Has anyone gone through the process of moving in with a man that has been alone for nearly 20 years? we’ve been dating for 5 years long distance and my partner has just moved to a new home.. still 4 hours away. He would like me to feel comfortable in his home but man!. it’s like pulling teeth!.. On the one hand he wants me to be a part of his home and feel comfortable but when i try.. say the kitchen.. it’s his way!.. I have decortaed ’my’ bathroom with my taste in stuff but 5 bedrooms.. 4 baths etc. He wants me to be a part of his home but.. it’s really hard!… any suggestions how to do this less painfully!…
He has retired… i’m still working and may plan on moving in with him permanently in 3 years.. any suggestions.. thoughts…..
0 like
Permalink: http://www.vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/how-to-move-in-together-into-his-place-difficult/
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.
Wow! I thouhgt you were telling my story. I moved in with a man who had been single for over 10 years. He never threw anything out. We got married about a year ago and have really remodeled his house. He really got into it after he saw how great it looks. We have had some really difficult times. He is having some medical difficulties now and we are working through this. We travel together all the time and have great times. Over all, we have a good life. We are both 62 almost 63 and have our own ways of doing things. We are still working through things. It is good to have someone in my life.
I am in a similar situation, and I just did things, i.e. decorating etc. in very small, slow increments…..just kind of ooozing my taste in one little bite at a time…..it actually worked and our place is a great combination of his taste, my taste….he has a little trouble with the ocncept of a place for everything and everything in its place so when he puts tools on the kitchen counter for an indefinite amount of time I gently ask several times and then tell him I am going to put them away and he probably won’lt like where I put it so then he does it…..or suffers the consequences of not finding his stuff quickly……
There are of course, compromises at every turn, true in any relationship….I didn’t over-feminize his place, just good taste great colors, and basically used his “bone” of the house and furniture….I didn’t bring much of my own furniture, as his was just fine….
And….what I can’t change I just don’t let bother me……my relationship with him is more important than anything….and where he is…is home….
oops that’s “bones” not bone….
Thankyou so much both of you.. i feel like crying…. Guess since i have felt this relationship had been so good over the past nearly 5 years long distance that moving in would be a breeze..wrong! I had been married for 30 years to a lovely man.. with drug and alcohol problems.. loved him but when he left for a 7 month drug binge that was all my body and mind could go through so.. i couldn’t accept him back.. Nearly a year passed and i started dating and met my now partner.. In my relationship with Al, he was very easy.. anyway i wanted stuff was great so now….. it’s difficult and .. i thought i was the only one who would experience this. why i felt this way is beyond me.. at 58 you’d think i’d have more of a brain!
I have moved a couple of my special stuff in.. just little things… a basket from Indonesia into my bathroom and earthwear cups on the counter.. i just came back from Euroope and framed the photo of Pinnochio and put it iin my bathroom… He makes jokes about my stuff..so it is fun but i think as both of you have said….. slowly… what i can’t change i just won’t let it bother me!..simple! both of us having great senses of humor certainly helps!
I’m actually from Canada but i saw this web site a bit ago and i’m so glad i did. I want to thank both of you so much for your input and believe me.. you’ve mad my day!.. thankyou!
Sorry.. i also can’t spell! my day has been MADE!!
Isn’t this site nice- it reminds all of us that we are not alone . No matter what circumstances we are in- someone is or has been there. Best wishes to you and your significant other( I love that term). I hope the holidays this year are your best ones ever.
I love this site! I get so much support and good ideas from all the savvy women here. I have met a wonderful man on a website and we have talked on the phone for hours -he owns what sounds like a lovely contemporary home in his hometown and I intend to move to that area to be near my children.
Your letter expressed many of my concerns about me moving into his space. It sounds like we have similar tastes but he has lived on his own in this beautiful house for a very long time and I have concerns. It was good to read these posts. He is coming next week to visit me and we will see if the chemistry that we feel on the phone will survive 3D….I am worried but hopeful.
can you buy the house next door? This sounds like a joke but that would be my idea of keeping my relationship sane. I would LOVE to do this next time, if there is a next time, when i find another partner.
you are not alone. I moved into my spouses apartment after he was single for 30 years. 30 years!
I remember one of the most loving things he ever said was: Would you mind just drawing me a map of where things are now?
I also told him his sofa was in storage. He still thinks that and it is almost 15 years ago.
I also got a lot of support from his adult daughers, who couldn’t believe I was being so careful, and slow and sensitive and tactful. They just said throw it out! Apparently they used to come by their Dad’s place and just throw things out, take things off the walls, like the picture of the TRUCK he had.
However having said all of that. I would never do it again. Ever. The bottom line is when things get rough, it is HIS home. Which it isn’t anymore, it is my home as well. It serves us well, this apartment and we could never replace the location, the fabulous balcony and view. It feels like our home but it took a long time.