Several months ago I reached out to the women on VN and asked a question, is he real or is he a flake. It was a post about this guy I had met who came across like Mr. Wonderful. Who seemed sincere and wanted a relationship. He would write me poems and we seemed to have a lot in common. Nothing intimate happened between us, thanks for that. He had told me that his wife had died and this is why he had moved to Texas to have a change. Lord have mercy, no I take that back, I started to say Lord have mercy on a man (person) who would tell a lie like that just to get a woman’s attention.
He was the driver of the bus that I take home when I get off work, he transferred when the drivers changed and coincidently the person who took over the route was the driver before him and she and I had develped a friendship. Well he had asked her about me and told her to tell me hello. What he did not know she was picking him for information for me and she told me one day he is married. That his wife is very sick but very much alive. That is just terrible. I can not imagine a person telling another person that their spouse is deceased. I would be scared for what might happen to me. What if the lightening strike you down.
Thank you for the advice. I will heed it.
Get over it.
I agree that is totally unacceptable. We’ll send a VN mob after him and set him straight.
Oh I could tell from my post that some of the VN women would have tarred and feathered his butt. I wish there was a way I could let this woman know that her husband is telling women that she is dead. Now I am not one to want to hurt anyone and it is not spite but man can you imagine. I am like God I despise liars. What did he expect to gain, certainly not my friendship or my respect.
But then again I’ll never know I have heard of women finding out through Craig’s List and other sources that they husbands were cheating. So who knows maybe she will find out and then maybe she doesn’t care. Some women are so weak, their husbands cheat and they find out and they keep on sleeping with them. Hilary isn’t the only fool in the mix.
Alma, If you think Hillary is a fool, I would question you! She had a bigger agenda to fulfill, and she’s on her way! Many females stay with their husbands, and a goodly amount on here VN, however, IT IS THEIR CHOICE, NOT YOURS! What keeps them, different things and no two are exactly alike in their decision. Doesn’t necessary mean weak…TRACK
p.s. and if she is that sick right now, she most likely could care less
I have to agree with you TRACK, If she is that sick, perhaps she really just can’t deal right now, perhaps there isn’t time, if you know what I mean…Maybe she does not know. We really cannot judge her.
Oh Pinkim I am not judging no body but him. And my opinion of him is that he is a liar. My heat goes out to the woman especially if she is sick. Believe me I have compassion for women and I will not stand by or participate in any kind of relationship where another woman is being misued. I was taught treat others as you would want to be treated and I certainly would not want my husband, boyfriend or whatever cheating on me and especially if I were sick.
I have a homeboy that I grew up with that I ran into at our school reunion last year. Oh he raved about how good it was to see me and how many years he had wanted me for his woman and how he felt his life would be beter if we could be together whenever he came to town. Sounded good until he told me he was married and then he added that his wife was disable. Man please, I dont’ compromise. I refuse to be a part of this nonsense. You married her and now is when she need you the most. I pity women and or men who feel they are doing the right thing when they do some mess like this.
I have a co-worker who has been having an affair with a married man for almost 10 years. Child please, that man is not leaving his wife for you. She say it is because his wife’s family is in the mafia. Fool, a man will tell you just what you want to hear as long as he is getting his desires taken care of. AT 60 something years old you would think a person would have learned some kind of lesson. Desperate people fall for desperate things.
I really just felt the need to defend the unknown woman because it seemed as though from your writing that there might be some anger toward her for putting up with his behavior…maybe I misread that, but that probably stems from the fact that I am a breast cancer survivor and so feel a sort of kinship for a woman who is reported to be very ill…
I did not mean to offend you for sure.
Oh no I am not offended. If there is any resentment towards anyone it is him for being a liar. My heart aches for the woman no matter the situation. I would never do anything to hurt another female because I am a woman and I have had to deal with this kind of thing myself. A cheating husband. I know the pain associated with this kind of disrespect.
Power to you for being a breast cancer survivor. And if I could tell the woman and she did not know it that her husband is telling women that she is dead I would do it for her to protect herself. There are so many diseases out here and if men/women have a sick partner/spouse the last thing you would need to do is take something home to them. I would want to protect her and I never intended for it to sound that I wanted to hurt her. No way, that is not me. I have a very fullfilling life and I don’t get pleasure out of hurting another unless they have done something to me and even then I think twice.
To each its own. There are those of us who believe that a woman who stays with a man who cheats is a fool to do so for whatever the reason is. And then there are those who think that as long as the woman is getting what she wants, material things, status, sex, then why so-be-it. It is my choice that if a man cheated on me that would be his last time because I would let him go.
For a person who is always quoting the Bible you should know that adultry is a sin and also grounds for a divorce. I didn’t write the Bible nor did I make the law. Subject closed.
Alma, And it is her choice to divorce him, Her choice! Knowing the bible, you should know to go any farther with a relationship if you are not married is sin also, didn’t you state “ Nothing intimate happened between us,” why would it, you are not married to him! fornication is sin also! same bible…TRACK
Nothing intimate does not just include sex. By nothing intimate between us I meant nothing – no hand holding, one visit and nothing. Yeah without sin cast the first stone. Nothing at all but conversation and it irritated me that he took it that far because he is married. I clarifed that with that sentence because I know many people do commit adultery and fornication. Leave it alone, the point was not to question every sentence and word that I wrote but to let those people who supported me know that we were right about him. And to be an example to other women who find themselves in these kind of situation – men lying to women. Leave it alone.
Alma, Since you insist on the last word, I have no halo!!…TRACK
No one threw one (stone), just mention the word, Still her choice…
To each its own
Right, Alma….I was with a guy who I believed was separated and on his way to divorce….bought me a diamond and a house…many tears later I realized this was their “arrangement” ….his wife got a great house and new car every other year, she never has to work….and he gets to fool around with whomever he wants…I was simply one more affair down the line…..she simply didn’t care, as long as she was taken care of….just has to make you scratch your head in wonderment sometimes…
On the other hand, I am happy you did not become deeply involved with this individual….
HI Sunblossom, we all ahve sinned and come short. I am not trying to act like I am the saint that has just been inivented. But honesty is always regardless of what your arrangement is. I returned to Texas from Missouri and met this guy, he was always around me so how I was suppose to know he was married. He did not live in the town that I did. Oh but when I found that he was married all hell broke loose. He kept coming by trying to sweet talk me and then he got violent because I broke it off with him. One thing for sure he stayed with his wife until he died and there were other women after me.
No matter what status or material things are involved I will not stay with a man that cheats on me.
I’m in!
The mischievious person inside me would send a message to him like this, “Hi right back…how’s your wife today? I heard that she’s merely sick…not dead.” The sad fact is that, if she’s really very sick, he might be telling the truth soon. For her sake I hope not.
Well, I am glad that your friend found out for you before you got taken in by this man…..life is too short. And, I don’t think there is really anything you can do for the sick wife, except maybe pray for her. If she is really sick , and near death, the best thing for her is to have peace and not conflct. And, if she is not so sick that she will get married, then she will find out soon enough when she gets back on her feet….just my opinion…=]
Someone asked a question once or may have even written a book “Why Do Men Cheat”. Because they can, because there will always be some woman ready to lay down with them no matter what lie they tell you. I am leaving my wife, we don’t have sex, she naggs all the time. What the hell. I had a guy tell me once that he and his wife slept in the same bed together but there was no affection between them. My response to him was, well tonight you go home and you pull her real close to you and you do to her what you are trying to do to me. He was shocked. I have another line for men, when I met them and they ask where is your husband, I reply I guess with you wife. I will get them out of my face because I am not going to be the other woman. But there are some spiteful women, some weak women who feel they can break up a marriage. I wouldn’t want him because like this clown, if he do it to that woman who is to say that he will not do it to you. Certainly there is truth to what goes around, comes around.
I really hope that last sentence is true…..
very smart! ;)
I would not bother this woman with her husband’s mean and cruel behavior. She has enough on her plate. However, him i would send a message to….”you do not have any ethics nor compassion, so why would i want you?”
And probably she knows….
Oh I have enough respect for myself that I would not stoop to that. I just said I wished she knew. Since I don’t know her I can’t say what their arrangement is but one thing for sure there must not be one for him to lie. Like men who cheat, they lie to gain what they want. The wife is left in the dark and is unsuspecting of their actions until the light is shed. Some women love it, being a part of a 3som so to speak. Some think let him have his cake and eat it to. To each its own, but not this one. Some women are insecure and feel they need a man to validate them no matter what kind of man he is, cheater. beater, lazy, don’t work, whatever the case may be. Some let their husbands cheat and stay just to spite the other woman, There are all kinds of reasons and I am saying as for me, I would not allow it.
Alma, I remember your original post. I also remember many of us telling you that he wasn’t on the up and up. You seemed to know it then too as I recall. In your gut you knew that his story and actions weren’t aligned. Wish we had all been wrong, but glad you never really bought his line. Now you know for sure and now you know how accurate your intuition is too.
Forget he ever drew breath and don’t waste one more molecule of your essence on him.
Great advice, DL.
Hey Dallas Lady,
We are some sharp cookies indeed. We were right on that one. I hope there is someone who learned a lesson from this. There are plenty of fish in the sea, let’s not jump for the first one that bite at our bait.
Alma.your not the first to have run into a nut,like him.
We lived by {what apeared to be }a happy couple.
Later ,we learned he put her in a n/home.
He d been foling with a RN,IN HIS CAROPRACTERS OFFICE.
Once wife was in n/home .He sold their place, & moved in with the RN.GOOD LUCK
Hi PMC,
But you know what makes me sick are the people who make excuses for these people. Come on we are human, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Would you want your husband/wife cheating on you? I am sure the answer is no and if a person is sick don’t you think that person should be devoting that time to care for that individual. My God, we compromise, we make excuses and this is one of the many reasons the world is in the condition that it is. Stick to your vows, stick to what is right. Is a mere roll in someone elses bed worth the sacrafices that the other person made for you. All too often we have heard of stories like this one and all too often someone in teh end gets hurt. All to often diseases are spreading and we wonder why. Thanks for your response.
I continue to be amazed with the liars in this world-
Hi Kim Kerley
Liars, cheaters, abusers will exist because somewhere, someone is going to go along with their program. If we as women would put our feet down and quit acting so desperate like a man is the only thing we need to validate us we would ward off the liars, cheaters and abusers. Oh how they can dress themselves up to look like what we would have them to be whereas on the inside they know what they really are. For instance a girlfriend and I were having a conversation a few days agp amnd she said to me as we talked about networking on the different single networks, I said, I don’t because that seems like we are desperate and I strongly believe in the Biblical saying that “a man who findeth” and not “a woman who go looking” for a wife findeth a good thing. That person replied I gave up because these people know how to respond to what you are saying. They become the person you say you are and whom you are looking for. She found out that the man was married and lived a secret life from his wife but yet because she said she was single, looking for a man with a great sense of humor, etc. he became that person. Instead besides being married he was very abusive in itself.
Thanks for your response.