| How do I find new friends at 50+? | Hot Conversation |
I find I am at a place in life where I am without a circle of close friends where I live, my good friends are scattered across the country. How can I meet women my age for coffee, conversation and friendship?
Posted in family & relationships.
Related posts:
51 Responses
Stay in touch with the conversation. Subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
Spike, you are awesome! Love your perspective, thanks for sharing.I will turn 53 in 6 weeks and still break out.
May I also assume that your skin is still quite oily and shows no or very few wrinkles? If so...
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!
1) Your skin doesn't look like beat-up luggage now, and probably never wi
Have you tried Meetup.com?
Just jump in and start joining things….after relocating about 30 miles away from my home town, I just started attending church (and talking to people while I am there), joined a community chorus (more fun than talent, but a pretty good Christmas show), I make jewelry, so I have been doing local craft shows where I can talk to a lot of people…..it’s amazing how reaching out, volunteering, etc. enables you to find acquaintances than can then become friends…I am with a guy who loves to socialize and will talk to anyone anywhere….I have kind of picked up that habit also and have met some interesting people…..what are some of your outside interests etc? How about just knocking on the door of your next door neighbor and asking her if she would like to be a walking partner….simple things like that are all around us….we usually don’t have to go far to find another lonely person.
Sun, Nothing like learning on the fly, my kind of woman!
…TRACK
I am never afraid to jump into something alone….sometimes it is a little uncomfortable at first, but I just show up like I fit in, and pretty soon I do…..I’ve met more nice people than weird people so far….
Hi Sunblossom, That’s exactly what I need to do, “jump in”, but I’m shy in that type of context so I’m waiting for someone to just knock on my door! lol…just kidding. Your community chorus sounds great, I love to sing but I have more passion than talent. I’ll have to look into that in my area. I appreciate your response and encouragement and your last sentence really hit home. Arreis
ARRIE, WELCOME AND JUST JUMP ON IN THE CONVERSATIONS ARE ENLIGHTENING, FUNNY, CARING AND A LITTLE OVER THE TOP AT TIMES, ENJOY!!…TRACK
Hi Track,
Thanks for the welcoming response, this is a nice forum. Arreis
Mutual interests are great – also think about taking up some sort of group activity like Bridge – it’s a great game – you need partners to play and it’s sociable too…
Volunteering is also a great way to start…or put a sign up in the local coffee shop and start a book club or something…
Hi Omhu, I definitely agree with the mutual interests idea, I’ll have to look at what’s in my area, oftentimes I’m finding groups but they are 20-30 year olds and I’d really like some friends in my age range…or at least the same decade.lol. Thanks for the ideas. Arreis
These are all good suggestions. MeetUp is great for finding a particular group with similar interests – a starting point for friendship most certainly. Also if you have a craft/hobby/passion see if there is a club/association you can join. Volunteering is also a good way to meet people – a local charity/thrift store/school?
Good luck
Hi LilTigg, I was looking at the MeetUp groups the other day and was curious about them. Have you joined any? If so, what did you think? Arreis
Hi – no I haven’t joined any although I was in touch with a writing club before I found my current writers circle, which is closer to home.
Once I joined this site I realized that there are other women my age looking to meet new friends. I have tried Meetup.com – mostly just gatherings, haven’t met anyone to pal around with yet though. As some of the other VNers have suggested – volunteering is a good way. I do live with my man of 5 years, but still do go to music events, etc. by myself if he is golfing or working. I, too, like to talk to new people – a good way to meet people. Also going to exercise classes is another way – though sometimes, there are little cliques that are hard to break into. Good luck. See if there are any other VN ladies close by.
Hi Ladysmith, It’s reassuring to know that there are many other women my age looking to meet new friends; that means it’s not just me and that I just need to get out there . For me, I find it more difficult to initiate a friendship than it was to start dating after my divorce, and that wasn’t easy but why is this harder? Hmm…
I have a wonderful husband but I miss having “girl” friends to do things with. I’ve also encountered the cliques that you mentioned, I live in the midwest and it seems that many people have been here their entire lives and have a circle of friends from school; it’s hard to break into those.
How do I find out if there are other VN ladies close by?
Arreis
I, too, am in the same predicament. Recently divorced and moved to a new home 25 miles away from where I was. Even though I have worked in this town for years, it is still difficult to meet new people and I think part of that reason is because of my line of work…..I am a chemical dependency counselor. This somewhat limits me in terms of who I meet and whether or not they want to hang out with me because I don’t drink.
I tried a Zumba class, which was great fun, but all the women were decidedly younger. I have thought of joining a book club but haven’t had the time to find one yet. I, too, like several of you, will talk to anyone, anywhere and enjoy meeting new people.
And, Arries, you are right. Cliques are abundant in the Midwest and can be difficult to break into but I am guessing it can be done.
Good luck to all of us who want to make new friends!
Hey Dew! If you like Zumba, Curves now have a Zumba class along with their regular workouts….I go with my Mother three times a week and she has found several good friends there…and I have too! There are usually lots of different age groups. I met a friend there 7 years ago, and it was surprising how much we had in common…we now meat for coffee, lunch, church, and several other groups when we can….=] I have also joined a book club and my husband and I are in a couples group….this all started with me getting out there….=]
Thanks for your response, Gramma. It is good to know that Curves now offers Zumba, too.
Since I posted this in September, one of my friends and I have started doing more things together such as hockey games and concerts. I still find, though, that I spend a lot of weekends alone and would like to change that but still having trouble meeting new people. I guess I’ll just have to keep working at it!:) I’ve also found that I value a good deal of my alone time because it gives me the opportunity to find out who I really am and what I want out of life now that I am a free bird!
thank you also for replying to my post even though yours was posted many several months ago…..I feel sometimes that I don’t get enough alone time…I help with my Mom three times a week , taking her to Curves and then anywhere she feels she needs to go to shop….And then I have my married daughter and my two grandsons….I am not complaining I have found that I love spending time with my Mom and my kids and grandkids….Of course , my husband recently retired and is home a lot more than I am used to…hopefully he will soon be getting out of the house more as he is starting a new job….then I will go back to maybe having more time for my girlfriends….and myself….=]
Sounds like, as with many of us, you are very busy. Since I last posted, I made plans to have lunch with a girlfriend next Friday and these are the kind of things I look forward to. Maybe starting a book club would be a good idea for me because I love to read. I tried MeetUp but it is not a very popular item in this location. I usually find that things will just happen on their own if I am patient and wait long enough for them to happen.:)
I haven’t been on this site for some time now. A lot has happened since that time. It is 8 months since my husband passed away. I still have a counselor and a therapist I see regularly. I still have not rounded up any really close friends. I visit some people. I am out and about a lot. Most of my contacts are fleeting conversations I have in stores or on the shore where I walk my dog. I have met some very interesting people but have not formed any ‘hey, let’s go hang out’, friendships. I know people who refer to me as a friend of theirs but I only see them when I put forth the effort. I am beginning to appreciate my alone time. It is giving me a chance to look at me, to see what I am like, what I like, what I don’t like. I have found that whatever it is that makes our personalities the way they are becomes stronger when we have gone thru a horrific occurence. My counselor validated this also. I am outspoken and have no problem telling people what is on my mind…and yes, since my husband passed on, I am more outspoken. I spend more time with my animals. I find that doing so, really puts me in touch with them. I can speak to them as I would another person. they respond readily. My dog and me drove to South Dakota in September. It is a lot of fun traveling with a dog. It is really different but so very much fun. We are going to Washington State in April. That should be fun too. Life is still very strange and odd but it goes on. My TV is on 24/7 because the silence is too loud. Thank you all for letting me ramble
I have tried to respond to this posting twice and both times my response disappeared. I think that is good because they were both “pity parties”. So without whining, let me just say that I moved to RI a year ago because of a lifestyle change (divorce) to be near one son and his family.
I have lived in many states and always made good friends through school, children or work, many of whom are still close. I now have none of those things as introductions. I have joined groups, volunteered, even gone to meet-ups, and have made wonderful acquaintences, but not any close friends to call for a movie or to come over for dinner or go for a spur-of-the-moment walk or call when I just need to talk. The reverse is there is no one calling me for any of those things.
I love people of all ages, but would love to meet women my age. The Meet-up members were younger and the Senior functions I have gone to mostly have older people. Amazing, since I am 66! I am open to suggestions and would appreciate knowing what has worked for others who moved at my age.
I would suggest joining the Red Hat Society in your area. A little known fact is that one can belong to more than one club. Each one is organized along the needs and desires of the particular “queen”. So you can pick and choose amongst the various tones and activities of the clubs in your area. Yes, it’s true one has to wear a red hat and a purple outfit to events, but it’s all out of fun and one will definetly meet some new pals. Some perhaps could become those with whom you pal around with outside the Society.
I understand your sentiment. We as females really crave friendships. It does seem difficult to make new friendships over 50 in a new area. As many at that age are completely absorbed with grand children and/ or the care of other family members. They don’t seem to have the time or interest in new friendships. I have also found many are also asborbed with religious activites and if you do not share their faith…..
But one other source is your local recreational center. There is one in my local area (open to all in the area) with a full schedule of exercise classes, one day bus trips, card and game parties (even 7 day crusies!) all centered around seniors.
Like males have always done we can begin to explore the idea of forming friendships around a shared activity.
it’s true, many who participate are “older” in their 70′s, but it depends on the actiivity. Check out the various rec centers in your local area. I am sure there are many acitivites (friendships) just waiting for you to begin to enjoy!
It’s amazing how many of us share the same “problems” and issues! I have one very close woman friend but she is very involved in taking care of elderly parents and grandchildren (not to mention her husband) My co-workers are great and very caring, but when they go home, they all have their own families.
I recently lost both parents within 7 months of each other (the two constants in my life!) and my children have scattered across the Northeast with their own lives. After a bad marriage (I was the one who asked if there were any good men out there!) I’m gun shy about dating, but sure would love a friend to do those spur of the moment things with. I’m a bit tired of going to movies by myself and dinners out are non-existant…I’ll order in.
I don’t want sympathy… I certainly have my moments when grief over the loss of my parents overwhelms me and I feel sorry enough for myself….but I’ve often wished there was a site where one could meet ‘friends’ and not ‘love-interests’. Is that what meetup.com is?
When I was younger, I thought life at this age would be so much easier! I guess every stage has it’s own challenges to face. It sounds like many of us are very outgoing women who seem to have no problem jumping in and making new friends. But what about those of us who are a little more hesitant? Is there any hope for us? : )
I totally relate to all of your comments. I still have a lot of friends at the ripe old age of 57 but it seems we are all busy with family, aging parents, kids and grandkids and traveling. I have seen some of them lose spouses thru death and divorce and when that happens, they seem to find friends who are in similar situations and socialize within that realm. I have always felt that to have friends you have to BE a friend. I find that I sometimes put more effort in keeping the lines of communication open…calling, setting dates for lunch, dinner, etc. However, as much as I feel I still have good friends around, we just don’t seem to be connecting as often and I feel this need to expand my horizons and open myself up to new friends. I love meeting people and although I am outgoing and friendly, inside I am a bit shy and insecure. I agree that once our kids are raised and if we are not working or volunteering…it is HARD to meet people. Sometimes I have just struck up conversations with women at the book store or similar places..they appear like my kind of gal but there is no way to bridge a friendly chat to “do you wanna have coffee and be my friend”? Sort of a stalking feel, ya know? My daughter has a pregnancy chat site that she used when she was expecting and made all kinds of friends from all over the world. Sort of like VN. She also has a mom/baby group locally. I wonder how we could start a “retired moms…who wants to play? Group!! Is that something you can do locally on Meetup.com? : )
I just want to say I am in the same kind of situation; recently widowed, family across the atlantic and no close circle of friends. I have acquaintances at work or through school connections but they all seem so busy with their own lives and I’m not looking for sympathy since they all knew my husband and I as a couple. I work and sometimes travel on business. I looked on meetup.com for group(s) to join and couldn’t see any that worked so I started my own! Our first meeting is in 10 days and we have 14 members so far, comforting to know I’m not alone in the NW Suburbs of Chicago! One thing is for sure, no one is going to come knocking on your door, you have to go find it, but be careful out there!
I looked on Meetup as well and the groups in my area seemed to be very young or geared towards singles or triathletes. I too was thinking about starting a Meetup, how did you label yours and what key words did you use to describe it. Would you mind sharing some of the details, such as what type of location you picked? Good luck to you and thanks for your response. Arreis
Search Widows or Widowers in Illinois and you’ll find the site. I set up the site to members only seeing the meet up location for privacy and security. Our first meet up is scheduled in the lobby bar of a major chain local hotel. A setting where we can mingle, rather than a formal restaurant, yet it’s a public place and if no one shows up, there’s a shopping mall close by so it’s not a wasted evening! I don’t expect perfect attendance, but I have to start somewhere! I’m not sure if there’s a right or wrong way to do this, but I guess I’ll find out the hard way, and hopefully meet some new people along the way. Good Luck!
I was widowed a year ago. I have just started trying to meet new people. My kids are in a different town, and so are my sisters. I really do not want to move because the house we built 7 years ago is here and so is my job. I have friends at work , mostly a lot younger. I am 64, but a young 64, in excellent health, and still like to go out and have a good time. I work out every day too.I hula hoop every day on my deck. It is really good excercise. Council on aging is mostly older people than myself and most are half way disabled. I am trying and was not ready to really put forth an effort until recently. I have been here a long time, but just never really got close to anyone since I was busy raising kids and taking care of my husband, and working . Now I realize that I am all alone and need some friendships, female and male. I am not ready for a relationship but friends would be fine. Trying to join a few clubs and see what happens.
Since most of my friends seem to be men these days…I just wear a better push up bra! Friends appear out of nowhere. Go figure! love you all, jb
silly girl….=] and what does your gorgeous husband think of that? ha!
I tried to start a book club several years ago with about eight women, all around my age and I knew them and knew that they’d have a free night once per month. I sent out an email and got very little interest. I wondered what could be making them so uninterested or shy? Then I sent out a second email promising that the discussion would be light and fluffy and that they should think of it as a chance for a night out rather than an intellectual pursuit. ALL of them responded and said YES to the new book club. We’ve been together now for four years and someone is always asking about when and where the next meeting will be; so anxious!!! It is great!
Other than that, I belong to a catholic women’s league at my church, enjoy it, but no friendships outside of the meetings once per month, and I volunteer in the community where I can. Another area where you can meet some interesting and enthusiastic people are running and walking groups. Or there are age-specific fitness classes, like aqua-fit, etc
Hope this helps, you do have to be assertive and try to get people out of their ruts.
This is an odd suggestion, perhaps, and certainly not for everyone. (But let me digress for a second.) As it happens, I am fortunate in that I have a number of very good friends. But I do find the key to having good friends is being a good friend. I’ve also found that being a good friend is very often inconvenient, but necessary. People need things it seems when we are busiest ourselves. Making time to listen. drop off the soup, pick up someone from dropping off a car to be fixed, whatever, is not convenient, but a good way to build friendship.
ok — now to my original point. I have a great dog, who is too smart and energetic. It became clear to me that he needed a job, so I wandered into an agility class (you know, where the dogs run around a course jumping, going through weave poles, climbing and going through tunnels — Youtube has lots of video if you want to watch some), thinking it would provide some exercise for both of us as well as something new to learn. I never expected it to become a huge interest. We now compete and train every week and I love it — as does my dog.
When I started this, several friends thought it would be a nice way to meet men (seems logical, doesn’t it?), but in fact, most of the people competing in agility seem to be middle-aged women. Most of us are not athletes, though some are. There are women who can barely walk who compete. They’ve trained their dogs to run at distance so they don’t have to run a course with them, but they’re amazing. This has the added benefit of building a more bonded relationship with your dog, an opportunity to get some exercise, as well as a great way to meet other people — and, as I said, most of the women seem to be between 45 and 70. There are just enough men and younger people to keep it truly interesting.
I’ve made an amazing number of friends this way; I ran into an old elementary schoolmate who lives far away, but we’ve become friends. There’s an amazing community of women whose company I enjoy enormously. As I said, not for everyone, but something to think about if you love dogs.
I live in New York and have difficulty meeting people for lunch ,or a chat. Please let me know where you meet people during the day? I feel strange just walking up to someone I don’t know.
I often use Starbucks for internet connection and in the process I have had occasional conversations with others who are there enjoying their time. From there, we made more coffee dates and expanded it to nearby shopping or other outings of mutual interest. Same with spending time at the library. So many good suggestions already on the list.
I happen to live in a retirement community where there are an abundance of opportunities to meet people and participate in various activities. I have never lived anywhere that was easier to make friends. There are a lot of interesting things going on at the local community and recreation center. I do take Tai Chi there. My favorite activity is Line Dancing. There are also Red Hat groups everywhere to join. Cooking classes are offered in a lot of communities. If you get your local newpaper you will find a lot of special interest groups and functions to attend. Good luck in finding a social network. Priscilla
I read the posts for this question…yea we are all in this boat ladies. I too am recently widowed…feels strange to type that word…my husband was my best friend…we had acquaintences but most close friends live a 4 and an 8 hour drive away from me. I have a few acquaintences here but no one I can call for a movie of just to go out and chat…have lunch and talk. I am not shy by any means but there just doesn’t seem to be anything out there. I have met a few people here and there and we exchanged ph#’s and email addresses. I have sent emails to these people and they don’t reply….I think sometimes people get caught up in the moment and say they will call but they get on with their lives and forget. I just posted a qustioin about a trip I just got back from yesterday to South Dakota….I went alone…well my dog went with me but she doesn’t talk much…she’s great company though…dogs are great company on the road. I spoke with a lot of people across 3 states but I was still alone…
Its like anything in life, if you really want it, you will work hard to have it and that includes a circle of friends. Yes, it gets harder as we age, but its not impossible. People, even single, divorced and widowed, seem to get in a rut and take the path of least resistance on a day to day basis. They don’t embrace new people in their lives and they don’t want anyone to “rock the boat”. But I say, live like you’re dying and rock the damn boat.
One thing married or coupled members of this community could do is reach out to your single friends. We tend to socialize in pairs (like the ark) and singles are too often excluded from small dinner parties or “couple” dates. It may be awkward sometimes, but make the effort and you and your single friends will benefit. And you’ll cement some important friendships.
Kskinct; I couldn’t agree more and this is not as easy as you may think. Where I live and at the age I am now, its couples or nothing. I am married but I do embrace single people and include them in things we do and in social gatherings in our home, but there is still a perceived distinction between “couples” and “singles”.
Ah yes, that is all true.I make an effort regularly but those I know have their own lives. We meet in odd circumstances. It takes time and effort, I know. I make sure I stay in contact with friends…I only wish I had the same kind of contact coming back to me. If I dont mak the effort, they don’t. It is fine to always do be the one who gets the ball rolling but there are times it is tiring, if not exhausting to always be that one…I am no quiter by any means…I just would like to meet people who can return the same kind of effort. Know what I mean?
I have acquaintences here. People my husband knew and I know them thru him. My good friends live 4 and 8 hours drive from me. I found if one moves, friendships seem to drop off a bit. We have occasionaly contact…thanks to emails and facebook. Again, with the people I know here, I have to make the first move…they usually accept a luncheon date when ‘I’ offer…but if I don’t do it, it doesn’t happen. I know people asking me for advice on their troubles. They know full well my husband is gone but there is not much consideration or mayhap compassion from the folks I know. But they are not shy asking for help for themselves…maybe I am in with the wrong crowd. I am tired of being the one who is the leader, the one who consoles others. I want my turn to be nutured. I don’t think it is too much to ask. My therapist and hospice counselor have both asked who do I have for support…I have to tell them it is both of them…I keep as busy as possible with numerouse projects but would like a friend in my life who can step away from themselves for a few minutes now and then. I go it alone. Just me and my dog. Maybe I am whining today…but it feels good to get it out. Thank you ladies, you are all great. I appreciate messages and posts on this site.
Hi Valerie, I feel that same way, people call me and go on and on for an hour to 3 if I let them, unloading but it would be nice if someone asked me how I’m doing. It didn’t used to bother me, people have always turned to me, but I used to have a best friend that always called and always asked how I was doing. She really cared and she listened. She died a couple years ago at the young age of 48 and I’m really wishing I had a friendship that was nurturing and caring and fun. I excel at solving challenges but when it comes to finding friends at 50+ I’m stumped. Your life style sounds great! I live in Ohio but I grew up out west climbing and backpacking all over the Sierras, Zion, etc. And I love horses. I used to ride out in the desert all day and not see another soul. Beautiful memories, and I was just thinking about looking for a stable to ride. Anyway, good luck to you and thanks for the response.
Riding stables aren’t what they used to be eitiher…change is good tho. My first job was trail guide in a riding stable. I also worked as trail patrol at another stable..trail patrol is more fun. You just ride out and make sure no one is changing horses, racing, getting off the horses for whatever reason and report any misgivings to the management. I rode all day…literally had calluses on my ass. No kidding..so now I know all about how the old west was…calluses on asses…I grew up in Massachusetts. Came to Californina in 1969..long story but once here I had not want to return to New England. i have lived all over California. Eureka is my latest residence..and my final. I have begun to travel tho. I just got back from a few days in South Dakota..what an adventrue that was…fun, eye opening and educational in so many ways….I spent most of my time on Crazy Horse Mountain helping a friend catch up on jewelry making..not what I had planned to be doing but it was a very interesting time. Going back come Spring. donlt know or think I will be working on the Mountain again but South Dakota is a big small place and I have only just begun to explore it. Friends? Yes, I have decided to cut out the toxic ‘friends’ and look for healthy friends. I begin by visiting a friend in Santa Rosa the end of October. New beginnings come when the time is right. I bought a Dragon pendant for my husband at a small renaissance fair this past weekend. I put it in the box his urn is in. I know he would have liked the pendant. This is life now. Odd, strange and so very lonely…but we must persevere as new life is out there somewhere and we will find it when we are ready and the time is right. Good luck to you too.
Sounds like you have an adventerous soul, which is rare, especially in people past a certain age. A lady I buy eggs from just returned from Crazy Horse Memorial and told me it really touched her deeply, she said she cried and it was a place that she knows she will return to. I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband, that’s another tough part of getting older, we lose people and it leaves a deep hole inside. I lost my best friend, both my parents and my dog, (I’m not saying the dog had the same standing as my loved ones, but he was my buddy). I felt like I had lost big chunks of my soul. The world felt like it had tiltled on its axis, changing the way I saw things. I’m reading what I just wrote and I’m sounding too dramatic, sorry. Anyway, I wonder how many other women are out there wanting to start new friendships and how we can come together. I’m thinking I’ll make a poster that reads, “Martini’s, Chocolate and Friendship”, and march up and down the street until I have a following…kidding of course, I would never share my chocolate stash. lol. Sounds like you’re on the right track, you’re exploring new places and friendships and creating new experiences and memories. You’ve inspired me to get back into the saddle, literally!
Hi, Arreis51, Before you get up in that saddle, I must say I haven’t ridden my horse in about 6 years…too busy settling, working, taking care of my husband…and my horse is really happy that she gets to just lounge around her paddock. BUT those days are now over. She (to her dismay) is back on the front burner. I have started working wth her again…ground work….she has matured…and none of my saddles fit her..need to order a new one. As she is a Draft horse (Percheron) I have to special order EVERYTHING. No one carries stuff for the big horses in stores.
There is a lot of controversy regarding the Crazy Horse Memorial. As it is carved from land considered to be sacred, there are people who are against the memorial…same with that other carving of the president guys. But on the other hand, the CHM allows some of the Lakhota people to make a good living for themselves. The man I know who has a table there makes DAMN good money!!! So where does one draw the line? Sacred land or survivial? Personally I am divided on the issue.
Loss is loss no matter what or who you lose. My animals are my family just as people are. If I lose one of them, it is the same as losing a person. Animals to me are equals and just as important as the rest of us. More smarter than people most of the time too. So your post is not dramatic. It is beautiful. Your discription of how you felt when you suffered your loss is something I can relate to. There were times it felt like the air around me was smashed like glass and falling…breezes hurt noise was too quiet and silence was too loud….horrible feelings. I don’t have these as much any more but I stay busy busy busy…busy to infinity!!! To keep the monsters from my mind.
So I do things, go places..etc. Next it is to Washington State to a pottery workshop. That is in April of 2011. October…NEXT month…already? Where does the time go? I am driving down to Santa Rosa to visit a couple of friends. It is the shortest trip. Come December I go to Fresno to visit my son and grandkids. In between all of this I do my artwork…clean house sometimes…and write.
Once you experience a loss like we have, your world does change. I see things differently now too. Our lives will never be the same again. It is something to embrace and to shun at the same time.
Yesterday I bought 2 colbalt blue stemmed water glasses..or they could be wine glass…lol. I found them in a thrift store. I bought them for the next person who will come into my life as my husband did. I had bought 2 light blue fluted glasses before I met my husband…I bought them for whoever it was that was coming into my life…and it was my husband. We used those glasses for our celebration toasts on holidays and whenever. Those glasses are no longer going to be used for anything. They are retired. The new ones have been washed and set in my kitchen cupboard. They will wait there until I meet the next person. I do believe after a lot of thought that we do not have only one love in our lives. I have come to the decision we are placed in lives of others where we can do the best or where we belong. And those whose lives we are placed in are in our lives for the same reason…we all help one another in whatever way we need. My husband wanted someone who loved him and I love him very much and miss him very much but I know our short time together had a reason. Now it is time to move on to the next episode..turn the page and see what comes next.
Good Morning Valerie,
You write beautifully, your talents extend beyond art and pottery and into words and thoughts. Do you like to read? If so, I highly recommend “Peace Like A River”. I love the way the author writes, your writing reminds me of that.
That’s great that you have a Percheron, when I lived in Minnesota there was an annual renaissance festival with jousting tournaments and they used draft horses just like the real knights of old did. It was quite something to see and hear those giant horses galloping like thunder towards each other. Besides all the yummy food and artwork, that was my favorite event there.
Your idea with the two glasses is beautiful and the fact that they are cobalt made me smile. I recently started teaching a class, (I’m not a teacher so I’m learning as I go), of non-English speaking adults and I was teaching colors when one of the ladies asked about my earrings, if they were blue. I told her they were a special blue called, “cobalt”, and I told the class it was my favorite color. It’s such a unique shade of blue and the name is so different than most color names it suits it perfectly.
I’m heading out the door to Columbus for the day to see my daughter in a collegiate race. It’s a 3 hour drive so it’ll be a long day and lots of coffee on the drive home tonight.
Thanks for your writing, I enjoyed reading it.
WOW! Thank you for the compliment on my writing. I don’t notice what you say you saw in it. I just write my feelings.
OMG!!!!! JOUSTING!!!!! OMG again!!! Well my friend, somewhere in 1995 I had hurt my back..2 herniated discs. I was laid up about 4 months. Thought I would never really walk again..or very well if I did. Once I got thru all of that with the help of physical therapy, I decided to do stuff I had wanted to but put off. A woman I worked with was in a renaissance guild. The group she was with specialized in 14th century cooking…I joined the group she was (and is) with. I never fit in however. But fate had another hand. Thru other members of this group, I was introduced to another guild who needed help with their horses. As the crew they now had knew little to nothing about horses. I said, sure I will help…What a world opened up. My ONE chance to work with a really really big Percheron mare ended up in almost 10 years of the world of jousting. I have pictures I will try and post to you…I have worked with Knights of Avalon, Knights of Valour (Canadian) America Jousting Alliance and I was a member of the Knights of the Azure Cross…and there were guest knights for shows. My job was to care for the horses. For a mid 50′s 120 lb woman I took care of sometimes 3-4 horses getting them ready for a show..plus helped at least a couple of the riders ‘suit up’. Then worked the jousting field. Caught horses, picked up and or handed lances to riders. Helped them back on their horses when the came off…Led horses from the field. brought horses back on to the field…OMG!!! What a world.The parties, the sewing, the traveling..the horses…WOW!!! I never worked outside of California though because I had a full time job and couldn’t be gone at will. Today I could..but I am older..and that was my life then. It is so different now.
The draft horses may have been used in a joust but I beg to differ. They were heavy..way too heavy for quick movements..altho I have seen some move VERY quick! A joust way back when was to aid a knight in bettering his battle skils but practice..when it became a sport I don’t know…but it was a spectator sport for royalty. Once guns were invented, it made warhorses obsolete. Horses in batte were small..Destries (sp). They had to be able to turn quick..Quciker than a Draft and get out of the way or get in to the battle. Drafts were used to plow down any obstacles. March them thru…There were a selectioin of different horses used for particular aspects of battle. The horse was not just something to ride in to battle on. The beautiful movements in Dressage..which of course is French for ‘training’ were used in battle. There is SO much more to all of this but I am off to a Natural Fiber Fair in a small town south of where I live. I would LOVE to send you some photos of the jousting I have been involved with. I NEVER jousted…nor do I wish to. I have seen too much of it. I did a practice once with a new horse to get him used to haveing another horse pass him and then with the hits..I did the hitting and my friend who is a fabulous jouster had a shield to take the hits. This was at a walk and a trot and let me tell you that alone knocked me back in my saddle!!! I would exercise my friend’s horses and run them thru the games…ring quintain, shield quintain, thru the list but I never jousted and as I said, had no desire to do so.
I do pottery. There is a mineral (I hope that is right), colbalt oxide and colbalt carbonate. These things produce BLUE..COLBALT blue colors on pottery. I don’t know which is used the most..the oxide or the carbonate but when you see that deep blue on pottery, it is either one or the other. Horses, pottery, animals and spiriituality I could talk about all day and night. But I too am off to a Fiber Fair as I stated. I am relearning to sping wool as I do weavings. My dear, it may seem like I am making some of this diverse lifestyle up but it is all real. I believe life is out there and each chance we have we should take a big bite of it for we may not get that chance again. So again, I turn the page and start a new chapter. I don’t know what it will hold but I am ready for what waits on the other side of the door of opportunity…YES COFFEE to start.
Have a great time in Columbus and I hope to talk with you more. If you would like, I would exchange email addresses with you and send you jousting photos. I wish I had a digital camera in those days. Til later,V
It was hard for me to say widowed, too. We were together for 40 years, married for 39. Had 3 kids together. what makes it hard for me is living in a small town, but I do not want to move right now. I work here and do not want to change jobs. I went to an Art Assoc meeting the other night. I am trying to get out and see what is around for me to join.
I may have to branch out to a neighboring parish, in La. not counties, where there is more going on and people are not as set in their ways as a lot are here. I still like to get out and have some fun once on a while.
take an ad on craigslist. check out meetup.com take a jazzercise class maybe someone will respond to this post who lives near you! I wish you the best.
I’ve read several times throughout this post, that starting a book club might be a good idea for some of you. I found that getting married and having children was very isolating and I started a book club; had lots of friends in the same boat. We have been going strong for five years now and we have alot of fun and read alot of interesting books. I’ve also heard of travelling book clubs where the group travels, possibly to the place which they read about in their book. I’d like for us to do that when our kids get a little older and we have more free time. We have had book club meetings at interesting places around town, not just restaurants, but we took a tour of a brewery once, and an art gallery. Make your book club interesting and if you start one, try to ensure the people you invite that it won’t be alot of pressure, just make the meetings fun. We have all women in our book club, but I’ve heard of mixed men and women in clubs, so don’t exclude men who enjoy a good read and could use a night out!