When does one make time for ones self? I am so frustrated. I always thought if you lived right and did right things would eventually work out. 21 years ago at the end of child raising (almost) hubby was diagnosed with CAD and had bypass heart surgery. Two stints, one artery left and pacemaker this year, we kept going. Daughter died from CA 4 years ago, leaving behind 2 beautiful children being raised by a exd-husband, after a court battle. I stopped working to take care of hubby, years ago. He seems unwilling to take care of himself. Today I found out he hadn’t been taking his meds (to much money! Baloney!) and I have to be on him constantly to use his inhaler. I have to deal with the ex and “cotton” to his wishes in order for our family to see the children. He has power issues! I am so tired. I will be 66 in August and really would like some time to live my life. How do I make this happen? How do I quit feeling so guilty for how I feel. My husband is wonderful and would do anything for me. But try as I will to make him see how his actions effect me, he is just hard headed and does what he wishes without any feelings of the effects of what he is doing effects me.
| Frustration | Hot Conversation |
June 19, 2010
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ReginaLove, that is SO great to hear! As for soy, it may help with menopause symptoms -- it it controversial. The best way to use soy is in the form of whole fermented soy foods (miso, tempeh, tamari and natto). Non-fermented soy foods such as soy mi
Agreed. I never thought I was vain until I had a mastectomy at age 39. I was devastated and told the doc I wanted to wake up with implants. Now at age 60, I am lopsided and wondering if I was just avoiding the inevitable. You get what you get and you
Sounds very interesting.
my husband doesn’t take care of himself either. I have made multiples appointments to the doctor which he never keeps. So i decided to let it go. I told him, if you die i will cremate you and throw your ashes somewhere. The fear is not death itself, but to become a vegetable from a stroke that he has to go to an institution to be taken care of. I have to work. I decided about 10 years ago that i cannot make other people do what they must. However, i also decided that their decisions are not going to mess up the few years i have left in this life. It may be crude but i am so tired of trying others to do for themselves what is right. It is exhausting.
I agree!…TRACK
Thank you and AMEN!
My husband takes good care of himself, but if he didn’t, I’d so TOTALLY make the choice you made, Lynnette. You go, girl! We are responsible for no-one but ourselves, because each person chooses to be however they choose to be.
There are times I want to yell: ” Stop the world I want to get off!” I don’t know why life has to be so hard at times. it seems like everyone has struggles of one kind or another, espc. in later years. If it’s not the husband, then its kids, work, health, money….the list is endless! And all that in addition to all the global threats and insecurities.
I think all of us women should get together and run away………….. Ata
Some of the women are the problem, duh!…TRACK
Here’s the thing, ladies. (TRACK and Namaste know me, they’ll totally get this.) You can cry or you can laugh, it’s your choice. Read my bio and you’ll realize life can definitely be damn unfair. I live to laugh and I laugh a LOT. That’s the choice I made when I could’ve curled up in a ball and waited to die instead.
I’m enjoying my life in the time I’ve got left, which I’m told is 5 to 10 years. So hell – I’ll be lucky to even get a chance to collect social security. And yet? My life is GOOD because I’ve made that choice for myself. It’s nothing more than a switch in the way you perceive things. Please try to make that switch as a gift to yourselves.
Love, hear me carefully, I believe everyone is responsible for their well being. That being said, we should take care when they can not, not when they will not, see the difference? Women are told to wear themselves ragged, to keep everyone including parents happy and healthy, wrong. I for one want to do the best for me, however if in the future I can not care for myself, then my daughter should step up and do what’s right, because she loves me! Not because I didn’t care for myself and put the burden on her…lazy, and unthoughtful creates burden unnecessary. Yes, I said it…sue me…TRACK…
Sorry I went to bed after writing last night. Mentally exhausted. Lynette, I totally hear you and Track you put it in terms that I totally understand. I told my husband this morning exactly what you said about taking care of him when he can’t but that I would no longer be responsible for what he chooses to do. He immediatly tried to change the subject but I made sure he understood. I will no longer worry about HIS meds or the fact that he chooses to work (he is a workaloholic) in this 100 degree heat, without reminding him to take a break. I also am going to feel free to leave the house without worry that he will do something stupid when I am not around. You can lead a horse to water, but they have to drink for themselves. Now my only problem is deciding where to start. I haven’t cared for me in so long I don’t know where to start. Thanks again all and if you have any further suggestions feel free to jump on board.
Love, morning, When was the last time you got your nails and feet taken care of? good start
)…TRACK…Might as well have lunch out also!
Now that you have made this decision, I would start with small steps….treat yourself to a great hair cut, or a walk on the beach followed by a great breakfast at a funrestaurant (by yourself)….make time in a peaceful place to think about what would not only make you happy, but bring you peace as well….then take more baby steps to accomplish it….take an exercise class…it will destress and help with your self esteem…..you get my drift….above all realize you are entitled to think about what is good for you….when you get there, it can be truly liberating…
Hooray for you, LMC!!! I hope you’re going to adopt this new, wonderful attitude and life-style of your with everyone in your life, not just your husband. You can love them, but you can’t live their lives for them or force them to make good choices. (As in precisely what you said about horses and water.)
It doesn’t matter what you do for yourself…. It can be the smallest things. The huge thing is you’ve made the decision to do this, even it if just involves some relaxing. Or some window shopping that requires no money. (I hate shopping if it requires trying on clothes, but “window shopping” with friends who know how to laugh can be a LOT of fun.)
I’m so glad you had this epiphany – and if you find yourself slipping, just post again and yell “HELP!” (grin)
a massage and new lingerie!
“We should take care when they cannot, not when they will not.”
Track….this is among the wisest advice I have ever heard.
P.S. Perhaps pick up the book “Co-Dependent No More” It changed my life.
YES!!!! Wonderful suggestion, Sunblossom!
i would start by doing what the others are saying…. a spa for a day… change the color of your hair w/highlights and the style, it will make you feel like the new you and give a HINT to the others in your household as well. Do your nails brite red, well that would be me, but if you are not the loud type, do them a strong pink
right now i have on twisted pink by Sally Hansen and everybody loves it, but of course i live in so florida. So get the nails and feet done, same color. The spa day retreat also gives u a massage. But it is your choice on how much you want to spend. The other alternative is going go to your favorite hair/nail salon and spend the day doing all this stuff. By the time it is 5 o’clock YOU WILL BE A NEW WOMAN. Go home, look in the mirror every 10 mins and say to the reflection… you are hot, you are gorgeous and you deserve to live, muaaaa! Yes throw yourself a kiss.
Thanks girls! What wonderful suggestions. The spa day sounds exciting but is going to have to wait for a while, since we live on a very limited budget. I have planned in next months calander a trip to the beauty salon for a hair do. A change in hair color might be in the offering later, right now a perm will do.I will look for the nail polish next time out, but getting my toes done may be a problem since I am minus 3 from a lawn mowing accident. But if that is the worst thing that every happens I am okay. I had a good day. Hubby went to play golf with son (son’s workplace yearly outing) and I got out a coloring book. Something I haven’t done since I was a child. Seemed like a good place to let the creative juices begin. I would like to get a handle on color combo’s so I could eventually do some arranging of flowers, for indoor arrangments. Window shopping will be fun and I know the two ladies I would like to take along. For the first time in a long time I am excited about finding out who me is. I will post every once in a while so I can keep abreast of you all and let you know what you started. I will look for the book at the library. Thanks forever.
pssst…get a vibrator
LOL! Don’t think so!
hahahahaha, her husband still functions. Although a friend of mine uses one between her and her husband and she says she gets at least 3 orgasms vs. one. Oooops too personal? too much information? Sorry ladies, i got carried away.
no prob…after having had no libido for 20 yrs in a 38 yr marriage, my “new best frined” carries me away…and I thought I was frigid!!!
Okay Ladies, but please this conversation has nothing to do with sex inside or outside the marriage. Please keep it that way. Your conversations make me blush!