|Friends Forgive You If You Fart, But Will Dates?|
by Kate ConsidersIs a Vibrant Nation Blog Circle User 100 posts
September 09, 2012
September 09, 2012
“Mom, how’s the online dating coming along,” Gavin asked yesterday as the two of us were seated in our local Chinese restaurant to have lunch together.
“It’s not,” I replied.
“Why?” asked my caring son.
“Well, it was kind of boring. You know how I love to talk about books, films, politics, and things like that? Well, none of the men I exchanged emails with liked talking about those topics nearly as much as I. Also, financial independence seems to be very important to most men on the online dating sites, and I’m not financially independent, relying, as I do, on the kindness and generosity of my loving children,” I smiled my reply.
“Also, I have night-blindness, which means I can’t meet anyone at night unless he wants to do all the driving. And, as you know, I have developed a flatulence problem in the last few years. I asked one potential online suitor what would happen if a date of his passed gas, and he said it would be a deal killer because polite people don’t pass gas. Good heavens, what an archaic, but probably common, view! As you know, sweetheart, I don’t dare pick up a piece of chalk I drop in class for fear a stentorian fart will let loose when I bend over, resulting in my students convulsing with laughter! You kids think my farting is amusing, but you are probably the only people who do, though my memory reminds me that your dad thought farting was nature’s uproariously funny way of showing us we are all alike, but then, as a doctor, he understood the biology behind it and would encourage us to “let it out, so we didn’t explode.”
At this, my son broke into laughter and said, “Don’t give up, mom, your prince is out there.” I chuckled and told him that it would take a mighty special prince of a man to take me on in his life.
Actually, with my children’s blessing, I went out on dates with two different men in the last two years. One was long distance. It never should have happened at all because he was, by his own admission, a snob (and I intensely dislike snobs), and he only liked “accomplished” women, and my community college adjunct teaching was not nearly accomplished enough. However, during the getting to know each other phase, he had a stroke, and that made me want to help, so I ignored the differences between us. Soon, though, reason prevailed, and we went our separate ways.
The other gentleman was a very kind man, but we just didn’t click. On paper, we looked like we would, but in reality, while we liked each other as people, neither of us seemed able to summon the energy or time to take it to another level.
Interestingly, the most fun I’ve had with a member of the opposite sex was when I took a friend out to lunch to thank him for helping me on my book. We didn’t know each other very well before the lunch, being part of a group of friends in which each of us had closer friends, but we had a delightful time talking and laughing and getting to know each other. For the first time in eons, I wanted the afternoon to stretch into the evening, but my friend would have thought I was nuts if I’d shared my thoughts. I had so much fun that I wanted to meet for lunch again, but I’m far too old fashioned to ask him out (besides, for all I know, he has a sweetheart already), and I doubt very much he looked at me as I, surprising myself, looked at him, or enjoyed our afternoon the same way or as much as I did. And perhaps the reason we had so much fun is because it was not a date, but a comfortable, non-threatening, no expectation lunch between friends.
And perhaps that is my destiny–having friends instead of dates. After all, friends forgive you if you fart. They don’t get offended. Having friends is not a bad destiny; in fact, it is a good destiny, or so I keep telling myself, while my lips long for a loving kiss.
Lol, that last sentence sounds like it’s from a bad romance novel, so it is time to end this blog post.
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P.S. For those of you who might be wondering, I have sold 117 copies of my book Dueling With Dementia: Not The Love Story We Planned. One thing that is exceptionally thrilling is that readers in seven countries (Ireland, Great Britain, Canada, Australia, Austria, Iran, and the USA) have read and liked my book. That is really humbling. Any ideas on how to sell more or get it reviewed in a paper of magazine?