| husband’s suicide | Hot Conversation |
On Nov. 20th 2009 at 8:30pm my husband shot hisself in the backyard. My son and I found him. I know I will never get over it and I have to learn how to live on but when does the crying stop. The longer time goes by the more I miss him. I would appreciate all prayers and some advice from someone on how to move on at 52 yrs. of age. Sharon
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Hello Sharon;
Please go to the enclosed link. It was the most valuable tool I used during the dark days after my sisters suicide.
You have a long row to hoe in front of you, but you will see hope again.
My best to you
Catharine
http://www.suicidegrief.com/
http://www.suicidegrief.com/
sharon crittendon: I am so sorry. This has so much more feelings than just the loss of a love one. I agree with Catharine. You must get some professional help.
SOO SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR SON. PRAYS , PROFESSIONAL HELP.
That is so sad.. I can understand that the crying hasn’t stopped.. Will say prayers for you, and agree that counseling sounds like a good idea.
I am sorry for you and your husband, for your son, I am going to pray since now, sorry to say this but who does not want him alive, this is sometimes a cruel world
I’m terribly, terribly sorry for your loss.
You’re not ready to move on. I lost my brother several months ago, possibly by his own hand so I have some small idea of the pain you are in. Reach out, reach out, reach out as much as you can. If you can afford professional help for you and your family, get it. If you can’t, stay as close to each other as possible and support one another.
Wishing you the very best.
I am so sorry for your lost. I became a widow a year ago at 51.. The best advice I can give to you and your son is to surround yourselves with people who love,support and don’t judge you or your circumstance. Please get counseling for both of you – together and each of you on your own. The only people who are really going to understand you is someone who has/is experiencing the same pain that you are.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lynn
So sorry to hear what your husband did. My daughter and I saw her father die right on the livingroom floor. It was very painful process from 2003 until now. It took sometime to work through the grief.Thank God for prayers and close friends and family. It hurts I know and I hope and pray you will get through it. I pray you and your son will draw even closer to each other and share in the joys of the memory of his father. Hang on Sharon…I am a witness it will get better over time. We always miss the ones we love no matter what……
for the first time in a long time, i do not know what to say…. but my mind is thinking, how is your son doing? I hope and pray that you have some peace soon. It takes a while after the death of a loved one, but when the death is due to suicide that’s a whole different thing.
Sharon,you are in my preyers.Im so sorry such came to your family& you.
Are you a church person?Make friends there.AND enjoy VN.Where do you live.?
GOOD LUCK.GOD BLESS
Also,you may care to go to a seniors lunch group?Dayily.every other day,or weekly?
Dear Sharon,
The crying may not stop for a very long time. And then, just when you think it has, back it comes again. I know you feel so sad while you are crying. I’m so sorry. But crying is a very necessary and normal part of grief. Losing your husband is a devestating loss. Your heart is broken. A new journey has begun that will take many twists and turns before your heart can heal. Even when it has healed, there will be scars.
Catherine gave you a web site that helped her during her grief over losing her sister. I hope you will visit there and participate.
Another site I’d like to recommend is http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com If you are able to find a support group for Survivors of Suicide near your home, I hope you will make every effort to go. That first time will be difficult for you to get dressed and go. It’s OK to take a friend with you if you need the support. You will meet wonderful people who have also experienced the great loss of a loved one who died because they ‘needed to stop the pain’.
Read, read and read some more. Find people who are willing to talk with you about your husband. Not just the manner in which he died, but the way in which he lived.
You are right. You will never get over your husband’s death, but you WILL get through it. Support groups which are properly facilitated will be invaluable. Please do not force yourself to be strong so that others may be comfortable. It’s OK to be vulnerable. Let other people help you. If they don’t offer, ask for specific help. So many people just don’t know what to do, or what to say.
Please check out those web sites. And keep us all posted on your journey. The women on this site are all so very caring and nurturing. You will always have a place to process your feelings here.
Hugs, Marilyn
My husband committed suicide when we were 34. I am 55 now. Time does help but I know exactly what you are going through. Everyone thinks the first year is the worse. The first missed anniverary, birthday and holidays. But the truth is the second year is the worse because people think you should be “over” it. My only advice is to take it a aday at a time and muddle through. Missing him is part of the grief. Trust me. It does get better. Dont make any decisions about things during the first year. Just day by day. And talk about it. Even if people dont want to listen. Talking helps.
Susan
thanks susan and everyone else who has responded. I got some advice that I needed and I have been praying for. I think it will help me get through if I do just take one day at a time. God Bless everyone, Sharon Crittendon
Some things that were helpful to me:
Finding a grief support group. The hospice in your area may have one, or check with any local interfaith or church groups. The best advice from a friend who lost her husband was to only talk to others who had a loss like this. Frequently people are uncomfortable dealing with this kind of loss if they haven’t experienced it.
Read Joan Didion’s The year of Magical Thnking about howsudden death changes life as you know it. It was reassuring to learn from the book that my reactions were normal.
Get help from a therapist. This can be an advantage in recovering.