Today’s Featured Comment
My husband died in 2004 and I am still shocked and sometimes overwhelmingly sad.
I know that I cannot replace my husband, but I don’t think it’s wrong to look for similar traits that I admired. I do find that I am more comfortable with the idea of a widower rather that someone who divorced in his 60s or 70s. In theory, he has the same problem and it’s one of your compatibilities.
I’ve met several men whose deceased wives could have easily been my friends and I like that idea.
I agree that you can never fully let go of a good marriage cut short by untimely death. But, I do believe we can love again…and deeply. Not much different in concept than when we were young – it starts with a spark and grows. I still miss Ken, but I’m happy with my life and wish I could be satisfied with having great friends and wonderful family. But it’s the daily companionship that I miss – meals – discussing the days events – intimacy – a warm body to snuggle up to.
I don’t intend to walk on eggs and never mention my prior life and don’t expect that of a new partner. There is a special place in my heart for my husband and even after many years for a lost infant, but there was no shortage of love for more children and there will be plenty for someone else if I find him. It’s time that is short, not the capacity to love.
Hang in there. One day you just wake up feeling something has lifted. It’s not gone, just a little lighter burden day by day.
[This comment was originally posted in this conversation. ~ Eds.]
I can sure relate to these conversations. I got divorced when my kids were small and met friends through my kids daycare and we have kept in touch over the years. They are good friends but I don't get to see them as much as I'd like to. This past mon
Very beautiful. I meditate when I get home from work. I get up at 5:30 and just can't get motivated to get up any earlier. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I immediately go to prayer. It's comforting. Teresa
Know that feeling all too well. I lost my husband suddenly in 1992. Still talk to him every now and then. Divorced men are intimidated when they date women who lost a good man. It’s hard not to mention someplace he took me, or something my family remembers about him. I don’t believe you shouldn’t speak about someone you lost. After all, whose intimidated by parents you may have lost? I don’t speak about him often, but once in awhile it pops up. Something funny that happened, or someone says one of his favorite sayings. I was more uncomfortable with a man who refused to mention anything about his deceased wife. To me, that’s like slipping a life under the rug, and it doesn’t seem right. It’s ok as long as your not comparing. It was part of your past life, just like your childhood memories. It was part of your life. If I meet someone who’s offended, or feels he’s being compared, then it’s time for him to go. And you’re right. It usually happens with divorced men, more so, than widowers.