It’s hard to be alone. I know that I had a relationship that didn’t work. I want one that does. I want to feel special for one person and also make one person feel just as special. I’m not sure I know how to do that without judgement and disillusions. I always seem to fall head over heals for the ones that kick me to the curb. I’m sad…. but hopeful. I just need to keep showing up. Any advice for getting through the lonelier days… as I troll online for anyone to talk to?
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It is hard to be alone sometimes, but it shouldn’t be. After a failed relationship we need time to go through the inevitable stuff we face dealing with the loss. We also need time to access what happened, why and – most importantly – our own part in it. We need to learn what makes us happy (and, a hint: it’s not another relationship!). We need to “date ourselves.”
If we don’t take that time, we will inevitably find ourselves in a similar situation. We’ll fall for the same man, different face (as you said yourself).
My advice: find a good counselor who can walk you through what might be going on. She should be able to help you pinpoint what’s wrong and what’s right, what you really want and how to go about living your life without depending on someone else to “make” you happy. It’s not going to happen; if you don’t know how to make yourself happy, what makes you think someone else is going to figure it out?
I also highly recommend Dating Without Drama (and sign up for their emails) to help you figure out what might be happening.
Bottom line: do things you love to do. Go places you want to go. Enjoy life on your own and when you’re happy with yourself, you will find a man who will also be happy with you. ♥
We’re happy you aren’t losing hope! It can be hard to let the past go and look toward the future, so kudos to you for pushing on!
We have two suggestions for you:
Try new things that you wouldn’t normally do. One story we love to tell is of one of our garter brides, who always wanted to learn to fly but never did. Finally she took flying lessons, and ended up marrying her flight instructor! You never know where love may turn up but you have to get out there and see new people and new places!
Also, spending time with your married friends can be beneficial to you. Couples who are happily married want other people to be just as happy as they are. They’ll be more likely to set you up with their single guys friends and invite you to events where you might meet someone.