I met her at church and we’ve only been getting to know each other since May of this year. It started so innocently. She called to invite me and my parents to join her at a restaurant for her birthday. It sounded fun. So we went.
I opened a can of worrisome worms!!!! Uuggghhh! Why did I do that? I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
I made the mistake of asking her if her mother was joining us too. I didn’t know she and her mother had a bad relationship. As a matter of fact, they were estranged.
Anyway, the more I got to know this lady, the more her problems started coming out. This lady is 5 years older than I am and I hate to say it, but she is a basket case. She has at least 10 issues and problems. Yes, 10!!!! Maybe more. I stopped counting after 10.
I am not a psychologist, I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a counselor, I am not a personal servant, I am not a chauffeur (she has a car), I am not a bank nor a loan company, I am not social services, I am not a social worker and we are not sisters.
And then on top of all of that – I found out she is a hoarder!!!! She asked me to help her move and I found out all of this when I went to her place. Last Saturday I literally got rid of over 100 bags of garbage. I did it all by myself. What was she doing? She was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed watching television and every once in a while she would come in the room where I was and bark out orders to me. I volunteered a solid 5 ½ hours of my time and she just sat there in her bedroom. There was so much stuff in the room I was working in I couldn’t tell where the floor was. Layers and layers and layers and layers of stuff! I was so overwhelmed but I did it for her. She did treat me to lunch. I thanked her.
This has overwhelmed me and like I said, I am not a psychologist, I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a counselor, I am not a personal servant, I am not a chauffeur, I am not a bank nor a loan company, I am not social services, I am not a social worker and we
definitely are not sisters.
This lady is an energy drainer! I know how to say ‘no’ but she doesn’t know how to accept what I say. Now, I am at the point of ignoring her calls. I don’t feel guilty either. I knew it was something about her when after a couple of weeks of our friendship she was showing signs of being clingy. Whew! Nothing about this lady is healthy. I must be a magnet for attracting people like this. I am not going to let myself be used. Enough is enough! This friendship is toxic and I am running as far away as I can. This time it isn’t me.
Has anyone ever had this happen to them? What did you do?
I hear you. I'm finding that there are certain expressions that I avoid, and this is one of them. I was wondering if it was just me. So glad to know that others out there refuse to be just as "busy" as everyone else.
It's not to say that nothing's g
Michelle,
and all those others who haven't met Him yet......I agree with all the reasonings, etc. However, here in my town the younger guys will never even look at someone over 25. And the older guys are all married (for at least 50 years) and 
Jean from JKL chiming in: there are so many possibilities for sharing housing/resources/chores/responsibility...and probably some we haven't thought of yet! I think the really fascinating thing about this is that there is such a NEED and we innov
She sounds like a certified nut case and you are a pushover. Why in the hell did you clean her pigsty while she sat her lazy ass down, watched t.v. and last but not least…barked orders at you? Yes, I think it’s time to end the friendship before her craziness gets embedded into your head!
I have a friend very much like her and am distancing myself from her for all the reasons you stated. Don’t return her phone calls, don’t make eye contact with her. Have a go to phrase that you can use, “I wish I could, but…” Simply don’t be available to her. It has nothing to do with you. Let it go and move on.
i think this woman has insulted you by her behavior, why would you even consider continuing this friendship or not hurting her feelings? Just say NO! Two letters: NO! Whatever she says, reply NO!!! Is that hard?
My sister-in-law was a hoarder. A very nice, sweet caring person, but a hoarder nonetheless. She had bugs (God only knows what type) when she owned her townhouse, then she moved into an apartment where the hot water heater leaked and the management discovered there was a flea (among other creepy crawly unsavory critters) infestation and was evicted. She was evicted from her second (and last) apartment last December. She committed suicide.
Going back a few years, I had struck up a friendship with an older co-worker. She was nice, funny, and we got along just great.
Just before Christmas, we’d gone to lunch and she dropped one heck of a bomb on me. I’d known that her husband had passed quite a while ago and she was lonely. I’d also known that she was involved some way professionally in social services. What I didn’t know was that she had been dating someone (he sounded like a real scum) whom she found between the sheets with someone else. In a jealous rage, she purchased a handgun and pulled it on him, allegedly without firing it. She was imprisoned. After being released, she did the same thing and was once again arrested and imprisoned. I felt the blood just drain out of my face and felt chilled to the bone. It was like I’d never known her at all.
I left as soon as possible, totally stunned. Later, as I got my thoughts together, I wrote her a letter saying that our friendship was like a lie. Maybe she thought she could trust me with this secret, but why did she have to say anything? I didn’t acknowledge it then, but she gave me a hefty dose of the guilts by saying that she received the letter on Christmas Eve and spent the afternoon in a park crying.
Not long after the holidays, my daughter developed appendicitis. I left her a message just to let her know, not really knowing now why I did. She showed up at the hospital and everything was fine…for a while. I figured everybody deserves a second chance.
We got together off and on throughout the rest of the year until the fall. She seemed to always not have time to do anything with me, or she’d make plans with me only to cancel at the last minute. Frustrated with having this happen one too many times, I left a message that basically said that she knew how to contact me if she ever wanted to pencil me in for any future outings. I did not say it harshly or condescendingly, just stating a fact.
She left me message after scathing message saying I was selfish and inconsiderate and how dare I say something like that and went on and on. That finally woke me up to the fact that there was something unstable about her and that my family and I were better off with her out of our lives.
I have not seen or heard from her since. No loss.
petitepixie, wow!
Update: that ex friend ended up moving to another state to live with her sister. She left behind a beautiful apartment full of furniture and her clothes and belongings. I’ve heard from her twice and whenever we have spoken she always mentions her “stuff” and tells me she wished she should have done something about it before she left. The only thing I tell her is stop looking back because the past is the past and she should focus on the present and keep moving forward.
I wonder if her sister realizes she is a hoarder?
LoL