My husband has struggled with prostrate cancer this year. I have been a supportive, empathic and understanding wife. His was caught early but his cancer was fast and aggressive. He is in a bit of a funk, tries to cheer up but easily slumps into kinda of an apathy. I have been having disturbing dreams of life with someone else, new home, the whole shootin’ match (I am widowed in these dreams). I feel awful and disloyal. Why am I having these unusual dreams of a different life? I assume it is just fear.
Also we are not having much intimacy, and may never. Our private lives was such a strong element of our life together. I could be happy with touching and caressing but he seems to feel worse after these sessions as if he will never be able to have complete relations again. In Feb. it will be one year from surgery.
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
I took care of a husband with cancer for two years. What they go through changes who they are. It messes with their emotions. Remember, men are to be strong and able to weather any storm. That’s how they all see themselves. When they go through something like this, it threatens their manhood. All you can do is continue being the best you can be and simply “understand” he can’t help himself right now. Don’t worry about the dreams. It’s only because you are going thru a painful time right now and that is your brain’s way of protecting you from that pain for a while. You’re not being disloyal. Even if your dreams have someone else in them, it can still be representative of a happier time, maybe the beginning of your relationship with your husand. Don’t put too much emphasis on sexual relations or touching, etc. It’s more important that you have him there with you. But I remember feeling like that too when my husband was still alive. That’s why I said what I just said. Just be glad he’s still with you.
Thank you for your response. I value your thoughts and they have helped me not feel too guilty.
I have not experience your exact situation, but men are quite weak when it comes to pain and lost of what they consider “manhood” if only they really knew what manhood means to most women who appreciate a man’s attention of listening, communicating,laughing and learning together…this may be your opportunity to help him see life’s purpose while you both have to “switch gears” in life when my husband had his opperation , he was a “baby”, and sometimes he was grumpy..it gave me an idea what it maight be like if he was truly ill. I encourage you to take each day and savor it, enjoy it and see all the good it has to offer The one thing I have learned about threating life illnesses as my oldeat daughter with two babies at the time had cancer…and it was a near death 3rd stages .her gratefulness to the lessons she began to see during this period brought us closer together when she found out who was her true friend. That wa eight years ago and she is doing good. I pray that your husband gets well and maybe this experience will bring a bettter life for the two of you in my prayers. dreams of a new home is not negative and it may be from your personal fear of the future don’t feel guilty but do take care of yourself at a time like this so that you can be strong for him when it counts the most This is the time when it is so important to know that we are not our bodies..but spirit being having a human experience.
I agree. I have had breast cancer and while I went through a difficult time for a while. I snapped out of it and decided I would be a warrior instead of a victim. I found a new side of spirituality and a greater depth of faith than I had before, and I thought i was really strong in my faith. I feel cancer can be a double-edged sword so that you can find greater spirituality than before and gratefulness for life and being, but I think everyone wonders why me sometimes.
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