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How can i Help my daughter?

My daughter 28 and single mother of a 6 year old boy is in a awful situation. There is a pattern of depression borderline in our family including myself. My daughter is terribly depressed, not working ,and addicted to prescription drugs. On top of this she is extremely sensitive and never finished college. I take all financial reponsability for her , since she is not able to find her way. She has a low self esteem ,and has no one else to help her but me. I feel frustrated and helpless. I’m been loving and supportive to the extend I moved from another country one week ago to try to help her. She reads all types of self help books mostly spiritual books.from Deepak to Hicks and so on. She says to me she is going thru “a spiritual and she can not turn back to the waysnof this world.awakening” She is not able to take care of simple task such as administrative affairs. I’m so lost don’t know where to start can someone help me?

Posted in family & relationships.

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6 Responses

  1. Generic Image Janice says

    It sounds like you may need to have a visit with her doctor, phyc who ever and have her go some where for a while.  That would be the best.  Not sure if you will be able to do this as state laws can be very tricky about this.  She might not want to go, and you aren’t asking her to change, but she isn’t capable of taking care of herself or her son.  Put her son’s welfare first.  Just be careful you don’t drive a wedge between her and you or all might be lost.  So sorry for your family.  Mental illness is an unseen illness that EVERY family has in it.  Hope this works out and that there are more suggestions than I have to offer here.

    2 like

  2. She Cat She Cat says

    This is going to sound very harsh, but I’m the kind of person that says it how I see it.

    Mental illness is no excuse for bad behavior. Your daughter is behaving badly. She’s addicted to prescription drugs. I wonder how many Drs she’s seeing, to get the pills she needs to maintain her habit.

    You, are enabling her in every way shape and form there is. You want to help her??? First you need to find a rehab center that will accept to take her in. Tell her that you love her, but she has a choice to make. Getting clean, going into rehab, and having her son in her life, OR, there will be consequences for her bad choices. If she chooses NO , then cut her off financially, and seek help from the courts to get your grandchild.

    Or simply walk away from the entire mess. But helping her in the manner that you are is only enabling her to continue on the path that she is heading. Which will be worse…..

    Why am I saying all of this… I have PTSD, I have been an alcoholic, and have done drugs in the past. I have also had very bad behavior in the past also. I know the path your daughter is on, and unless you help her to stop, it will only get worse… Mental illness is no excuse for bad behavior. Remember that!!!!,

    6 like

  3. Generic Image junebug43 says

    This sounds so much like what we’re going through as well only my daughter is 40!  She was a recovering alcoholic but has slipped back into her old ways and was briefly hooked on prescription meds.  She is also depressed and I think partly because her husband died 2 years and I don’t think she’s ever gotten over that.  She lives at home and has a son who lives with her dad and one going to college.  She Cat is correct – we are not helping our children by helping them financially, etc.  And, you cannot make them get help – believe me I’ve tried.  Anonymous I hope you can find an answer as we haven’t yet – good luck.  And, I hope your daughter can get the help she needs as well.

    2 like

  4. Rosebud Rosebud says

    Let go and Let God !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry but that is the only answer.  Stop helping her.  My daughter is 30 with a 3 year old son.  She was high when he was born.  She works only when people make it easy for her, like a place that will enable her and not fire her.  Kind of dead end jobs. She moved out of state “to get herself together”  and left her son with his father.  She is getting herself together as far as she sees it but does not care about anybody else.  She started this at 19 and so many people including myself tried to help.  She does not have any of those people including me in her life.   YOu gotta let go   !!!!!!!!!  If you can and only if you can get the grandchild safe.  I still see mine through his dad and my daughter is still gone.  If you do not do this, you are part of her problem.   Sorry but plain and simple

    4 like

  5. Victoria Offenberger Victoria Offenberger says

    These ladies are so right! Every family has mental illness.  PTSD, Depression, Drug Abuse (Xanax and Valium are their friends), sad but true.  Part of our daughters’ problems are mental, but the only fix is professional help and standing on their own two feet.  My daughter is 33, has 3 children, and just went through a nasty divorce and year long custody battle. Because of our grandchildren, my husband allowed me to let them live with us. Bad Mistake! This only enabled her to take advantage of everyone, most hardly talk to her anymore, which in turn is feeding her depression.  She would go to her play-job, stay out afterwards, and sleep all day, because she knew we had the kids safe and sound.  Our mantra during this past horrendous year was “We’re only here for the kids” “We’re only here for the kids” “We’re only here for the kids”.  After 7 months, she finally got a fulltime job, and said she’d pay me to watch the kids the 14 hours a day she was gone.  Well, that didn’t work out… I didn’t get paid, and she wasn’t saving toward her own place.  She wasn’t paying us for living there, either, so after my daughter and her 14 year old damaged our (rented) home we decided it was time to cut strings and move ourselves.  She is now living in our old home, and has to continue working a ‘real’ job for the first time ever. Our mantras now are rather on the harsh side “You can’t fix Stupid” and “Sink or Swim”  She is now face to face with reality and has choices to make.  Tough Love helps more than it hurts…  There are books on Tough Love.  It’s very unpleasant, feels like we’re walking out on our babies.  Fact is, our babies aren’t babies anymore.  They are adults who need to grow up and accept responsibility for their actions and their lives..  If we didn’t get through to them all those years ago, we won’t get through to them now.  Everyone of us has to come to the point for ourselves, we can’t do it for anyone else.  Only keep your grandson while she’s in rehab. Give her the responsibility of raising him.  I know we want to help, but, in all reality, we want to be the grandmothers not the mothers of our grandchildren.  Love and Hugs for you, as well as prayers for your daughter and grandson.

    7 like

  6. Gage Gage says

    There is such a thing as loving your children to death. You are doing that, loving your daughter to death. You are also disrespecting her. Please please respect her enough to listen to her problems, provide loving moral support and assume she is capable of solving her problems without you. Tell her that you have confidence in her to resolve this in a way that works for her and you are trusting her to create her own life… A life that May or may not include you. Everyone needs an occasional helping hand but not an entire life designed by their mother.

    2 like

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