Men of a certain age seem to be at their most contented when the little woman is puttering about the house. Watching you dust, vacuum, iron, or bake a nice batch of chocolate chip cookies makes him feel all warm and fuzzy.
Is it in the DNA? Is it a throwback to hunt-and-gather days when a man brought home the bison and his woman cleaned it, cooked it, and made boots out of its hide?
These days women are accountants, teachers, artists, physicists, physicians, lawyers, community volunteers, and yoga masters. Younger men seem to get that they need to be a partner in the upkeep of a house, but too many older guys still love to see their women cleaning out cupboards and mopping floors. And — the minute you pick up a book or try to grade some seventh-grader’s essay paper that same man who insists he’s all for women’s rights will interrupt to point out some task that must be performed at once.
I’m not a psychologist, but I’d call this separation anxiety. Division of labor is the first and most ancient principle of man-woman relationships. Wanna make your man happy, make him feel secure? Put on that apron!
I agree with you both totally, but thought this might be a good issue to raise here. I myself wouldn't go with a TV ad unless I knew it was exceptional medical practice. I think again it is so good Robbie that you have raised this issue and educa
Hi Darcy
I always appreciate your comments. Emasculating a man means not letting him have his DNA role of being a man. It happens when we take control and literally want to wear the pants versus letting him.
It's very hard for Boomer women to
Men do / don’t do what you let them get away with.
You want him to help with the housework then divide the labor and give him something to do. of course you might need to train him how to do it if he has avoided learning by observation all these years.
If he interrupts you while resting then tell him you are busy and that it can wait or he can do it himself.
Bottom line is here, when you are both retired, are you still going to tolerate this kind of behavior?
There are nice aprons out there for men too!
It’s not so much that men I’ve known chose the Laz-E-Boy over the apron. My husband was always ready to lend a helping hand, but I know he liked to see me in a domestic role. I believe domestic chores brought fond memories of his mother, who took great pride in keeping the house in order for her husband and six children. My own mother did way more work than I ever do, but she had no garbage disposal and her washing machine had a wringer. Dad loved the way she kept things tidy.
I was widowed a few years back, and the man I’m with now is a whirlwind of domestic activity. He’s retired, and when I get home from work the carpet has been vacuumed and there’s a lovely meal waiting (he leaves the kitchen spotless, too). But I’m still receiving those pleasure vibes when he sees me ironing or cleaning out the fridge.
Yes, I’m convinced my husband likes to see me doing housework. Unfortunately, most of the time, it gives me no pleasure. He wants me to stop working so I can be the little housewife and be at his beck and call. It doesn’t really work for me! Rose
Rose, the time to stop working is when you decide to do so, not a moment before, and never at the request of someone else. To handle the profound change from working woman to housekeeper / constant companion you have to have a ton of commitment to the idea of retirement.
You’re wise to understand that retirement for you isn’t going to mean indulging in the self-determination you’ve earned. The older they get, the more emotionally dependent men seem to become, and that means they need to know where you are, what you’re doing, and how you’ll be serving them next.
Before you retire make sure you have some alternative activity that will sometimes take you away from the house — and start it immediately. You may never be able to have time to yourself (without listening to a lot of complaints) if you don’t segue from work right into something new that is challenging — and fun.