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Friendship and honesty Hot Conversation

I would like to know “What individuals over 50 think about friendship and honesty?  I just had a break up with two friends, who did not know each other. 

The first person was a friend for 33 years. I thought we were great friends however  the presidential election came between us. She had changed political parties, never told me about this change and were not very happy about the election outcome. She did not want to talk about the election with me. I was shocked and very hurt. I was not very happy about the last two presidential elections, however, I accepted the President as all our President not just the ones that voted for him.  I never said anything uncomfortable to her regarding President Bush for eight years. She cannot give me the same repsect and want to limit what we can talk about, in order to remain friends.  I could not accept calling a person a friend and limiting what we could talk about. The last time we spoke was one week after the election. She had moved away to another state about 25-27 years ago however, we talked atleast 1-2 times a week for all these years, then not one phone call, after she told me that she was not happy with the election. I knew that out friendship was over because, I had always been able to talk to her about anything, at any time of day or night, but not one word from her in over six months. What’s your view on this friendship?

The second friend of only eight months, was someone I love very much because, she was a senior citizen like myself. She presented herself to me as a professional person, giving me her business card that said, she was a high school teacher an accountant. She had just moved to my city, even buying a house. We met at a bus stop and began to speak about the election because, she had a very large political button on her purse, for President Obama.  We had about a 1/2 hour bus ride before we both got to our destination. We talked at the bus stop and durning our trip.  We traded phone numbers.  She called me about two hours lated and we became friends. I was very happy for a brief period of time. It seem she had a problem with my positive attitude. She would cry at the drop of the hat.  She almost drove me insane; before, I realized that something was wrong with her.  At first, I thought she just had a low self-esteem and I tried to help her. However in four months, I was the one in the hospital complaining of a stomach ache and finding that  the relief I needed, was a break from this individual.  She sat by my bedside for a few days, holding my hand and telling me what good friends we were; then, she ran out of the hospital just before I was releast; went to her home and called my home leaving very nasty and demeaning comments for both my son  and I  to hear. I heard those two messages about two hours after I am home because, I called family members and friends to let them know I was home and feeling much better.  I told them all about this new friend, who insisted on being at the hospital with me and even coming early in the morning and staying most of the day.  I could not get her to leave.  Everyone thought she was a great friend and told me how lucky I was to have such a great friend. I had already sent her an email, thanking her for being such a great friend.  Then, about three hours later when I listened to my phone calls, I wa shocked and hurt beyond words, when I heard her voice, leaving a nasty message for my son. Saying she was tired of pulling hospital duty and babysitting me. She said, my son needed to grow up, be a man and take care of his mother. She called 30 minutes apart making the same kind of statement.  When I heard those phone calls, I felt like I was going out of my mind. I experienced such servere pain at that moment.  Why was this person, who called herself my friend, doing this to me. I felt like I was going to have a heart-attack. There was nothing that perpared me for that; however I knew I had to end this friendship because of the pain I was having in my chest, my stomach and my back at that moment.  I had just told everyone how much I loved this person and thought she loved me and BAM! I didn’t see it coming but, I knew I couldn’t handel this kind of relationship.  I sent her an email telling her as much.  My son is 42 years old and did exactly as I asked; to give me a day or so to  rest and for the doctors to find out why I was having  such stomach pain?  

 I would like others over 50 to comment on both of these relationships issues please. 

Posted in family & relationships.

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36 Responses

  1. Wise Weight Woman Wise Weight Woman says

    Dear Josephine,

    From my perspective, these are not friends.  A true friend is accepting and listens.  If he or she has some problem with you, they talk to YOU about it.

    I am persnickity about who I label as “friend.”  I have lots of acquaintences but few friends.  This is a label/title that I place a great honor on.  My friends love and accept me – during my good days and my down days – and they do nothing to abuse or abrade me with their words.

    I learned this by going through what you went through with these two individuals. I am 67 years old.

    Warmly,

    Pat

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    • Generic Image LucyBHoffman says

      Ahh, Pat and Josephine.  The trials and tribulations of friendship.  The tragic truth is sometimes we outgrow people.  Or we are so interested in having friendship, we ignore the red flags.  I had a girlfriend of 20+ years – one in whom I completely trusted and confided.  Seven years ago, I returned to school.  I also desisted from past unhealthy behavior, which had been a great part of our relationship.  Here, I refer to alcohol and flirtatious behavior.  We are both married.  Once I began moving forward in my life, she couldn’t accept me.  I tried for the next 7 years to make our friendship work, but again and again, I would go weeks, and sometimes months before I heard from her.  Then it was to apologize and to tell me she was trying to get her life together.  I finally just called a halt to the pretense.  It was extremely hard at first.  But I kept telling myself that I would recover, and once that window was shut, another would open.  Life hurts.  But friendship should help.  If it hurts you worse to be a friend, than not to, then so be it.  Keep your positive attitude, and you will attract those who reciprocate.  My heart goes out to you.

       

      Lucy

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Dear Pat, thank you very much for your response to my friendship problems.  I feel much better reading your comment and the comments of others over 50. I love what you said about your friends loves you when you are down or when you are up.  I feel the same way you do; that is what I tried to do with my last 60 year old freind.  However, because I grew up on my own, I know what it feels like, to be alone and have no one to turn to. That is why I agreed to be friends with this new 60 year old woman.  She was new to this city, less than one month. I have lived here for the last 31 years.  I have no family in New York except my son and he is 42 years old.  I am a very sensitive, caring and compassioned individual. So I thought I could help a senior citizen get adjusted and comfortable with her new home. I had no idea she was mentally changelled.

        Sorry it took me a few days to response to you.  I am retired but try to stay busy. I paint on glass, red, yellow, pink and purple roses.  I paint the back all black. I paint little care bears and yen-yangs.  I do research on my computer, loves politics, cooking for friends and writing a book about my life, in hopes it will inspire average people, to always keep reaching for their dreams, even if it seem impossible, by someone else’s standards. To learn a little more about me, read my response to Pennyd, written about an hour ago. It is 5:18 AM and I must go to bed; been up all night painting and on the computer; must get about 4 hours sleep.  Again, thanks for your response to my letter.  I will get back on here in about 6 hours.

      Josephine Burrell

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Dear Pat, as you can see, I am still reading all of you ladies posts here on Vibrant Nation.   I have accepted the fact, that  I was not the bad person, I was being told I was by my formal ”friend.”  I am trying to move forward and continue to enjoy the rest of my life.  

      I have had a positive self-image for almost 40 years. However, I was caught off guard by my formal two friends.  It came at a time, when I was sick and needed their understandings more than ever.

      Good and positive energy will always over come bad and negative energy. I have always been taught, when man closes one door in your face, God will open up many more; and that God Opens doors for you that man can not close.  I believe this because, I was at a point, when I felt doors were beginning to close around me.  That’s when someone from Vibrant Nation sent me an email.  I checked out this site, joined it and a few days later, new doors began to open in my directions, doors of honest communications, sharing and even honest friendship began to develop; because all of you ladies responded to my request, regarding honest and friendship.

      I felt so honored to hear from all of you and to know that many of you have felt the same kind of hurt from losing someone, we chose to bring into our lives, giving them a place of our hearts. Your identify with my pain, made it easier for me to deal with and to accept the fact, that part of my life was over with those two ladies.

      This site helped me to save my sanity. I talk about it every day to someone.  I have a good friend, whom I met on this site, her name id Donna . She is a caring, understanding and compassionate individual; without the server emotional pain I was suffering,  I probable would not have visited this site and I would not have been exposed to all you beautiful and caring ladies. And certianly, I would not have met my beautiful, new friend: Even though we live in different states, we are in constant contact with each other via emails and the telephone. What a Blessing to have met her, here on this site.

      If you ever hear anyone said,  “nothing good can come out of so much pain,”  tell them to write me. I am a living witness, that beauty is all around us, even doing our crisis. The trick is, never give up and don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for the kind of help one needs. When people hear about an individual needing something  important,  their may automatic think about money and economics.  What I needed when I joined Vibrant Nation was more important than silver or gold.   I needed to feel that heart to heart, human connections: not only did I feel the human connections here, I have been honored with a wonderful new friend.   I am in a much better place in my life, than I was not only  last year this time, but just a few months ago. It was not easy to get from there to here; but I am proof that it can be accomplished. 

      Pat,  I thank you and the other ladies for helping to derail that run-away train and put me back on the path to a more safer route. I also want to give a great shout-out, to my new friend Donna and God for helping me to hold on, just lone enough to know that better days were ahead.  Again, thanks for your heart-felt comments.

      Jo

       

       

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  2. SatorisWings SatorisWings says

    I’m 60.  I lost a “friend” because of the election too.  I knew we didn’t have a lot in common.  She’s very conservative in all of her beliefs, including believing that freedom means that one has to believe like she does.  But for years we did manage to have a friendship in spite of our vast differences.  When it came to the election, she told me what I could not talk to her about, then insisted I had mouthed off too much about it all.  She would say how wonderful Bush was, but she never listened to the news, so she didn’t really know what was going on.  She supported him based solely on his religious beliefs.  It took me 15 years to realize that the reason she was my “friend” was because she was an energy vampire.  I have a counselors orientation, and I would give her my positive input to help her design a way to be happy in her life.  Turns out, whenever she needed a fix, she came up with an “I need you,” excuse.  She kept saying she was going to fix herself – but that was only her come on.  She kept hanging on, leaching from me at a time when I had nothing to give.  So I eventually told her I could not be myself around her.  She denied that, but hasn’t bothered me since.  I wasted a lot of my time allowing her to drain me.  No more.

     

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  3. Valerie Valerie says

    Josephine

    I’m sorry for the loss of your friendship of 33 years.  Over time we all change and sometimes we lack the communicative skills to discuss those changes with others.  I too lost a close friendship due to differing opinions.  A woman who I have been friends with for the past 28 years has ended due to lifestyles that our children chose.  We both have bi-racial grandchildren and while I have accepted this my friend could not.  She became bitter and my happiness with my grandchildren frustrated and angered her.  She could not understand how I could accept my daughter’s path.  Our conversations became stiff and unnatural.  I last talked to her in December of last year and I could tell she was no longer interested in our friendship.  Throughout the years we have gone through so much together that I was stunned that she wanted to just end the relationship.  I have shed many tears over her.

    Your second friend sounds to me like she may have some emotional issues.  If you feel happier with her out of your life than I would go with that.  I’m sorry that these two people have hurt your feelings.  I agree with Pat that friends should be able to discuss anything with each other without endangering their relationships.

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      This is hard to hear in the 21st century.  If only I lived near you, I would offer to be a stand-in grandmother to the children.  I love all children. It do matter what color they are.  Where I live, we have people from every corner of the globe living in my city and in my complex.  My son and I are very friendly to everyone we meet. When many of our new immigrants came to this city over the last 15 years, the parents could not speak english. However, the children and the parents spoke several different languages including German. My son speaks German, so he was able to communicate with the children and the parents.

      It was hard for the children to remember my name, so my son told them to call me Grandma Jo; now, all the children call me Grandma Jo including their parents.  I have taken up to 14 children at one time, to NY_Mets Double A ball park in my hometown;  , (just the children and myself), movies, shows, War Planes Museum, taking them to events at the university and the arena, having parties at my home for the children, when it is no-one’s  birthday. 

       I kept the children busy outside doing the summers and in my home during the colder days.  Your friend is missing out on such an important event, creating beautiful memories with her grandchildren.  We cannot live our children’s lives. Our job is to teach and train them, to love and respect themselves; and make the best choice they can for their own lives.  If we as parents had some say their decisions, my son would be married and I would have a handfull of grandchildren. He’s not married and I have no blood grandchildren; however, I believe that, we as a society have a responsibility to love and protect all children. Sorry it took me several days to respond.

      Josephine Burrell

      My son is not married and have no children, but, to me, a child is a child and they all respond to love from the heart. They had me at a ball game and sitting in the stands, within a couple of months after I had both my knees replaced, at the same time.  It makes me happy to hear that, you accepted you grandchildren.  Your ex-friend is showing you how small her world is.  I know what you mean when you say that, you have shed a lot of tears over this break-up. There are very  few peole that understand the depth of feelings, we can have for our girlfriends.  They don’t understand that, sincere relationships are born and carried in our hearts,  not just a superficial head thing.

      You are right, my second friend do have mental health issues.  She was ammitted to our local pysche ward against her will, a few days after I got home from the hospital. She just told me this about 6 weeks ago. I am un-comfortable in her present anymore, especially after our visit, she sent me a nasty email, 30 hours after our warm and extremly friendly visit.  This allowed me see,  how far gone she is.  My heart hurts for her.  She must be in so much emotional and mental pain.  She do not know how to explain her condition with others.  She had told me that, sometimes she gets a little nervous. I feel helpless that I cannot help her. I love your response. Thank you so much.

      Josephine Burrell

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Valerie

      How are you doing?   I hope the emotional pain you were suffering, by losing your friend of 28 years, is a little better.  We both had heart losses in the month of December, 2008.  When our hearts are broken; we sometimes think, we cannot get through this horrible pain and our tears flow like water running down a mountain.   I was feeling this way, when I joined Vibrant Nation this past May. 

      This site saved my sanity.   I was able to really connect with the beautiful ladies here.   I read many of the posts and even stumbled upon a beautiful, caring and compassionate new friend here. We have become close enough friends to trade, email and home addresses.  I look forwards to meeting her in person, someday in the near future.  I pray that your heart is on its’ way to healing, as mine is still in the process. I still think about my ex-girlfriend and miss her very much. She only live about  one mile from me.  I am still a little unsure of my abilities now, to just let myself go and fully trust people, as I have in the past. 

      My new friend have a lot of love in her heart. I feel it in all her communication with me.    I get excited, when I get powerful, caring, understanding, encouraging and compassionate emails from her and at the same time, I get a little frighten by our closeness.  I am not mentally ready, to experience the kind of emotional pain, I suffered in  December 2008, January, February and March of this year. I just wanted you to know, that I did not forget about you.  I really do hope you are feeling better.

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  4. Generic Image Rita@Goldivas says

    Politics certainly has become so partisan, it does affect friendships these days. I have conservative friends and during the campaign, we did have discussions, but were careful about it. After the election, all three of these people expressed well wishes for our President, so that was fine. But, if they had been more extreme, like your friend, I think that would have ended the friendship. And, if I met a new friend who was conservative, I would be very cautious and limit the friendship, I think.

    As for your other friend, I see signs of mental illness – the negative attitiude and abrupt turnaround in her attitude point to that. I’m concerned that her attitude has affected you as much as it did, you are attributing some of your physical symptoms with being with her. You may need to think about tightening up your boundaries.

    In any case, as others here have said, we do outgrow people for one reason or another. I think it’s important to be self-reliant, while always being open to new friendships.

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Rita, thanks for the info. Please excuse me, for taking a week to thank you.  I have so many irons in the fire; even though I am retired, once I get up in the mornings, I split my day between several projects. Before I know realize the time; it’s 2:00AM to 5:45 AM, the next morning.

      I agree with you that, most intelligent people in this country, accepted the results of our Presidential Election.  I have had so many people, including strangers, expressing positive statements to me, after Candidate Obama won the Presidential Elction.  My ex-friend of 33 years have never spoke his name to me.  It’s as if he do not exist. she yelled at me on the telephone and told me not to speak Governor Palin’s name, because, she loved her.  I know for sure that, my ex-friend have never met any politicians.  She have not been active in any community or political events. 

      Over the last 31 years, as a single parent, I raised a respectable and caring young man, (my  son), completed my high school diploma in my late 30′s, earned a 4 year degrss plus graduate credits age 45 and I have been very active in my community. I have personally known and worked with our last two Mayors (each was in office for 12 years). Four years ago, I campaigned against our current Mayor and participated in several debates with him.  I have worked with countless City Councilpersons, County Lesgislators, 4 different County Executives, State Senator and at least two State Assembly persons.  I have met our Congresspersons and Sanators on the Federal level and the President of the United States. I met President Clinton, talked with him and took pictures with him, when he was still in office.  I campaign myself, once for City Council and twice for Mayor.

      So, when my friend of 33 years, told me that, we could still be friends, we just could not talk about politics anymore,  I did not understand that. It’s like telling someone that sings and dance for a living, that if they want to be her friend, they would have to drop their own identity. I could not do that.

      It seem to me that, your friends are truely your friends, even though you were of a different Political Ideology. I am sure they were disappointed by the election results; but as intelligent individuals, they care to much about you, to hold you totally responsible for the next four years, for their candidate’s lost.

      As far my other friend, I understand that, she indeed do have mental illness.  I know now that, I am un-able to help her, as much as I would like.  My heart hurts for her.  We are all at an age, where we should be enjoying life and not participating in conflict, every other day.  I want to be around positive, warm, understanding and compassionated people.  At our age, we do not have as much time left, on this earth, as we have already lived.  Most of us only have 20-30 years left.  I want to enjoy every single day of these few years, not crying everyday over some childlike issues. Again, thank you so much for responding to my note.  I feel much better, reading all the positive comments, from experienced adults, like yourself.

      Jo Burrell

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  5. honey honey says

    Caring stimulates honesty and, conversely, anything short of honesty is not caring.  What are friends if they don’t care?  Unworthy of friendship titles, accolades, and over-thought.  People come to impact you everyday, you determine how severe the impact is going to be and how long-lasting.  One of our deepest emotional requirements is that people should care about us; we search for it all of our lives – falling short more often times then not and giving far too much for the empty exchanges that invariably cause us personal grief.  Hence, the old saying: “you are fortunate if you get one or two good friends in a lifetime.”  If you look at it, really, we carry a silent wound for each person who has ever entered our lives and pretended to care, only to realize that all things exhibited were not as they appeared and far from the truth.  Our trust factors begin to diminish with each negative caring experience, yet our quest and hope for eternal, true, and lasting friendship continues throughout our lifetime.   What are you looking for?  At best it is a quandary with purpose, at worse it’s a delusion.   Ah!  But the middle ground is ripe with possibilities; its why we stay so long in the right and/or wrong places.  It’s why we give our best in the first place; mostly hoping to find acceptance through friendship.  It’s why we gauge such things with the “supposed” test of time (probably looking for that empirical exhibition that we can be friends until the ends of time.)  The truth of the matter is that you can waste time as well as spend quality time.  The choice is solely up to you.  If you relegate your choice because of who I am, then you in turn cease to be.  If you compromise, you accept those things that don’t bend you too far out of balance and allow another to find their own balance.  If you dominate, you are simply selfish and selfishness is the prelude to dominance.  We have a right to be free and we have a responsibility to let others be free.  We have a choice to stay or go without carrying negative baggage; opting instead for the learned experiences and lessons therein.

    I have a personal theory of my own that has worked for many years.  Please allow me to share it with you.  With the preface that I care deeply about people and the human condition, please understand first that if I had my way, we would simply love each other without condition and for the who of what we are, whether we choose to stay close or move in another direction.  Unfortunately that’s not the case, or rare is the case at best.  The more we introduce idiosyncratic perceptions – antiquated baggage – or misconceived (even unrealistic) expectations into the equation, the less likely we are to see the changes that must be made in our attempts to feel valuable if not whole.  An important factor is that people learn at different intervals, and while we may cross common paths from time-to-time, our ability to stay close is dependant upon our levels of growth, acceptance and knowledge.  There is a bit of scripture that I like to keep fresh in my mind… “There are none so blind as those who refuse to see,” the operative being that of those “refusing to see.”  Another bit of advise passed onto me by my grandmother when she became exasperated at my infernal questioning of many things (which is now copyright protected for a bookwork of mine) was : “baby, your lessen ain’t here with me right now, today; it’s down the road a piece… you’ll get it… gone get a few bumps and bruises along the way, but you’ll get it… watch that head now.”  With that she was done talking, but always offered love despite the exasperation – it allowed me to grow and to accept the responsibility of my choices. 

    Here’s what I have learned.  I treat people like I want to be treated for two very specific reasons: 1)  as an exampling of what is good, fair, and honest – that’s the me that I bring into the situation; and 2) to openly learn the lessons placed before me through the messages and actions of others.  I recognize that the only changeable in any situation is myself and that no one can make the change for me, I must make the change for myself.  The ownership of my life belongs solely to me and is honored by God; so, too, then are my choices honored by God.  For each moment that we spend on this earth we experience learning and growth.  When we refuse to grow, we repeat the same lessons over and over again until we achieve what needs to be learned and move on down the road a bit.  My personal requirement and measure of the who that I am is the one who chooses to be good to you, regardless of your choice.   My sufferance of you is an exhibition of my patience.  My distance from you is the resultant of the lessons I have learned while we were near to each other.  My choices are my own and can not be bargained for, as the ultimate responsibility is my own.  Regrets are elements of wasted time and wrong decisions made left unresolved if not un-forgiven.  Life complete is your ability to flavor any situation with that very special personal you, to which no one else can do or be – its what makes un individual, and strong individuals make collective bodies.  These are the experiences left to be remembered and shared through love long after you’re gone.  The trick is to engage forgiveness in the place of bitterness on an almost immediate basis, to leave judgment of any individual to its own course as a matter of choices and responses which are naturally assigned to those choices (life teaches its own lessons). 

     As friends go, there is a creation of balance between friends that allows us to accept people at the point to which they stand or not accept what we are experiencing as worthy of our time and efforts with the ability to candidly say so.  Those who attempt to strip you of this personal choice can not adequately be described as friends who deserve the pleasure of your total being.   Ponder the questions… “why is it that many of us enter the beginning of our twilight years (50+) struggling with this thing called friendship?”  We are exercising our need for total acceptance by any one person who cares.  What are we willing to give in exchange for friendship?  I was always taught that you need to be a friend in order to have a friend.  The pivotal point here is that the door swings both ways and your definition of friendship must be met with likeminded kindnesses and flaw acceptances.  We are trainable and palatable to compromise and should always keep in mind the clear demarcation between those who mean you  no ill and those who do.  The phrase, “nickel slick and ten-carat dumb,” comes to mind.  A girlfriend of many years uses this phrase and overtime we added, “careful before you get change.”  Our inference was that we were not as dumb as we looked and that you were not as smart as you appeared.  Motivations for friendship are key.  Friendships for kindness sake only takes a minute but has the potential for lasting a lifetime.  However, a person who feeds off of kindness and never learns to exchange kindness needs a teacher or life lesson that impacts the quality of life as it exists without kindness if they are to understand the value of the same – specifically if they endlessly use kindness to inflict pain.      

     

    I could go on and on with this issue, but I am certain that you will tire before long (smile).  If I were to leave you with anything of value, I would leave you with this:   We can neither change nor alter the course of the life of another by requiring that they act a particular way – people are who they are until they, themselves, opt for personal change.  The only thing we as individuals can do is just accept the truths that we see.  Within that acceptance lies our true motivations – make certain that  your motivations are of the truest intents and don’t aim to cause harm regardless of what another intends when you do, you share their learning consequences – its how two hearts get broken instead of one.  If we look to others to fulfill who we are through acceptance we will be disappointed more times than not.  I believe that is why we get so hurt and disappointed when we find that another has said something unkind, untrue, or without regard to someone outside of the personal friendship we believe we share with that individual.  There is another element that we negate and that is that whatever we do resonates with time.  Make yours a personal sweet smell – time will show you it was worth it all.

    Friends come and go, but their memories last forever.  Make yours the best memory possible.

    honeybeefree@ymail.com

     

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Honey, thanks for your time in responding to my request, regarding honesty and friendship. Sorry it took me so long to thank you, for your kind remakrs.  My belief about friendship, is to be honest at all times. If we cannot be honest with someone we call a best friend, who can we be honest with?  When one get to be my age 66 1/2, there is not enough time left on this earth, to play games with other people’s feelings, man or woman. I want to be with individuals, that want to be with me. I taught this ideaology to my son, when he was just 10 years old

      One day, I heard him calling one of his little friends stupid.  I got up, went into his bedroom, where they were playing and spoke with him and his little friend right then. I asked my son, why would he want to be friends with someone, he thought was stupid, someone he thought was less than himself?  I asked this question, in front of the child he had just called stupid, both were 10 years old. I told my son, I was not going to allow him to hang out with anyone whom he called stupid.  I explained, how words can hurt our hearts and how words can help us feel better about ourselves. We all have a responsibility to each other. I helped him to think about how he was going to treat his friends, especially friends he had invited into our home. He said he was sorry to his little friend and found a better way to communicate, not only with that little friend, but with anyone. He began to understand that, in order to get respect from others, he had to be respectful to other people, even his little friends. Today, some 32 years later, those two little 10 year olds, are still friends.

      My son is now 41 years old and have more friends that anyone else I personally know, not only here in the USA, but in many other countries as well. Most people choose friends, who we think are like ourselves, at least we should have a few things in common.  It makes life much easier and less stressful. Life experiences and widsom teaches us this principle. We don’t need to lie in order to be a friend or to try to change the other person.

       I remember what my grandmother told me, when I was a little girl, always try to be honest and trueful when you meet people; just be yourself.  This way, if they like you, they are liking the real deal.  If you are phoney and liked; you can only put up with being phony for a short period of time and when the real you comes along, those same people might not like you,  because they would have seen two completely different individuals and be confused as to which one is the real you. 

       It do not matter what age we are, we all need inactions with other human beings.  I always treat my friends as if I am looking into the mirror at my twin. I do not have a twin, as a sister or brother in my family; however, all my friends are my twins, whether men or woman. By this, I mean that, I always treat them as I want to be treated. I tell friends, never treat me better than I treat you. I am not saying, there will not be some rough days in any relationship, But, that’s when real friends step up to the plate and they don’t get their feelings hurt, becauses, they understand the situation.

      Again, I am so thankful that you used part of your valuable time, to respond to my request regarding friendship and honesty. I enjoyed reading your comment and that of the other women as well.  I am new to Vibrant Nation, however, I love, love, love this site.  I love the fact that, finally, a bunch of women that are honest and say what they are feeling.   I love that!

      Josephine Burrell

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  6. Pennyd Pennyd says

    Dear Josephine, In my humble opinion, you and your first friend probably just drifted slowly apart. Distance does that, dispite phone calls which are usually somewhat superficial in the sense that How are you” hows everything” “hows the family” etc does not really allow us to have those “coffee conversations” that are far more important and intimate. We still love each other but the connections are – well, different.She obviously can’t get past your political differences- some people become more rigid as they age. Please try not to dwell on the ending of this relationship, but enjoy the memories of the good times and move on. You could always hear from her again, then you will know what to do by how you feel.

    The second relationship(bus stop) sounds like you are a really “nice” woman who met a person who truly might be unbalanced,and who’s mouth knows no boundries. Stay Away! Your adult child is NONE of her business and while she acts like such a “lovely friend” her nastiness on the phone revealed her true self. You clearly have never dealt with mentally ill people befor. She literally Made you sick!!!! Please be careful who you befriend. If you have intrests such as books , collecting whatevers find a group and join it. You will meet people and get to know them befor you call them friend. Volunteer , try the hospital. It will fill your days and you will have friends of a different kind. I hope this helps a little. Pennyd 62 years old.

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Dear Pennyd, Thank you so much for responding to my friendships problems. I have read all of the comments and I agree with what you all are saying, especially, the mental issue with my last friend.  When I met this 60 year old individual at the bus stop, she was lost and trying to get back into my home city.  I have lived in my city and apt. for over 30 years.  I was happy to sit with her on the bus, until we arrived in our city.  This senior citizen had just bought a house  less than a month. She lives less that one mile from my home and had no new friends in this city; during the half hour ride home, we discussed politics, because she had a large Barrak Obama button on her purse and I had just left the book store, with the purchases of three books regarding Candidate Obama.

      This woman not only told me she was an Obama fan. She said, that she was a high school teacher that taught social studies and that she was an accountant, working for herself and had just moved into the area; and she handed me her business card, which basically had all of that information.  At the end of our 30 minute ride to our city, we exchanged telephone numbers.  She called me about two hours later and that’s how our friendship started.  Because we were both women, senior citizens, of the same political idealogy and both educated, I never thought about her as being mental ill or unstable until much later on.

      At the beginning, our friendship was mutually respectable however, doing the first few weeks of friendship, I saw trouble and I ignored it.  She began to cry at the drop of a hat. She seem to think that she had met a real live slave with me.  She ordered this book called, “Slavery By Another Name”  She called my home, early one Sunday Morning, crying like her entire family had just died.  She wanted to apolize for what, we as African Americans went through, back in slavery time.  I thought, what?

      Because this individual was of/is of the White Race, I was shocked by what I thought was compassion at the time because she was crying so hard.  I told her that, I did not hold her responsible for what happened doing slavery and that, I was not a slave. I should have known something was not right.  She wanted me to read that book.  I told her I did not want to read the book at this time; because, I was in a good mood and did not want to relive any of that at this period in my live. I told her, I was looking forwards and backwards.  She brought the book over my apartment the next day and left it.

      She would come over to my apartment and stay for hours.  I am retired. However, I do paintings in my apartment;  I am writing a book about my life and my accomplishments, (I dropped out of school at the age of 14. By the time I was 15 years old, I had my own little house. I came to New York at the age of 17 and have lived in this state for the last 49 years, with no family, until my son was born. By the time I turned 42 years old, I had completed high school and was graduating from NYS-University with a High Honors Dergee in Human Services. I have worked and volunteered in my community for over 30 years. I did the same kinf of community organization work as President Obama; including setting up a positive self-esteem clinic, which I ran for six months free to the attendees……..).

      So, yes I saw that my new friend did not have a real positive self-image, but I have seen that in a lot of people.  With my education and experience, I thought that, I could help this person. She seemed to resent me for being positive. Asking me how come I don’t hate all white people? I have tried to help her understand, hatery will destroy the person that’s doing the hating. I try to live my life full of love and honesty. Because I am so honest, it never accured to me that, senior citizens would not be honest.  I thought the game playing was for younger people and senior citizen did not participate in this kind of behavior. My 42 year old son tells me, that my biggest problem is that, ” I think that I can help everyone”  I have learned that, some people doen’t want to be helped.  I really feel bad for my ex-friend. She has been committed to the Psyche Ward of our local, against her will, since I was in the hospital..  I had no idea that things was that bad with her.

      This past April 3rd, we had a bad shooting and killing of 14 people, at our local Civic Association.  I had not spoken with this individual in four months. Because she lives about two blocks from the shooting,  I thought she might not be dealing with this incident very well.  I went to see her, to make sure she was ok.  She was one of the nicest person, anyone would want to meet.  She spoke with me for 1 1/2 hours, telling me all about her last 4 1/2 months, which included a non voluntary commital in the Physche Ward.  She was very friendly. We hugged a lot.  I felt bad for what she must be going through.  Less than 30 hours after I left her home, she sent me an email, telling me what a horrible person I am and how she was frightened of me.

      I sent a letter in the mail, acknowledging that our friendship was over because we do not have anything in common.  I did not want to call her crazy in my writings; however, I did tell her that, she is not welcome at my home any longer and that I would be afraid to be along with her anymore because, her personality is like a water facuet, warm one minute and cold seconds later.  She turns on a dime and get very nasty. One of my best friends died from Alzheimer’s Disease. So I do understand that seniors have many medical problems. My friend died at age 97. My recent friend was only 59 when I met her.  She is now 60 and I realize that, I cannot help her.  I will never go to her home again, call or answer her emails.  I have blocked her calls.  Thanks for your input.  I enjoyed reading your mature response. Again, thanks                         

      Josephine

       

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      • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

        Josephine,

        My brother shot and killed four of his neighbors in 1980.  My parents were good loving parents.  It devastated my whole famly, as well as the families of those he killled – we’d gone to church with two of them when we were kids. The after effects of murder are far reaching. It does sound like the murders did something awful to your friend, something she could probably not help.

        The first book I wrote and published was called, Hidden Victims: The Other Side of Murder.  It’s about what my family and I went through because of the murders.  I was never the same after that.  But for me, I found a way to turn those horrible events into fodder for growth.  Unfortunately everyone does not have the strength to do that.

        My brother is paranoid schizophrenic.  A story for another time perhaps.

        I think we are a society of broken people.  I try to help through my books and paintings.  I too have been told I can’t help everyone.  And it’s true that one on one relationships can be draining.  That’s why writing is good.  Novels and nonfiction can reach people as they need it and are ready for the message – the one line in the book that the author did not realize would help someone, but it does.

        Hang in.

        Love,

        Vi

        http://www.whereartmeetstheheart.com

         

         

         

         

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        I am sorry to hear about your brother and what he did not only to your family but the other families as well. I am glade to see that, writing have helped you some what.  Writing is one of the tools that have helped me so much. I write 2-3 times a week.

        I believe that my ex-friend is also a paranoid schizophrenic.  She can do a 360 degree turn on a dime.  She will come over to my apartment, We will go on walks or have lunch and laugh and talk for hours.  She goes home and call me back to say that, she is a loner and it makes her frighten to be so close with me.  She says that, she do not want anyone to expect anything from her;  however, it was her making 98% of the telephone calls or her calling asking if she can pay me a little visit? Sometimes, she just say, ” I need a Hug.”  This woman was driving me crazy (smile).  It appeared, everytime we were together and enjoyed each other’s company; she would get angry by the time she got back into her home, which is about one mile away from me.

        It was like I was dealing with two different individuals or twins. One lovable and the other abusive, demeaning, mean spirited, disrespectful and in my judgement, hateful.  I finally saw that,  helping her was beyond my abilities and it seem as though she likes where she is.

        Again, thanks for responding. I will check out your book.  Where can I find a copy?

        Josephine Burrell

         

         

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      • SatorisWings SatorisWings says

        Hi, Josephine,

        I had to let go of my brother too.  He’s so mentally ill that he can’t be helped by a thoughtful caring person.  It sounds like your exfriend is the same way.  It was hard for me to give up on him, but whenever I open to him, his mental illness seeps in as slithering evil.

        I published the book in 1993.  It is now out of print.  I was upset with the way the publisher changed it.  It can be purchased used on Amazon.com.  Here’s the link. 

        http://www.amazon.ca/Hidden-Victims-Other-Side-Murder/dp/0882821172/ref=sr_1_12/178-6213186-0465107?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242923150&sr=1-12

        I’ve also written an article about it.  It’s on my website.  Here’s the link: 

        http://www.whereartmeetstheheart.com/mybrother.shtml

        Prescription drugs are what ruined my brother.  It bothers me that so many people take them.  They can have so many horrid side effects.  He’s living proof.  It’s horribly sad for everyone affected by what happened.

         

        Vi

         

         

         

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Vi, thanks for the info. I will look at Amazon and check out one of your used book.

        Jo B.

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  7. MrsWho MrsWho says

    Josephine,

    Man! I am so sorry!!  All I can say is they were really friends.  You can look at it as though it was a good thing for you…..  You don’t need that kind of friendship in your life if all they do is upset you with their words and actions.  It’s hard to give up a friend, I know.  But when you try to patch things and they still act that way, you would be at a battle all the time.

    I had a friend for 21 years. We did everything together, shopping, out to eat and when her baby came, I would help her with the baby when she was busy canning.  Not long ago, she came in contact with an old roommate and yip, I got dumped.  Now she calls to tell me how much fun her and her old roommate had that day.  I have called her numerous times and asked her out for lunch.  I get turned down all the time.  I don’t understand either but I feel now she isn’t a true friend. 

    I hope Josephine that thimgs go well for you and that you are able to move past the hurt.  I’m still working on it myself!

    Hugs,

    MrsGuess

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Mrs Who,

      Thank you so much for your kind words.  It’s feels good to know that, other seniors understand what I am going through.  I really did love my friends, especially the last one.  She lived a little less than one mile away.  We could walk to each other’s home, she would ride her bike to my place and we would go on long walks, out to dinner, lunch or just have lunch at my place and visit all afternoon.  I trusted her as we shared experiences in our earlier lives.  I felt so comfortable with her and was planning to take week-ends trips with her this summer. 

       She is divorced and lives alone. We are only a few years apart in age and I thought we would have similiar interests. I was wrong.  I do not even know what happened to break up what I thought was a solid friendship. It makes me happy to know that, other women understand the pain of losing someone you love.  I don’t think my son understands this friendship pain.  He says, find another friend, forget this one. I will find other friends, however, one friend cannot replace another. They are different people.  Your words touched my heart.  Thank You.

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      • MrsWho MrsWho says

        Joesphine,

        I do understand your pain and like you, I do not know what happened to my friendship that was lost.  If I knew, would it be the same friendship that I had with this same person as before?  Maybe not.  And, it isn’t that easy to find a new friend. You are right, not all people are alike!

        I did start going to church again wanting so bad to pick up my realtionship with God. I also met some wonderful women of faith.  I tak that my health is so bad that I haven’t attneded for awhile.  I would love to pick up a friendship with these women.  With my health being so bad, maybe it isn’t a good time to start something.  I really need to get my health problems under contol so I will feel comfortable getting a relationship started.

        I will add you to my prayers, praying that you are able to find a relationship that will last forever.  Friendships are so important in life. (Myopinion.) You deserve that Johephine. I wish I could help.  Words are all I can offer you right now. 

        Love you girl! Take care.   Marsha

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Marsha, I am happy to hear that, you are getting your relationship with God back on track.  You could not have a better friend.  He will never let you down and He will help you through the tough times, even with your illiness.  I know because, I too was sick and in a lot of pain. My pain was un-real. I was having difficult walking or sitting and  I told God that I needed His help and had faith in Him that He would Bless me and heal heal my body. He did and I fell better than I have in over ten years. He will do the same for you if you have faith and believe in His powers.  I will pray that you feel better very soon. You have my understanding, love and compassion.  Love hurts very badly  sometimes, but His Love will get us through.   

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      • MrsWho MrsWho says

        Joesphine, Thank you for telling me your story.  What a wonderful testament to God!!  It is good to know you are a sister of faith. Many have told me to turn my pain over to God.  My answer in the past has been that there are so many that need God’s help that I pray for that I feel I am not worthy.  I pray for so many that are so very very sick that I feel they need God’s help more than I.  Maybe I need to take time for me and ask God for his help.  I am so in love with God and I thank my older sister in finding him again.  Mom and dad weren’t big on taking us kids to church so I had to find him on my own so many years later.  Thank you for praying for me.  I really do appreciate it.  Be Blessed, Marsha

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Marsha,   There is no one on this earth that is more important than you.  You are equal to any living human being.  God do not make junk.  He/God made heaven, our earth and every living creature.  When He had finished His creations, He looked around and said, All of MY creations were good.  He did not say, all except Marsha. You and your well being, is as important to God as anyone else. If you do not accept this fact, you are saying, that He/God made a mistake, when He created you. He cares as much about you, as He do for those you are praying for and even me.  God do not make mistakes.

        I am not saying that, you will be healed completely and over night, of your illiness.  I am saying, when we seek guidance and are willing to see things in a different way, we make new and different decisions regarding our lives.

         We are all God’s children.  He loves us all. Only evil spirits try to make us believe, that we are not as good as another person. It took me years to learn and accept this ideology.  The moment I did, it was like walking out of darkness and into the brightest of light, life. 

        Yes, I have had some tought times, since I made that decision, however, I was never alone.  I knew God was there, right by my side.  He do not force Himself upon us. He is like our best friend. He is there if and when we are unable to help ourselves, when we not only ask for help, but are willing to recieve that help.  When we realize that a situation is more than we can handle, we should be able, to turn to Him in prayer and faith.

        This winter when I was so sick, I not only prayed for God to help me, I also did some research on the web, regarding the kind of pain I was having.  My doctor and I talked in details, about other choices. That same day, we did a 360 degree turn, adding another treatment and 6 days later, I felt like I had won the lottery.  I may not be cured of my illiness, but I thank both God and my doctors, for listening to me and not giving up on me.

        Marsha, I will continue to pray for you and hoping you will find peace and some relief.  Good night my friend.

        Jo

         

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      • MrsWho MrsWho says

        Hi Jo!  I should have written you sooner.  I’m sorry.

        You mentioned you weren’t feeling well.  May I ask what your health concerns are? I am dealing with such pain. Fibromyalgia and migraines.  God did lift my pain for a day and I was so very grateful.  His love and guidence is always a blessing. I ask only to learn what other people do and find it effective. Hope that I soon will feel like I won the lottery!

        Thank you for your prayers Jo.  I will you as well.

        Thank you!

        Marsha

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Marsha, I am sorry that I haven’t been on Vibrant Nation in a couple of weeks.  I just read your message.  I am happy that you had at least a day free from pain. My problem is in my back.  I have had this problem for years.  In mid-December of 2008, through mid-February of 2009, my pain got so bad until I was not able to sit for any period of time and walking was excruciating. I couldn’t find a comfortable spot, to lie down in my bed.

        At the same time, my stomach began to hurt real bad.  My doctors put me in the hospital, for tests and sent me home within in a few days, with pain medications. After many more trips to the emergency room, my doctor’s office and more pills than I can count. One night after I came home from the emergency room, I tried to sleep but couldn’t, so I got up and had a conversation with God.

        I told Him that this pain was more than I could bear; that I needed His Help. I didn’t ask Him to Heal me, I asked Him to just give me a little relief and I would share His Blessing with others. I believed that if He could deliver Daniel from the loins den and brought Lazarus back from the grave, I believe He could help ease my pain. Within six days, I was free from any pain, the first time in over in ten years. I still have some pain but not the severe pain any more. I Thanked Him for this Blessing and my doctor’s skills.  Rain brings a little pain, but I am greatful that I am not where I was in those dark months.

         

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Marsha,

        I was half asleep a few nights back, when I responded to you regarding my health. I hope my epxplanation made sense. I am so much better, regarding the severe pain I was suffered everyday.  Yes, it comes back a day or so before it rains; it’s hurting now, however, it’s  nothing like it was.  It’s a little after 1:00 A.M. eastern time early Saturday morning, I have been up all day and  it’s going to rain tomorrow. 

        I have learned the hard way, that I have to take more responsibility, for the care of my back, to keep it from getting to that bad place again.  I now know that, I cannot ignor the first sign of pain. Many times this just means, STOP, whatever I’m doing and rest my back, for an hour or so, using either heat or ice, while watching television; or lie on the floor, putting my feet up on the couch, close my eyes, while listening to soft jazz or classical music for 45 minuter to an hour. 

        I hope this explanation helps as you struggle with physical pain and your relationship with God. I pray that you have had more days free from pain or at least, having less pain.

        Thank you Marsha

        Josephine 

         

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Dear Marsha, how are you?    I haven’t heard from you in a while.  I pray that you are feeling better since we last communicated. I hope your pains are better; take care.

        Josephine

         

         

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  8. Generic Image Joan Rogers says

    Josie, You always seem to get hooked up with the wrong people, why because you are a BELIEVER and want to believe that everyone is just like you, sweet, kind hearted and really good to the core, but my friend, there are really only a few people that you can actually call friend. I can count my good friends on one hand, all the others are aquaintenances, probably spelled wrong, but smile anyway, just remember God Loves You the way you are. Please stay that way. Your forever friend.  Joanie

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Joan

      I thank you so much for your kind words. I asked my son Michael, why I always end up with people like my last friend? He said, ” because, you always want to help everybody, it’s like you are trying to save the world.” I was surprised to hear him say that.

      Joan, thanks for counting me, as one of your friends; I feel honored.  I miss you and I pray you are feeling better. I hope we can have lunch sometime soon.  Love You my friend.  JO

       

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      • joesgirl joesgirl says

        Hi Josephine,

        Remember in the Bible that Jesus says that only He will never disappoint us. The world is so full of hurt.  People that are hurting….hurt others.  You sound like such a sincere, sweet, caring individual.  I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friendships.I am sure the Lord has many friends for you in your future.  Just look at all the sweet ladies right here that have responded to your letter.

        I would like to offer my friendship, also, Josephine. I am 56 and my husband and I have 3 adult children and 2 grandchildren. Our daughter is 35 and has MS. She has had it since she was 22. She has been in a wheelchair now for 5 years. She is a single mother and her daughter is 15 and has Bi-polar and many learning disorders. I was their caregivers for 13 years.  But now our son (who is 30) is doing it.

        I just wanted to write and offer my support to you and to encourage you. God bless you and hope you have a great weekend!  Donna

         

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      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        My Dear New Friend Donna, sorry that I haven’t been on the computer in a while.  I just read your comments and I am so touched. You don’t know how much I appreciate you and the other ladie’s positive and honest response to my request regarding friendship and honesty.  I was at a low point, when I requested a response from you ladies;  within a couple of days, the heart to heart conversations and sharing of experiences, brought joy to my aching heart.

          I never thought about people who are hurting, hurt others.  I couldn’t understand what was happening with my last friend.  I loved her so much, trusted her and was very compassioned towards her. My love was tramped on by her and she turned on me, leaving two very nasty message on my telephone, for my son, a couple of hours before I was discharged from the hospital. She knew that I would listen to those messages as soon as I got home, from the hospital. When I heard them, it was like someone put a knife right through my heart.

        I felt pain in every cell of my body. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  My son was working and I was home alone.  I was not expecting to hear that from someone, who had just sit in the hospital, by my bedside for a couple of days, hour after hour holding my hand, sharing parts of her younger life and feeding me ice chips.  I felt so close to her and two hours later, those two messages was like they were from a stranger. I realize now that she have mental illiness; that’s why heart still feel bad for her.

        My heart also feels for you.  You and your family have a full plate. I know that caregivers have a tough job, I played that role, for four years, for my 95 year old friend, who had no family near and developed Alheizmer’s Disease.

        Your son have to be a very special person, to become the caregiver for his sister and her daughter; and he’s only 30?  You and your husband did a good job in raising your family.  I admire you and pray that God will continue to Bless your family. I am honored to accept your support, your encouragement and your friendship.  Again, thanks for your kind and warm words of encouragement.   I will now check in with Vibrant Nation at least once a week from now on. Sorry it took me so long to respond.

        Jo

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      • joesgirl joesgirl says

        Dear Jo, You have such a tender and loving heart. I really look forward to getting

        to knowing you better. If you would be interested in exchanging email addresses

        that would be fun and a way to support one another for prayer and encouragement, too. Think about it and pray about it and let me know.

        Love,  Donna

        0 like

      • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

        Hi Donna,

        As you can see, I have already checked back with Vibrant Nation. My heart leaped with joy, when I saw a response from you. I am honored to share my  email address.  jburrell@stny.rr.com.   I pray that you will have a day full of sunshine; even if it’s raining outside, (like it is here, at my home).  Your heart is full of warmth and lights the path of others. With all that you have going on with your own family, thank you for taking time to be a candle, in my darkest moments. You are a Special Individual.

        Jo

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  9. Beth_B Beth_B says

    OK, I am very sensitive to what you are enduring because I too loved a friend dearly for 33 years, only to have her turn on viciously me 2 years ago after I spent 4 months in her home and by her side while she underwent chemo. It became obvious to me (this is a very long story that I will be happy to share with you in detail at another time, if you choose to respond to me… ) that my friend did not love me unconditionally unless those conditions included her perceived right to bully me senseless and undermine my self-esteem. So, for your long-term friend who can’t accept you for your political views, I would have to say without reservation that she has lost someone special in you. People who insist on placing limits on your topics of discussion whether you are in agreement or not would seem to me to be challenged in areas of their lives in which you, I, most political candidates, let alone political pundits and psychologists, cannot begin to fathom. They are people who insist on being right. It’s time to let go. You are entitled to support whatever political views feel right to you. She can’t accept this? She’s not worth your energy, sad as this is. And it is her loss. As for the woman you met in the bus shelter who stood vigil by your bedside, this person is very clearly unbalanced. You cannot help her. If you are a spiritual person, you can pray for her, but you cannot help her and you can only help yourself by keeping your distance. Change your phone number or block her number. You do not deserve this sort of treatment. She’s unwell. You can’t make her seek help, and it sounds as if she really needs it, but it’s unlikely that she would be a “good patient candidate.” Don’t allow bullying in any facet of your life. You sound like an intelligent, sensitive, giving, loving person. Spend these energies on your friends who deserve it. Best wishes to you.

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    • Generic Image Josephine Burrell says

      Dear Beagledream, Thank you for responding to my letter, regarding honesty and friendship..  You made some very good and valid points.  First let me say, I am sorry about your friend of 33 years, that you stuck by while she faced an un-certain future and probably was at one of the lowest points in her life.  I do not understand, why some people have a problem with honesty and acceptance of real love. 

      Your friend should have felt like one of the luckiest people in the world, to have a friend standing by her in such a time of need.  I hope she is better and you two can  try to rebuild the friendship.  she may be angry, that you were healthy and she was not.  They say that, many people who are facing the kind of reality she was, find it hard to accept and go through a few different stages, such as anger, denial and finally acceptance.  You said this happened two years ago, is she still living,  if so, I pray  she will call you sometime soon and apolize for her actions.

      I know  Chemo can be horrible for many people. I had another friend, who was less that two months from retirement, when getting her last physical just before her retirement, they found she had cancer. The cancer was to advanced to do any surgery. They offered chemo instead; less than two months later, she had loss a lot of weight, could not hold down food an loss all of her hair, did not recognize any friends and within six months she was dead.   So, I know what you went through with your friend. If it’s not to late, I pray she will call you, soon.  Again, thank you for taking the time, to respond to my friendships problems, I really appreciate it.

      Josephine Burrell

       

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