Hi everyone.
I am totally disgusted with my sister. I’ve not had much of a relationship, if any, with her for the last 20+ years. Then, after my father dies mom decides to live with me in Florida, she and her husband want to move down.
She & he conveys that the will help out with mom, etc. Guess what, it happens only very little. I’ve had family meetings, spoke to her while being upset and overwhelmed, had bitter fights & spoke plainly about what I need from her concerning mom. My husband I have tried helping them as they don’t have much. However, it is their doing…very lazy, don’t want to work, they work the system. Quite frankly they are an embarrassment to me.
Well, time went by…mom bought them a used car in order for them to be able to come see her and help me. My husband helped him w/purchasing car & loaned him $ for insurance. Well he still hasn’t paid back yet, so I got involved.
This crap is way more than I can take, so yesterday I told her I don’t want any kind of relationship unless something changes on their part. Today I spoke w/her & insisted he pay us $ owed & told her basically I don’t have a sister (which that’s what it feels like anyway). Anyone else having these kind of family issues and how are you handling them?
Fran
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Oh dear! I know some will say that family is all and you should overlook your sister’s faults. I disagree.
I have 11 siblings and there is always some kind of strife or bickering going on. Over the years and after many battles and tears, I have learned some things. The first is never ever loan money to family members nor co-sign for them in any financial venture. If you have the money and they really need it then give it to them. If you don’t or are not willing because of their poor choices, then say no and mean it. Secondly, just because they are your siblings does not mean they are good for you. I have seven people in our family that I see on a regular basis. The rest are toxic to me and I avoid them in every way I can. Thankfully two of them live a long distance away but the others are virtually next door. I just do not communicate with nor acknowledge them unless it is a family funeral when a brief nod is the extent of our interaction.
Sounds to me as if your sister is not a positive influence in your life and will continue to sponge off you or your mom as long as she can. What you need to do is protect yourself, limit interaction and perhaps be vigilant with your mom’s finances so they do not drain her.
Hi Arden…Thanks for the advice, I really needed to hear it from someone other than myself & hubby. I guess I keep thinking that something I may say will hit home, stupid huh. “hope reins eternal” this is my problem, I think there’s hope for people, especially when their members of your family, it’s difficult to wrap my mind around her not helping w/moms care, but I must… otherwise I’ll be dealing w/these kinds of problems all the time. Thanks for listening.
Fran
I agree about families being toxic, and staying away if you have too. Also agree about NEVER lending money to family members.
I too got stuck after lending money to a family member. I no longer care about the $$ and figure it was the best $$ I have ever loaned out, after hearing what they actually thought of me.
Take care of you, your husband and mother, and forget about your sister ever helping out. She most likely moved closer to you so that it would be easier to get money out of you and your mother.
Stop lending to them, and consider the money you did lend them, a good lesson on how to never lend $$ anymore.
Hi She Cat…you are so right!!! That’s what my husband keeps saying…”The Only reason they’re down here is because of the MONEY” Hard to face the true reality about these moochers.
I did call sister yesterday, I guess to try to keep peace in case I need her??????? But the conversation was the same as it always is, she has no clue how to care for mom & apparently does not want to. I’m going to chalk this $$$ experience as a lesson learned & limit my time if any w/her they are toxic & I just can’t do this anymore.
Fran