal separation in my state..The only way I can get husband out of the house is to force him out..He refuses to leave..I would have to file for divorce and get temporary orders including a restraining order..
I feel so
Cheer up! Tomorrow’s another day. And you would say no to me ;^)).
LOL moongoddess – yep, I would! But not to one of my husband’s “children”. Although this one is the only one who isn’t a joy to be around. Anyway, in the light of a new day, I’ve decided I can do this because he’ll get hold of his bar buddies and behave like he always has in the past – spend all his time with them and have no time for us. Well, except for the first 3-1/2 days. I think we’re stuck with him for those, but ya know what?
I bet I live through it and end up with a few good blogs, too. (grin) Thanks for making me laugh! I think I was in shock last night.
A good night’s sleep always helps to regain perspective…you are a strong soul so know you will get through this with humor, if not grace (which is part of your charm). Good luck!
HEY. You make me cry, I’ll come kill you. (Thanks, Namaste. I am normally strong, it was just the sudden shock of finding out it wasn’t 2 days, it was 3 days short of a full 2 weeks. OY VEY.) (P.S. That was me charming you.)
Am I missing something here? I’m looking at many of the responses and I hear everyone saying to just put up with it. This is not normal, functional, emotionally healthy behavior here and she shouldn’t put up with it.
I think Moongoddess and Namaste were reacting to the fact that they’ve taken the time to learn what my core personality is like, what my relationship with my husband is like – and Namaste was definitely reacting to my reply to Moongoddess. I basically was saying “I’m so sorry, I totally over-reacted last night after a very frustrating day and did a hysterical post that’s completely unlike me.”
It’s a new day, I meditated, this is doable since my husband intends to keep his son out of the house as much as possible, I’ll just leave the main area of the house if he’s here in the evening…. and in the long-run no-one’s life will be ruined.
Hi Duffy,
Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with one of your stepsons. Every moment with him will be a new one. I was going to say to stay positive and try not to let his behavior upset you, but I just reread that you are allergic to advice it. And anyway, I have never lived what you have and you already have it in your head that everything will be the same as every other time he has visited you. So sorry I started to try give you advice.
As for your computer. Mine had also started slowing down and freezing. Being computer illeterate I found that you can pay someone to fix your computer problems. I love these people. For about $70.00 a young gentleman told me I did not have a virus just a whole lot of extra crap on my maine ‘whatever’ he called it and he simply ‘cleared/deleted/erased’ all the unecessary stuff off and voilà, a reborn computer. Computer spring cleaners I call them. Find one you truly trust and let him/her help you out. He also renewed my anti-virus which was about to expire.
Best of luck!
anir
Hi anir. I have my computer locked down tight with anti-viral, spybot, adware, etc programs. I won’t even let Shockwave load in my browser. I’ve been helping other people with their software, adware and spyware-clogged computers for years, which is why I’m in shock that something could’ve gotten past me. I think maybe I’ve at least partially fixed things, but we shall see. I need to take the time to wipe the harddrive clean, get rid of hated Vista and put XP on my laptop. I already downloaded all the drivers I need, they’re on a flashdrive ready to go if I ever find the time.
Oh for heavens sake, I went all techie-talk on you – I’m sorry about that. I’m just going to be bothered by this until I have time to really fix it.
My stepson. Hmmmm…. if you knew him, you’d know. You would KNOW. But I’ve put some positive thoughts out there and that felt good. That helped. Thanks for the best of luck wishes!
Morning Duffy,poor baby, I totally understand, so in my house only I am aloud to get twisted! I have humor, and want food, then to bed, see how easy I am…TRACK
)
You’re definitely very easy, TRACK! (GASP. I sure hope you didn’t mean that in a sexual way.) If I didn’t love my husband so much, I’d insist on living alone, too. LMAO!
You got that right – in your house only you get twisted!
Maybe if your husband were to accompany Rob and his friends to the bars a few evenings, Mr. Duffy M would better understand how much you suffer in his son’s drunken state and put a stop to Rob’s foolishness.
Take a trip to the local animal shelter and adopt a protective best friend. My sister has a large, mean-looking dog who has the run of the house and is the sweetest creature on earth, but his mere physical appearance discourages unwanted visitors, and she and my brother-in-law love their scheme (and their fur baby).
Be happy.
Oh he knows, yakkity – and he already said he’ll take Rob to the bars in the town an hour North of us. He really, really gets it – he just doesn’t know how to stop the negative behavior. So yep, we talked this morning and he said he’ll keep his son out of the house as much as possible.
We did a foo-foo puppy rescue in 2007! We’d decided we were ready for another dog after our perfect mutt dog of anyone’s dreams had to be put down in 2003. My sister insisted we had to buy a designer dog, and I had a really hard time not telling her off and/or setting her straight. Rescues ONLY in this household. Unfortunately, our 6-1/2 lb dog has some problems and isn’t cuddly at all. But she has a good home now and that’s what counts. We call our dogs our fur-babies, too! Our first dog and this one are the only children I’ve ever had, so there you go.
OH. LOL!!! I just remembered Ali absolutely hates Rob and kept attacking him viciously last February in Florida when he wouldn’t leave her alone. Oh my, that wasn’t nice of me to picture that and start laughing so hard, hahahaaaaaa. How rude of me – thanks for that, yakkity, even if you didn’t know that was going to cheer me right up. (I really should try hard to quit picturing the blood and laughing. )
OH. LOL!!! I just remembered Ali absolutely hates Rob and kept attacking him viciously last February in Florida when he wouldn’t leave her alone.
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Sic him, Ali. Good girl.
She bit him today, LMAO!!! She was tired, really tired. He KNOWS to not touch her if she’s tired, but you can’t tell him anything. So he bled just a little.
It was just a wee bit hard to not say,”Good girl, Ali!” (grin)
Seriously, though – it’s actually going surprisingly well so far – YAY.
you can always take a vacation visiting your sister if you have one. It is a great treat to sit and chat with a sister. I do not have a sister but my sister in law and CT friends are like sisters to me. I LOOOOOOOOOVE being with them.
Nooooo – not my real sister or 2 sis-in-laws. They’re…. well never mind, long stories. If I could go back to Ohio and be with my two best friends, though – now that would be wonderful. But I just got home from there 5 days ago, haven’t even had time to post my blog about it here yet. It’ll all work out – today is a new day and we’ll be leaving here in a couple hours to have a great time with my non-alcoholic stepson and his g/f. Yay.
Duffy, I honestly don’t understand why you can’t tell him that he can only stay if he is alcohol free. I would never tolerate drunkeness and verbal abuse – from a visitor of all things! Tell him you have a new household rule this year, and if he must drink then he needs to stay with friends. End of story, no arguing, don’t apologize - that’s it!
When I was married I told my husband that his two brothers (who had various problems) weren’t allowed to stay at our house. He agreed and they never even visited. I worked too damn hard for everything I have to let freeloader alcoholics or drug users come in my precious home and ruin my tranquility.
Put your foot down woman – it’s your house!
Thank you, Scuba, but it’s not literally MY house. My husband and I built it together with his money, since I’ve pretty much not bothered to do anything to earn money since the day we married, by my choice. We now live on his social security and pension, so I’d say it’s definitely half his house, too. One visit from his son in the last 5 years – while not something I’m looking forward to – isn’t worth me acting as though I own this house and my husband has to obey by MY rules.
I do appreciate your attempt to be helpful given the fact that I definitely freaked out from the unexpected surprise phone call last night, but we don’t do dictatorship in this household. We do “best friends in a partnership”, which means my husband and I will work through this together as partners with equal votes.
If my stepson gets on my nerves too badly, I’ll tell him I can’t stand being around him any more and I’ll go sit in our quiet bedroom with the door shut. What I won’t do is go all “control freak” on my husband. That’s simply not in my nature.
I meant it’s your house and not your step son’s house. What if he got drunk and started breaking things – is that ok too? What if he’s also a drug addict and stole jewelry when you stepped out for a few minutes?
You insinuate that I’m controlling and possibly even a dictator, but that’s not true. We live with rules and boundaries to protect our way of life and refuse to allow destructive people to ruin our home environment. We have never told anyone what they can or can’t do, but we do control what they do in our home. It’s that simple.
If you want to lock yourself in your bedroom, have your husband drive him an hour away to a bar to get drunk, and so on, well then you should just go ahead and do that instead of ranting. Obviously, you weren’t really looking for help or advice.
By the way, you have heard the term “enabler!”
Scuba, I’m sorry if I upset you. I’d rather not exchange any more views on this subject with you, other than to say this: You’re right in that I wasn’t “really looking for help or advice”. In fact, I said precisely that at the end of my original post, hoping to avoid this exact situation. I will quote:
“P.S. Before anyone can give me any of that unsolicited advice to which I’m so allergic”….
I did not ask for advice, and I tried to make that clear. To me, a vent with no request in it for advice or help is merely letting off some steam, which calls for nothing more than either ignoring the post or expressing some sympathetic understanding. I would rather have been simply ignored by you.
I believe in the future I’ll make sure I don’t post on VN when I’m upset. This exchange somehow became a bit nasty, which is not something I ever intended or wanted, so it’s time for this to end. Thank you.
There are people in this earth that should not drink. My husband is one of them. He has finally accepted that fact, and stopped, but not before he embarrassed me in front of my secretary and coworkers. But it is too late for us. Verbal abuse is one of the worse things that can happen to a person. Those words keep coming back to me, over and over again. And worse for all, it was uncalled for and w/o truth. Even the people he was telling those insensitivities to came to my rescue because they know me. He kept saying they were not right, he was. I do not know where this whole thing was coming from, we left the house in good spirits and happy. Why do people drink to make themselves and others miserable? Then the next day they act as if nothing had happened. So what did i do?…. whenever there is a get together i go by myself. i promised myself that after that nite, never again!
Good for you, Lynnette. We were just discussing this today at my Illinois stepson’s house at a fantastic Father’s Day dinner. Our future d-i-l was wondering how in the world Tony and Rob could be so extremely different (we were discussing “happy drunks” vs “mean drunks” – not that Tony and Jim were drunk, but you get the idea)….
And I said “Well think about it – you met Rob when you were in Florida. He’s a clone of his angry, bitter, alcoholic mother and Tony’s a clone of his Dad. They both have easy-going, happy-go-lucky, love to tease, love to be teased, love to laugh natures.
I’m so sorry you had to put up with verbal abuse – it IS a truly horrible thing, and I agree – it’s one of the hardest things to let go of when it hurts you deeply. I’m very glad you found a way to deal with it as best you can – and if I understood right your husband has finally quit drinking? I sure hope so.