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How do I (a 55 yr “young” woman) meet men these days? Most Liked Hot Conversation

I’ve tried eharmony and match.com as well as others.  I haven’t met anyone at church or out in the normal day to day.  I’ve been divorced for 16 yrs and I would very much like a special man in my life.

Posted in family & relationships, love & sex.

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35 Responses

  1. kitty kitty says

    you just have to keep trying, praying just be careful meeting any one on the internet. good luck to you and your search. oh do you have any friend  that can hook you up, are coworker just ask. 

    0 like

  2. Happyone Happyone says

    Good question.  I will follow these answers!  All I met on eHarmony was “retired at 55″ – he is unemployed and wants someone to support him;  then “drinks a few times a year” – he needs treatment for alcoholism;  “self employed” means he does not have a job!  Match.com is like a “meat market”…….

    9 like

    • Generic Image 51 and counting says

      Amen to this– I think all the weirdos have moved from the bars to the internet– atleast the ones in the bars can afford to buy a drink! Stay far away from the free sites– like Plenty of fish– (and they all are dead and stink)

      3 like

  3. Dallas Lady Dallas Lady says

    I met my current husband in my mid 40s.  The truth is I met him through internet dating.  I had to go through a whole heck of a lot of frogs first though, I have to admit it.  But I work FT, I was a mom to a 10 year old (then) and i didn’t have the time for all the extra curricular activities that would lead to maybe meeting someone to date.

    So for about 3-4 years I did the internet dating thing (matchmaker, match, eharmoney) etc.  I met some total losers, some total liars, some nice but unsuitable men.  I literally GAVE UP.  I decided I would likely spend the rest of my life without a partner; I actually became OK (read:  resigned) to that.  I quit looking for a partner and then just went out on dates even when I knew the guy wasnt someone I wanted to marry.  I totally lived in the moment, one day at at a time.

     

    ANd then….BAM.  There he was.  Mr. WOnderful for me.  ANd he showed up when I wasnt looking for a partern but merely living my life on a day to day basis.

     

    Go figure.

    3 like

    • CatieH CatieH says

      Love comes when we least expect it, and when you are not looking. Isn’t life great? Live your life for you and soon you will be joined by another.  :-)

      0 like

  4. Alma Alma says

    You know I read these post and most of them are consistent with the fact that they found Mr. Wright when they were not looking for someone.  I have a co-worker that was doing the singles net and gave up because they were losers.  She went on a couple of meet you at a coffee shop kind of dates and they never called her back.  She stop and started to live her life having fun by going dancing on Friday nights and there he was.  According to her this man has made her happier than anyone she has ever known.  He takes her to dinner, sends her flowers, shops for her, buys her gifts, a real gentleman.  Now as for myself, I was reluctant to do the single networking because to me that was a sign of desperation.  I must say I let someone convince me to do so and guess what it is a numbers game.  For the most part they are a bunch of stupid idiots. I don’t make any suggestions about being sexy like most of the women do, I don’t illude to sex in any way and these guys contact me wanting sex.  This one fool wanted me to come and pick him up, are you kidding.  And then I had this so-called school teacher who would call me and as much as I tried to redirect the conversation he would say things to me that were totally unlike the characteristics of a school teacher I would think.  His last phone call his comments were so sickening I just hung the phone up in his face.  Hopefully he got the message.  I go dancing every now and then and the men are a bunch of fruitcakes.  The ones I have met want to have sex with you in the parking lot, they tell you lies that they are married but they do not have sex with their wives. I say well you make this a first, go home and do what to her what you want to do to me.  Needless to say I don’t see them when I am out, they ignore me.  Cool.  I keep praying and one day God will send someone to appreciate me for who I am.  You do the same.  Teh minister at church yesterday said if you keep feeding yourself the negative thoughts then that it what you will have a negative response.  I will meet someone to appreciate me. God did not intend for us to be alone.  I pity the women who allow themselves to be exploited just to have a man. They make it hard for the decent women to find someone. 

    5 like

  5. Generic Image Pitbull Kitty says

    Stop trying so hard!  The minute you stop looking for a man, men will appear.  Take non-credit classes of interest, learn to dance the Salsa, take belly dance lessons, cooking classes or take in the arts (or culture).  Always wear a smile and hold your head up, especially when you walk into a room.  Men love happy, confident women. 

    1 like

  6. Generic Image Maggie Mae says

    I think the larger circle of friends & broadening your interests mights help.  I haven’t been able to meet anyone in quite a while either.  But truth is seems as you get older, its harder just to meet new friends with common interests.  Before I got divorced my ex got transferrred all over and it was hard to keep friends.  I’d love some help on how to find male and female friends in my age range to go out and do things with.  Tried the local seniors place but most of the people there were in their 80′s.    I think I have totally forgotten how to flirt and do older men really appreciate women their own age, most ones I have seen look for much younger than 50 something.

    Cincinnati

    1 like

    • Generic Image Ceeceel says

      Meetup.com anything, anytime, start your own group — lots of great people — just to go stuff with or dating groups, what ever your fancy. (Although I haven’t tried the dating groups)

      0 like

  7. Generic Image Young50sLady says

    You are fortunate to become a “young senior”.  I understand that you want a man, but you need to ask yourself some major questions.  First of all, is there an issue where he expects you to take care of him?  Is he younger than you or older?  Do the man take care of himself?  I look forward to becoming 55, but I have three years, eleven months to go before I do.  I met the object of my affections through my cousin, and I was not looking for one.  Maybe that is a prime idea.

    1 like

  8. Generic Image Young50sLady says

    I wouldn’t want to meet a man through the Internet, sight unseen.  My sister in Oregon, who is nearing 45 next month, does that and have met some real looloos. 

    0 like

    • Generic Image sunrisephoenix says

      Hello!  When searching for matches online, be sure that you have seen their photos and gotten to know more about them through email/phone/etc. before actually meeting them. I have met some strange-looking people sight unseen. Now, I insist on seeing a current photo of them, and if they say they don’t know how to scan a photo to send to your email, you can tell them to have a place like Kinko’s do it for them (even though they might have to pay for it to be done). There’s always a way to do this.

      Always try to get to know as much as you can about the person you hope will be your match before meeting him. In your early dating, always travel on your own and meet him in a public place in the daytime, until you know you can trust him. As a backup, you can have friends watching discreetly nearby for safety, in case you’re not sure about him.

      0 like

      • SandyHeart SandyHeart says

        I wholeheartedly agree, SAFETY FIRST. If a guy doesn’t want to meet you and insists on picking you up  FORGET HIM. No offense to Y- – - -.com but I have been contacted by the most suscpicious characters on this site. Yes, I do report them to the sites. If anyone wants to know about the weirdo’s in the Phoenix area contact me through my website sandy@checkoutadate.com .

        Watchout for this profile :very flowery compliments about you, very poor grammer (like a foreigner trying to write without the colloquial terms and lack of capitalization or punctuation), widower with a teenage child, working out of the country etc. Trust your instincts.

        0 like

    • SandyHeart SandyHeart says

      I disagree, there are some nice guys out there who want to meet someone nice. I rather do that than pick up a guy at a bar.

      Yes there are some dorks out there but there are also some women who are strange too.

       

      0 like

  9. Generic Image MagentaRose says

    There’s a wonderful book called Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life by Daphne Rose Kingma. It really helps you sorting out what you want in a man, it even helps sorting yourself out even if you don’t really want a guy.

    I was very surprised that what I wanted was a gentleman and a friend. Up til then sex had been very important to me, so that was quite a revelation. I did find my guy and it’s been 10 wonderful years. He’s even a gentleman and friend to my sons, who respect and like him tremendously.

    Also, a friend whom I loaned the book to, found her guy and has been happy with him for 8 years.

    Read this book, find what you want in life, what kind of man you’d like to share it with and hang in there!

    0 like

    • Generic Image petunia says

      I met my husband through the internet..Match.com  It wasn’t easy, and I met a lot of frogs along the way. Very cautious, always found a way to verify something about them before agreeing to meet..  Only in public place for coffee or a drink for first meeting. Would try for awhile, ( 6 months or so ) then take long breaks to let some newcomers surface.  I am so happy now ,with a wonderful man. It was well worth all the effort.

        I never met anyone through the other ways mentioned. I was employed full time and raising two children.

      1 like

      • bcfarmlady bcfarmlady says

        Wow, you just wrote my story!! right down to the working fulltime and raising two children. We met in fall 2001 and married in April 2004.

        1 like

  10. SandyHeart SandyHeart says

    Try PlentyofFish.com this site is FREE, it has different kinds of dating relationships that you can choose (start looking for a friend first and see how it goes). You can take a look at my column at Examiner.com  http://tinyurl.comkw2slw I am doing a series about online dating. When you do find someone  you want to date be cautious have their background checked out see safety tips on my website checkoutadate.com , there are predators of both sexes out there

    1 like

    • SandyHeart SandyHeart says

      forgot a slash in the the Examiner column it should be http://TINYURL.COM/KW2SLW  sorry.

      0 like

      • Generic Image Tracker says

        Sandra – do you know of a similar service in Canada?  I see this is US only.

        Thanks for the tips!

        Tracker

        0 like

      • SandyHeart SandyHeart says

        contact PlentyofFish.com and ask them.

        0 like

    • ciiiiii53 ciiiiii53 says

      I tried pof……met a few men…..nothing….nada…internet dating is really really difficult. I started in 2005! 4 yrs later no dice!

      1 like

      • SandyHeart SandyHeart says

        It is all in writing your profile and being HONEST. check out my column at Examiner.com here is the shortcut http://www.tinyurl.com/PhxSandy I did a series about online dating, which are more effective for different types of personalities. Just don’t forget CAUTION and before you get involved check them out with a service like my company Check Out A Date

        0 like

    • Southbee Southbee says

      After some experiences of different caliber I just found someone in PlentyofFish.com that looks UNBELIVABLE perfect. The guy I always imagine and know it should be somewhere for me.  Before that I met an idiot in the same site, but they are everywhere.  I agree, try but not so hard. When you less expect, things happen. 

      0 like

  11. Nanlouise Nanlouise says

    Sunshine4

    Never give up!!!!!!!!!!

    I suggest doing research on the law of attraction.

    Nanlouise

    1 like

    • blumagali blumagali says

      i met my late husband through match. (i have been married twice now.  the first time really young. three babies later, he was out the door.  i was alone for about 15 years. i was not lonely because i was so busy with work and kids.  then, i was alone because the kids were out and i started looking)  it took a lot of dates with all different guys to find my husband. he was wonderful.  sadly, he died just 11 months after we were married.  so … after the grieving … after wishing i had someone just to have dinner with … i went back online. 

      i don’t care so much for plenty of fish.  but i’ll let that slide for the moment.

      all online dating sites should be thought of as just another way to find out who is out there looking.  same as you.  you have to use extra caution because some people are not who they say.

      i don’t bother with winks.  i post my profile and get on with my life. if someone contacts me, i answer.  sometimes we have nothing in common and i tell them so.  never get drawn into an argument about why … just let it go.  sometimes we email back and forth a while, if there’s a connection, then progress to phone … but i want a phone number so i can call them.  i keep this all under my control. if the phone conversations go well, then we meet.  always in a public place, always drive my own car. i always want to know their full name, where they live, where they work, phone numbers.  some people only have cell phones now but most people have at least 2 ways to reach them.  someone who only gives you a cell phone number raises a red flag for me. if someone won’t give all that info, then i won’t meet them. 

      i have met a few men who i suspect were married or had girlfriends.  any sense that they aren’t being truthful and i say goodbye.

      anyway, when you meet, it’s a lot like a blind date except no one has introduced you. you have found each other.

      i actually have a first date wednesday nite with someone i’ve been talking to for about a month. even if it’s not a romance, it’s nice to go out to dinner once in a while.

      i wish you all best of luck.

       

       

      0 like

      • amc716 amc716 says

        I have been on all of the sites off and on for several years. I met three different men from three different sites. One changed my life completely- it lasted for 8 years…we no longer see each other romatically but we are still friends. The second one helped to remove the pain of getting over the first one…that went off and on for a year…then last year, I met another that I was convinced was the “one”….as quickly as he swept me off my feet, he pulled the rug right out from underneath me…due to his own personal family drama. issues, circumstances..whatever you want to call it. In retrospect, he really did me a favor…and protected me against another plethora of dysfunction.

        So essentially, after 23 years of marriage to an alcoholic, 8 years in a relationship that went no where…and two more years of wishing, wanting, and believing that something would come of it… I am back to square one again.

        I am totally off the websites now..Not because I am opposed to them…It’s a good mechanism for meeting people. I do agree that you have to be careful. I was very lucky with the fact that despite the baggage these men carried, they were all basically very good men…who never mistreated me in anyway. I still speak to all three of them every now and then. We have remained friends which is very rare and very cool.

        What have I learned? That I am a very good woman.  And I am loyal..and will go the extra mile…but I will also set boundaries when necessary.

        The solitude has it good moments…I can do whatever I want…when I want to do it. But at the same time, I do feel cheated out of this aspect of my life.  And I would like the opportunity to have a real loving, long term relationship with a man who has his heart, soul, and mind together.  I am ready for this. And I am searching for someone who is equally ready. At this moment in time, I have no other alternative except to just let it “be” and occur when it’s supposed to happen.  It takes faith and patience. And I am convincing myself of this as I write this. :)

        Best of luck to all of us!

        1 like

      • Nanlouise Nanlouise says

        Thank you for sharing.  Now you have me curious.  How was this date from our conversation posted two weeks ago. 

        0 like

  12. donnagene donnagene says

    I have used yahoopersonals.com and Singlesnet.  I think finding someone on the Internet is an excellent way of meeting someone. Maybe not the best, but if you are not a social butterfly, it may be your best outreach.

    Through on-line dating sites, you can chat back and forth before you set up a meeting. If I find someone interesting, I spend at least a few months getting to know them. I then know quite a bit about the person before I meet them. Of course, there are quite a few who are not honest, but eventually you can weed them out. I have not looking for that perfect person to spend the rest of my life with, but if he should come along, I will not let him pass by. Remember that if you are over 50 (I am 63) they are going to have some past and some baggage and you will also. It takes a little while to get past that. I have had only about 6 dates in the last few years through the on-line dating service. Only one seemed worth pursuing and currently that one seems to be wavering a little.

    I have to say that all of the men that I have had a date with have become friends and that is a very positive thing. The on-line dating thing takes a lot of time and anxiety. You keep checking who is interested in you and answer e-mails and look for e-mails. It can be a roller coaster of emotions and may not pan out. I am taking a break right now and took about a 6-month break between the two sites.

    I work in retail and meet quite a few men who are interested in dating. I tell them I am not interested. I just don’t know enough about a person that I just meet where I work or any other place, for that matter. I have quite a few friends as co-workers, but never seem to be told they have a friend they think I might be interested in.

    If I go on again, I would like to try Plentyoffish or I may go back to Singlesnet.  I had several connections with Singlesnet before I dropped out, thinking I had found someone. Yahoopersonals keeps sending me men that they think will interest me in signing up again. I find they are the same men that were on there two years ago, so I doubt they are worth pursuing.

    Always beware of the ones who feed you big lines in the beginning about how they fell in love with you the first time they saw your picture and dropped off the sight and want your e-mail address. “Chatting” can be fun and you can learn quite a bit about a person, since it is a little harder for him to lie if he has to answer right away. Also, invest in an inexpensive web cam for chatting. It makes it much easier to tell if you will like the person.

    Good luck and happy dating – or at least looking.

    1 like

    • Generic Image Pitbull Kitty says

      I checked out Yahoo Personals once and found a man I knew who had just gotten out of jail!  Needless to say I didn’t bother with that site again.  Please be very careful.

      0 like

  13. Generic Image tinrose says

    Very unexpectedly I met my spouse at work. I am a teacher and we were having renovations done at the building. He was one of the carpenters. I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee after work sometime…YES, I asked him. I did not expect it to go anywhere; It turned out that he was 9 years youger than me which was a turn-off. I prefer men my own age. It’s been 8 years and he still treats me like gold.

    On another note, after I got divorced, my friends used to tell me to move somewhere that had a higher ratio of men to women. I think Montana is 10 to 1. :)

    1 like

  14. mhouston mhouston says

    Have you heard the saying..”Whether you think you can or your think you can’t, either way you are right”.  Well what is stopping you is YOU!  The Law of Attraction says that like, attracts like.  What is blocking you from getting a man in your life is you are making it impossible for the right man to be attracted to you because for some reason you don’t ALLOW it to enter into your life.  If you want to do some work on magnetizing and attracting the right person in your life I can help you with that.  Why not e-mail me and we can chat one-on-one.

    0 like

    • Generic Image sunshine48 says

      I have read the book on the Law of Attraction and I understand the theory of it.  I would love to chat with you more on it.  I’ve tried to get my family or friends to read it so I can talk to some one else about what works and what doesn’t, but they don’t seem as interested as I am.  I used to say to myself that God would send me someone when my time was right.  That up to now he needed me to look after my ailing parents and do what I could for them, but they are both gone now and here I am.  I work a full time day job, which I love (most days), and I have a part-time night job from 8-9:30pm.  It leaves me the dinner hour and weekends for socializing.  I was very over weight, but have been successful in losing 40 lbs, which I did for my benefit and for my health’s benefit.  I still have 25 to 35 lbs to lose depending on how I decide I want to look as my weight comes off and what the body fat ratio is.  I know exactly what I want in a man.  I know I’m struggling with grief issues from losing my parents close together and anxiety issues from day to day stress at work, because even though I love my job, there are difficult people to deal with, but I do talk regulary with a life coach.  I keep my faith strong so I can keep smiling through the adversaries and enjoy the people who bring joy into my life every day and I can bring joy into  the lives of those I meet each day.

      1 like

  15. Generic Image mom787 says

    I went on a dating website just to see what men are out there in our age group. They were mostly pudgy, gray and balding. They all want a never-married 30-year-old that is thin, athletic, and successful. You know what – so do I.

    0 like

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