In May my son was diagnosed with moderate to severe Crohn’s disease. He is 19 and in his second year away at college. This summer was a challenge dealing with his diagnosis. We finally figured out the meds were affecting his emotional health. He turned into this kid I didn’t know. Huge melt downs. We switched his medication. He is now on Humira which he has to self inject. He is weaning off of the other meds very slowly. He is home for fall break. I take him and a friend back today. Last night he had another huge ugly melt down. Everything I do is wrong. He’s never coming home again. I know most of this is the meds talking. I don’t know what happened to my easy going son. He brought a friend, female, home with him. I apologized profusely to her. I don’t know if she knows about the Crohns. He is very private about that. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. He resents everything I say. I guess I’m just venting as I hope when he’s finally off these steroids I will have my son back. Him and I have always been very close. I’m brokenhearted.
| I don’t know my son |
October 09, 2012
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Please try to deal with this objectively rather than emotionally. It is probably mostly the meds that are causing this. However it could also be that old, “I am male, I am hurting. I can’t tell my friends how scared I am so I will vent on my mom because I know she will always love me no matter what” thing that kids do. I really do believe that fear is at the bottom of most anger issues. And, in venting, they feel better and we take on the burden. This mother position is a hard one to hold at times. However, if he gets off the steroids and still chooses you to be his emotional punching bag, then he needs some intervention of some sort to handle his feelings without wounding the one person who is behind him 100%.
Arden…your advice is so correct….try to respond objectively rather than emotionally. And to deal after he is off meds. Wise words.
i agree hang in there. keep telling him you love him and that you will be there for him. being a good mum is so hard. you never expect the venom when it comes and your heart gets ripped out and stomped on. you have to keep going and that means being a verbal punch bag for a while. i agee with arden wait until he is stable and off the drugs before you say enough and get help with his anger. you are not alone now so when you need to vent we are here, thinking of you as i know he does not mean what he is saying. right now .
do not take it personally. lots of us go through this for one reason or another and sometimes it can just be having a first girlfriend that causes a change in the way they behave besides other influences as in your case. so hang in there it is a tough bumpy road.
hi just checking in on you Linda no more tears stay strong and you know now other people care we are right behind you our kids are always worth fighting for. it is winning the battle that is so hard so make sure you are good to yourself for the next round. eat well, sleep well and clear your mind as you will need to be on top form for when it comes around again. stay calm and positive. i am sure it will all come good. no dwelling on what he says to you no matter how hurtful, just move on until he is well and off meds. your son needs you no matter how hard he is making it for you. you know that in your heart. thinking of you and hope that the good times are not too far around the corner..
Thank you dear friends. Yesterday was the worst day I’ve had in a very long time. I just had a talk with my sister and she helped me put things into perspective. My husband and I had the worst blow up also. We are in a horrible place. Have been for years. No communication on his part. It’s so ugly and got uglier after all of this. I considered checking out last night. I could write a book, many volumes anyway. I have a couple girlfriends that are meeting me soon so that will help. I’m a mess emotionally. I will check in later.